haha, life's full of ups and downs .. the ups seem to be when i'm with the OGLs (rock on !!!) and the downs .. are basically everything else ..

my grandma's dying soon
she fell down
her right eye is seriously fucked up now

and it's because i was at sch

haha

feel so guilty

feel so .. .. useless .. again

my father's blaming my mother ..
i wonder how my father manages to take it
how he manages not to break , despite all the shit and stuff happening

i have realli been trying to get him to care for me
like a normal father

i tried so hard
helping him whenever he needs it
working here and there

but in his eyes, i'm still the useless son ..
hahaha, sometimes i hear him wonder out loud why he stopped at one ..
i bet my "brother" would have been so much more talented than me ..



and divorce seems to be looming over the horizon again
i'm 18
but divorce will still fuck my life up

i hope it doesn't happen
i realli hope it doesn't happen






hell, i'm trying so hard not to fall in luv
i have so mani problems
and wtf, i'm not even a nice guy



my father shattered my self-esteem when i became aware that there's such a thing
haha, imagine that, the figure in ur life who is supposed to help u build up ur character in life, doing the direct opposite

i had to find the mental strength to live life by myself, in myself .. if things had gone my way, i would have jumped down the building 2 times and bled to death by cutting myself ..

hahz, but today, i found it.. reasons for my existence
i like to be alone
i'm a loner

but i like to help ppl
=)

hahz, contradiction sial .. oh well ..
ivan wrote me testy, friendster lost it .. WELL DONE
=p


hahz, wonder what kind of bouncer would i make for phat nite .. zz =)
tk care ppl
-7theory
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