I wanted to start a blogging again for some time now, but I just didn't know where or how to begin. I know I kinda just disappeared and I didn't explain. This blog needs some closure.
Once upon a time, I had a blog. It was a cute little blog about a cute little family who lived in cute little house in a cute little neighborhood. I loved that blog. I loved that family. I loved that house. And I loved that neighborhood. There was singing, and dancing, laughing, and fun, faith and values, until… A great storm erupted one day out of the clear blue sky. We are talking a great BiG destructive storm causing major damage. The rain came down and the floods came up. And when the mother and the children did not get blown away in the wind, or washed away in the waves, they adjusted their sails.
Poof. Life changed in an instant. He came home one day (March 18th, 2011) and told me he didn't love me anymore. Say what? I didn't even believe him. Then I thought he was joking. But then I realized that April Fool's Day wasn't for a few more weeks. He proceeded to pack and load up all of his things into his car and trailer. I have never been so confused in my life. Throughout our 10 year marriage, I thought we were happy. I thought we were in love. I thought we would be together forever. I couldn't understand why he was acting so cold and so distant. "Is there another woman?" I joked back, not at all expecting it to be true. I found out he had been cheating on me since January 2011 (or at least that’s when he admitted to beginning an affair). How? When? Where? Who? Why? What signs had I missed? We were regularly and frequently intimate and close. Just the day before, we had gone out as a family to the movies and to IHOP... We had danced in the living room and played ball with our children in the backyard... He had been doing all these nice things for me, like fixing up the house, making sure I had a working car... Hand in hand, we had walked around the car lot to pick out a new car for me...
Oh.
It slowly started to sink in.
He was fixing things up as a way of preparing to leave me. He was clearing his plate...and also his conscience. He had planned this. Premeditated abandonment? He handed me some preliminary divorce papers and told me we could get it all finalized in 60 days. No need for lawyers, he told me.
What? Seriously, what signs had I missed?!
I had no time to process this.
Yesterday I had a best friend. Today I have a big empty closet.
He finished packing up all his stuff right then and there, told our children that daddy did a bad thing and had to leave. There was nothing I could do to stop the changes from happening. I tried. I asked him to stay. To think this through. To remember how beautiful our life was together with our precious children, home, family, friends.
We had the American dream, but he wanted a different life.
Oh.
It slowly started to sink in.
He was fixing things up as a way of preparing to leave me. He was clearing his plate...and also his conscience. He had planned this. Premeditated abandonment? He handed me some preliminary divorce papers and told me we could get it all finalized in 60 days. No need for lawyers, he told me.
What? Seriously, what signs had I missed?!
I had no time to process this.
Yesterday I had a best friend. Today I have a big empty closet.
He finished packing up all his stuff right then and there, told our children that daddy did a bad thing and had to leave. There was nothing I could do to stop the changes from happening. I tried. I asked him to stay. To think this through. To remember how beautiful our life was together with our precious children, home, family, friends.
We had the American dream, but he wanted a different life.
He left. My husband. My eternal companion. My one and only. He left.
And though it was not my choice, I must go in a different direction and say goodbye to this blog.
