life's a bitch.

wednesday night some things just don't go according to plan. but hell, plans always fall apart anyway. i hate writing research papers. the writing is cool. the research. pfft. then again, writing papers and essays seem to be a forte of mine.

results are out on monday. i have resigned myself to seeing something unpleasant on the result slip already. fcuk comp2600.

workload this week has been tiring. apart from all the packing, moving and writing,, things are generally going okay. went up to sydney on sunday to send off a couple of people. wasn't a pleasant feeling at the airport. all in due time.

the residents who are still around in b&g are starting to become a tad annoying. yes, there are very little of us left but that does not mean we take liberties on our own. what's with drinking and shouting at 3am, blasting God-knows-what music from 5pm till late. what the fuck? and the worse part? some of the culprits are the senior residents. fucking wankers. you're supposed to set positive examples not negative ones.

yes, i'm pissed. things could have been better but no. some things just don't pan out the way you planned for..

hmm.

tuesday morning last paper is in a couple of hours yet strangely i don't feel happy. i know i'm supposed to be relieved but the shadow of comp2600 hangs over my head. it's a shit feeling but i have to deal with it.

you know how the choice of words affect the context of a sentence? how words can distort the intended meaning and eventually how it affects people's reactions? it matters. really, it does.

last paper and a good weekend ahead. can't wait to watch 2012 with the girl on saturday then it's going to be a pretty sad time at the airport on sunday. not cool.

happy 3 months.

more reaons to hate.

saturday afternoon a lot has happened the past week and a half. oddly, when i'm one semester away from completing my undergrad studies, i find myself questioning why in the world did i have to take IT. i don't think i've lost the passion for it, more likely i've become jaded from it all. having to keep up with the changes every so often, needing to study like my life depends on some weird-ass logic proving that i won't ever use in my life. so why am i torturing myself?

comp2600 was an epic disaster. it was by far the worse paper i've ever taken in my entire academic life. i know i prepared hard for it. i started reading up over the holidays in preparation for it, did my tutorials and assignments faithfully and had quiet confidence that i could clear this piss-shit of a module. but when i flipped the paper opened during reading time, it was as if everything i've learnt and studied for was a fucking joke. i should have known that when the lecturer said it was easier compared to last year's paper, it was a joke, a ploy, a conspiracy even to get us all complacent. i should have known better.

contrast that to infs3059 the day before. 45 mcqs. was done with all within the 15 minute reading time. when we could start writing at 0930, it took me all but 2 minutes to shade in all my answers before i sat there waiting for 1000 to come. at times the half an hour room seems ridiculous but i see the need for it considering there are people who are perpetually late. i find it hard to fathom how people can actually wake up late for an exam or worse yet, miss the entire exam because they "forgot about it". that's extremely unbelievable for me.

then there was floorball semi-finals. i'm finding it less and less challenging to play here in canberra. with only a handful of good players to play against, i think i'm losing my edge. i find myself losing my touch for dribbling though on the flip side, i'm a much better shooter now. then there's the sportsmanship issue. some players just no nothing about it. touch me and i'll send your ass to the penalty box. unfortunately players will never know when to not touch referees and how not to curse referees. and let's not forget team-mates who are basically glory-hunters. get your damn head in the game and look up! why do all people like to take a blind shot, shoot from weird distances/angles and just absolutely refuse to pass the ball to another person in a better position?! it baffles me. there's a reason why you play with players who are of better caliber - you learn from them, you don't try to outplay and/or outsmart them because we've been there before, we've tried the same tricks as you.

then there's shit aussie administration and poor sense of urgency. i hate it when i'm faced with datelines and the redtape in all things admin here in australia is nothing but bordering on just being anal or dare i say it, discriminate. for every day i spend in australia, i find myself hating this country.

i just want to finish my degree, maybe do my honours (which looks all the more unlikely now since i think i'll actually fail comp2600) and then head home to work. a big part of me longs to relive my poly days. the best times i've ever had so far. uni life is a bitch, i knew that. but when you have somewhat discriminatory lecturers, sometimes even fellow classmates, the people you meet in hall and even your fellow singaporeans are all so political and condescending, it leaves you speechless and makes you wonder what the fuck is wrong with this world.

THAT vicious cycle.

friday morning looks like there is no running away. studying for comp2600 is taking its toll on me. i'm becoming snappy and frustrated very very easily again.

other than me, it's affecting other things which i am apologetic for. i made promises that i couldn't keep and that's out of the norm for me. i don't feel good having to cancel dinner and all. unfortunately comp2600 requires my utmost attention.

for one, it's a core module that i have to pass if not i can't graduate. also, given that notoriety of its failure rate of cohorts past, i am determined not to have to retake it. at the same time, i can't afford another supplementary paper. one more sup paper or worse still, a failure, and i can kiss goodbye to my honors next year. i hope people understand the stress that i'm going through because of comp2600. i really haven't felt this much pressure before since o-level chinese.

i know it's not easy, having to cope with studies, this particular commitment but i'm confident WE can make it. it's going to take a fair bit of effort and all i ask is to not give up - on me, on yourself and on us.

the vicious cycle of studying till late and waking up early has started again. it's not the best but it'll have to suffice. my study schedule is way behind and compounds itself daily. i reiterate for the umpteenth time - comp2600 is the bane of my life. i cannot understand the need for us to take it in the first place especially since not everyone is majoring in software engineering and even then, not everyone wants to dabble in artificial intelligence. so why make it compulsory for everyone since it has little relevance to the rest of us (the majority)?

all things aside, i've recently been elected (somewhat farcically) president for ssa. i won't deny that i wanted the job but i didn't like the way elections came about. it could and should have been better. in any case, that's all done and dusted and i look forward to next year.

floorball season is about to finish. it's by far one of the more productive seasons i've had in singapore and here. 3 goals at northern beaches open, 20 goals and 12 assists for wewaks this winter season, 14 goals and 10 assists for red devils last summer's season, 5 goals 3 assists with the incredibles in the mixed competition. all in all a good floorball year so far. add to that the man-of-the-match award at nbo, finishing joint-second top scorer for this winter season, it could be better but i shall be satisfied. 42 goals 29 assists = 71 points in total. my highest yet in all my time of playing floorball.

on a side note, i know some friends are going through a tough time and i pray that they have a peace of mind during this exam period. it's good that some have chosen to talk about it, on their blogs, on msn, over a meal whilst others have kept to themselves. all i can offer is a listening ear and silent prayers. i sincerely hope that things take a turn for the better, that they can cope with all the pressures and stress and come out a better and stronger person. God watches over all of us and i'm sure He's watching over them, even more so, during this period of hardship.

so, it's 0425 now and i really should head off to bed. it's been a productive 2 days so far and i hope it continues.. once wednesday is over and done with, i'm somewhat home free and can kick back a little before the last paper on the 17th.