aurally impaired

thursday sound card is really pissing me off. it's causing my laptop to hang every now and then. time to buy me my sony vaio. hah. a pretty uneventful day spent trying not to doze off, surfing the news sites over and over again and listening to ice hockey broadcasts.

in any case, december is less than 48 hours away and it dawned on me that my time left before i head back to singapore is pretty short. considering i'll be on leave from the 2nd week onwards, effectively i'm only at work for the whole of next week before i disappear.

so many things to buy before i head back.. a whole list of things that are requests from people. so i'll do what i can but no promises. it's 20kg tops and i don't have a hard-case luggage. just my sispec duffel bag and my crumpler backpack.

in any case, i'm on a self-imposed solitude from all that's happening around me. i do not partake in what is beyond my nice little corner in the office and in the residence. sure i get irritated every so often but that's what self-control is all about right?

yet at the same time, there are a lot of things running through my head. one of which happens to be the recent dragon boat tragedy in cambodia. how does it affect me you may ask. think back to sometime in may and you'll have an idea. i knew someone then who passed away and i am empathetic this time around because i know what it means to lose a friend.

it's irrelevant whether or not you were close friends. but a friend is still a friend. just reading through the news reports about the anguish of the families and the reaction of the team as a whole hurts in some ways because you wonder and you question. why? why did all this happen? why them? why us? all the whys and the hows. and we will never have an answer..

sneaky sneaky.

thursday morning okay. i'm trying to listen to a ice hockey game over the radio. but the streaming is so bloody soft. hard to be inconspicuous. and just a thought, the weather's fantastic for the following:

• running - once your body warms up, you just don't want to stop
• sleeping - need i say more?
• chilling out - cup of mocha or a shot of espresso and watching the world go by. a glass of martini in the evening tops it off
• making tea - freshly brewed especially if done in a scenic area like maokong
• dating - really, need i explain?

oh yes. i slept through 2 earthquakes this morning. one at 5am the other an hour later. well. didn't exactly sleep through. i just ignored the shakes and went back to sleep. in some odd sense, it's actually quite cool sleeping during an earthquake - like some kid sleeping in a rocking chair. hah.. weird i know.

failings.

tuesday the past couple years have churned up relatively new terms like "whistle-blower" and the now infamous "impeach" and even "sodomy". now, i was reading a past issue of a section of the straits times - the recruitment page - and i came across an article about "whistle-blowing".

for most parts, it touches on how having whistle-blowers help keep a company in check, to keep it honest if you will. but how does it then, apply to the civil service? more so, a government agency or ministry?

for starters, the implications will be wider than one would expect. look at the UN's oil-for-food program for instance. the ripples of the wave created will be far-reaching and indicting if proper investigations (or "follow-ups" if you will) are carried out.

while we all have a responsibility to our colleagues, the management, the company or ministry and ultimately to ourselves to get things done as effectively and efficiently as possible, the question i ask is this: how far low are we willing to bring ourselves down to - morally and ethically in order to achieve that?

as far as i am concerned, i am a person of high moral values and ethics, hence my disdain and dislike for the opposite. yes, it will put me on the losing end at times and people will hate me for it. but what matters to me above all is that my conscience is clear. folly and idealistic on my part? perhaps. but we are all allowed to dwell in our ideals and dreams aren't we?

-

so today was a relatively challenging day. yet the challenge was one that i relished and looked forward to since yesterday. reason? tackling a massive security-threat in a colleague's computer. pardon the following technical terms but here's the gist. the computer was full of adware and malware (stuff that generate a whole load of gibberish) that kept causing errors. in addition to that, there was a self-replicating trojan (a kind of virus that hides in your com, think trojan horse of greek history/mythology and you have an idea of why it's called a trojan) that i had to isolate and neutralize. half the day was spent just trying to locate the source of the "infection" and another hour or two to run all the necessary scans and do all the necessary recovery.

at the end of it all, it felt good to have been able to exercise some of the knowledge that i picked up over the years. though out of touch, i think i'm good for basic-intermediate maintenance and "rescue". hah! self-indulgent pride i know.

pay day can't come soon enough. surprisingly i'm running low and my float is all but gone so i'm living of the scraps of my local bank account and a bit of my singapore one. damn the shopping the past week (or not). but they're money well-spent. putting smiles on people's faces is priceless. surprises galore in december. but no names here for fear of repercussion if i fail to surprise people who are expecting them. no one said surprises had to be good right? heh. pardon me then.

and i just realised i've written a whole load of crap. it's the weather. i swear. 15 degrees average. cool and comfy. very suitable for sleeping. and i think that's what i'll do soon...

zZzzz.

mission(s) accomplished.

monday morning as the title goes. some "special" missions given by some people have been accomplished.

i think i'll be seeing a lot of happy faces in december.

hopefully.

legendary.

sunday evening okay. i feel pretty stupid having to say this but i shall say it anyway. i can't believe i dragged myself out of bed this morning to eat kaya toast. and Ya Kun Kaya Toast at that. i flew all the way from singapore to taiwan to eat singapore kaya toast. hah!

anyway. went window shopping today with kai sheng to pick out potential christmas presents and all. was supposed to look for some farewell presents too but i ended up spending NT$3000 on myself instead. and i know ivan will kill me for this because i managed to lay hands on a Halo 3 Legendary Edition. the one that come's with a helmet and all. but! i placed an order for another set for him. so we'll see how that comes up. in any case, i just gave myself a massive headache trying to figure out how to bring everything back in december - considering i don't have a suitcase proper.

so, it's been a good sunday so far. scratch that. a good weekend so far. hope the coming week matches up. for now, let me rub my hands with glee and in anticipation. my reunion with my xbox 360 isn't very far off now. rejoice!

Copeland

sunday morning i guess i can't say this week was the best. yet it certainly isn't the worse i've had so far. friday night was great. was out with a whole bunch of friends working in hsin chu. so when they came up to taipei, we met up for a get-together of sorts (read: clubbing). was back by 0430 and quite obviously deadbeat by then. oddly enough. i slept till 0900. laid in bed listening to my mp3s and played my PSP till it ran out off battery before i decided to drag my lazy self to wash up and get my day started.

been listening to Copeland lately. again, one of the lesser-known bands around hence this post. for starters, they're classified as indie-rock officially but i'd like to think of them as emo-rock simply because if you look at the lyrics, they're about the very human feelings that we all relate to so easily. in any case, try to get hold of these songs (or ask me for them), i'm pretty sure anyone can like them easily enough..

brightest
take care (a morbid song too if i might add)
may i have this dance
love is a fast song

so yeah. have a good sunday one and all. i pray the coming week won't be as stormy as this past week. i simply can't wait for the 19th of december now.

dreamt of you again. 2 nights in a row.. hmmm...

still fuming.

thursday it's been a day already and i'm still fuming just thinking about what happened yesterday morning. if it weren't for a lot of self-control and rational thinking, i'm pretty sure the chair i was sitting on would have flown across the conference room. but that would mean i'm regressing to my old hot-headed self where fists spoke louder than a clear head.

anyway, about the lyrics posted before this. i know it isn't exactly a new song. but i happened to watch the mtv last night and it struck me that the lyrics were the sort of things i would tell my friends and family. so yeah. how cool's that? haha..

and right now i can think of two people who need those words and both, coincidentally, both are whom i address as jo.

go figure.

The All-American Rejects - Move Along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
[fade out]

lines drawn - redux.

wednesday really can't say much was done today because truth be told, there really wasn't much work to begin with. not that anyone was in the mood to do any as well given the way the day started. the morning started with another round of "raising of voices" and me bordering on insubordination.

but really, think about it. how would you react if someone insinuates that you are guilty or something you're not? and mind you, this is not the first time. secondly, the manner in which he does it, is that of a person who already woke up on the wrong side of the bed (ie. is already in a foul mood) and one who has already pre-judged you even before giving you a chance to respond.

and you know what? i chose my words very carefully when i said what i said. i will not take them back. when you question my integrity and intelligence all at the very same time, i'll give you what you deserve - a right in your face answer.

then came a long introductory brief by the new chief where he set down his own ground rules as well as giving us time to voice out our queries and what not. for all the talk about "we're a family" and that "everyone must be on equal footing". it's all bullshit when a few of them were trying to draw the line very clearly between "us" and "them". and to further prove my point, once the general meeting ended, one of them asked that we excuse ourselves for them to talk to chief in private.

all fair in my opinion given that i did the same thing with the other 2 guys. we raised issues that were clearly out of hand and had to be put to a stop immediately. in some ways, i have faith that this new chief will take action when necessary yet i have very much doubt that the conditions in which the 3 of us find ourselves in, will improve in the long run.

it's now a "war" of sorts between, dare i say it, two factions. and i'm glad that chief realised that the 3 of us, are in the worse possible position for the 3 of them. we, in our own means and ways, can make things go down south should we choose to retaliate using every means possible for all the unfairness and double standards in place (perceived or proven. whichever.).

integrity? i see it lacking in many.
honor? none that i can see.
unbiased judgment? none at all - and i'm even guilty of it. but we all are when we're fighting for what we believe in and what we truly want.

and lastly, the 3 of us aren't going to just sit back and watch one thing after another being done wrongly and blatantly. call me a shit-stirrer, call me a trouble-maker. call me what you will. my conscience is clear and i feel no need for me to regret why and how things have come to this situation.

annoyed.

monday evening what started off as a very energetic day has now degraded into one filled with frustration and pure annoyance.

the summary would be this. we are expected to pay for things in advance and claim later, even if it amounts up to NT$10,000. how ridiculous is that? that's half my remittance every month! and even though i'm not the one who's claiming that 10 grand, i'll feel bloody irritated that i'm supposed to fork out that large some of money on a regular basis when there is a thing called "cash advance".

now. correct me if i'm not wrong. a cash advance means you take money in advance to pay for something. of course the proper accounting must be done as well as a proof of purchase and what-not.

at the same time, there is also such a thing called "cash reimbursement". meaning to say, you pay for something first before you go back to claim the full amount in cash. this is unlike the normal reimbursement process where the cash goes into your bank account. cash reimbursement is hard cash that goes straight back into your wallet.

so yes, allowing this person to claim a cash reimbursement this once may and may not be going against the "rules" or whatever you call them but my points of contention are these:

1. how can you expect and explain to someone, that in the course of his work, he has to use a significant amount of his own personal money first in order to fulfill what is required of him? even more so when he earns significantly less than the rest of the others? how do you explain that as well as the rationale for him not being able to use cash advance or claim a cash reimbursement?

2. how do you tell a person that he has to sacrifice whatever money he has set aside for last-minute shopping, emergencies and daily expenses? considering that he is finishing his tour of duty in a month or so? is it wrong then, to want to prepare for eventual departure a month earlier?

3. since the directive is written with such ambiguity and the finance officer has the discretion to make the decision as to whether or not to approve a cash reimbursement, why can't we reimburse this poor chap the claims he will be making today (at least!) and help ease his financial difficulties?

while this may constitute making use of the system to one's personal advantage, he still needs to eat, have some spare cash for his own personal use. and no where was it written that in the course of his work he has to consistently use his own personal money in order carry out what is required of him.

and yes, this may set a precedent for others doing likewise and quoting the very same reason (out of cash) but i very much believe that things like these should be considered on a case-by-case basis. but consider and compare the work requirement with how much that person can afford to pay in advance. you mean to tell me he is now expected to sacrifice more of his own money just so he can fulfill his duties and work requirement?

what pushed me to the edge was when i questioned, how would that supervisor feel if he was the one who would have to come out with that kind of money everytime and the person processing the claims is taking his own time (questionably so..). his answer? an ignorant shrug.

and the irony? he always preaches that work must go on no matter what. so now, tell me, how is my despatch clerk going to do his work when clearly, he doesn't have the money to do what he needs to do? with a good 83.3% (yes, i calculated) of his own personal money being held up as claims waiting to be processed, i don't see how that is possible. he will hold up for the week. but the next? and what happens if he needs the money for whatever emergency or for whatever reason? sure we can loan him the money but he still has to pay us back somehow right?

my second annoyance of the day is one that i've had for quite some time now. we all know by now that i hold a diploma in IT, with a measly grade point average of just 3.0 (a B average nonetheless) out of 4. and because of that, i'm the de facto "in-house expert" of sorts. while it feels good to be someone people come to for help, i think it's a bit too much when they come to expect you to know everything about anything to do with computers.

i have my limits and if they fail to recognise that with blind ignorance, i have nothing more to say other than "i can't help you". and for most parts, i do not want to as well. not when one person is doing a 3-man job.

example. i'm being tasked to come up with a knowledge library accessible by all through the intranet. it has to be easily accessible and easily maintained. seems straight forward enough?

sure is. until you see the amount of work it takes just to set up the infrastructure. and we are not even talking about the 300 pages worth of information to process. on an industrial level (even in poly for crying out loud), something of this scale would require at least 3 people, working 8 hours a day for a good 3 months or so. take that and multiply by 3 (ie. 3 x 8 hours x 90 days = 2160 hours) and that's exactly how much time i need to get this done by myself. 1 man doing a 3-man job.

while it is insanely possible that i might be able to complete it within the given 3 months (1/3 the total time needed), i wonder, how much more of my braincells are going to die, how much more of my free time do i have to sacrifice and how much recognition will be given. for all the hard work with nothing in return, it's a bit hard to fathom how i can even set my heart on doing this in the first place, especially since it's something that i loathe doing. and no. passion and love for the job is out of the equation. i have enough frustrations and negative emotions that i'm just living day by day, counting to the weekend everyday.

solution? not more, not less. i'll do what is required. 100%. not 99%, not 101%. there isn't much point in putting more effort than necessary and i have enough pride in my work to give my absolute best.

and if you have even read till here, you are either very free, very concerned, very amused or very.. i don't know.

and it's only monday.

resist.

sunday night you know the saying "in rome do as the romans do"? well. i suppose in some ways it's true when living in a new country. having to adapt to a new culture, a new living environment and such. but i refuse to buy into it. not one single bit. why? because in taiwan, those habits are, to be very blunt, bloody annoying.

for one (and i've talked about this before), i have a very low tolerance for poor personal hygiene as well as poor manners. take belching and/or burping for instance. if one burps once, maybe twice. i suppose it's alright. but when it becomes a series of burps and belches, i begin to wonder. is that person really so ignorant or is that really just a reflection of his upbringing?

then there's the shoulder barge thing. it's so damn irritating when people walk into you on purpose. and it doesn't make matters any better when the majority of them happen to be the older folks. and as far as i know, they don't really like us, the younger "kids" that much. conflicting.

so okay. i'm just ranting. forgive me. it's been a frustrating week overall despite the many 'happy' things and right now i'm just looking forward to wednesday when i start clearing my off and leave.

shout outs:

weiling - hey jie. all the best in china. guess i won't be seeing you back in singapore this time around. whatever it is, stay warm this winter and please please look after yourself. till i see you again =)

chinx - sometimes being blatantly ignorant of things will help. books first. the rest will sort themselves out over time. home in exactly a month so hang in there yes? at least you've got great friends supporting you always.

tree - drinks on you in december. haha. we need to visit yong jia's WSM too. haha.

ivan - let me know how much i'll owe you for the books man. thanks a mil! =) arrange with shi hui when we can meet up too. hehs.

jo - if you can't make it this year... there's always next year ya know. haha. but your call. i'll facilitate your requests and try to be the best tour guide around. haha. try.

scottish for a day.

sunday evening so. saturday was pretty slow. was recovering from the previous night's out. woke up and had curry for brunch. did a fair bit of clearing up and sorting my things out.

headed out to 101 to meet zhixiong who was here on a family tour before we headed to 星光三越 to take a look at some of the street performances they tend to have there over the weekends. we were pretty impressed with this particular blind guy and his brother. so zhixiong bought a copy of their cd before we headed off.

met up with FNＯ a while later before we left for The Brass Monkey to catch scotland v italy. we were 5 minutes late so we ended up eating appetizers. had a bottle of Tiger to go along with the calamari and stuff. so to the game. 1am.

it was a tad disappointing that the scots conceded just after a minute. the rest of the half was dull with the midfield battle becoming very stuck in, in no small part thanks to the heavy downpour. that said, the scots could and perhaps, should have equalised at the stroke of half time.

at the start of the second half, it was more of the same before the scots equalised just after the hour mark. from then on it was all scotland. the italians were reeling and were clearly shaken. but deep into injury time, the most ridiculous refereeing call i've ever seen in my 11 years as a soccer-follower - the scottish defender gets body-checked by the italian forward and the free kick is given in favor of the italians? to add insult into injury, they scored the winner from the resulting free kick. pfft.

the scots in the pub were clearly pissed off. so was i. but that's soccer. you get a reprieve when you shouldn't. ask england. israel managed to pull off a win against russia.

so anyway, it was fun, exciting and traumatizing to have been a scotland supporter for the day. but it was all good.

conversations on msn when i got home were hillarious too. couldn't stop smiling to myself and even burst out laughing a couple of times..

round and round.

thursday morning so goes my head. took half a day off to rest at home. slept from 2 to 6pm before heading out for dinner with shi en and kai sheng. had eel soup with bee hoon. paracetamol for dessert. hah.

so anyway. this week has passed by pretty quick. got nothing much on till my home leave so i think i'll finally be able to get down to my proposals and get them done with quick.

really feels as though i'm back in poly: problem analysis. proposed solutions. system development. system testing. system implementation. system maintenance. SDLC if i remember correctly. system development life cycle. hah! and to think i hated programming.

lines drawn.

tuesday it's the "us versus them" thing now and i am more than happy to join the minority. i chose to snub chief's offer to go with you all because i wanted to make a statement and i hope you read it loud and clear:

when i'm on duty, i will fulfill it and do what is required. i do not have any excuses for my failings and as far as possible, i will not deviate from the standing orders.

unlike you. you who can go out till 10-plus, 11 sometimes for "a drink" and yet dare invite me along and yet tell me "you have to be back by 8".

you know what? screw you. i do not need hypocritical people telling me what's right and what's wrong and what are the requirements to fulfill while on duty.

so ends a rather uneventful day, one spent fighting off a blocked nose and a mild fever. no thanks to some people who have poor basic hygiene and lack of awareness for their surroundings.

edit @ 2205hrs it's challenging typing in english, translating to simplified chinese to check the syntax and meaning before translating to traditional chinese and lastly, pasting into msn.. and then doing the reverse if i don't understand the replies. omg.

Canberra-bound

monday afternoon allow me to indulge in the best piece of news i've heard in 2 months.

information systems. 1 year exemption. 1st choice uni. between two great cities with loads of friends (sydney and melbourne) all that i'm looking for for my uni studies - except that there's no floorball. but!

anu here i come!

home - in a flash.

sunday one and a half more months. can't come soon enough. things are looking bright in the sense that i've got my schedule more or less planned out. just need to tie up the lose ends of who to meet and when. priority list includes joanna, marilyn, shuren, benjamin, zhixiong, shank, tianci wenru and ivan. and before anyone asks me why they're not in the list, well here's why:

joanna - haven't seen her since sec 4
marilyn - promises must be kept
shuren/benjamin/zhixiong/shank/tianci/wenru/ivan - we haven't met up together since after BMT. and shaun's not included because he'll be in new zealand. so we're still not complete.

for now, i'm beat after travelling all the way down south. shall watch man utd before i hit the sack. have a good week people.

edit @ 0111hrs - i just shocked myself, when i realised i'm hooked on chinese songs. uh-oh..

sniping.

saturday morning you know how it goes when two people have a go at each other from distance. be they words, physical objects or emotional blackmail, they can all be done "long distance" with a high chance of "plausible deniability".

such is the case now where words and actions are a game of chess by itself. a tit-for-tat game of words and actions. you say one thing i say another. you do one thing i do another. you're good at it. i'm even better. i can up the ante and bring things to a whole new level that you've never played before. you being my superior counts for nothing because like you rightly said, i'm here for this short time. and might i add, i do not have a career to protect.

you think you're good with words? i haven't even warmed up. you've barely scratched the surface as to how much more i can go.

and for all the nonsense about investigations are a hassle. well, i look at it as a necessary evil. so unless you have things to hide and be afraid about... you don't want to know where i'm headed.


on another note. i'm a person of very low tolerance for a lack of mannerism and inconsiderate behaviors.

take eating for example. from young we've been taught to chew with our mouths closed - basic table manners - yet there are those who blatantly chew with their mouths open, sometimes showing the chewed up food in their mouths. add to that the highly annoying squishing chewing sound. sometimes i just want to punch them in their mouth.

then you have people who are perpetually late. i do not like waiting for people for more than 10 minutes. so i'm either always early or right on time, never late if at all. so i'm even more irritated and annoyed when people further delay a meeting time than is necessary. case in point: we're supposed to leave house at 6pm for a dinner. after dilly-dallying around and bumming on the couch, we eventually leave at 6.20pm. and dinner's 6.30pm. talk about being punctual.

so yes. this post is what the the title is. sniping. those who feel offended or feel a tad guilty, i'm probably talking about you. or not - you decide.

as for now, i shall try to enjoy a weekend which is totally bummed out because of work. the only thing that is keeping me from losing my sanity is the fact that in about 4 weeks time i'll be back in singapore and i'm looking forward to catching up with my buddies and even a childhood friend (whom i might add is an absolute beauty now. damn!).

jolin tsai.

wednesday two mornings ago, was watching channel v before heading off to work. so they have re-runs of the previous night's variety show where celebs have to do certain challenges and tasks. it just so happened that the segment i caught was one of the challenges. and the guest for the day was jolin.

so i watched in amazement as she cleared 30 push-ups, 30 situps and 8 chin-ups in 3 minutes.

coincidentally i bumped into her at a french restaurant while having dinner with a friend.

let me continue to clean up my drool. hah!

bounce.

monday morning one phone call can really make a cold and wet day seem warm and bright. trust me.

=)

Arsenal 2 Manchester United 2

sunday afternoon was down at the brass monkey last night for the game. i wore my vintage 1977 man utd shirt and was glad i didn't wear the jersey that the guys bought for me for my birthday 2 years a go. the reason? well, the whole place was packed full of arsenal fans.

so i took a seat at a bar table near the entrance before one of the waiters asked if i was here for the game. saying yes he took me to the front, right in front of the giant screen. ordered fish and chips and a bottle of heineken waiting for the game to start.

so when the game kicked off, the arsenal fans were screaming and yelling at everything. and those fans were taiwanese fans. knowing very little about soccer. eh-ber-dar-yoo. what the hell?

when united took the lead, i screamed in joy with 2 other fellow singaporeans and the taiwanese dudes shut up. little did i know that arsenal would equalise and those taiwanese rained saliva all over the shop. so 2-1. with 10 minutes to go, the same 3 of us celebrated with gusto but a certain gunner would score and put a damper on our celebrations. fair result if you ask me but united really should have stole the points. hah!

all in all a good experience. haven't watched soccer with such passion in a pub since poly. the days of soccer with shuren ivan benjamin and shaun. haha..

onizuka.

saturday morning insert a lot of smiles here. thursday night was cool.

work today wasn't. sparing the details, i just hate hypocrites. i'm not allowed to do work at my own pace anymore? and yet you are allowed to? wow.

ranks and appointments. they get to everyone's heads no matter how "sane" they are, myself included. but i guess it matters more when you're talking about this very organization.