Yellowcard - View From Heaven

i'm just so tired
wont you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight
and get away from this place
have a new name and face
i just aint the same without you in my life
late night drives, all alone in my car
i can't help but start
singing lines from all our favorite songs
and melodies in the air
singin life just aint fair
sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone
and im sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven,
maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here

i feel your fire,
when its cold in my heart
and things sorta start
remindin' me of my last night with you
i only need one more day
just one more chance to say
i wish that i had gone up with you too
and i'm sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven
maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here

you wont be comin' back
and i didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
i really wish i got to say goodbye
and im sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven
maybe we'll make it through one more year
i hope that all is well in heaven
cause it's all shot to hell down here
i hope that i find you in heaven
cause i'm so...
lost without you down here
you wont be coming back
and i didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
i really wish i got to say gooooodbye

deep sky divers.

sunday afternoon lazy day so far. just chilling around at home with music blasting in my room. did a little bit of shopping in the morning. went to funan to pick up a Mechwarrior Dark Ages novel and two cds: Yellowcard's Ocean Avenue and Deep Sky Divers (some ambient chillout lounge music). so yeah. this is what the weekend is about for me. just chilling and resting. muscles need to recover for tomorrow's IPPT. so it's all good so far. booking in at 8:30pm so i've got time. funny how i started BMT with a 2 weeks confinement (or "adjustment period" as they term it) and i'm ending it with another confinement all because of my "illegal" usage of my handphone. oh well. silly rules. but what the hell. last week and by this time next week i'm out of here. gone. no more Pulau Tekong for me.. ever.. hopefully. hah! so yup. i'm surprised i actually managed to keep my journal going for the entire duration. i managed to keep doing my daily prayers at night and well. basically i haven't lost any bit of my faith. not now not ever. so it's all good. for now =D

aargh..

saturday tired and aching muscles. i surprised myself and many others when i took my ippt yesterday. did 8 pull-ups and decided to leave it at that because my standing broad jump will never get a silver. not yet anyway. so yeah.. was quite satisfied with my results even though it was just a diagnostic before my actual one on monday.

2.4km - 10min 18sec (slow!)
shuttle run - 9.5sec (satisfactory?)
pull-up - 8 (hmm..)
sit-ups - 50 (no improvement..)
standing broad jump - 216cm (...........)

so anyhows. my week was dotted with lots of admin time (which is good) and a couple of interviews. have effectively withdrawn from the Naval Officer program when i told them i'd sign with the RSAF when the contract comes. also went for Intelligence Officer interview which i think i aced but i have a bit of reservations. so i'm still stuck on air force. WSO (Fighter) here i come. pilot? hah. i'm taking a calculated risk if i decide to sign for pilot. so i think WSO(Ftr) would be a safer option for officership at least. see how it goes..

one more week to POP and of all things to get, i'm going to get confined because i brought 2 handphones into camp. but whatever. makes no difference to me. will be out of tekong for good come 5th September. am thinking of having a bbq on the 7th at my place but if i have to go back to tekong for guard duty or whatever nonsense then i guess i'll have to postpone or cancel. oh well.. i'm so sick and tired of the way the system works in bmtc.. i can't wait to get out of there. hah!

boredom.

tuesday i hate being on mc. it's not that i don't appreciate the time at home but because i've got nowhere to go and no one to meet. not that there really isn't anywhere or anyone but merely because SAF law dictates that i stay home no matter what. so it's irritating. i'm stuck watching the same shows on cable. playing my xbox360 and fm on my laptop (and sometimes all at the same time). a part of me can't wait to get back into the army routine yet i'm so sick of it i don't feel like going back anymore. hah! funny isn't it. from a person who was looking forward to ns. from a person who wants to sign on. hmm.. like i said, after a while, patience and enthusiasm will eventually wear off and that's where i find myself at now. lacking both. the next 2 weeks can't pass fast enough. 2 more book-ins/outs, going through the process of getting to pasir ris interchange on time, falling in and the doing what we all hate to do: rush to wait and wait to rush. speaking of booking-in and out. i think i'll be booking out at 8pm on saturday. not that i mind because i've got to go for remedial training for SOC given that i've been away for almost 10 days now. the amount of things that i've missed.. my goodness.. i'm in a world of trouble.. but hey. 2 more weeks. hanging on..

---

i like this quote.. got it from estee:

i'm big but we're smaller than small.
smaller because in the scheme of things,
we're nothing at all.

chase

monday night you know the tv serial chase that was airing on ch 5 a while back? the one with utt, keegan kang and linda liao in it? it just struck me that the whole geist of the show where 3 guys are chasing one girl, is so very familar in the sense that i was probably utt, given was keegan and some other dude was a third guy and delin being linda. so that said, it speaks alot for itself. only difference is that mine did not have a happy ending. that's all history now, like so many others. but well. just though i put it down here so maybe one day if i decide to read my archives, at least i know.

.......what the hell?

monday evening ok. today was dumb. real dumb. reached company line together with zheng quan and fighter (don't know his real name. funnily enough not many do..). so went through the whole process of booking in and all that jazz and wham. they saw my extended MC and SGT Khairul goes "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GO HOME!" so fine. after trying to get them to overlook the extension and failing, i made my way to the ferry terminal. sat there and waited (0815) for the 0900 ferry. so i called my dad and said i was on the way home and this is what happened.. blahblahblah.. next thing i know, he calls the company line and explains what's going on and talked to 2LT Zheng Yuan. so he called back and said i could go back to the company line. so back i went (0845). upon booking in again, LTA Andrew sir was there and he asked me why i wanted to come back. i just replied because i wanted to see and do things rather than being cooped up at home. and he simply said "it doesn't matter because i'll still confine you to your bunk. so you might as well go home." and i'm like "wtf?" so anyhows, my last trump card was to say that i wanted to stay for the platoon photo-taking he thankfully enough he understood that. so a deal was struck: i'd go home after photo-taking. fair deal? perhaps. but i still went to see doc. alex to get my MC reduced so i can be back in camp for IPPT on friday. hah! cautiously push myself on friday since i'm not fully recovered yet.. wish me luck..

next stop: shitty hall interchange

wednesday afternoon MC's been extended till sunday but only because i have to have 2 injections daily, one in the morning and one at night. it's a chore going down to Alex's clinic but i guess it has to be done if i want to be back to full fitness as soon as possible. someone should do a research on whether or not fever gives people nightmares when they sleep because it surely seems as if i'm getting them everytime i get ridiculously high fevers. i'm bored out of my wits everytime i wake up because there's really nothing i can do except to read, blog or sleep. boredom.

tonsillitis...again

tuesday afternoon am at home now (quite obviously) after being given 3 days MC (or Attend C in SAF terms) by the medical officer. seems like i'm down with tonsillitis again, for the 3rd time in 2 months. think it's a chronic bacterial infection that's really pissing the hell out of me. fever peaked at 39.6 last night before my parents came home. can't sleep properly anymore. too much tossing and turning and the inability to breathe properly really sucks (literally). i'm supposed to be recovering already but apparently i'm not. my tonsils are swelling up again and i'm having alot of difficulty swallowing even water. i have no idea how i'm going to eat anything. might go see doc alex for stronger antibiotics later tonight or tomorrow if the swelling doesn't go down. oh. the yucky aftertaste in my mouth every morning reaks of bacteria. so it stinks bad. plerguh. bring on all the mouth washes in the world.. sigh..

Lifehouse - Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

feverish nights towards the end..

saturday evening been getting fever lately. too often for my liking (then again, who likes to get fever?). been an eventful week to say the least. am done with live range so now i'm left with grenade on monday, ippt on friday and i'm home-free. of course there's the 'Tekong Challenge' of 16 and 24km route marches to be done but that's a non-issue. can't wait to get back in the fold of playing floorball. i dare say i've gained more fitness but lost out in technical handling but that'll all come back after a game or two. am i glad that BMT is almost over? of course. who isn't? but then it's also of a big shame that it's ending because like how all NS guys will say, BMT was the most fun time of their NS lives. i wouldn't want to argue that. i've had tremendous amount of fun at the same time i've also had my fair share of frustrations but i think i've handled it all pretty well. the fact that i'm still sane enough to say that i want to sign on speaks volumes. hah! it's all in God's hands now. the past. present. future..

the things that we'll all come to miss in Mohawk Coy (and BMT):

• outmarching just about every other company we see during our route marches
• BIC (a disappointment that the thunderflashes didn't go off)
• live range (Star Wars! tracer rounds that sound a bit like lasers as they flash by)
• proning around in bushes (and sometimes diving into them) and meeting all kinds of insects (who met my rifle butt)
• firing all those blanks without a care in the world till we had to clean our rifles
• rapelling from a simulated cliff 3m high using harnesses and bowlines made out of toggle ropes
• Mohawk field camp
• Mohawk situational test
• 5 tonner drivers who think they are auditioning to be a stunt driver in Tokyo Drift or Initial D
• the commanders. yes. the commanders
  

the great outdoors..

wednesday morning back from sit test last night. it was a pretty good and fun experience. was in 'Charlie' detail together with 13 other guys. so the 14 of us formed a sort of half platoon that went on two days of missions. was the 'platoon IC' for the two main missions for both days, bombing of a bridge as well as the rescue of a hostage. so anyhows. that's that for sit test. think i did pretty ok. but i'm not really bothered about it anymore. just looking forward to POP and pesta sukan in september. the weeks can't past fast enough. hah!

the end is near..

saturday evening it feels as if it's a sunday now simply because i booked out last night. will be having my situational test tomorrow morning. first order of the day: 12km fast march. boy am i so screwed. have yet to recover from a fever that i think came as a side-effect from the new malaria pill their feeding us. speaking of which, the 'old' one which we were given, has somehow been deemed dangerous. so after feeding thousands upon thousands of NS personnel with that, MINDEF now thinks it's not good. well done.
anyhows. as the title suggests. the end is near. 1 more month to POP. games day is near. am in the 100m relay team (at least till the commanders decide to do selections). decided not to join the arms drill squad. figured i'll be too drained to do squat after that. so the events for the coming weeks look like this:

sit test (sun-tues)
national day (wed)
live range (thurs-fri)
live grenade (14th aug?)
ippt (16th aug)
games day (?)
POP (5th sept)

what comes next is up to anyone's guess. i'm looking forward to another 9 months of training in SAFTI (at you-know-where) but that's not for me to decide. everything banks on what i do tomorrow till tuesday morning. so i'm praying hard i don't get a cock up bunch of people to work with...