saturday - new year's eve first things first. just suffered a bout of dengue fever and by God was it an awful experience. all the vomitting, lack of sleep and shit like that. legs are now very red from the "rashes" that accompanies dengue. apparently it wasn't diagnosed as dengue. first diagnosis was "viral meningitis". whatever that is. so yup. on my way back to fitness now. still hurts in some places but i'm about at 80% ready for physical work (ie. floorball).

year in review:

i guess overall 2005's been pretty good. a better than average year i guess (6.5/10). having said that. 2005 also marked the beginning of my final semester in school. a year of milestones for me too, not just academically but for floorball as well as other aspects of my personal life. so let's start somewhere.

school
start of semester 6. spells pretty much the closing of my poly life. by this time next year i'll probably be blogging about my NS life however good/bad they may be. things this year so far have been good. apart from the disappointing results for PI i think pretty much everything else went well in school. my GPA's average (3.00! blah) and there's genuine believe that i can make it to ntu or smu.
as far as ihp is concerned. i think we're about done save for the last bit that ivan and i are trying to iron out. apart from that. i think we're all set for viva (in feb) and then graduation. prom nite. well. that's a problem still. guess we'll see how that goes. hah.
as the chapter closes. i think it's been pretty fulfilling. i don't miss my class (and i'm pretty sure they don't miss me too). hahaha. i'm detached from them only because i've found better friends in the following people:
sangar. my 1st buddy/bro of my NP life. pals from 2nd day of school.
shuren ben and shaun. all because of SB. ahaha. ivan. mainly because of ihp? duno. haha. but we just click (though we have our moments). wenru patricia casper fengnan (halo! halo too! get the pun? =\ not very funny) chunyan zhixiong..

floorball
played my last game for fc squirrels. definitely won't be the last. capped my last game with a goal, a losing game no doubt but a goal that was important to me and to the team (making it 1-1 during the semis). perhaps if it weren't for the lousy attitude that alot of the players showed during the league i might have stayed on. i chose to leave. thankfully najib and yazid understand. i'll be eternally grateful to najib for giving me a chance to start somewhere, imran weiren and tim for making my season a wonderful one. i've never thanked tim enough for his guidance (thanks bro!) and encouragement especially when i wasnt scoring. imran and weiren got giving me the chance to wreck havoc among smu ite and cornvix's defenses. it'll always remain a shock of sorts to me to find that i'm the one with the ball taking on an entire team by myself while the rest is busy playing defensive (hmm..)
anyway. started with Skools Floorball. time to step it up a gear i guess. thankful that people like brandon emily mr vig mr daniel wee and even people like shameer think i've got what it takes to survive in div 1. wow. just hope i can get through the season unscathed. what's sure is i'll be missing the first game against the NUS Saints. will be resting to get back on track for IVP especially since i've only just recovered from dengue.
enough said about ivp. hah

relationships
girls. enough said. bitter? definitely. justified? rightly so (though some would beg to differ). two best girlfriends to have in the world now: chinx and marilyn. hah!

church
shit. the one part that i'm lacking a hell lot. need to go more often. miss people like giles jere victor matthew rachel and jeanne. sigh. lacking in faith? nope. then? no idea. just have to buck up

highlights of the year:
- reaching year 3 final sem
- going to sweden and manchester by myself
- moving up to div 1 for floorball
- getting a new phone (6111)
- getting a PSP

so yup. been a good year. happy new year to all :)

tuesday morning monday was not too bad. met up with julian and chin han. haha. dodgy. anyway. king kong was draggy. dumbass show. think they (or rather peter jackson) could have done without a fair bit of the jungle scenes
ihp. coming to an end soon. i think we'll be able to meet the dateline. just that the application won't look very attractive. haha. oh well
div 1 and ivp. hmm. apparently both teams arent really prepared. hah! somehow i think np can still get some results. but of course. whatever it is. the "derby" with SIM and SP is important. must not lose either. must not draw either. so that leaves us having to win it

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damn some girls. fickle minded and shallow. can't see beyond the surface of things. i hate it when they blame the guys for "thinking only about himself" when what they don't see are the tiny little things that he's done. and oh. for someone who believes in "don't try don't know". she sure is hypocritical about it. am i pissed? sure am. am i upset? yes sir i am. am i sad? probably. but hey. not the first time now is it? so yes. damn those girls who cannot appreciate guys who mean well and guys who sacrifice alot for them. that goes for those who're attached to by the way. and oh. don't give me or any guys the "i treated you like a brother" or "i treated you as a best/friend" rubbish. that's total bullshit. i'm not buying and neither are most guys. we've given too much to be "brothers" or "best/close friends". chew on it. -_-

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- Pablo Neruda, Sonnet 17 of 100 Love Sonnets

wednesday morning sometimes you can just tell when too much is too much and that there isn't much point in pressing on. it's come to a point where the fine line between close friends and boy-/girlfriends are is blurred and there really is no difference between the two except for the holding of hands (even that has become too common a thing to really mean much in most cases). so then. where does that leave us? somewhere in between? close friends? or a couple? seems like it's all three mixed in one weird relationship. solution? none that i can see. feel like not giving a damn but it always is hard. of course. the upside of it all is that there's always this group of special ones for whom i'll always have feelings for. the same group of whom i can always turn to whenever there's a need. wonder if she'll be part of that group. hah.

school. floorball. ihp. hah! today's lunch with ivan sue and ulf was hillarious. -cue "dirty little secret"- haha. hush hush. ;)
tired as hell. training 4, even 5 times a week is a killer. i'm reaching home at midnight almost all the time. feeling drained and there's hardly enough time to recharge. she being on my mind half the time doesn't help. thinking about my ihp doesn't help. so mentally i'm drained as well..
anyway. congrats to julian. ORD! haha. occifer 2LT Julian Sng..guards engineer (weird combination). hah. pink ic and more coming your way

marilyn - take care yar? enjoy your hols la. at least now we can go sweden in may! =p
tree - steady la. "ni shi shui?" haha. tsktsk
ivan - operation LAM-bchops (take away the '-'..haha)
sarah - hope you're enjoying NYC =)

saturday morning ahh. bad training just now. felt a snap of sorts on my right calf. think it's a muscle pull. damn it.anyways. first game for skools floorball would be against nus saints. sunday the 8th of january. hope it's a good one. think i've got to up the ante in terms of my physical presence. that's what everyone's been telling me the past 2 days. stick work. well. need to brush up on my ball control. as far as training is concerned. sometimes there's an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction knowing that i've done something that i'll never do in NP (such as dribbling through an entire line of people and scoring a goal. in a friendly no doubt. but it counts for something). every training i go i'll try something new. be it a new way to dribble past people or a new way to create goals for people. satisfaction guranteed. today wasn't all too bad other than the fact that brandon dribbled past me thrice (shit!). up side was i managed to close down a hell lot of shots from keith and mark - two of the better forwards in the skools. as far as it goes. i hope what i've learnt and am learning here will be put to good use in ivp. as far as i know, the thing about np pulling out has been settled. we'll start our fixtures from 9th january onwards. in all honesty. i think we have what it takes to push for a top 3 finish. just that sometimes some of the players' mentality and attitude seem to hamper the progress of the team. yes. to a certain extent my line is also in some problems but that will be resolved by swapping players from another line. at least i hope so. last night was a free for all of sorts to share the unhappiness openly but some people didnt take to it. and thus. i think the 'session' was not much of a success. unhappiness distrust and grudges. so much for "let's sort this all out now". not that i'll bother. really. my goal's to be amongst the top scorers and hopefully get a medal. but even without a medal. it's fair to say i want to go out with all guns blazing. let people know that np is not all that bad afterall. play for the team. not the individual. seems like some people can never grasp that. oh well. that's a shame then.

wednesday morning ahh.. it's been a while. well. holiday was great. sweden and manchester it was. the floorball games in sweden were an eye opener. the soccer in manchester. heaven. stayed at my uncle's "apartment" in stockholm and in a youth hostel in manchester. cheap accomodation. haha.
summary of the trip in 5 points:
- trip didnt start of well. was stuck in germany for quite awhile before i caught the flight to amsterdam and head for stockholm
- stockholm weather: -4 to 5 deg. C over the 9 days
- manchester weatheR: 0 to 3 deg. C
- George Best all over the news
- bought loads of floorball stuff and a whole load of chocolates

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anyways. tuesday. had the microsoft powerpoint workshop. think it went ok. haha. the girls were quiet except for this two who were hyper. weird. went to ntu for the ivp team managers' meeting. i can only say that given the group that we're in, np has a good chance of making the semis. except that we might withdraw from ivp altogether. fucking common tests are on the first week of jan (same as ivp) and as far as i know, if we're playing any games during that week, our staff advisor wants to pull us out of the tournament altogether. where the hell's the justice in that? like com'on man! we train hard (well. at least a few of us do) and then after all the effort, we're not allowed to take part because of common tests? i mean of course, yeah. the priority for poly is studies. but for alot of us, playing in the ivp means as much. be it for personal glory or one that's for the school, forcing us to withdraw just so that we (well. not me. the year 1s and 2s) "study" is definitely not going to work. i believe it should be left up to us, the players, to decide whether or not we want to play during the common test week.