thursday morning i'm sick and tired of leading the guys team. i really am. yazid's president. but i seem to be doing the work. not blaming him though. just blaming the entire team. being selfish and ignorant as they are. i'm actually quite surprised that they are people complaining on the npfb blog that 'threatening players to pay up' may seem 'rude'. well. it wasnt meant to be rude. it was meant to be a stern warning. shahmen zak and i have already done more than we're supposed to do. personal responsibility. that's what's lacking now. honestly. $20. the committee informed everyone involved something like 1 month in advance. and we posted the notice on the blog the week we were collecting. so now, who is to blame? sue yazid and i have informed the ENTIRE club about the blog (or 'unofficial website') since the start of the year. who's fault is it if they don't bother to check? let's not forget that they didn't even bother asking they're own friends for the address or information or whatever.

i'm harping again on the fact that the team (sometimes even the girls) just expect everything done for them. it's as if we have to pack their damn bags for them as well. like com'on man. grow up. boards. let's talk about it for a while shall we? now. we've been wanting to get it for a long while now. and when yazid and i took over (before we were formally appointed). we made it happen (though ryan and i set the wheels in motion last year). now that it's on the way. everyone's going "when is it coming ah?" "why so long?" and my favorite: "why you all so slow". FUCK YOU. think you can do a better job? take it. both of us are tired of sticking our necks out to cover all the shit everyone's doing. the numerous 'talks' in Gopi and now Gerald's office. i seriously don't care if they hate me now. what matters to me is i know i'm getting things done for the club.

here's another frustration. yazid being the president, is away on attachment. who's left in-charge? quite obviously the VPs right? wrong. somehow everyone in the comm. wants to talk to yazid and yazid only. so what does that leave amilin and myself? nothing other than us being in the dark by about alot of things. all summed up? well. basically the 2 VPs, 2 secretaries and 2 treasurers being the executive committee, hardly know anything that's happening (eg. camp tshirt and camp food etc.). it's VERY frustrating that the individuals responsible are by-passing the entire 'hiearchy' of the committee and jumping straight to their own decisions and executing them. to be fair, we knew about one or two things and then rushed them to get it done asap. but even then. details should be let known to all during meetings. was fuming mad when i saw the food that was going to be ordered for sunday. basically the comm. is also pissed about being kept in the dark over some things. being the exco that runs the club, we have a need to know what goes on. and if we've got people who literally ignore the exco and go ahead and do things on their own, what kind of image would it project to others, none the least SDAR itself? how then do we explain to Gerald (staff advisor) when things go wrong (if at all) or when we sit down with him to get a hell of a 'talk'?

generally the whole negative aspect of the NPFB team can be summarised by a few words:
selfish. non-communicating. irresponsible. indisciplined. ignorant.

as of now, the sooner the camp is over the better it is for me. it's starting to take a toll on me, physically and mentally. i'm drained from the coaching course and trainings that i've been going to. let's not forget that IHP has officially started.

sunday morning was very very very very very pissed off just now. wanted to laugh my ass off and start shouting at the committee. and not forgetting the entire guys team. let's start somewhere shall we?

now. they're complaining about not having any training. so they keep asking about it. how the hell am i supposed to have training sessions when:
1. the halls were not booked in advanced for our holiday trainings?
2. when yazid and i ask them to book the halls for training they take their own f-ing time and then the slots get booked we can't get anything
3. i when we do have the hall, only a handful turn up.

IVP training you say? stick it up your ass.

training camp. is it so bloody difficult to pay $20 to someone? i mean. if it were possible of course i would like to pay as little as possible as well for the camp but hey. we need money to pay for food, camp tshirts and other stuff that we need. so now, if we don't have the money in by the dateline that we set, how the hell are we going to pay for anything? you expect us to fork out the money ourselves? HELL NO. we've been doing that far too often and we've been kind enough (especially me) not to ask any of you selfish faggots to pay back. so now. wake up from your damn selfish slumber and CONTRIBUTE for the sake of the team if not you're more than welcomed to drop out and quit. i'll be more than happy to kick you out too.

let's not forget food. FOOD. it's a training camp for God's sake! why the hell are they proposing calling macdonalds' delivery for lunch?! WHY THE HELL DO THEY EVEN THINK IT WILL BE APPROVED?! boy oh boy. next tuesday's meeting will be the time i'll really blow my top. and oh. here's the best part. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO! i'm working with a bunch of people who aren't the least concerned that the camp is next friday. they're not concerned that we've somehow overshot the budget by almost $200. where the hell do they expect that $200 to come from?

oh. as far as selection is concerned. superstar captain wanna-be. the entire team doesn't want you around. so stop acting as if you're the boss. you're just lucky that the coach wants to take a look before deciding if you're in or out. let it be known now that the ENTIRE selection committee wants you out.. and oh. why the hell should we select you? let's see why not shall we?
1. you hardly attend trainings
2. even if you do, you stand around and do not participate in the drills
3. scoring 3 or 4 goals in the league is one thing; scoring 3 or 4 OPEN GOALS is another. com'on. 99% of the players will convert the same open goal chances that you did. you're nothing special
4. failing the selection's obstacle course is one thing; failing it as miserably as you did is totally laughable. a forward who can't shoot? who can only run and at that, run with no specific direction or intention? you're a liability
5. oh yes. i'm still pissed that you blamed me for your failure to score during a friendly. how is it possible that it is my fault if i played a through pass to you 5 FRIGGIN' TIMES that put you 1-on-1 with the goalie 5 BLOODY TIMES?! it just proves that you can't shoot doesn't it?
6. you like to blame others for whatever mistakes there are
7. we can't accept your 'losers' mentality. so what if we're down 3-1? that doesn't mean you should stop giving your best; it means you should try even harder you twit

so now. yes. i'm totally pissed. i'm running low on patience and i'm trying to refrain myself from exploding and erupting in a flood of vulgarities..

friday morning woah. friendly game with YJC was crazy. really. suicidal defending with a kamikaze attitude for not chasing back to defend. wanted to kill myself after the 2nd period. conceded really soft goals. i think the reason of the guys being rusty has been used and shouldn't be used. we just didn't play well. final score of 8-3 was very flattering. the real score would be more likely 5-3 (because of 3 own goals). assisted karthik on his goal (although i think i should have scored if it wasnt for the ball hitting the post, coming out again for him to tap in). oh. scored a goal that i'm very proud off too. hilmi (i think) made a pull-back pass from the corner to where i was in the center. winded up for a slapshot. when it came. wham! nice contact with the floor and then the ball. nice sounding too! haha. nice flight of the ball. top right corner (well. not so corner. was more center but slightly to the right. if you know what i mean). hoho. but even then. i don't think we really played that well. should have scored more. and not conceded any goals. but hey. their 3rd goal was really a good one. kudos to them for that. heh..

anyhows. training camp's next friday. it seems like i was the only one panicking. so called for a committee meeting. boy oh boy were all of them in shock. (WOAH! SO FAST AR?!) like duh! so got things going. hope it'll all be good. heh. -fingers crossed-

wednesday morning had a friendly with UWC just now. was a fun game to play in, the NP guys trying to get used to floorball again after a 2 week layoff due to exams. can tell alot of them never bothered to practice at home by themselves. anyway. we went down 3-0 after the first period. came back to draw the game 4-4 after the second. third period was very tight. was more of a ping pong game towards the end. helped myself to 2 assists today. seems like i'm playmaking more than scoring. weird. haha! anyhows. followed dennis to the u-19 training at simei. was quite interesting to see them train

monday morning summary of my holidays so far: floorball. coaching course. soccer. xbox. and today's probably my 3rd time online since my exams ended. anyway. spent the weekend watching the Pesta Sukan Finals and Liverpool v Man Utd at Muddy Murphy's. what a dull game that was. should have gone for the Div 2 Finals instead.

truth be told. i'm not looking forward to the start of IHP. i'm enjoying myself as it is and the natural intertia to start working again is definitely kicking in. will be going down to the registration center in Grange Road on thursday to register for the SATs. hope that helps abit with the application to uni. hah! quite worried about the maths component. i hate maths. and it's mutual. hah!

oh yes. bought a couple of books on sunday. looking to enjoy them before IHP starts or at least enjoy them as best as i can with the amount of work that is going to pile up soon. (psst. ivan. can i do the office-side app? haha. i don't want to kill myself learning all the GPS APIs. heh heh heh.) besides. the damn school pocket PC that we were given keeps dying.


messages #2
geraldine - hey girl! nice of you to tag. haha. anyways. havent seen you in a while. hope all's well. meet up before graduation! God bless :)

shuren - tsktsk. 1 week. hahaha =D enjoy!

shank - ahh. don't know about the results. starting to not bother also. haha. have fun next sem! haha

messages
marilyn..
you. its been what? almost 4 years now? SML. heh. will always remember that. things have changed abit since then eh? anyways. exams or prelims. whatever it is. they'll all come and go in due time. prelims are almost over. so hang in there. As will come and go in a flash too. after that you're free to do whatever you want (at least till uni comes calling). then you'll be able to enjoy your trip to australia and wherever else you want to go. hang in there yar? =) ps. floorball!

ivan..
ahh. SS. WSAS. haha. how we feared it and how easy it came out to be. looking forward to working with you on our GPS project. and let's continue to hope finland sweden australia and us come calling with projects for us. hahahaha

sarah..
hey you. missed those times eh? sorry we couldnt meet up before you left. maybe it's meant to be of a certainother meaning. who knows? fate? God's plan even? anyhows. study hard yeah? australia's fun but don't go messing up your studies would ya? haha. one of my favourite seniors from school of ICT. you and yiwen made things happen for me. am always greatful =)

yingzhao..
well well. the bag of jokes and consolation. one friend we should all have. haha. but well. what can i say. you're the one unique friend that i really love talking to (suaning you or not. =P). but since you're going to be tied down with work pretty soon. doubt we'll be meeting each other for a long while. maybe some night. prata again. haha.. but hey. hang in there. work load goes up and down so you've got to adjust and tahan. floorball and hockey. heh. choose floorball! like i told you the last time. you need more self-belief and confidence. unlock all the potential in you and i'm very sure you'll make a very good center/forward or wherever else dennis puts you.

fengnan..
bro. we need to meet up more. we as in the old gang. bloody mary or snowball or martinis. we seriously must meet up before new semester starts

shuren..
eh gay. hahaha. liverpool will just lose this year's ECL la. anyways. microsoft how. i damn sian le. want to give it up soon. haha. stupid ab---h =D happy studying in sem 6!

---

to everyone else. take care and have fun. holidays are here (for those in poly). floorball and ice hockey alike. keep fit people. don't let those fats hang around too much. =D
-pops party poppers-

tuesday SCHOOL'S OUT! that's it. i'm done. no more exams whatsoever for the next 3 years (at least). exams are over. so after 13 years of exams. i'm done. SS was easy. WSAS was easier. what a relief. all of us feared WSAS because last year's paper was a killer. even with lecture slides in front of me i could barely do it. but hey. it's over and thank God it was all ok. and as always, the review of the semester follows:

World Issues: Singapore Perspective (WISP)
one word: aced.
i'll hopefully get top if they decide that the BA person is not as good (haha!). AD shouldn't be a problem.

Audio Video Fundamentals & Editing (AVFE)
ok. messed up the sound assignment abit. more than made up for it with my video but i'm not sure about the final assignment. i think i'll do ok. unfortunately my marks are going to be decided by peer assessment and whatever else but a B or B+ should be just right.

Professional Issues (PI)
one word (again): screwed
screwed by one ass of a lecturer. generally did quite well for the module but won't be getting any As for this. unfortunately. but oh well. B should be well within reach.

Systems Security (SS)
did consistently well. generally i think a B+ could be expected (thanks to a not so good common test result). exam was a breeze. fear only the moderation process. haha.

Web Server Administration & Security (WSAS)
same as SS. was a surprise that the exam paper was easier than expected. B+ maybe?

generally. i think i'll be getting a shitload of Bs. not good for GPA. not good at all.

floorball season review:
after weeks of playing till my injuries get worse. generally i did much better than last year. started off well with 2 assists in 2 games. but up until sunday's game, i've never had the luck in front of goal. had 3 disallowed all season. missed a total sitter on another occasion. but when i scored. it was a key goal. but somehow the team didn't react to it as well as i had hoped (or wanted for that matter). i'm just glad that i got the chance to captain the team once (thanks to the absence of the original captain). i'm quite pleased overall with how i've played all season. 1 goal 2 assists. not very nice stats but i'm satisfied. just hope i can maintain my form. will definitely need it for IVP. right now i'm looking at my options. may be looking to transfer clubs. Moosemen? Red Flamingoes? haha. who knows. maybe abit far off but we'll see. i'm definitely not going back to MS Innebandy. not with all the stories that i'm hearing from there..

sunday night final score: Genesis ITE 4 FC Squirrels 1

ok.wasn't all that bad.the scoreline doesnt really reflect what was a tight game. just that the lost of concentration in the 2nd period cost us 3 goals inside 3 or 4 minutes. anyways. scored that 1 goal. consolation or not it doesnt matter. what mattered was it was the equalising goal that spured the team on (for a while at least) after we went down 1-0 in the first period.won the ball near our own goalpost and started on a darting run down the left.took it past 3 players. wanted to do a drag shot to the right top corner but somehow i mishit the shot and it went straight to the boards.. rebound came to me again and i took it past the goalie. -winds up- -backhand slapshot- goal. there. solo run and a goal for zhaoster. haha. better late than never right? ;)

but ok. all in all.it was a better than expected game.definitely didnt see us losing by 3 goals (though it could have been less).. but great game. not too bad a score.. and a good weekend for all the number 18s. haha! alvin and i scored this weekend. my fave leftie lady player and another #18 ref-ed my game (ruyi!). woohoo!

ok. back to books. hais..i'm so going to die for wsas man...tsktsk

saturday morning i've past the point of actually wanting to study. i'm so going to die. well. at least for wsas. haha! anyway. i'm starting to feel that i'm doing alot of work for NP Floorball that is beyond my jobscope as vice-president. it seems as if yazid and i are running the ENTIRE club by ourselves. and even then it seems like i'm doing more than him (no offense to him though). maybe it's just the different levels of commitment. interestingly, the issue about why my other VP got 6 cca points and i got 7, actually made me realise how much more work i'm doing. and i'm thankful that my present staff advisor and the previous one have taken notice. if i were to list down the number of things i've done for the entire club since last year. i'm pretty sure it'll be more than almost the entire committee combined (then again. it WILL be more). it also doesnt help that yazid and i have to start pushing people to get work done and in most cases, get it done ourselves

oh. let's not forget that the whole issue of team discipline is still a very very huge problem. IVP selection is also almost done. just yesterday we confirmed the 3 lines that will start as well as 2 reserve players per line (that makes 21 outfield players) and the 2 goalies. so now our squad of 23 is complete. of course there are 7 more players that are on 'stand by'

anyhows. tactical training on thursday was shit. 6 people came. that's 1 bloody line. so does that mean that only the 6 of us will be playing on sunday? hah. and to think they dare say they have what it takes to win ITE. i'll be brutally honest. we probably wont win. i only fear the final scoreline. but that doesnt mean i'm giving up. i'll still put in 120% effort and play as best as i can. but sometimes i find that there's only so much i can do. i mean. the experience of captaining FCSQ against SMU was an eye-opener. i blamed myself alot for the loss but in the end, after 'counselling' by dennis emily and zhaoster, i have to agree that 1 person can only do so much. whether or not the rest of the team listens and follows by playing as hard as myself and a select few do, is not for us to control

on the flip side. even if we do win (which means we'll get promoted to Div 1 no matter what happens in the finals against Merahans most probably). i'm still very skeptical about our chances of survival in Div 1. given the skill set of the players, which isnt all that bad, we're more than a match for most of the teams. but what scares me (even in Div 2) is the chronic and severe lack of discipline. i'll be the first to admit that i'm also hot-headed. but i channel my anger productively in a game unlike most of them (just ask SIM. pissed me off and i dribbled past the whole team twice). and hey. my disciplinary record this season speaks for itself. no fights, no arguments and no minor penalties (aka 2 min) at all. i guess all that matters now is just to wait and see. sunday. possibly the most dauting challenge i've faced in floorball thus far. miracles do happen. source of inspiration? the 1980 US ice hockey Olympic team that beat the Soviet Union against all odds (4-3 it ended).ah damn. ice hockey. missed those 5 months that i played at jurong...so maybe another miracle is in the works this weekend. maybe.

anyway. yesterday was a long day. rushed home after training to send a friend off at the airport. went on to meet joseph brown moon debbie emily and marilyn for late movie and some drinks (coffee club la. not alcohol). moon's last night out before we don't see him for another 2 weeks. haha. NS. how it changes every guys' life. somehow the prospect of going into Army now seems more tempting than having to study (though the reverse is also true. haha!) oh well..

zhao- good luck for ur game! and please PLEASE bring dennis along on sunday
ivan- wsas = we shall all shit (cos its too damn difficult. hahahaha)

a couple of good things coming my way. good news to help ease of some of the depression...

1. am going to Beijing for the 1 week study trip. celebrating my birthday there too. HAHA! will post the itenery of the trip tonight.

2. FC Squirrels is getting a sponsor! and i'm working to get Cornvix sponsored too. Harun's up for it. so let's see what gives. just hope we don't have to change our team names.

3. completed 80% of whats needed to be studied for SS. left with that 20% and WSAS.

4. am on course to getting top in module for WISP. woohoo! bragging rights since being top for WISP means being top for the whole of NP.

ok. think that's just about it. today's turning out to be a good day. a real good day...

The Calling - Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way

Well he can't sleep at night
And he can't do what's right
It was all because she came into his life
It's a deep obsession, taking up his time

She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs
She's everything he just won't believe
Take away his doubt, turn him inside out
Then she can see what he's been dying to say
But things don't' always turn out that way
And he must confess
All the impure thoughts of his beautiful temptress
Although he keeps it all bottled up inside
Although he keeps it all safe within his mind, oh yeah

So wipe that smile off your face
Before it gets too late
There's only so much time
For you to make up your mind





if only YOU knew. not that it would have made any difference. not one bit. thats the sad part.

tuesday night ah. eating some mooncake and watching tv. what a life. something to look forward to next week. not now. now i've got System Security and Web Server & Admin Security to study. the module names sound cool eh? HAH. it's anything but. with interest in it waning, thank God its almost over. have to get all my studying done by saturday. got my semis against ITE on sunday so that day's a goner in terms of studying. now now zhaoster. whoever said i don't have anything to study? ;)

tuesday morning just realised something. i won't be seeing Ngee Ann Poly for a long long long time starting this week. well ok. not that long. i'll be going back to school only for the following reasons:

exams next monday and tuesday
floorball training every tuesday and thursday
IHP for 2 days (hopefully tuesday and thursday!)
and finally graduation next year

one leg out the door of NP. one leg into NS and i've got a shitload of application forms to fill in. air force WSO and pilot forms. army ones as well. and not forgetting uni applications. good ol' US of A ivan? haha. we'll see. SMU and NTU are priorities

sunday feeling damn fucked. and i mean REALY FUCKED. a mix of frustration and a bit of sadness all mixed into one very odd feeeling.
game against Cornvix didnt exactly start of well. had to come back from 3-1 down to win it (then again with a fortunate own-goal by one of their defenders). but a win is a win. not going to complain about that. i'm just fucking pissed at the way some of the players played. same shit mistakes as last week. but play like how we did today and we'll stand NO chance whatsoever against ITE this sunday. and oh. there's also the issue of some people not being disciplined enough to change up when asked to. and lets not forget the oh-so-smart tactic of calling for a line change when we're fucking defending the last 2 min to hang on to the win. we were literally camping in our own half and those fags actually want to call a line change? WHAT THE FUCK'S WRONG WITH YOU ALL?!

emily oh emily. what more can you do for me. hais. all that has been said and done seem to not be working.

fuck this shit life.

friday a very lousy week. first things first. back hurts still yet i'm going to force myself to play on sunday. not going to miss the playoffs. school was a disappoinment. PI test was worse than expected. am just waiting now to see if there's any improvement after it's been remarked. basically everything came together on thursday so yesterday was really hell. was looking forward to having supper with zhao but didn't happen. had a miscommunication 'argument' with her (at least it seemed like an argument). anyways. will be refereeing a game with dennis tomorrow at NTU. so i'll leave Microsoft early. good luck to SMU against ITE.

thursday morning china IP is a no-go. at least that's what i want. after hearing what it was all about. i'm skeptical. details as follows:

- Guanzhou, China
- Aztech (a modem and networking company)
- school subsidy of up to $2000
- accomodation provided
- meals not provided
- no monthly allowance
- 1 of 2 IT students among 20+ others (all from School of Engineering)
- no clear cut description as to what the project is about
- today's 1st September, expected to fly off on 28th when everything's not confirmed

of course there're other reasons (stuff like my air force application. APAC. IVP etc).what a mess. what a mess. sigh.

ivan - ok. now lets seriously hope that australia/uk/us/finland(woohoo!) have IP offers
shank - GET THE JACKETS LA!
zhao - no such thing as don't care loe. see a doc la! -nags more- don't make me ask em to come help me drag you to see one k. heh