friday woah.one week in a flash.alritey.colorful as it may seem.have quite abit bothering me.and not the least.bloody results are out on monday.wouldnt surprise me if i were to take a retest for csa/fs or both.but i'm optimistic.so it'll be for csa only (i hope).thats one.two.geraldine would be goin for an op on her toe.so i'm hopin it'll be fine.it should be anyway.shant go into detail what its about.three.eileen's wedding's on saturday and i hope i wont screw up her weddin playin the drums.am still rusty cause i havent played much church songs of late.

Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness

words.what are they without action and actions without reactions? things left unsaid.promises that were made.everything that has been said and done.was it worth it? was it meant to be this way? could things have been any better? questions i ask myself everyday.things i should have done.words is should have said.promises i couldnt break.

Bon Jovi - All About Loving You

Looking at the pages of my life
Faded memories of me and you
Mistakes you know I've made a few
I took some shots and fell from time to time
Baby, you were there to pull me through
We've been around the block a time or two
I'm gonna lay it on the line
Ask me how we've come this far
The answer's written in my eyes

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby
We've been to hell and back again
Through it all you're always my best friend
For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do
Tonight I'm gonna find a way

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

You can take this world away
You're everything I am
Just read the lines upon my face
I'm all about lovin' you

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus:]
Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

All about lovin' you

sunday morning manchester united 1 fulham 3 ..what's more to say? anyhows.had a mini-class outing on friday..went to east coast park after church..had practice for eileen and justin's wedding..played like shit cause 1. my drums had NO bass pedal..so i was missing all the beats..had to think of what beat to play and at the same time listen to what the guitarists were playing 2. the organ player was missing.so we had alot of improvisation 3. the structure of the hymns to be played were ok..but we were undecided on how many times to repeat what.. but i think we should be ready by the time her wedding comes.just have to have lots of practice ASAP.. anyhows..back to class outing..was abit screwed up at first..said i'd meet them at jurong east mrt at 4..and when i got there at 3.45..they'd left for bedok already so i was kinda pissed that i had gone to JE for nothing..was pretty pissed again when i rented a bike..noone rented one till emily and firdaus decided to rent one (was pissed cause initially we decided to cycle to bedok jetty and chill out there)..cycled to bedok jetty with the two of 'em..with ahmad joinin us later (he walked all the way)..so we sat there and just talked about loads of stuff..deep down..i was restraining myself from calling her.just cant bring myself to..cant let impatience take control..so anyhows..had plans running in my head about what to do.where to eat and all that when we go out in a week or two time..dont wanna disturb her whilst she's studyin for her exams..having gone to church for antioch meetin just now..realised that spiritually..i think i'm growing stronger..but not strong enough..realised in a way that my prayers are shallow and that i've to stop and think about what i have..appreciate it and thank God for it..and yeah..in a way i thank God for everyone in my life..i appreciate the fact that i've come to know many great friends.mainly brian.sean nai.chinx.marilyn.nick lim.giles.geraldine.anne.alicia.sean loh.cedrych.sangar.hanni. and many others..yet at the same time.i feel that when i need friends' support the most sometimes i find myself alone.. -shrugs- least i have my family and God right? that's all that matters i suppose..duno..food for thought i guess..nitey ya'll!

wednesday

Lifehouse - Take Me Away

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I try to make my way to you
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

--

sums up just about what i feel..been feeling this way since something happened a few days back.feels like something's eating me from the inside.i can only bear so much.have so much to say yet i cant seem to find the strength to do so nor can i find the guts to..havent felt such strong feelings in a long while.paranoia starts to get the better of me and i start to think alot.just wish she could just come.take away everything.set to ease everything that's eating at me

i'm throwing this off the top of my head as it comes.so its VERY unpolished.bear with it

--

welcome to my dream
one that rests on the outer rim
a dream where all things good come true
one in which we're always happy
we sit and be merry
yet i wish we could marry
but this dream is all i have
a tip of my hat
a bow and a turn
with a face that tries to show no emotion
i leave the dream
one that seems impossible
with all my strength
i fight the tears to come
trying to be calm
as the last of you fades away
the color on my face
turns a different shade of grey

Third Eye Blind - Anything

Anything for you
Turn my castles blue

Turn my bones to sand
Just to see you
I'll give you anything
I'll give you anything

Jackie O with the top down open
All the words to what's unspoken
Put together everything that's broken

Just to see you
I'll give you anything
I'll give you anything
I'll give you anything

Jackie O with the top down open
A king's horse for what's been broken
I'll bring back even what's unspoken

Just to see you
I'll give you anything
I'll give you anything

monday got my elective results..got what i wanted to take..multimedia authoring..feelin weird now..somehow i wanna cry yet i cant..feel like whacking people but there isnt anyone worth the jail-time..am utterly disappointed with sherman..dont reply to sms-es no more.dont answer the phone no more.am just too bloody pissed and tired to sort things out..guess i'll just let it end up like the "sean nai affair" and be gone with another friend.one less in my world cant hurt now can it? -shrugs- day was relatively bad save for FS exam..think i'll do better than i did first time around..dumped some money into my debit card account.went to french class.didnt talk to geraldine much..made a real damn mistake by not deciding to stay back and accompany her while she waited for her dad..-sigh- making alot of bad decisions lately..dunno what's happening to me no more

saturday i'm 18th! officially legal to do just about anything other than watching R(A) movies.hah! didnt manage to register for basic theory as planned..but no worries..will get it done by coming weekend..hopefully..day started off on a bad note..got pissed at this pathetic laptop of mine and almost lost my temper on my mum in the morning..feel pretty bad (sorry ar..hehe..apologise here.knowing my mum reads my blog.wahaha) messed up my java walkthrough..still feel there wasnt enough time to do what was needed..so either i scrap a pass or i fail like crap..but i shouldnt fail the module..so that's a slight relief.went out with my parents and sister for lunch at sizzlers.pretty good meal..went home caught a nap and went on down to city hall to meet the #go.fly.a.kite people..was enjoyable even though i had to endure some pretty nasty drinks..hah! oh wells.. :D anne bought the Jason Mraz cd (which i'm listenin to now)..and i suppose mel and chau came up with the idea to get me the TinTin vcd..haha! cute stuff =) probably on of the best birthday celebrations i've ever had.first one was last friday with floorball chaps.then yesterday with my class people and today with #go.fly.a.kite people and my family.and probably on monday with geraldine (before french class that is).all that's left is meetin up with nick lim.brian.matthew.marilyn.and a few others.cant celebrate with julian though.he's off to NS.haha! oh wells..great time this two weeks..thanks all..and oh! big thanks to sangar..computer whiz bought me a collectors' edition of Saving Private Ryan's movie poster..real cool =)

friday thursday was cool.last floorball training before we break off for common tests and resume on the 11th of nov to prepare for IVP..scored one assisted one..geraldine got injured doin some stunts..so am kinda worried
today was kick-ass..had chocolate cake (24 x 24 cm) to share with my classmates and some friends..yiwen and sarah (my class's senior buddy and her classmate) came as well..so was pretty glad..got my 3rd present from yiwen and a cute-lookin card from sarah as well as a card signed by my classmates and my immf tutor..who happened to sponsor the drinks too..had a smashin time dirtyin the classroom..jun li and i cleaned up after that so it shouldnt be a problem.went to watch "the rundown" at west mall afterthat..had a heart chat with my class rep, emily about couple of stuff..decided to TRY to hold a class chalet or bbq in december.usin school funds of course :D perhaps the only thing missing today was geraldine.whom i'll get to see on monday for the last time for a long while =\ -sigh-

i spoke too soon! she sms-ed at 11-plus pm..just when i was abt to start doin my fs revision paper..hoho! -beams-

tuesday ok.either i fucked up big time or i fucked up small time.if there's even such a thing as "small time".either way i'm messed up.gave geraldine something.don't ask cause i'm not telling.problem is.i didnt give it myself.got wilson to give it.and not to mention any names.sadly (or whatever).she said she'd take it once he told her who was giving her the nicely wrapped gift.and so he told her.after which i've not received any sms or whatsoever from her.so that kinda occupied my mind the whole day.thinking about all the permutations that could happen.unfortunately.not a single one seems to be favourable.so i'm kinda bracing myself emotionally.guess that's just about what i can do.got my 2nd b'day present.courtesy of brian and marilyn.vertical horizon's go.went to gym with brian at about 6.15.did loads of stuff till about 8.so yeah.i kinda just got home.am tired.worried.and on the verge of breakdown.perhaps its cause i'm listenin to "angel without wings"..has that kinda effect on a person who's feelin down.-sigh-

monday hah! french exam..oral was a comedy i tell ya'll.. had to introduce myself to the examiner (Jean duno what what)..so here's how it went:

je m'appelle jason.je suis singapourien.j'habite a singapour.j'aime beaucoup le sport et livre.j'aime ne pas grammier le francais et la musique classique.

roughly translates to:

i'm jason.i'm singaporean.i live in singapore.i like sports and reading alot.i dont like french grammar and classical music.

eahehahe.oh wells.crappy la.but got 18/20 for the oral bit..written bit's a write off..i think i'll manage a borderline pass/fail grade for the written.hehe. -shrugs-

talked to geraldine abit after class.accompanied her while she was waiting for her dad.laughed my head off when she thought her dad had come earlier than said.so i left for the library to retrieve my laptop from anne.and just as i met up with anne.geraldine messaged that she mistook the car..and i burst out laughin in the librabry's cafe.. went down to accompany her again once i "secured" my laptop..am gonna try to pop a surprise on her tmr.dont ask what i'm gonna do..but i'll try to work something.heh.-sneaky-

happy birthday dyls! :) grow fat soon eh? hahaha =x kiddin
anne- aheahe.bday pressieeeeee! i want Staind cd! =)
sam (my biological sister)- come ar! challenge french! wahaha

sunday birthday wishlist (and for brian to refer to.haha!)

1. Vertical Horizon CDs (all five albums)

-a. There and Back Again
-b. Running on Ice
-c. Live Stages
-d. Everything You Want
-e. Go

2. Three Doors Down CD

- The Better Life

3. R.Kelly's Greatest Hits Volume 1
4. Jason Mraz CD
5. Rouge Warriors (book)
6. Tom Clancy's something Tiger..the new one
7. mouse tracks for my Intellimouse
8. Steven Ambrose's Citizen Soldiers
9. Command & Conquer Generals Expansion: Zero Hour

saturday morning guys night out! no girls came.but thats ok i guess.10 of us in total.less than i expected but cant ask for everything can i? had swensons for dinner..ate 49ers and shared a giant eartquake with farhan.jeremy and ryan.total bill for all of us came to $194.10..went to parklane to play cs after that.didnt lose much of my awp skills.had a 29/5 score for awp map..went to play team fortress after that.ryan zhiwei and myself against kok liang.desmond and kl's friend.pretty darn fun.had one of the better bday celebrations albeit it's one week in advance.will be celebrating next friday again.firdaus' gonna buy a cake and we're sorta havin a mini-party at canteen 3.lookin forward to that. :D
thanks to zhiwei.boon tat.hafiz.jeremy.farhan.ryan.desmond.yuxun.kokliang(or isit guoliang?).had a great day =)

tuesday "hang in there"..that's what geraldine said monday night.and i'm sure as hell hanging on.i can only get a good sleep once wednesday is past me.by which time i would have submitted all but one assignment so i'll have a lighter load.sadly.i've got statistics test tmr and my final french exam tmr.so i cant stop studying.have to do my java assignment walkthrough on my birthday.how shitty is that.seems like i'm always having exams or tests when my birthday comes.hope this friday will be successful.quite scared that at the very last minute my floorball friends will play me out.hate it when that happens.then again.who doesnt? we'll probably be going to fish & co or swensens.will try to settle that on thursday.have yet to ask tracy and her friend as well as wanyi.but so far.most of the guys team will be goin.save for those i don't want in attendance.

saturday quite an eventful 3 days i might say.thursday was chin's b'day..and to my absolute surprise.was wanyi's one too.thursday's training was possibly one of my better or worse ones.depending on how i look at it.good in the sense that training itself was intense.the way i like it.ran round the campus and the track before heading back for drills.practice match was full-court.3 guys 2 girls a line.was initially in wanyi's line before switchin over to the other team...and ended up facing wanyi.i'd rate her as possibly the best defender in NP's team.has an uncanny ability of reading plays.does well in attacking even though she plays defense.has the ability to create something from nothing.and make something into nothing for the opposing team.so it didnt really surprise me that i was marked quite tightly by her and one other.so basically i was marked by two defenders.and sadly.i didnt score a goal.my 2nd training in a row that i havent scored.was pretty satisfied to an extend cause i managed to force 5 breakaways (aka breaking through the defense and making a dash for a one-on-one with the 'keeper).but failing to score on any.3 on target.2 off.but i feel i'm improving quite abit.especially my speed and agility.stick control is probably a teeny bit better but i'm not so worried about that.more worried about my shooting.seems like i seem to be able to hit 95% grounders.hardly able to hit the top corners of the post

friday was gone in a flash for me.went to school for immf and csa tutorials.ate alot.4 servings of seafood soup.left school with my parents and had dinner.and i had seafood soup..AGAIN!

and today! had the time of my life.at least for this week.went to school to submit immf assignment.was a total nightmare so i shall not let it spoil my day.met up with cedrych at the library before heading down to city hall to meet up with sean.chinx von and estee came together about 20 mins after we reached there.dre came and left.went burger king for lunch.had mushroom swiss meal upsized and extra fries.and my God.i'm surprised i finished it! went to play pool after that.lost to sean twice and von once (black ball!) played for about an hour plus before heading off to wisma to wait for my dad.had dinner with my sister and then came home.watched the liverpool arsenal match.disappointed.liverpool deserved at least a point i tell you.anyways.watching man utd match now.half-time just arrived.birmingham's 'keeper sent off.half-time score: 1-0

wednesday now that i'm feeling more organised and composed.i figure my life is almost full of crap.got friends who appreciate me only when they need help and i've got friends who are totally insane..am pretty pissed off with sherman now simply because he's stopped talking/calling..and you know what? it figures because he's only botherd about sam and since he only needed my help in writing two songs in his upcoming album, comes to no surprise that he's only appreciative when the cd was in the works.might stop playing drums in the near future.i dont see a point for me to carry on playing anymore.picked it up in sec 2.stopped playing till sec 5.started again late last year/earlier this year only cos sherman and i had plans to do stuff.but what's happened? God knows.God knows where he got the money to pay off his recording.ingrate still owes me $35.and as far as i know, owes other people as well.am actually losing my patience the same way i lost it when sean nai was with sam.and hey! sam features again! wow! she's some kinda omen i'd say.a bad one at that.lost a very good friend cos of her.and i see myself losing another one.but hey! who needs sherman? then again.he doesnt need me to write songs anymore now does he? noo...i'm just bitchin coz i'm totally pissed off with people who call me "bro" when they need help.and dont call at all at any other time.found out he'll be having a gig at heeren sometime in november.and no.he didnt tell me.found out when i saw scat's nick on msn.just kept quiet about it coz i dont wanna piss myself off further.am also totally annoyed that s.h.e. have done a chinese version of backstreet boys' "how did i fall in love with you".am an advocate against chinese artistes making english songs into chinese.its just very appalling to me.

have worked out stuff that i need to do asap.apart from piling assignments.that as yet.cant compare to cedge's.i think i'll be facing a heavy load pretty soon.got 4 projects to do.thankfully though.syllabus for first semester is just about done so i should be able to cope.anthr thing that i rank as a must.getting into the ivp team for floorball.ivp starts january and the floorball team will be having training 3 times a week once the holidays starts.problem is.i might not be in s'pore coz dad wants me in australia to work at a friend's IT company.so i'm caught in a limbo.additionally.i've got antioch camp on the 11th of dec.runs till 13th.and i HAVE to go coz i'm giving a talk on the first day.have to be back in s'pore by christmas no matter what coz i wanna attend mass at bsc.but well.we'll see.dec is a long way off.

school's getting to be a bore.syllabus is almost done.see no need to go to class for immf or psp1 anymore.was told by sharon goh that i didnt have to attend psp1 anymore coz i've done every single practical and tutorial in the textbook.just have to do the assignment and i'm done with java for the year.and i'll try to be enthusiastic when psp2 starts next sem.tuesday was also the 2nd last lesson for possibly the most fun module for me this sem.sab (starting a business).learnt alot about accounting and all that jazz when it comes to starting a business.seems more interesting than learning how the hell computers store data anyway.am still waiting news on the retest for csa if there's even one at all.immf project due sat.will try to get my flash movie ready by thurs for the integration of the 3 sites that my group is doing.fs.hah.what can i say abt fs? i'll have to scrap through the next ct for fs.cant do integration for nuts.

chin's bday's tmr.msg-ed yvonne tues afternoon.got a reply.replied to that and nothing came back.wondering if we'll be meeting up for chin's bday.hafta ask her later today.if i can remember.am awaiting the arrival of my debit card.find it silly that i'll have to spend $1800 a year or face a $20 fine.like how does that make sense to you? oh wells.i'm not complaining much coz it wouldnt be a problem for me.i'll spend that $1800 in 1 hour.might be meeting dylanne on the 11th to celebrate her b'day in advance.hopefully dad's topped up my posb acct if not it'll be pointless for me to meet her coz i'll be absolutely broke.undecided on what to buy for anyone's birthday.have loads to buy for.bah.

updated wish-list-
1. Nokia n-gage
2. Command & Conquer Generals Expansion : Zero Hour (shld be getting frm giles soon)
3. Tom Clancy's something Tiger..its a new one
4. something to clean my laptop's screen.sick of using facial tissue
5. mouse tracks for my optical mouse
6. Sony headphones for my MuVo (though i wouldnt mine Bang & Olufson!).mine's just about spoilt.the clips are out of shape.and i sure as hell didnt sit on the
7. goal post for my new room.cost $90.guess i'll have to wait till i move house before i decide if i can put it anywhere
8. Steven Ambrose's Citizen Soldiers..sequel to D-Day by the same author
9. nice comfy dinner with the following people:

a. chin han.sean.andre.cedrych.marc tham. b. anne.melissa.alicia.canice. eric.chaux.sookie.ck.bryan c. giles.jeanne.jeremiah. d. brian ho.matthew lin.nicholas lim.sean nai.christopher john. e. zhenni.marilyn. f. ming yao.kim seng.firdaus.mike.alphonsus.jesline.huiying.emily.kenneth.lishan.geraldine.lionel.sangar.tat wee g.desmond.yu xun.zhiwei.weiliang.tracy.tracy's friend(..don't know her name..fun person).wanyi.mohd.boon tat.

key:
a. #cryptic bunch
b. #go.fly.a.kite bunch
c. antioch people
d. st gabs people (except chris john.he's brian's church friend)
e. erm.. -shrugs-
f. ngee ann poly people
g. ngee ann floorball people

and not forgetting joanne.with whom i had loads of fun with in sec 1 till about sec 3 (or was it 2?).last i knew.she was in crescent girls school and thats about it.oh wells -shrugs- hope my dad gets into contact with her mum sometime soon.then i'll be able to send a card or something.sleep beckons and so i shall oblige.slept from 5.45 till about 9.30 just now though.so i'm comtemplating watching champions league later.priority calls for sleep to take precedence so sleep it shall be.funny how old memories can make you tear and yet make you happy.-sigh-


if ever joanne ever gets to see this.this is for you.for being one of my best friends ever
Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever..