Train - Ordinary

Whose eyes am I behind
I don’t recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design
I don’t want this to be the way that you see me

I don’t understand anything anymore
In this world that I’m tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up
To get to your story
It’s anything but ordinary

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need where's mine
‘Cause your what I need so very but I'm anything but ordinary

Can you save me from this world of mine
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one look what you’ve done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke
You’re just a kid
You weren’t ready for what you did

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need where's mine
‘Cause you what I need so very but I'm anything but ordinary

I think I'm trying to save the world from you
You’ve been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other

I'm anything but ordinary
(ordinary)
I'm anything but ordinary
(ordinary)

perspectives.

friday morning you know that feeling when everything you've worked towards produces no result? i had that on monday morning when results were announced. after 2 months of intense effort and nearly driving myself insane, all that time and effort came to naught.

portions where i thought i had done well and was banking on to get most marks ended up being one massive disappointment. it's a big demoralizing sucker punch but i've got to get myself together for one last shot. anu. best uni in asia pacific. easy to get in, hard to get out, much less with good grades.

on the flip side, comp2110, the module i grudgingly took because the advisers miscalculated my degree requirements, proved once again to be one of those modules that are an absolute waste of my time. i don't mean to sound arrogant about it but i guess i can come clean now that it's over - i never attended a single lecture for it throughout the semester, skipped doing one lab presentation, flunked one assignment worth 10% because i didn't give a shit, went drinking on the thursday night prior to the paper at 9am on friday. i wasn't drunk nor did i have a hangover. the fact of the matter is, i went for the paper with 4 hours of sleep, walked out of the paper at 11am (paper was to end at 1230pm) and drove to sydney immediately. all that crap and i still got a fantastic yet very useless high distinction.

louisa said that i'm a person who likes safety nets, always planning for contingencies and preparing for as many scenarios as possible. can't say she's wrong. i like to think myself an optimist but very realistic at the same time. much as things seem to be against me, i always live in hope that things turn out right yet when things don't, the mind just snaps into enacting contingencies. perhaps it's a defense mechanism against failure, perhaps it's just me wanting to be prepared for as much eventualities as possible.

if anything else, what doesn't kill makes you stronger - and i live by it, mostly. ha. i think i can thrive under adversity and i've proven it many times over. the problem is, academics isn't exactly my forte. it's an image and perception that i've made for myself yet deep down, i know it isn't true. i'm not academically gifted and i perhaps will never be. i excel in subjects and modules that i truly am interested in and then again, they seldom are abstract in nature.

in retrospect, perhaps it was a gamble that failed back in 2008, believing that i'd be able to do it at the first go. on the other hand, what's the point of regretting? things have already happened and i'm thrown into this situation. it really is up to me to make the best out of it eh?

i won't go so far as to say that resent the fact that i'm even in uni. i just never expected to find myself here. once upon a time, plans seemed to be going well and there wasn't a need for me to even think about uni. did i know that my anu journey would somewhat end like this? no. did i wanted it this way? definitely not. but one thing's for sure: one way or another, my time in anu ends by next friday. one way or another i'm out of here. for better or worse, i can look back and say i gave it my all.

if my all wasn't enough then so be it. i learn from it and move on. life is full of surprises of all flavours. this is but one more obstacle between me and my end objective. fuck this. i'm better than this and i will get through whatever stands between me and my goals in life. what i need to do now is decide the path i'm going to take and pray to God that my last chance in anu will come good.

Thirsty Merc - All My Life

Today, I left my house and I started walking
Barefooted out to the water,
My eyes won't sleep.

And I walked out to the bridge,
Where I once had met you.
I could feel your footsteps,
Under my feet.

But now there's nothing I can do,

All my life.
I've waited here for you,
To make my dreams come true.
The force to get me through.

All my life.
Like waves upon the sand,
the ocean meets dry land.
My heart is in your hands.
Yeah.

I know,
I must be crazy or superstitious
But I swear I thought that maybe,
You'd be here.

But now, i look around your in all my senses
But it breaks my heart to see the view so clear.
You say you only needed time
But time has been so cruel
And there's nothing i can do.

All my life.
I've waited here for you.
To make my dreams come true.
The force to get me through.

All my life.
Like waves upon the sand.
The ocean meets dry land.
My heart is in your hands.
Yeah.

All my life
I've waited here for you.
To make my dreams come true
A force to get me through.

All my life.
Like waves upon the sand.
The ocean meets dry land.
My heart is in your hands.

All my life.
I've waited here for you
To make my dreams come true.
A force to get my through.

All my life.
I waited for you.
All my life.

五月天 - 你不是真正的快樂

人 群中 哭著
你隻想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了

你 靜靜 忍著
緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這 世界 笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是你 含著眼淚 飄飄蕩蕩 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然后才后悔著

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑隻是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻 重新開始活著

the biggest motivation yet... and stress provider.

Congratulations on your upcoming graduation!

You have received this email as you have been assessed by your College as conditionally eligible to graduate in the December 2010 Conferral of Awards ceremony pending the successful completion of your current enrolment or application of status toward your current award.

IMPORTANT: THIS IS A CONDITIONAL INVITATION. You MUST check confirmation of your eligibility on ISIS on 30^th November 2010.

Please read this email and attachments carefully; to respond to your Invitation to Graduation, please select the Graduation link on your ISIS menu. Please follow the instructions to respond to your invitation to graduate at http://isis.anu.edu.au.

Important: If you do not respond to this invitation on ISIS by 12 November 2010 your award will not be conferred and you will not receive your testamur/s at the December 2010 Conferral of Awards ceremony.

Please also find attached to this email:

1. Academic Dress Hire Form; if you wish to hire academic dress for the December conferral, please complete the form and lodge it with the ANU Union (details on the form). Please note that the hire form must be submitted by 22 November to ensure availability of regalia.

2. Graduations ‘checklist’; this list identifies everything you need to do in the lead up to December conferrals.

3. Important information on your preparation for your Conferral of Awards ceremony.

4. Information for prospective graduate students.

Each student is granted two (2) guest tickets to their ceremony. To apply for additional guest tickets, please enter the Additional Guest Ticket ballot between 12 October and 12 November. The Examinations & Graduations Office will advise you of the outcome of the ballot via email on the 2^nd December 2010.

For further information about your graduation, including information on collecting guest tickets, photography and other concessions on the day, please see the graduations website: www.anu.edu.au/sas/graduation.

Please note; all outstanding financial obligations to the University must be paid by 12 November 2010 to be eligible for graduation.

If you require any assistance, please contact the Examinations & Graduations Office on either 02 6125 8315 or 02 6125 4648; alternatively email graduation.officer@anu.edu.au. You can also follow us at @ANUGrads on Twitter for tips, hints and reminders in the lead up to December 2010 Conferrals.

Again, congratulations! We look forward to celebrating with you in December!

The Script - For the First Time

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart,
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar,
And we don't know how,
How we got into this mad situation,
Only doing things out frustration,

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard,

She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time,
I've got a new job now on the unemployment line,
And we don't know how,
How we got into this mess
Is it God's test,
Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best,

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

But we're gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying things we haven't for a while
A while yea
We're smiling but we're close tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Oooooo
[few times]

She's in line at the door
With her head held high
While I just lost my job but
Didn't lose my flight

But we both know how,
How we're gonna make it work when it hurts,
When you pick yourself up,
You get kicked to the dirt,

Trying to make it work but,
Man these times are hard,

But we're gonna start by,
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,

Doing things we haven't for a while,
A while yea,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time.

Ooooo
[few times]

Yeah.....
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying thing we haven't for a while,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time

(ooooo....), yeaahh for the first time,
(ooooo....), oh for the first time,
Yeah for the first time,
(Just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
For the first time)

[x4]
Oh these times are hard,
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

deafening silence.

sunday night updates soon, i promise. after 8 november that is.

remembering the mother of singapore.

wednesday evening a very poignant photo. a very poignant week. great leaders they may be but they are not very much different from us. they are still humans after all.

when one loses his pillar of support and strength, many grieve with him. others, the minority no less, gloat at his pain.

it is one thing to see MM and PM delivering speeches and being the public figure that they are. seeing their pale face, tears not far from breaking out and unusual wavering speech patterns, hammers home the fact that they are not the supermen that many view them as.

MM Lee
PM Lee
Lee Hsien Yang
Li Shengwu
Lee Xiuqi

我們像一首最美麗的歌曲 變成兩部悲傷的電影
為什麼你 帶我走過最難忘的旅行
然後留下 最痛的紀念品

...

monday night that was a fucking lame excuse wasn't it? while i don't ask for recognition, it still hurts when people forget and then give lame excuses.

no i'm not petty over what it was about. i'm resentful over the notion and principle of the matter. but then again, it is my expectations of others - having high expectations - i really should be prepared for constant disappointment. in this case, i'm not surprised at all.

NSSA conference was good, am quite tired from it but i'm just glad to have gotten a lot of the nitty-gritty details out of the way. it's something i've worked hard to establish, something that has cost me a lot of personal sacrifice yet i feel that there's an urgent need for it which has led me to pressing on.

it's been a long time, 8 months and counting but come december i'll be handing over to a new president. i can only pray and hope that whoever he/she may be continues to build upon what ian and myself have built thus far.

and lastly, you who have been hospitalized. please please please take care. drink heaps of water and rest well. hope to see you soon enough.