longing for you to come back~

time is supposed to heal, but i miss you more and more each day... perhaps i need to pen down my thoughts and words to you.. i wonder if there was someway i could enter posts and make them private.. just selective posts..

everyday i mechanically run through the day's activities, or lack thereof, and accumulate thoughts and words like i usually would, so that i can tell you everything i did, everything i feel... just that now, you're no longer here for me to cal each night and pour my heart out..

i miss your voice, i miss your warmth, i miss your everything...

i love you and we had so many dreams together... why you had to be taken away now, i wont understand.. i can barely breathe and cling onto whatever tried and tested faith i have left to trust that it is all in His plan and His time..

went to the two weddings this weekend, the two that you were supposed to attend as well.. its great cos i'm so happy for them.. but yet its so darn painful cos i think about what ours would have been like.. everyone tells me you would have made it beautiful.. and i think it would have been beautiful just being with you.. i wish you were here, i wish you were here, i wish you could come back.. i can't say it enough, everyday i think it about a thousand times.. i miss you baby, you said you never wanted to lose me.. i told you i never wanted to lose you either.. but i did, though not out of either of our choice, but still a loss so real and painful... baby, what if the roles were switched? u held me together.. and now i'm falling apart.. mustering everything i have within me and all the strength He has given me to hold myself together..

every night, like now, i wish i could say goodnight, and fall aslp in your arms.. your comforting warm arms.. soft, tender, caring, loving, selfless...

its so hard, too hard, harder than anything i've ever been thru.. i wish i could see you in heaven when i close my eyes to sleep..

Lord, please give me strength to live each day, and fill me with your love and joy, in place of this pain of losing both my daddie and my life-partner-to-be...i'm not that strong, i am nothing without You