my cosy colt and cosy cove...

got a little yellow colt last week for my daily ride to and from work..=) its like the beetle-the-2nd. haha.. i think i took a liking to yellow cars after my beetle...

oh and we went to ikea today and got a new wardrobe for my room.. and knowing how cramped and cluttered my already-small bedroom is, we shifted things around and now i have a revamped cosy cove with my bed right by the floor to ceiling windows.. i kinda like it like that and wonder why we didn't do this before.. =p there's a huge empty space by the wall awaiting the arrival of my new wardrobe tomorrow.. goodness knows the massive amount of clothes and stuffs i haf wun fit into my currently filled wardrobes and dresser.. haha..

but it also came with having to say bye to my bookshelf with all my old photos and little sentimental things.. will have to find a new home for them.. some will hopefully continue to be on display and a reminder of all the blessings i had through each stage of my life, while others will prob be sadly given away, or stored in a box of memories to be held out of sight- but still close by, for future reminiscence when i'm old and grey~ =)

words unspoken~

all the sweet words you freely give to others, why couldn't you spare a few for me?

it could have made all the difference.

farewell to the land of the free~

can't believe its my last nite in the states.. tmr i'll be on a plane flying home and starting on a completely new phase of my life.. and i can never look back, i can never come back or relive a single moment that from the past four years..

bleah. sudden nostalgia.. said nites to the girls for the last time in a long while, they've grown so much and am jus wondering how much i'll miss till i next see them,..

am gonna miss lots about these four years once i step on that plane, if i'm not already feeling it now.. the freedom, the independence, being in the same continent as my sister and being able to make free phone calls across the country.. making my own decisions, going where i want when i want, cooking watever i like to eat, whenever i like to eat, then eating in front of my tv, late nite drive throughs, late night hang outs..

i tend to be overly sentimental and i hate goodbyes =(

and this time i'll haf to do it alone...

one last time..

happy toes~

pedis make my feet feel nice and soft again.. until i torture my feet through my love for dancing again, i have happy toes and feet=) yay and thanx for the pedi outing~!

ps. should i get a nano since its cheaper here? or should i be perfectly content with my still functioning nano from 2006 that does all things well except not play videos. hm i guess i could always use my n95 for that huh? *ponder, ponder*

5 days left..

or actually just 4-ish.. left before i head home for good.. well, for the next six years at least.. and knowing how i am with my risk-adverseness and tendencies to stay within the safe and predictable zone.. likely i will stay for the rest of my life unless something drastic occurs within the next decade or so..

alot of thinking going through my head as i spend my last couple of days here, not that i dun usually already think too much for my own good...

am glad at least its time well spent with my sister and the two cutest most adorable little girls in the world..

this time next week i'll really be home.. the thought is kinda surreal..

bunder, bugs and poopies..

some things that we've established meredith really doesnt like- in her very own words..

translation: thunder, bugs and puppies..=P

soo, after what may have been the most hectic month or more of my life thus far (or so i remember it) i'm here in buffalo having my post grad chill-out at my sister's..

so many goodbyes recently, and so many changes, it just makes me wonder where life is gonna take me next.. i just wandered into the other guest room of this house for a little bit, and thought of thanksgiving and christmas time when i came to visit.. that was the room that was my first cosy cove.. didn't spend much time there, but somehow made me think alot.. i'm in the middle of closing one chapter of my life and making my transition into the next big chapter..

well.. now that i'm done with school- possibly forever? - maybe this place might become more alive again..

phew. i can't believe i made it through all that madness.. i can't believe things turned out ok after all that mess.. it's all Him~! if He could carry me through all that, i can or at least should be pretty sure that whatever comes next is in His control.. =p you know, He will really never place you anywhere without the love and strength to make it through..

hah disjointed thoughts--what can i say, i was never a good writer... *shrugs*

Take my heart, I lay it down
At the feet
of You who's crowned
Take my life
Letting go
I lift it up
to You who's throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You, Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have I'm leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
You're my delights
Be my everything

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You, Lord

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will, I will bow down before You
Only You, Lord

And it's just You and me here now
Only You and me here now

And it's just You and me here now
Only You and me here now

You should see the view
When it's only You

the end of week 5 already?

its weird to think that week 5 has ended and i'm halfway through the quarter now.. my final quarter as a student, possibly for the rest of my life..

just ordered my cap and gown for graduation, picked daddie up from SFO this morning and just got back from dropping him off for his flight back home.. hm. the next time i see him i'll have graduated and be officially home for good and about to start work..

then on the way home i was thinking.. wow. i'm starting work in august, that's about just 3 mths away. where was i 3 months ago? its scary to think how long ago that was and how so many things have happened between then adn now, but yet equally if not more scary that it doesn't seem so long ago..

so this time thing.. its really a mystery, i can't decide if it passes fast or slow.. cos it does both, and sometimes mysteriously at the same time too.. can't decide if time is for me or against me.. time heals, but time passes and what's lost is lost forever. So then that reminds me that i really should cherish my time and make the best of it and stretch it to the max, but sometimes when things feel crappy or when i feel i'm hanging in the middle, then i just want time to fly by and bring me to a point where things aren't so uncertain, so unsure..

hm i think way too much for my own good.. its just one of those transitions in life when you know you're not gonna be where you are much longer, you know a new phase is coming up, and you're not quite sure whether to embrace that or not, and hence kinda feeling neither here nor there..

yes. basically hanging in the middle. and yes, basically my mind is doing its useless wandering thing again. hm.

first weekend of spring~

the first weekend of spring is coming to an end!! *Sad*

its been a pretty good (and eventful weekend) tho.. we went up to point reyes yesterday.. gorgeous drive~!! =) we had fresh oysters that had to be shucked ourselves.. and we dropped by the beach for a little.. it was truly a beautifully gorgeous day out..=) 

thank God for the beautiful day and get us safely there and back along hwy1 despite a badly punctured tire and nearly running out of gas~!! haha but yes now i need to go get a new tire.. hopefully they'll do it quick and cheap tmr afternoon..

tmrs the start of a new week in spring.. and the start of holy week too.. am feeling very thankful for everything and everyone around me.. parts of the week in school will prob be tough.. but i'll just rely on His love and grace to get me through the week.. a day at a time and a step at a time..

wonder what the next weekend will bring~? *ponders* 

spring break begins~

finally got done with winter documentation this morning after pulling yet another all nighter.. we called it at 9 and starting printing.. a total of 270+ pages~! 

flying off to buffalo to see jie, kale and the girls tomorrow afternoon.. am kinda glad that school's out and i can go away and take a break from it all.. its been so intense and i know i'm getting better.. the last week or so looked up a little.. even though it was super intense at school and work and stuff.. but all that kept me just going from day to day immersing myself in stuffs.. i -am- glad for a break.. just afraid of the what having nothing in particular to do might summon.. its a slippery slope that leads to the pit of endless pointless thoughts and memories.. 

but ultimately, i'm really thankful for the blessings in my life nonetheless.. my family, jie and mommie and daddie.. for supporting and understanding me all the way, for clarissa who's been a blessing in everyway possible.. for other people in my life who lift me up.. every bit counts and every person counts.. friends here and friends far away...

just need to keep reminding myself--His love never fails, and He will never leave us.. He'll never put us anywhere, without His grace and strength to see us through.. 

messing everything up..

that's wat i feel like i'm doing sometimes...

just when i think its gonna be a better day.. something throws itself at me and makes me think i've messed up again..

i need the light at the end of the tunnel.. i know its coming someday..

stronger than yesterday~

and will strive to achieve that every day! =)

caught a chick flick for the first time in a very long time with clar last nite.. i remember why i luv chick flicks sometimes.. stressless, brainless, fun, and its predictably happy ending is kinda comforting in strange way..

had a pretty productive morning too.. finished a problem set, and helped lesley with a puzzle from the microsoft game.. the people who came up with those puzzles must be geniuses..

managed to catch up with val a little tonite too.. thanx babe.. and finally a couple of liberating minutes dancing tied up the day. =)

am gonna work towards doing more things for myself a little more..

realize that lately i have a thing for fountains..very therapeutic.. constant motion and comforting steady sound... pretty to look at and refreshing to be around.. i like water.. especially moving water.. prob comes from my innate love for beaches and watching its waves..

tied together with a smile

and coming undone...

pulling myself together, then falling apart, over and over again.. i'm just tired.

You are my strength when i am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all..

we danced the night away~

so the ball is finally over.. i remember thinking of it as the highlight of my year at stanford.. along the way it oscillated from being something i really looked forward to, to something i was really apprehensive about.. back and forth, back and forth...

am really thankful though, that it was a great night in the end.. things were as good as i could possibly ask for.. it was definitely the grandest thing i've ever experienced, my first real "ball" where there was tons of great dancing..

so here are some of the few pictures i managed to get with my newly acquired pink camera~! =) more of other better pictures from other ppl's cameras on facebook i think.. these are some snippets for mommie, daddie, jie and my dearies back home, since i've been totally inactive.. decided to surprise you guys=)

and now i have my saturday mornings back... time to take some serious advantage of my weekends..

pretty pink flowers to start the loong day~

girls from opening~

dress rehearsal waltz partner and polka partner~

salseros partner~

my best dip picture of the nite with john from opening~

clar and me..

keeley and me~!

pretty waterfall -in- the hyatt..

this aint a fairytale~

Taylor Swift - White Horse

Say you’re sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
That I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it’s too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

[Chorus]
That I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it’s too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I’m so sorry

Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale
I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it’s too late
To catch me now

well into a new year~

so its well into a new year.. i've skipped the merry christmases, happy new years, and happy CNYs...

and here i am at almost the very end of the first month of 2009.. wow, time really flies huh..

finally took that trip to the beach today.. it was a wonderfully relaxing afternoon by the beach.. there was supposed to be a heat wave this weekend, so the beach was obviously packed.. so just two beaches down we found a little quiet surprise.. a nice little cove by a really high end hotel.. believe it or not they have a nice little public beach access there.. gorgeous blue sky, bright shining sun, wrapped in bundles of sweater and blankie with wind in my hair, fresh fruits and snacks.. really nothing more i could ask for.. wish i could have stayed there and not returned to the real world.. but here i am back in my room, and its time to face the world again..

many things running through my mind- questions, fears, uncertainties, hopes, dreams.. but in all of it i'm sure God is making me a stronger girl. i'm only human and emotions are sometimes overwhelming, and sometimes i just can't hold onto that perfect tranquility of peace surpassing all understanding.. but i'm learning, not by my strength, but by His alone..

taking one day at a time, and greeting each day with a smile~















by the way.. this song just made it to the top of my current faves.. its so sweet it just made my heart totally melt at the last chorus =)

Love Story - Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air

See the lights,
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they know
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real,
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes, oh,

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town I said:

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knealt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said:

Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Cause we were both young when I first saw you