play the game.

around a month ago, i mentioned moving forward and stepping up in life. so far, i started my internship with acta; working two mornings a week, started a part-time job as a waitress; working three to four evenings a week, taking five courses at university this semester, planning a summer school course and graduating in april twenty-ten. decent effort, i would say.
this crazy schedule is keeping me way too busy, but i feel accomplished at the end of each day. being preoccupied keeps ugly thoughts away and keeps my ex-lifestyle in check. now all i have to do is make sure i don't fall behind at university.

"Do you know what I mean by a home? I don't mean a regular home. I mean I don't mean what other people mean when they speak of a home, because I don't regard a home as a... well, as a place, a building... a house... of woods, bricks, stone. I think of a home as being a thing that two people have between them in which each can... well, nest- rest- live in, emotionally speaking..."
- Tennessee William, The Night of the Iguana

beautiful people.

"I wondered if any person is ever free to begin anew, to walk out into the world as if for the first time... If home is where a person is at peace with himself, where he can honestly say there is nowhere else he would rather be..."
- Michael Jackson, At Home in the World

that's alright.

"i can see a positive side to this wilful averting of the eye: ignoring the bad things make it easier for you to carry on. but ignoring the bad things makes you end up believing that bad things never happen. you are always surprised by them. it surprises you that guns kill, that money corrupts, that snow falls in winter. such naïvety can be charming; alas, it can also be perilous."
- Julian Barnes, A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters

pure massacre.

take me down to paradise city.
i keep wanting better.
but there's an endless, tiring way up.
and i succumb to nothingness.
where it is easier to give in.
down, down, down.