in your honour

I am at a lost. I dunno why events that hold significance to me keep occurring at the same period of time. Things always come in drives. And the emotional rollercoaster itself is enough to make my heart stop beating and my lungs+liver working at overdrive.
First of all, it is amazing how this love affair happen and got lost in a snap and a blink. In and out. Over and under. Up and down. Funny how life always throws u something u don’t want but what u want the most, u can never hold it in your hands long enough. I am tired of the bullshit and the games. And I hate the way I always end up giving in.
Second of all, tss has ceased to float anymore. It has sunk, not literally. But it has stopped the programs and operations because it cost too much for the sponsors/investors. Therefore, after a year of changing the lives of hundreds of youths and students, tss has closed its doors because the ugly,evil corporate world was not reaping enough money out of us. I can safely say that I am devastated. The day I found out, I spent the rest of the day in a daze. I know how important the program was to my heart.
So I realised there are certain things more dear to me than others and I should always keep that in my mind and remember what really matters in life.

pink bullets 2

Why does it seem that I always have to go out of my way to prove myself?
It’s as though I’ve to work doubly hard to prove for others too.
I’m tired, really tired of this game.

red rabbits

I wrote this at the airport in Rome a few weeks ago:
The Scholar Ship has ruined me. It has robbed me of my cold-heartedness and independence. It has caused me to be recklessly emotional and permanently longing for companionship. I am now, more than ever, dependent on love and affection. That is not to say, I am not contented with my own company but I require a much longer time to adjust to solitude and independence. Saying last goodbyes and farewells have become an art; so often practiced and uttered with almost fake sincerity and cautious uncertainty because the heart refuse to acknowledge that it will never meet the other again. Unable to spontaneously respond to the overwhelming emotions at every parting, no words could describe the wave of sadness washing over every bone and muscle in my human body. Only the grief in my eyes betray that longing for us to either, have never met or have never left one another. I am undecided whether it is a consoling or a sadistic fact that people from different places and all walks of life each experience personal hardships and struggle almost each day to find true happiness in their own bubbles. At least I am not alone. My life is indeed, currently, in a mess.