please look after you.

I had the sweetest surprise a few days ago that I completely forgot to mention. I received an email from my Peruvian friends. It was lovely to hear updates on what’s going on hundreds of miles away and to know that one of the street children projects I helped set up is successfully launched. They even sent me a website of pictures and information. Incredibly sweet and I couldn’t help smiling to myself. However, knowing how strange good feelings can be for me, I also felt a tinge of sadness creeping inside me. I missed the friends I’ve made in Peru. I missed the way the city functions; the crazy traffic and various means of transport in the city, the hustle, bustle and jostling of the crowds in the markets, the cheap and tasty street food, the beggars and candy-vendors and street children loitering around sidewalks hoping to earn some pity. Most of all, I missed the children (how ironic for me to admit!) but I miss the smiles on their scruffy faces. The genuine hugs and kisses from the little, scrawny bodies clothed in hand-me-downs. Their laughter when they play their simple games; no computer or video games of any sort…just skipping ropes, hopscotch and plastic chips. The way their faces lit up when they receive a tick on their homework. What unpretentious joy! How a short two months have changed me in ways years couldn’t. I wonder if they remember me as well as I remember them in my heart. And I wonder if I have made an impact in their lives as they had hugely in mine. I wish them well from the very, very bottom of my heart.

knocking on heaven's door

so good news is...
i'll be back in sg for 4days in july
22nd-26th
transit from germany to australia.
yayyyyy....
keep ur calendars free.

must get out.

I dunno where and how to begin. Overwhelming is the only word to describe the past week. I went to meet the ship in Amsterdam with a few other friends from the first voyage. It was great meeting up yet I felt a sense of loss because of those that weren’t there. Seeing the ship brought back a lot of memories; and seeing how empty the ship was, I felt so lonely. Walking down the empty hallways and smoking at the empty lido deck. I suppose the weekend in Amsterdam, meeting tss was both a good and bad thing for me. Not good because I think I’m experiencing re-re-entry shock again. Now the sense of loss hits me in the face again. It’s like harsher this time round. I don’t even know how to describe what I’m feeling inside. Some days I just feel like lying down and doing nothing with music playing from my mac. Some days I just wanna get pissed off drunk (like last night which was horrid and the amount of alcohol cost me a liver!). Some days I sit on the train and feel like crying. Some days I want to attend every single class and participate enthusiastically. Some days I look out the window and stare at the dance classes opposite. Most days I glance at my wall, at the pictures from tss and I feel somewhat contented. Some days I think I’m going insane with all these up-and-down emotional changes. And the worst part is, it’s not like I’m bottling up all these emotions inside me and keeping things to myself, I talked about the ship and missing it all the time! Until, sometimes, I think ppl get so sick of hearing tss. Talking about your feelings is supposedly very helpful in dealing with issues BUT it doesn’t seem to be helping me at all. Is that a very bad sign?
It doesn’t help either that I’m having piles of workload from uni. Never thought uni would be this tough. And I just found out today that if I skipped 3 classes, I’m automatically kicked out. That could be a huge problem for me since I already miss two classes each for two courses on Fridays. Added stress.

p/s: i’m quitting.

war on sound

I think I’m officially sick of travelling and living away from home; but where precisely is home? It could very well be in my cute apartment in downtown Bielefeld, or with jo in the bachelorettes’ pad in Adelaide, or my aunt’s place in Singapore, or even cy’s house in KL (but she’s moving to a sweeter place with a pool soon!). so none that I can actually call MY own except here in Germany but it feels too cold to be home. Weather-talk is for ppl with nothing much to say and maybe that’s a sign of superficial friendship or acquaintanceship, or just the close ties pulling apart. Anyway, I have a huge issue with the cold and my mood. I feel very bummed and not 100% when the temperature is below 20degrees Celsius; of course not in Fahrenheit but only the americans use that… you know, always trying to be different. It’s a joke by the way, so no one should take offense. I’m more of a hot person. So I really wish the cold (not the cool) would go away. HAHA. Ok lame. But I cannot wait for spring to really begin here. Bloody global warming or whatever reason for the shitty weather right now.

On the other hand, how can I be sick of seeing the world? Perhaps sick of isn’t the right phrase to use. maybe I’m just tired right now. Cus I know for sure, when I stay in a place for slightly more than a few months, I get restless and have this incessant urge and need to get away. a weekend break, a semester-long cruise, a four-year study abroad, a year-long exchange, a week-long diving trip. Endless list of get-away possibilities, don’t you think?

My class schedule sucks. The fact that I have tues and thurs off makes it a teeny-weeny bit better. It would have been good if my off days were thurs and fri or fri and mon or mon and tues. that way I can have a long weekend for travels. I will make do cus I’m pretty good at self-declared holidays. Heh. So the plan is 18th april I will be heading to Amsterdam for the weekend. Really excited cus it’s gonna be a mini-reunion for TSS. Not many people can make it though cus they’re in the US or Australia or somewhere not in the Europe continent. On the bright side, some is better than none (: maybe about 20 or so of us only. We’ll make the best of it though and my new friends here wanna come along too. I’m sure that will be fine! More people to party with…no complains there. And the best part is, in germany there’s this website where people can arrange to carpool to drive anywhere! Mostly within germany but to other countries in Europe too. So you just split petrol money and it’s much cheaper than flying or taking the train. I sorta made an arrangement with 2 guys to drive to amst and it costs 36euros return..cheap huh? Loving it already. More money for drinks then. I’ve to skip a few classes though but I’m sure that will work out just fine; I’m on exchange anyways and no one really cares.
There’s gonna be one more “holiday” in april, I’ll be heading back to London on 29th april until 7th may to collect my junk that I left there, but that’s a side issue. The better reason is to hang out with my loves: wf, em, t, kums, ck, and maybe jon? And, I’m going up to Cardiff or bath to see more tss ppl that I missed the last time round in the UK. Since I’m going to be there for a week this time, I will travel outta London. Got pretty cheap return flights of 40euros; but to and fro to the airport might end up costing another 30euros or sth. Oh well, London is further and I wouldn’t want to sit in a car with strangers for one whole day. So no hitch-hiking or carpooling option there. Before I leave euroland, I definitely plan to visit Italy for 2 weeks or so. fuck school. I already skipped so many classes with amst and London that a few more wouldn’t hurt. Hello to rome, Venice, Pisa and whatever hot city they have there. These are the things I’m looking forward to and not really classes.

Not to imply that classes have been bad, so far, I had 2 “official” classes for my exchange cus I’m not counting my 2-week intensive German course. No fret cus my other classes on philosophy and politics are in English so I wouldn’t have problem understanding. I’m just not use to going to proper classes since I haven’t done that in almost a year. 11 months to be exact. Phew! Hope I get back into the rhythm. Lah-di-dum. Gonna be having 6 classes of 2hours each every week; German, science medicine politics, normativity, on liberty and democracy transnationalism citizenship. That isn’t too harsh at all. Und ich habe das ist alle sage. (oh that might be grammatically wrong German).

Guten Nacht!