goodbye?

It’s the very last night onboard MV Oceanic 2. The official vessel name for The Scholar Ship. I just came back from the bar. The party is still going on but I just needed to express myself in words before I go back up to spend the last few hours with the people I’ve grown to love so much. I cannot imagine how fast we’ve made connections and the beautiful relationships that flourish.
It’s been that long since I’m this emotional. And I knew I would not shed a tear prior to the closing ceremony. But I truly surprised myself. I’ve been sobbing like a child. Every person I hugged and kissed tonight and looked right in the eye; I felt the pain and the loss there and then. The fact that we are from different parts of the world just make it impossible that we’ll be in the same place at the same time ALL together ever again. And the harsh of that really hit me.
How do I wake up every morning and not cross the hallway to wake Gioel up or annoy Daniel bright and early in the morning?
How can I not walk pass any person and not recognise them?
How do I go through every day without receiving hugs and kisses at least 10 times a day?
How will I know when I’ll meet certain very significant people ever again?

And even if some of us do see one another again, how will we know if the feeling we share now will be the same? How different the context of the situation would be?

Invitation (by Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments

evolve

i guess this had got to be my longest break from blogging ever.
it feels kinds great to be disconnected from the outside world for awhile.
i'll be in shanghai tmr. it's getting pretty chilly out.
suppose that means shopping in china cus i dun have winter clothes with me.
cus, u know, why would i be shopping if i dun have a good excuse?
....
right.
goodbye, come tmr.


i'll be arriving in sg on 28th dec, 12.20am.
likely to go to kl on 3rd or 4th jan.
perhaps for 3 weeks.
germany exchange next sem is still unconfirmed.
that's the updates for now.

there's alot of things going on onboard.
but the thing is, i can't explain everything in a blog.
i dunno. i dun think i can describe the experiences in a few sentences or even words
how do u sum up 4 months in a few hours?
how do u incorporate the friendships, the insights, the frustrations, the happiness, the parties, the people, the countries?
these 4 months are not like other 4 months,
just cus things keep on happening.
the environment keeps on changing.
the drama keeps on playing out.
the party venues keep on changing.
the weather keeps switching.

see, it's gonna be a long long story to tell.
if ppl can listen for as long.