just to let you know..

think aaron's cause for sharks and fight against sharks fins have rubbed off me. i felt so pissed when someone told me she had sharks fins recently..i was like..NO! that's cruel!...because u know how they kill the sharks rite? 200million sharks are killed each year for their fins. the fishermen will catch the shark, bring it up to their boat, fin it and to reduce the weight of their boats, they throw the finless shark back to the ocean. all this while the shark is still alive!! so without fins, what can the shark do? it can't swim. and cus it can't swim, it'll sink lower and lower into the ocean until the pressure is so high under there that it just dies. either that or it drowns first. although some may argue that..who cares? sharks attack humans and they are dangerous. it's better that they are killed off first. c'mon..usually shark doesn't attack humans unless we provoke them AND we are invading their territory in some sense. the sea does belong to them..we belong on land. but they dun chase us away by attacking every diver or surfer rite?




p/s: i think it's me rite? i'm sorry i've disappointed u. i really am. i guess i'm just trying to grasp what's happening all around me although i'm desperately failing. and somewhere along the way, i gave up on alot of things i used to have or own...dreams, hopes, morals. i just dunno what life can throw at me anymore. so sometimes i rather not think b4 i do anything. cus i dun care anymore. but since some ppl around me sometimes do, i'll try to be a better person but i can't promise. i dun think i can guarantee anything.

hat party!

hat party @ vic hall

eddie with the afro hair! haha..i tried it on too but the pics look sooo unglam, i dun wanna put it up!

de, ivy, susan and me..hot anot?

group pic! hahaa...it turned out to be quite a fun event!

redang!

redang...

beautiful sunrise eh? (:

the divers! nicolas is missing...

my feet! haha..dunno y i took also. love the feeling of sand between my toes

pretty rite? the place was gorgeous (:

ben n jerry's

yay!! gonna meet the sticks tmr for ben n jerry's ! so excited! they finally opened in s'pore..haha. that means i'm gonna put on weight which means i've to start running. i shall start today. (:

alevels in less than 2 weeks. and i dun feel a thing. hmm..perhaps i dun really give a damn anymore. oh well..i'll be happy if i dun get any D's and below. only C and above then i'll be contented. not alot to ask rite? so guess i'll just have to mug my ass off the remaining two weeks and hope for the best.


i guess i took for granted that u'll always be around.

helpp!!!

HELP! i'm freaking being held hostage on msn. let me go to sleep. pleasssseee. i want my beauty sleep! grrrrrrrr. my brain is failing on me already larrr. but ur story quite interesting actually. i meant gossip. but enough man....*yawns* let me go to sleeeeeep.

wake up!

gaaaaaaaaaaaaah! et!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck et! what r u doing??? wake up. i just can't peel myself away from the com and surfing and chatting. there are alot of ppl i need to catch up with. or so i think. ishhh. nvm.

just realised that as i grow up, i've gotta learn to let go more. guess in life it's all bout hellos and goodbyes afterall. it's inevitable even if i despise it so much. i just gotta learn to adapt to it and accept reality. and i know...for some..no matter how much i wanna hang on and hang on and hang on, i've to let u go one day. i dread that day but i know it'll come sooner or later. and when it does come, i would break down. no. i think i'll let the realisation hit me first then i'll cry for my loss. for the good times we shared. for the laughter smiles and support all these yrs. for the tears and listening ears...for everything.

last day.

ooh ooh. finally got my bday pics up! since the connection's been pretty good these days (:
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8ActGrVs3cNX3Q
the first part was some random kl pics on my bday and the behind part are my pretty pretty presents. go check it out. i painstakingly went to add descriptions for each pic. haha.


anyway so today is the last day of school. whew! finally. farewell assembly was pretty good. except for some singing. yeah..quite touching some parts and the video clips they made for us are really good and interesting. oh well..our very very last vj assembly and official school day. 3 more weeks to Alevels. just 3! ahhh! it's so close. and i have yet to start mugging. just can't seem to get into the swing of things. boo. but somehow, part of me dun give a damn bout grades anymore. i mean, i do imagine the disappointment i'll face when i receive my results but think about it...10yrs down...it won't matter for me. it's like olevels. get so many As for wat? now oso no one cares. so in the future ppl will only ask for my uni degree and not my alevel grades. chanks have reminded us again today that at the end of it all..grades are not that impt. and i choose to believe him. afterall, he has been thru this stage not too long ago. i suppose it's hard for us to believe him now cus we've all been brainwashed that we have to clinched all the As but when we're working etc we'll know he was right. took darn alot of class pics today...my cheeks are numb from all the smiling..haha. it's been a good day. we went swenson's for lunch...part of the class lar...we had pretty good conversations and i'm glad we had this opportunity to bond one last time. from the suan-ing to serious talks bout our ambitions. i actually got to know these bunch of classmates better. we spend almost 3hours there! haihz...wish we had more time for these makan and talk sessions!!!

here by me

I hope you're doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you...
And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.
I can't take another day without you
'Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long, just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
Sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love...
As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you're not here

-3doorsDown. here by me

today

today. i realised everyday conversations with ppl can actually teach me alot. sometimes it just serves as a wake up call or sometimes it just hits u at the head or at the heart. maybe sometimes when u know something but u just refused to acknowledge it, ur mind just doesn't want to admit it until someone else comes to warn u about it. these are the little 'eye-opening' casual conversations i actually enjoy.

it's funny how after so many years, i still find it awkward and lost to talk about it. sometimes i just wanna avoid it completely and trust me, most of the time i do. i automatically change subject. i'm pretty good at it now. but sometimes, i feel bad. it's like u should have the right to know. after so long, u should not be kept in the dark. it's more like guilt-conscience sometimes. but sometimes, i'll open up at the beginning just cus i'm in the mood too or i sense that we have a connection somehow. and sometimes, it cus u nvr asked.

all these talks about the future. i realised that i'm not alone. every other person is thinking about the same thing and probably have put equal thought into it if not more. and this stressing dilemna? everyone has the same questions but no definite answer. we just have to find the courage within us to take the leap and the risk. cross our fingers and wish for the best. our dreams may just come true. just believe and put ur heart and soul to achieve ur goal. find happiness if possible.

redang rocks.

came back from redang on sunday night. it was an amazing dive trip. everything was just beautiful. on the way there, i was like thinking...omg 10hours journey there. ahh..drifted in and out of sleep on the bus. but when i arrived there..when i saw the island..the resort and the waters..i was like.. wtf!!! this is paradise man. who cares about the 10hr journey anymore? it was all worth it! (: *sighs in contentment* the only bad side was that the water (as in the drinking water) tastes so funny...like it has this salty taste. which actually is cus of the chemicals they put to sanitise the water. they take water from the streams there. oh well..besides that minor part, redang rocks like hell! whoah..i wanna go back there now. now. now. saw many many sting rays...big ones. small ones. blue spotted ones. a turtle swam towards me. it was so close..i wanted to reach out to touch it. saw 3 black tip sharks. baby ones. then on the boat trip back..we saw a group of dolphins!!!! the corals were damn pretty. there was a greater variety of marine life here then in aur actually. the feeling u get when u are underwater is undescribable. i guess even if it is..i dun have any words to describe it. it's just breathtaking. i love diving. u feel as if u r in another world. and u dun own the world. many times i think humans think they are the greatest and they own everything..especially certain ppl who think so damn fucking highly of themselves. but when u are underwater..it's as if u r a visitor or an intruder. u have tread carefully and everything u touch..it's as if u r asking permissions to. u feel so small yet u appreciate the wonder of it all. u have to really experience diving to know what i was feeling. i guess i sorted some stuff out when i was there. the ppl i met on the trip and the things i saw there really opened my eyes. there is so much more out there than good grades and being accepted to an ivy league. i figured i'll be satisfied earning enough to pay bills and rent, go for dive trips and an annual holiday to some exotic country. i dun need to have a 5-figure salary to be happy. so fuck society's pressure and their perception. fuck other ppl's expectation. give me compressed air and dive gear anytime. haha.

rush.

i wish there was a white wall for me to splash out all my pent up emotions and feelings. i'll have black paint for misery, red for anger, green for envy, yellow for regrets, blue for sadness, purple for unforgiveness. imagine what it would look like. perhaps one day i would find a place which provides me white walls. perhaps.


dunno why. but when u wished me happy birthday, i was pleasantly surprised and elated. out of all the wishes i received, urs was the one that made me smile the widest. it's been so long.


leaving for redang tmr. can't wait to get away. i think i need it to sort out some stuff. life's been pretty rough lately for no particular reason at all. perhaps just fear of change. or the fear of fear itself.

a nameless passerby

quidam on sat was unbelievable. the music, the costumes, the make-up, the whole thing left me speechless. i was awestruck! hahaa..it really was the prettiest performance i've watched since alegria. it's like whoah! i love the german wheel and the chinese yo-yo act. plus the skiping ropes one. and the hula hoop one. and the..well the list could go on and on. everyone should go watch it if they've got the chance too!




everybody leaves
they come and go
so tired of hellos and goodbyes
fake smiles
real tears
when will all these stop?



i figured..i mean i thought about it over the past few days and suddenly it just struck me. i won't be happy. anywhere. i try to believe all these while that if i could get away, i would be happy. but i realised that no matter where i go, kl or s'pore or even aust, anywhere...i would not be happy anyway. i guess it's lucky that cy's fren had no supply of weed that day cus i know it gives u a sense of happiness and perhaps with my yearning to feel happy, i would get addicted. perhaps not either, i've got sense. true bliss. it's been so long since i've felt truly happy and contented. i can barely remember how it feels. it was 10 years ago. now something somewhat is always missing. u dun get it, do u? it's something u would nvr understand. i try to let go. i want to move on. but i can't. is that so my fault?
i can't wait for alevels to end. that's what i always say BUT after that? then wat? things are not gonna get better. it would be worse cus then nothing is certain anymore. at least back then i had the privilege of not having to make decisions or look at the bigger picture...i knew after olevels is alevels. and it'll be paid for in singapore. but after this..after alevels..then wat? then wat? where do i go? i've to decide. wat should i major in? i've to think. everything is me. what do i want?




i admit it. i'm lost. i dun even remember who i was before. who am i? do u know? do u rmb? did u get to know the real me? or just someone else?