winners.

lemme see. i've been to 3finals to support these past few weeks. bball gals. tennis gals. soccer boys. we all won 2nd place for all 3 of them ie. we lost in the finals. the energy in each game was tremendous. MOST cheered their hearts out and the school spirit was really felt during those few hours of the game. and i suppose it's really sad to disappoint so many ppl. the intense pressure on you to perform. but in the end, you can nvr change what happened. you can replay the whole event in your mind over and over again and wished you did something different but it doesn't change the fact or reality of what happened.

something shawn ang said on the bus yesterday.."sometimes it's unfair. you may train harder than the other team but in the end you may not win." which led me to think about my own training. kayak. we (fine, not all..exception of a few..or one gal maybe) train alot. i feel. i train about 4/5 times a week? but in the end, is it all worthwhile? will we produce good enough results? shawn said that it is fulfilling to push urself to the max and compete and see where u stand after so much intense training. i suppose so. but the journey is so tough and filled with obstacles and sometimes giving up seem to be a much easier option. one thing i feel (and many other ppl) is that the college places so much emphasis on results and getting the championship that the process of attaining the medals is not important. to them, it IS the destination, not the journey. BUT to us, the trainings and the time we spent together as a team meant much more than any gold. we bonded, we gel-ed, we got along well and we had fun. we worked hard TOGETHER. we inspire one another. we spurred one another. we motivated one another. if we got gold without all these, would it have felt truly satisfying? would we have been able to share the joy with others? would we have felt the effort put in by EVERYONE contributed to our win?

macritchie.

k1. k1. k1.
the shaky, unstable, easily capsizable boat.
maroon on top.
yellow bottom.
the vj colours.
tiger.
the boat i've been training on the past 3 weeks! the boat that i capsized from and had to climb back in, ever so unglamly.
the boat that made me capsize in the horrendously gross, carcass-filled, oily water of dirty kallang river!
ugh.
i nvr tot i would be crazy enough to try k1.
but it's not crazy. it's possible to balance on that ultra slim boat.
if only u think u can.
confidence played a huge part for me to be able to balance in just one session.
bleahz. k1.
now i'm capsizing again! not filling the empty boat with water to help me stabilize better.
attempts to sprint.
):
but i'm really super slow when i do my usual "paddle-and-balance" strokes.
ahhh.
train. train. train.
1, 2, 4, 6.
train, train, train, more training!

after training..

was supposed to go down for water yesterday but it was raining and the princess refused to go water with me..ok fine..she didn't refuse..we both decided to go gym instead. kena colding by tan yh cus i was wearing my bright blue reebok shorts in the gym..in the end had to borrow char's pink asics shorts which i still insist is big! ANYWAY AS I WAS HAPPILY WALKING BACK TO GYM..DAN POH CAME UP TO TELL ME I WAS FAT!!!! et is fat? i was horrified! and then HE TOLD ME I LOOK LIKE A BALL OF MEAT! omg! i stomped off in disgust..and glared at him the reast of the afternoon..refusing his blackcurrent + cranberry juice with aloe vera bits..which carol gladly finished up! haha. but i was just playing along, dan..of cus i wasn't angry! hahaa..sorry to make u so worried and feeling bad. but u were so cute when u look so anxious and worried that i just had to play along and let u suffer the guilt. anw, sarah encouraged me! hahaa.

we (princess A+B and me) went to shop for tim's and ed's present in pp after tt since shawn ang refused to let us visit him at his house. tsk tsk. so sad rite? unwanted! we got really nice presents for them which i'm sure they'll love to bits and pieces. hahaa. and i had the honour of wrapping them up! so pretty now with ribbons and all. *grins*

at mph i saw this really interesting book 'the sad truth about happiness' *hint* + lotsa of hints!!!!!!!! it's by anne giardini i think!!!!! something bout finding the happiness in life..sarah said it sounds like my blog just tt the english was better. hmmph.

love this song!!!!!

i lurve this song to bits!!! reminds me of the good times i had in kl last weekend. (:

TWISTA- HOPE

Man I know we had a lot of tragedies lately
I just wanna say rest in peace to Aaliyah
Rest in peace to Left-Eye, rest in peace to Jam Master Jay
And everybody lost in the Twin Towers, and everybody lost period
All we got is hope..

[Verse 1: Twista]
I wish the way I was livin' could stop
Servin' rocks, knowin' the cops is hot when I'm on the block
And I - wish my brother would've made bail
So I won't have to travel six hours to see him in jail
And I - wish that my grandmother wasn't sick
Or that we would just come up on some stacks and hit a lick (I wish)
And I - wish my homies wouldn't have to suffer
When the streets get the upper hand understand we lose a brother
And I - wish I could go deep in the zone
And lift the spirits of the world with words within this song (I wish)
And I - wish I could teach us all to fly
Take away the pain out your hands and help you hold 'em high
And I - wish God had never gave the men power
To be able to hurt the people inside the Twin Towers (I wish)
And I - wish God would've turned they hearts righteous
When they started to take innocent lives and become snipers
But uh - we will never break though they devastate
We shall motivate, and we gotta pray, all we got is faith
Instead of thinkin' about who gon' die today
The Lord is gon' help you feel better so you ain't gotta cry today
Sit at the light so long
And then we gotta move straight forward cause we bite so strong
So when right go wrong
Just say a lil' prayer, get your money man, life goes on... (Let's go)

[Chorus: Cee-Lo]
Cause I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today
Take this music and use it, let it take you away
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but - that's okay
Just be hopeful

[Verse 2: Twista]
I wish that you would show some love
Instead of hatin' so much when you see some other people comin' up (I wish)
I wish I could teach the world to sing
Write some music and have them trippin' off the joy I bring
Shit - I wish that we can hold hands
Listenin' instead of dissin', lessons from a grown man (I wish)
And I - wish the families that lack but got love
Get some stacks, brand new shack, and a 'Llac that's on dubs
And I - wish we could keep achieving wonders
See the vision of the world through the eyes of Stevie Wonder (I wish)
You feel me - and I hope all the kids eat
And don't nobody in my family see six feet - ya dig?
I hope the mothers stand strong
You can make it whether you with him or your man's gone (I wish)
And I - wish I could give every celly some commissary
And no popo bring the heat on our peace like they did R. Kelly
And I - wish that D.O.C. could scream again
And bullets could reverse and Pac and Biggie breathe again
Shit - and one day they can speak again
I wish that we only saw good news every time we look at CNN
I wish that enemies could talk
And that Super-homie Christopher Reeve could still walk (I wish)
I wish that we could walk the path stay doin' the right thing
Hustle hard so them kids maintain up in the game (Let's go)

[Chorus: Cee-Lo]
Cause I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today
Take this music and use it, let it take you away
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but - that's okay
Just be hopeful

[Verse 3: Twista]
Wish the earth wasn't so apocaliptic
I try to spread my message to the world the best way that I can give it
We can make it, always so optimistic
If you don't listen, gotta live my life the best way that I can live it
I pray for justice when we go to court
Wish it was all good so the country wouldn't have to go to war
Why can't we kick it and just 'em on
And in the famous words of Mister King, 'why can't we all just get along?'
Hope we can find a better way to shop in peace
And I - hope we find a better way to cop for keys
And I - wish everybody would just stop and freeze
And ask - why are fulfilling these downfalls and these prophecies
You can be wrong if it's you doubtin'
With the faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains
And only the heavenly father can ease the hurt
Just let it go and keep prayin' on your knees in church (Let's go)

[Chorus: Cee-Lo]
Cause I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today
Take this music and use it, let it take you away
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but - that's okay
Just be hopeful

decisions

all or nothing.
decision making totally sux.
to commit or not.
to sacrifice or not.
am i disciplined enough?
will i not give up halfway?
will i be wasting more time, energy and effort?
would i be pushing for nothing?
would i be self-deluded?
am i doing the right thing in the end?

screwed. like really.

ahh!!! couldn't finish watching oc OR one tree hill just now. so pissing! living in the hostel really sux. b's apartment seem so much better and feels more like a home. so tempted to share apartment with b and wf. their brilliant ingenious idea of sharing a place if i go back to kl next year is great!!!! i'm sooo looking forward to it. but currently, i dun even know where i'll be next yr. i hate this feeling of not knowing where i'll be. the uncertainties and insecurities. i know i want to to back to kl (or do i?)...i'm scared that i'll not adjust back. or the system ain't good for me. or i'm wasting my time with a not-so-gd education? i really dunno.but life is all about taking risks rite? so guess should listen to b and do wat makes me happy. happiness should always come first rite?

i'm just asking myself alot of questions. none of which i know the answer to cus i can't predict the future. future is so uncertain that it scares me. wat lies ahead on the road for me. as i think about wat could go wrong, i realised that nothing could be worse than the shit i've been thru. i guess i lived the hell of my life already. so there really is nothing to be afraid of. watever comes my way only affects me! i've no responsibility to anyone and neither does anyone to me. so basically i'm alone on my own and watever happens i've to bear the consequences myself. which in turn makes decision making so tough...i already am fickle! wth.

after alevels, there are only a few practical options..more like viable ones:
1. go back kl and do twinning
2. try to continue asean scholarship in s'pore (but i'll be bonded for dunno how many years)

option 1 is more freedom and seems to be the "happier" choice but relatives disagree. they think kl is oh-so-jam and inefficient. but do they know it's home? option 2 is free so money prob is settled.

i know ppl have their probs but sometimes they just seem so small and insignificant to mine. which is true but i guess diff ppl experience diff things in life and their level of devastating is far below mine. i think i've already arrived at the epitome of devastation. oh well, maybe not epitome but pretty high up.