i dunno anything anymore

i'm so unsure. i dunno wat i want or wat i need. i know my life is screwed. it may not seem so to u... or u... or u. i'm in a state of confusion. i dun have a direction..an aim..an ambition..a goal..a dream. ppl say, those without dreams are those who who have no future. so i supposed i've got nothing. honestly, i've got nothing. come to think of it, i've nothing left in me. besides my oh-so-pathetic "worldly possesions" which means nothing to me in the end. i'm living my life with no reason. no hopes. no dreams to fulfill. no wishes. no promises to keep.

self-conflict

i wonder why. i think. i question.

but no one would answer me. not because they dun want to. but they dunno the answer. they are searching for it too.

there are so many questions about life.

the ultimate one is likely to be the reason for existence.

the joy of being single

"Single"
I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole
Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up
you either got it or you don't

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

Everything in it's right time
everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way
it's my way

so..dun bug me about not liking anyone at the moment. or about not having a bf or crush alrite? i like it this way now..maybe cus of past experiences? or maybe the right one hasn't tumbled along my path just yet. but..i'm fine about it. i dun wanna rush into this. i'm not gonna be like..."everyone has got one..so why not u?" kinda thing. i've changed. maybe more grown up? more mature? i dunno. but i'm proud for doing wat I want and not letting others affect me. (:

post-promos

promos exams are finally o-v-e-r and done with it. i nvr thought these period would actually come. exams are seriously the worst times of one's life. nvr felt so down and on the verge of breaking down and giving up. i'm glad is over and i can't wait for the hols to begin. haven't blog for a long time. and alot has been going on plus alot of thoughts have been runnin through my head. i dunno where to begin.

i guess everything i am feeling or doing now is affected by my past and wat i went thru. how i react to certain situations or perceive certain things. i can't help it. we are moulded by our past rite? our characters are based on wat we went through in life. so..i wish ppl wouldn't judge and assume that everything around me is perfect and flawless. that i should be contented and happy always. i mean..haven't anyone realised that sometimes i'm faking it all? that all these are just a mask that i put on everyday? that i'm so vulnerable that i dare not even show my true being? just sometimes.

hate it when ppl accuse me of something i am not. assume that my situation is this or that when it isn't. just stop all these.

smack-a-roo

can't wait for all these shit to be over. 3 more days and counting and i think i exhausted all my energy for studying. i dun wanna study chem. but i know my responsibilities and i have to produce some results. sometimes, i guess, we gotta do things we dun wanna do, not that we are forced to or anything but we are just obliged to; maybe cus it is the only way of things we know how to go by and it's the familiarity of it all that makes us feel at ease and comfortable just sticking by it. for me, sometimes i just wanna breakaway from it all, move away from all these familiarity and venture into the unknown BUT i pull back cus i'm scared, i've got no netting to fall back on, i dunno if i can pick myself up if i ever fall and i'm just afraid of wat is hidden ahead of the road. then i wonder..maybe this coward in me is refraining me from being wat i wanna be and achieving my hopes and dreams. at the end of it all, i honestly dunno wat to do. to breakaway and face the unknown or keep to familiarity of it all and remain safe.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost