hello... again.

So, I doubt anyone ever reads this because I never ever write on it. But, after reading about a dozen other peoples blogs, I thought that maybe I should write something on mine, just in case someone/somewhere cares.

In two years I haven't decided if my life has changed or stayed the same. Gotten better, or gotten worse. Maybe a little bit of both, regarding both. I now am a mommy - the best title in the entire world. Also, one of the most exhausting titles. Still a teacher, wife, sister, daughter. I don't know if I am any better though at any. I continue trying to be/do my best only to find that I am failing in all regards. I can't do it all and it frustrates me. But, I am trying. I am doing what I can and moving on.

My Family

A REVIEW OF THE PAST FOUR YEARS.... Sophomore Part 1

This school year started off very well. We (Danielle, Jess, Katie, Amie, Kaylie, and I) were in a great huge apartment, it wasn't campus housing, so we felt so big. And we were determined to make it a good year. Danielle and her mom were adamant about trying to make this apartment more like a home and much more comfortable for us with decorations and all. We put our pictures up on the wall and our living room was all coordinated-like, we had a quote book where we were to "live the dream," by the end of this semester we had even written up a contract about how we were going to be more social and go outside our comfort zone and be outgoing. This semester Danielle and I hiked the "Y" for the first, and second time, and started a trend of making sure we made it up a few times each semester. It was good exercise, it was good to get out and about, smell the fresh air, and forget about school. Greg (FHE brother from freshman year) went with us here in this picture.
Robbie went with us too. However, with Robbie it was a little more traumatic considering that it was raining and I got this honkin' bruise on my leg from falling - didn't rip any pants though. Robbie was good company for me, Joey had left and I needed a friend who understood. We went running together from time to time this semester and made sure to check up on each other to ensure that the other was still alive and doing well. Robbie actually set me up with my first date after Joey which was to go to BYU's Homecoming. The boy that asked me was in Robbie's ward, he was really nice, and I never saw him again. (and sorry to say, I can't even remember his name to write it in here, but he is pictured here) Jill and I also talked from time to time this year. It was really nice to have her there to understand and learn and grow with.

My family, like always, was awesome and we spent many days and evenings and good times together. I love them all so much and am so grateful for what I have learned from them. I don't know, with Teri, Brynn, Chad, Maya, John, Jesse and Duke now living far away, and probably for a long time I realize how much I appreciated them here close. How they approached life, the advice they had to offer, the time we had to play together and be little girls together. College was a good time for me to learn from all of them.
Joey was still on his mission, and every week I waited for his letters. My roommates teased me because I was always going out to the mailbox on Wednesdays (if I remember correctly) to see if they mailman had come yet and if there wasn't a letter there Thursdays and Fridays I was pretty much glued to the mail that came waiting for my letters to arrive. I swooned over the letters. Reading them once quickly, reading them twice laughing, third time crying and usually one or twice more either just because or as a reference while writing my letter to him for the week. I wrote lots of letters that first semester. I felt guilty only writing Joey (even though that is the only one I really really wanted letters from in return) because he was on a mission and I couldn't be his girlfriend anymore. So I wrote all the boys, Mason, Matt, Brendan, Brandon (eventually Robbie), a few times random other people, Nate, Ryan, David. My college life was filled with this event as well (writing sister missionaries as well), but it was the most prevalent this year. And was certainly an event that influenced my outlook, and my actions, and emotions through this time in my life. I still knew that I loved Joey, but I felt this guilt that I shouldn't because he was on a mission. I felt like I should be dating other people, that I should not be taking so much time to write, that I should be focused on other things in my life. It was a debate 'til the end to be honest. I did enjoy getting pictures and letters though from this one. I loved seeing his smile.
Jen had a job that she had to be to at FOUR in the morning and then school and then homework and then bed fairly early so she could get back to work so EARLY in the morning. Anyways, she is amazing, and has done so many wonderful things. (I don't remember when what happened, all I know are the events that happened and that she is amazing and that we spent time together this semester, so I am sharing it all with you now.) She went on a study abroad, she worked at Oakcrest (a girls camp), she went on a mission, and is amazing. Always has the best attitude, always is working hard, and I am excited that she gets home pretty quick here from her mission so we can catch up.
I had some pretty amazing FHE brothers this semester. There were four of them, John, Tyler, Brady, and Josh. They were so much fun. All had just gotten home from their missions, and had such different personalities. They were so strong in the gospel and as an apartment that was appreciated. We had fun together. Watched out for each other and helped each other grow. Our FHE sisters were pretty amazing too, Mena and Chara. I had so much that I needed to learn from them. I am so grateful that the Lord put us all in the same place at the same time to help one another.
This is one of the fun activities that we did as a FHE group, carving pumpkins! Tyler and I tried to make our work of art. I'll be honest, I don't remember how it turned out, but I guess that means that it wasn't spectacular or awful, so can't complain there.
Us girls went to the ward Halloween party and had a blast. Came home and continued party-ing. I guess it just goes to show that we had lots of fun together that semester. I think we all grew up, grew closer, and realized how much we needed each other. People that were in our same situation, and roommates are different than friends like in high school, because now not only are they your friends, but they are the people that you live with and work around and care about basically like family. It was fun.
That Thanksgiving our ENTIRE family got together, it was AWESOME! We had to document it, although none of us quite look our best, who knew how long it was going to be until it happened again (Dec 2009 - over 2 years) Aren't we so cute though! I love my family and am grateful for the gospel that allows for us to be together for eternity.
Aren't they so cute! Tate, Court, Maya, Lorali, Kepler, Sianna, Brynn, and Ethan. We have all grown since then, but I remember them like this still today at times. My parents' grandchild count has almost doubled (wait until March and it will) since then.

More fun at our apartment. Scott, a home teacher of a few of the girls, was awesome. He always offered to take out our trash or to listen or tell us funny stories, or - as pictured here - to sword fight with us. (this picture is actually out of order, it should be after our sleepover, where we sword fought there, and then had so much fun that we decided to bring the swords back to our apartment for the last few weeks of school to help us get through finals. BUT, I wanted to talk about the awesome Home Teachers that we had at Regency, and continued to have the whole two years we were there. I would have to say that at least one set of the home teachers that visited our apartment each month were pretty good the entire time that we were there.)
We continued our tradition of decorating, from baseball season to Christmas. It was fun to have a home. It was nice to have something worth doing for each other to please one another. We celebrated birthdays, and laughed and cried with each other. Here we are in one of our prouder moments - our present door, it was awesome!
Don't we just look so freakin' snazzy and awesome and amazing. It's cause we are! We all went over to my parents for a sleep over (not that we didn't have one every night, but we went out to eat at a nice restaurant and then had a night out/off and played together up in Draper). Pictured here we were all pulling a 'Jess.' I still think she is the only one that can pull it off.
One of the worst parts of the whole semester was the fact that Danielle decided that she was going to leave us for England on a study abroad, she was gone for a year because she had to go home to earn the money to be able to go and then the semester abroad. It was so sad to have her go after we had become so close. Luckily we were able to stay close friends through the distance and I'm glad that she was able to "live her dream." That was our goal for the year, and she did it. She did what she wanted to and knew that she would only have this one opportunity in her life to do - livin' the dream. That last week before she headed home, finals and all we took the time to go to lunch together just the two of us, and say good-bye. The semester ended, that first semester of Organic Chemistry ended with it and Winter semester was going to bring with it a few changes: no more Danielle as a roommate, but instead Melissa, a great friend of mine from classes we had had together; less pity, and more moving on. Anyways, more on that with the next segment.Overall, it was a very good Fall Semester, a wonderful start to Sophomore year.

A REVIEW OF THE PAST FOUR YEARS: Freshman part 3 - Summer

The summer started off still spending lots of time with Joey. We both moved home and neither of us had jobs because a) he was going to Brazil and b) I had a busy summer planned as well. He was so close to heading off on his mission, but we enjoyed the time we had together. I planned our last date together and the next day he gave a farewell talk. More on that next, first details about that last date: Rodizzio Grill in SLC, then to the gateway (which didn't turn out like planned), but that was ok because we were able to walk down town together and talk about life and the future. Now that we are where we are it seems very foretelling what we talked about but at the time it was all very abstract. We talked about some-days and ifs and what we wanted in our future. We both hinted to the fact that we wanted the other in the picture we painted for ourselves but never clearly stating it. I think it was better that way. Neither of us wanted the night to end and so went for a drive and parked after getting closer to home. It was nice to keep talking, however we couldn't put off the fact that it was time to go home any longer. It was time to start putting a cap and close to this time of our lives. It was heart wrenching and many tears followed.

Like I said, the next day many people gathered to commence the fact that Joey was headed out to Brazil for the next 24 months. It was a busy day with lots of people and his family didn't really want to give him up, so there wasn't too much time for us. To be honest, it was probably better that way, and I knew I had already stolen him from them the night before. I was already in Spring Classes at BYU again and when the next day came, Monday night Joey was set apart. Joey came over to my house (parents were on some sort of adventure across the world, so I was alone at the house) the hour before this morbid event occurred. I think we both cried the whole time and realized that this was the last time that we would see each other. We both knew there was a possibility that this was the last time that we would ever be this close. We both knew that everything was going to be different from then on. Neither of us wanted it to end. It had been a really good six months that we had been together. A good time in our lives. When it came time for him to leave I decided I had to compose myself and couldn't let the last image he had of me be with my bawling. He got in the van, pulled out, and didn't get to the corner of my street before I felt like my world had collapsed. I knew it was right. I knew he was supposed to leave and go serve the Lord, but I hated it. I hated that I was left behind and that everything was going to change. I'm crying just remembering the hurt and pain that I felt. I cried the next hour before I realized that I couldn't be alone the whole night. I called April and her and her family came over that night and slept over. I was a wreck, I really was. I missed him already so much. And it hadn't even been 24 hours. He hadn't even left his family yet. Tuesday I went to school thinking about him every minute. His parents called me on their way home from the airport after dropping him off and told me all that had transpired in the past few hours. And I lived off of that.

Luckily, that night the Finley's invited me over to give me something that Joey had left for me (his first letter and a gift which I carried with me most of the next 24 months). They were so nice to include me in their family even though Joey was gone. And I needed them. I needed a reminder of him. I really did at that time.


Luckily my family was also very good to comfort me at that time too. We did lots of things together that was a grateful distraction for me. One event in particular: we went to the Rodeo together and took a picture of my first kiss from a boy after Joey left so we could send it to him. (I don't think Joey got too jealous of this one)
After Spring semester ended for me my parents and I headed off to Paris and India for Rajesh's wedding. Going to Paris was amazing. It was so fun to see my Dad's mission and to see the beautiful and exquisite things there. Europe was so different than the western United States, places I had been exposed to previously.

India was another culture shock. We saw the rich of the rich and the poor of the poor. I had no idea there was such a discrepancy right next to each other. It was such a treat to also see another culture, Hinduism, during such a culturally rich event: a marriage.
While in India I decided that the souvenir I wanted was henna - it is an herb that they paint on, you let sit for 3-4 hours and them brush off and it stains your skin and is a month and a half (or so) tattoo. Mine was on my hands and went up to about my forearm. Brides get henna placed all over their body - everywhere. I thought I was doing pretty good to have it where I did. It took some nerve on my part. Certainly going outside of my comfort zone.
As a family we also took our annual trip up to Waterton. This year was fun because Sean, Spring and Kepler were there with us. This first picture is of Kepler and I up at Goat waiting while the others fished. The second is of Spring and I in the meadows of Rowe. I related my adventures weekly (or more) with Joey through letters and lived for his letters in response. The summer ended and it was time to start preparing for another semester at BYU. Moving into a new apartment with new girls, but I was still with Katie, Danielle, and Jess. Welcome Sophomore year.

A REVIEW OF THE PAST FOUR YEARS: Freshman part 2

On with the events of that first year in college. Mom broke her foot, and still to this day it brings her much pain. It was a traumatic event for me too because it made me realize that although I knew that I was growing up, so was everyone else. And my mom was no longer indestructible. Neither of my parents were, they both had frailties and faults and some of my world had to be reconstructed because of the events of my parents in those first few months of college.This here is a picture of Maya's fifth birthday get-together. She is so cute, and in the past four years has grown up so much. I am really going to be very sad when this October rolls around and I'm not there to celebrate her ninth birthday with her.Mason, Brendan, and all the boys were starting to head out on their missions or at least get their mission calls about this time of the year. It was so exciting for me to watch them find out where they were going to spend the next two years of their lives. Where they were going to serve the Lord and where they were going to learn and grow so much. I'll admit I wasn't excited to have them leave me, that would mean that I would have to go outside of my comfort zone, but it was good for all of us. We were all in that stage of life.

Brynn's birthday came and went too, she has always been so much fun. Always full of life and personality. I was grateful to live so close to my family, to go there to do laundry, to get a break from school and life at college, to laugh, giggle, and play.

Tate, and Peach came with April to pick me up each week for piano lessons. I have to admit that there were days that I forgot that it was piano lessons and I would come in to find that I had missed it and they had come and gone. And other times they were there waiting for me to head off for the night. This is a picture of Tate on my bed, I don't know if this was a time that I was tending them, or if it was one of those times that I forgot what day of the week it was and got caught up in my school work. either way, it was a cute picture of a very cute kid.

Well, that first year of college brought lots of new things with it. I seemed to spend more and more time with Joey, enjoying the laughter and company. I enjoyed having someone to talk to online while I was doing my homework 'til all hours of the evening. And found that I really didn't like it when he went out of town because I missed him too much. Shortly after this realization I had to empty out a few of my pop can lids from my jar.

Christmas time was so much fun this year. Joanna and Doug came into town I swear on Santa's sleigh. We had a wonderful nativity narration that year with Tate and Brynn as Mary and Joseph. And had such a great time all together.
Over Christmas break Joey and I became official about dating and spent every moment together. That next semester Joey and I took a ballroom class together and Joey took me with him to the dances at BYU (a fact that BYU had dances I had forgotten about until I was looking through my old pictures because they only time I went was this semester with Joey).

Joey and I spent all of our time together. We knew he was preparing for a mission so we made a goal to even read the Book of Mormon together before he headed out. As roommates we grew closer together this semester too, they didn't always like the fact that Joey was always taking me to do things and I wasn't around to do it with them, but I didn't mind. I think the thing they (Hill) didn't liked the most was that there would be nights that I forgot to bring my keys with me and when I was coming home some days at 12:30 or so I would knock on our windows to ask someone to let me in. The night depicted here in this picture I did remember my keys though. I think we left at 11 or 11:30 and then went hiking up the mountain. It was so freakin' cold though. We were talking and Joey spooked me out talking about mountain lions and gravitating to body heat in the winter, and being so low in the mountains that we didn't really get anywhere of note up the trail, just that we did it and were so cold. On the way back I was trying to get that awful imagery of us getting eating by a mountain lion out of my head and trying to think of ways to get warm that I mentioned Eskimo kisses and how I could totally understand why they would rub their noses together..... it was to get warm. We (really meaning Joey) decided to get a picture of us kissing as we were testing out if this folk lore was true or not.

Joey got is his mission call they same day that Mason went into the MTC, February 14th. I think this mission call was the worst for me. I knew that it meant that it was real. I knew that it meant that Joey was going to leave me and I didn't like that idea at all.

This semester was pretty good for me. I figured out what it was that I wanted to do when I grew up. I spent lots of time with family and yet didn't feel like I needed to be with them every weekend to be happy. This is at Easter. Grandma and Joey were there with us too celebrating time together and family traditions. This might have been the first year that we did egg wars, but since, it has been incorporated. We worked together too. Mom and Dad decided to develop the land in Mapleton and so we had to take out the fence there. I think this was a closing chapter in Mom and Dad's life. I know that when I was born they put up that fence, and here we were taking it down. That is how all of life is though. We do one thing and then need to move on, grow, change. It is hard, not denying that. But that too is part of life.Court was baptized and Joey was ever coming closer to heading off on his mission. We took mission photos and everything. I still can't believe that Court was baptized four years ago, I remember it so well.