hihi!!

zzzzOOMG. freaking insane man!

oooo. This is pretty cool man. First self tuning guitar in the world, the perfect guitar for kerby kwan hahahaha. Hmm i wonder whether it would be popular or not. seems like a solution to a non existent problem. would you want a car that can park itself? id rather do my own parking haha but thats just me.

fuck la! i dont how i have managed to spend so much money without actually buying any NICE stuff for myself. the bloody day-to-day expenses in this bloody country is insane la.

next sem i shall get a job. its just to painful to see your acct balance disappear into thin air so quickly.

I took somebody really close to me to tell me straight in the face what an asshole I've been. It isn't an excuse but for some reason I couldn't see the full picture of what i was doing until it was too late. I got carried away.

All I have to say is "I'm sorry". Those two words are so simple that they often come across as flippant and meaningless. But in this instance, I geniunely mean it.

I am sorry that you were the unfortunate innocent victim of my cold, unfeeling heart. It isn't your fault.

I am sorry for what I did (and didn't do).

I am sorry for being such an insular and selfish prick.

I am sorry things happened the way they did. I didn't plan that way. Honestly.

I just came across this while studying for a test. The following was taken out from the first slide of one of the lectures. it is totally irrelavant (since the subject is international relations) but is quite cool and interesting. wish i had attended the lecture instead of reading the slides 4 weeks too late, wonder what my lecturer had to say about it. cool guy haha.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Following is question in Uni. of Washington chemistry exam. Answer by one student was so “profound" that lecturer shared it with colleagues.
  
• “Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?”
  Most students answered using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands & heats when compressed). One student wrote the following:
  
• First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know rate at which souls are entering Hell & rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
  
• As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the world’s religions. Most state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
  
• Since there is more than one religion & since people only belong to one, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth & death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
  
• Now, look at rate of change of volume in Hell - Boyle states that for temperature & pressure in Hell to stay the same, volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
  
• This gives two possibilities:
  
• If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature & pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  
• If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature & pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
• So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", & take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, & thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
• Corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls & is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
• This was the only student to receive an HD

"love on the rocks with no ice"

life so far has been pretty good and fun over here, though there are a few things which i find myself missing quite often (besides family and pets etc) on a day-to-day basis.

1)jamming w the sonnies- listening to music makes me wanna play music. let all the angst out. its not the same by myself with an acoustic coz i cant sing for nuts and obviously theres no drums and bass. furthermore i cant play loud in my room at all, the walls are so thin. i miss DISTORSION.

2)dota w the sonnies- pwning huangming and bryan is damn fun la hahah:P

3)DRIVING- i had dream that owned a bugatti veyron hahahah (i sound like a 10 year old), miss having the freedom of my own wheels.

4)and some of the other miscellaneous stuff too:)

is honesty the best policy? whatever the answer is, i think there is no other way for me. what it is that compels me to tell the truth? innate sense of morality (hah)? or obligation and loyalty? aiya. logically speaking white lies make a lot of sense; what u dont know cannot hurt you. but the world shouldnt function that way should it?

fuck la. this situation really sucks. something like this was bound to happen and upset the balance. was i wrong? technically no, but of course i am wrong. im really sorry that i do this to you:(

was looking at iron maiden videos on youtube and saw this. sigh, trashed by little kids...

Some photos first. talk later need to run downstairs to meet my friends for dinner.

Im staying at that red building. For the most part weather has been great, just a tad too cold.

The usual

Hmm. This place looks familiar

so. the exams and essays are finally over. obviously this is a good thing because i can take it easy now and relax. been living quite fast since monday; drinking, partying, clubbing, dotain, meeting up with people. but a side effect of not having any work to worry about is the realization that i will be leaving VERY soon. 11 days to be exact. shit. will just try to seize the day, treasure and live for every moment that i still have in good ol' singapore.

anyway off to tioman tomorrow. yay!

i am so unprepared for today's coming exam. and here i am blogging. bah. shit. wish me luck man.. less than 10hrs left.

three words. the universal solution to any problem:

"ah fuck it"

plug the holes and seal the leaks. this ship is staying afloat.

la da di da la da di da. im emo. its 4am. spent almost the whole day at home. at least im finally done with all my essays.

wheres that bottle of chivas? ah! there it is!

confuciusisconfusingmeandihavenoideawhatimtalkingaboutorwhyimpostingthisutternonsenseandgibberish

shakespearean voice:
"to be or not to be... tha..."

NO!

the question is: WHAT TO DO!???

emotions are a really funny thing. you think you can control them, and i can for the most part. but once they break through they really run amok.

i never intended to be in a such a position. to let yourself end up here is just plain stupid. or am i wrong to think this way?

steering clear of the cliff edge; something ive ALWAYS been able to do, but now its seems i must have tripped over a rock and stumbled over the edge. whats at the bottom of the cliff? im scared to know honestly. one thing for certain, it would mean change. for better or worse i really dont know, but its a risk i dare not take. so now clinging i am clingin onto that proverbial root jutting from the cliff, and trying to get back up. or should i just let go and take the plunge?? ah fuck i dont know.

lamb to the slaughter...

to all those also going sydney, i hope you dont become fatsos. forgot to add that to the list, not nice, nono it isnt. sad man, otherwise good looking people often comeback... less good looking. haha im damn mean la!

imagine what andre would be like if he lived in australia. omg.. zzz. sorry la i know it is a bit out-of-point but "andre" and "fat" tend to go together so,, ya la. =p

So, right now it looks like the probability of me going to sydney is 0.99. It will probably become 1.0 within the next one or two weeks.

i have seriously mixed feelings. why cant i take the positive outlook like a lot of my friends who seem raring to go? is it because ive been uprooted so many times in my life that i'm tired of it? or is it because i fear i might be leaving somethings behind for good? dunno laaa...


OK. looking at it logically:

+freedom (i have that in singapore)
+make new friends (tiring)
+sex? (not a priority)
+beaches
+overseas experience (enough of that already)
+subsidised overseas experience
+will still spend at least three months per year in spore (shows my attitude huh?)
+ysl

-away from home
-away from family
-away from friends
-away from pets
-no car
-have to make new friends
-sydney is relatively unsafe
-shops close at 5
-sun sets at 5

so looking back, the only real valid positives are the nice beaches, ysl, and the fact that my parents are gonna pay a bit less than other international students.

argh! im so negative! how the hell im i gonna mentally (and physically) prepare to move, and finish 2 major essays and study for my exams at the same time? what a mess.

someof the funny pics floating around of our dear vice-chancellor fred hilmer. pictures say it all. look at that, he cant even wear his fucing tie properly.

sometimes i just feel so tired, and just feel like giving up. when doubt creeps into your mind and you feel all alone, it really brings you crashing to the ground. do my peers feel the same way? are they as furious and hurt by the absolute stupidity and morality of the whole issue? are they just prepared to accept what they give and move on? sigh. organizing and fronting this whole fight is more taxing than you would imagine. sometimes i just wanna give up myself. after all i am one of the lucky ones with the options right?

normally i unwind in the shower. the warm water cascading down over my face has an amazing de-stressing effect. its the way it loads your senses i think, feeling the torrent of water reverberating in your head, the water licking and flowing over your skin. cuts all distractions out. but just now i felt so... numb, and disconnected.

the problem is made worse by my inability to open up, and collapse on somebody's shoulder. this is a conditioned thing, for Ive always preferred to stand on my own and not be reliant. i need it now, but i can't. how screwed up is that. its at times like these where i can see the usefulness of religion. damn me for being too cynical to accept that crutch.

but I'm so thankful to the many supportive people i have around me. my friends, my family, thanks. undoubtedly, the fact that they're there helps so much, even though i unconsciously strive not to burden them.

tomorrow is gonna be an crucial day. our voice needs to be heard.

i wish i could "SEE HOW" in this situation. my 'see how' philosophy has worked so well in the past, it would make things a lot easier now.


~


gosh i sound so gay. (jon is angry at himself for being so mopey, stand up you fuck)

blehhh