hihi!!

hahahahhahahaah. wow i bet all singaporean guys can relate to this. awesome story, left me in stitches. written by one of kailyns og mates, YOU MUST READ IT!!!!! How the Army Works

the team going to hongkong has be announced. and i am going. i should be happy, but its really quite a bitter sweet moment, knowing that i am replacing some more deserving players/friends. how can i not feel guilty? especially since my going is the result of all the politics between the big brass, and not based on my own merit as a waterpolo player. i think the best way to cope with this guilt is to play hard and well for those who are not going and not let them down. hopefully ill get the opportunity, and hopefully i wont screw up.

playing well and doing the team proud - quite tough for a player who thinks that a game where he floats around, keeps quiet and doesnt get involved (thus no opportunity to cock up) is good game. shits la need to change my attitude. why am i so blur.

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i noticed a trend in my blogging. the overall 'happiness' of my posts has been declining somewhat. this is probably indicitive of my own mood, as a result of slowly, inevitably growing up. when i started blogging 2 years ago, i was determined to keep my blog 'positive' and maybe even try to be funny, my first few posts were really retarded my own, typical way. sadly these random retarded thoughts are less common nowadays. i really didnt want my blog to turn into one of those boring complain/sulk/moan/whine/kaobei type of blogs, of which there are so many. guess i might be failing in that respect. haha oh well.

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kailyns birthday is coming up. the pressure to finish her present is starting to eat me. the same way having to study for a test does. hope she wont be disappointed (ive used this word 10 times today) by it. hahaha oh boy shes gonna kill me when she reads this hahahaha. die

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being postive. something i never had a problem with.

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friday night, no plans tonight, gonna be a sian night (wah tt sort of rhymes!).

nothing to do but sit on my arse or chin, or sleep till i have a headache.

anybody in the same position rescue me and gimme a call quick. NOW!! ahh...

feeling kinda empty now. sigh

went zouk last night. got puked on by some asshole. i think chris and i are irritating pests.

Back from KL. Was pretty fun (I have a huge vocab).

Time was spent mostly playing waterpolo (obviously) and dota-ing again. the game really has a lot of people totally hooked. Kerby played till 4am on sat night and till 530am last night! Amazing haha!

Had some time to explore KL and shop during the evenings after our games. Realize I dislike shopping quite a lot, even though it’s not so bad with guys. So I was quite intrigued to see Karl and Paul buy so much stuff because I only thought girls did that sort of thing. I on the other hand, didn’t buy anything for myself, it wasn't as if I was being sadistic and denying myself, but I simply don't derive much pleasure from generic shopping at all. Maybe that’s why a lot of my clothes are pretty kid-like and without 'style', I should overhaul my wardrobe sometime.

We checked out the KL night scene on Saturday night and went to this happening place called 'The Beach Club' (We got couldn't find Zouk). They have this interesting system where several girls will accost you at the entrance trying to sell you bottles of drink. If you buy the drink, you get free entry (skip the queues) and a table. We bought 2 bottles of vodka, and it worked out to about RM65 per person among the 8 of us. Only SGD30 for entry, drinks and a table! Good value to me. The music was really good, they had a damn shiok live band which played rock and after that it was FAST rnb. I hate slow rnb. Due to the large availabilty of drinks (and that I got owned at 5-10-15) I got high damn fast, and Paul pushed me overboard by making me keep on 'bottom upping'. So yes, I got damn drunk and messed up the toilet over there. I basically stoned for the rest of the night at the table, and missed a few interesting events:( Head was in a real mess the next morning.

The waterpolo games were quite enjoyable. SAFSA sent 2 teams. Team1 consisted of all SAFSA players and the leftovers (me) went into team2, which was supplemented by about 5 ORDed national players. Team2 was damn lucky and we were put into an 'easy' group. Team1 had to face the strongest teams (KL, Penang). The Malaysian players a quite a bit rougher than what we usually experience, and the referees were quite biased at times:p

In the end, amazingly both our teams topped our respective groups and we had an all Singapore final! It felt quite funny to be playing against our own friends and team mates in the finals, but despite that both teams did fight hard went for the win, we didn’t fool around. In the end my team won, due to the fact that we relied almost entirely on the 5 national players. Even though all credit goes to them, I am relatively satisfied with my own performance, I didn’t paiseh myself and miss open goals (unlike some people hahahaha) and stuff like that heheh. The national players on my team were a big confidence booster (duh), and they took a lot of the pressure of us individually, and I tend to screw up a lot under pressure, so they were a really a big help to me in that sense too.

On the last night Kerby and I decided to go for a massage. We went into this parlour and some old men brought us down to the room. It was hilarious the way we panicked when we realized that they (the old uncles) were going to be the ones massaging us. Kerby and I had an emergency discussion right down there: men being stronger would give the better massage, but this would be negated by the fact that they ARE men. We both were definitely not looking for sex, but it just felt ‘wrong’ to let old uncles touch you all over the place. We promptly left that place and went elsewhere. Again outside this uncle tried to coax us into his parlour. Kerby asked if it was him giving the massage, and he said something to the effect of “yes, but we have girls too”, the second part was said suspiciously quickly. So in the end we just gave up and tried to close our eyes and enjoy ourselves hahaha.

yecks my room is damn messy and full of junk. needs a massive spring cleaning, at least a week. but no time these days, maybe after i ord. wah so long more...

my life so far has really been a breeze. i have gotten a lot of things so easily that i have come to believe myself to be extremely capable and that i can get anything i want.

for example studies, back in sec sch i always used to say "bah i could get 6points so easily if i wanted to", this made it easy for me to accept the gazillion points that i did get in the end, bish. its my biggest flaw, not bothering to put in effort coz 'i know i can do it anyway, so why bother?' but till now i have yet to learn my lesson, coz despite all my cock ups, my luck continues and things are still working out(though i suspect my luck will reach its limit very soon it will be up to me from then on)

this mindset of mine did cause a major shake up in my confidence levels at some point in sec sch. the only thing in my life that i have put *some* effort in and not seen results is sports. but i have since accepted that im lousy and have no talent and accepted this 'exception'. so it doesnt really bother me anymore.

why am i suddenly saying all this? in a recent event, i felt i had an advantage (again, an advantage i got through luck) and didnt act upon it. why? maybe because of pride, and i didnt think it was worth my effort. as a result i feel the advantage has slipped away, which is ok coz i dont really want it anyway, and i *know* i could have got it if i wanted. sigh what a screwed up attitude huh?

these few weeks promise to be a bit more happening for me, a couple of friends back from overseas, case, jan etc. karting beckons!!

had a great time at estelles party on friday (though i suspect she didnt haha). got to know a few people, was slightly less introverted and a bit more outgoing than i usually am.

but the 'transientness' of it all makes me feel a bit weird. like that one night of fun was simply one night of fun without any continuity or meaning. hmm i dunno if u can get what im saying.

hah and chris is a dumbass.

damn frustrated with myself. why the hell cant i do it right and not screw up? why is everyone better? they say knowing is half the battle, i know my problems, but cant seem to do anything. fuck up la i need a good dose of self confidence now... fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

hahahahahhaahahahahahhhhah. i really like this photo. catches me at my retarded best. unfortunately my bike pics look damn weird, as if im not the same person, something wrong with my eyes.

tofu and me

hah. triathlon was a blast. achieved my goal of doing in under 1.5hrs, just barely:) i was ranked 33/296, which is pretty damned decent for a first attempt without any real specific training or preparation heheh. i shall not be modest, im darn happy with the result wahahhahaah.

swim and bike legs were pretty good, but as predicted i died on the run. walked about half the time but tried to minimise time lost by walking fast. having said that i was amazed it only took 32min to complete 5km. felt a lot longer than that.

i got a bit lost and disoriented during the swim coz my goggles fogged up. was difficult to swim straight coz the current was making us drift off course. i know at one point i was aiming for the wrong buoy, and i was swimming pretty much alone and didnt have anyone to follow.

tri really does give u a big kick, the adrenaline u get when u climb out of the water and sprint to the bike is incredible. i was damn high and kai said i was smiling like an idiot. think it will look damn unglam when the fotos are out, plus i actually recall doing the 'victory sign' and grinning stupidly for the camera on the bike. bish.

luckily for me my transitions went smoothly and i didnt cock up anything.

i felt strong on the bike, which made it really frustrating when a handful of guys caught up and passed me so effortlessly. wasnt expecting it like i was on the run. i was really giving it my all, and yet some of these fat angmohs were so frickin fast. must be their expensive bikes with aerobars and all haha, not that my bike was lousy, far from it (borrowed eric's trek 5200:D).the ppl on mountain bikes must have been damn sad.

nearly cramped up going from the bike to the run, never felt that sensation before, was quite jialat. i think i drank a bit too much on the bike coz i started the run with a terrible stitch. got passed by class 95 dj rod monteiro towards the end. a lot of ppl were giving me encouragement as i died out there. i also mistakenly poured H-TWO-O (the isotonic drink) on my head once thinking it was water. ugh sticky haha.

areas for improvement: running obviously. but on the day i think i gave my all for the bike and run segments and was maybe a bit complacent on the swim. maybe could have gone faster by a minute and maybe move up one or two positions.

i have to do it again!! wooo!!!!!

on a less glam note, fell sick today. i think training the day before, and playing a waterpolo game the day after my triathlon was a bit too much haha.