I cried and cry again

it has been a month and three days...the pain seems like still fresh...i just couldn't control my tears and it just keep on dropping non stop....i know time will heal, can i have it cured faster? im very very sad, im in pain...im really broken, into tiny little pieces...

each time the nightmare appear in my mind, my heart start to bleed and tears automatically fall...you will ask me why out of no reason do i cry again? you won't know how much pain you have caused me, no words can describe my broken heart unless if it happened the same to you someday...

i can cry while driving, i can cry while working, i can cry while eating, i can cry in my dreams, i can cry middle of the night, i can cry anytime anywhere...im not tough, i have a fragile heart but it has been broken...only god knows and sees through my pain

my sincere love have been replaced with tears and sorrow

TIRED...IM TIRED

i'm tired...mentally and emotionally very very tired...ya, if you go through my blog lately, im very unhappy and emo...in front of others, im a happy and simple girl, with no worries...no, im very very lonely, i cried behind closed doors, im not as tough as i may seem...never once i feel so tired with my life and i really wish to stop everything and forget everything....even when writing this post my tears keep streaming down...why ar...why ar...how should i deal with this? i never felt like this before....why u never seem to understand me?

DREAM OF DIRTY TOILET...MY INNER VOICE

waking up in the morning feeling super weird...why out of no reason i will dream of toilet...okok, let me share with you what actually i dream about...i was in the hostel and suddenly have the urge to go to the toilet...my room was located on ground floor, but I got no idea why would I wanna visit the second floor's toilet...the first toilet i entered, very dirty and smelly, don't even wanna enter...second toilet overflow with rubbish...hahahaha...don't think i need to describe it so clearly...it's just disgusting...all in all, below screenshot interpret clearly what my inner voices wanted to say...it's just so so true...i got a shocked as I totally got no idea out of no where why would i have such a weird dream...so yes, it's true...it has got to deal with my emotions...i think i really need to sort it out...really affecting my life

INCURABLE PAIN

i almost broke into tears when the doctor told me that the pain on my palm in incurable...i dragged myself to the clinic as i don't think it's a big problem and thought that maybe it's just a small matter as the pain is only on my palm, not swollen either but the pain is getting stronger each day till last night i was awaken by the pain on my palm...and the main cause is the nerve...unlike vein it is curable but this is nerve...

i keep asking the doctor why it can be like that and what causes it..im not a left handed and when the doctor explained, i might have hurt it for quite sometime without realising it and it has been getting worst and that is why the pain is stronger now....

without a second thought, i know clearly and recall how i have hurt myself ....the sacrifices forever he wouldn't realise and this is the price i have to pay for the decision that i have made....tears drop from my heart mainly not due to it is incurable, but it is not appreciated by someone who i cared for so much till my own health is affected....is he really worth it? is he? please....im lost, really lost...

no painkiller was given as I don't want to consume any medicine neither do the supplement....the only way is to do MRI to determine which nerve that causes it and only through operation it might be cured but the doctor adviced that hardly any doctor is willing to perform that kind of operation...another alternative is physiotherapy...

the pain might be getting stronger in future and my palm might be numb in the coming days...nothing can be done and this is what i am going through for loving the guy that do not appreciate it

I'm hurt....AGAIN

you are here to listen to me whenever im down...although you couldn't console me, hug me, cheer me up, but you let me pour out my feelings here to you knowing that you won't betray me is more than enough...tears dropping when i pen down my feelings here...

i don't wan't to be warned, i don't want to be controlled, i just want to be loved for who i am...i have flaws, im not perfect, but that is not accepted...im tired, really tired....what should i do? please tell me....