Moms' Weekend Away

Last weekend, I did something I've never done before. I went away - for one night - *without* the kids!!!

I'm friends with a bunch of local moms who have been doing this twice a year for a year or two, but I've never gone. Either I wasn't part of the group yet (or enough a part of it) or I wasn't able to, or I wasn't ready to. But. Now I met the criteria (although I took Saturday off of work to make it happen), and my parents were willing to take the kids, so I took advantage of it! 

I didn't realize how much I needed that kind of thing until I did it. It was AMAZING. So much fun! And quite educational, in more than one way! 

I actually spent two nights away from the kids, but the first night they were at my parents' house and I was at our house, in my own bed. The weekend was a two-night thing, but some people only went for one, and I'd decided I didn't want to drive down (about an hour and a half away) during rush hour on Friday, after working all day, and already be exhausted when I got there. So, I met my parents and kids at Tot Shabbat at our temple after work, but then went home afterward without the kids, and drove down with two other moms on Saturday morning. One of the moms from this group has a family member with a house on the cape that they let us use in the off-season.

When we arrived around 12:30, the women who were already there had just finished brunch, and we went for a walk on the beach. It was chilly, but not too cold, and I even took my shoes off so I could feel the sand on my feet. It was so nice. Eleven or twelve women, all moms but with no kids there, just walking, talking, climbing on the rocks on the jetty, looking for pretty shells. No kids to watch, chase, stop from eating sand. After the beach we stopped for some people to grab a quick bite, went to a couple of antique stores and a cute little general store, and then back to the house for a little while before going out to dinner. The restaurant wasn't the greatest, but the company was! 

Back at the house, we all settled into the living room to hang out, chat, and play games. This is when it got educational! First of all, there was a lot of talk about sex. I, of course, didn't have much to contribute, although I did tell a story from summer camp, loooong ago! But the conversation was mostly about sex in relation to being married, how often they have it, which type they prefer, things people have tried or not, whether or not they've ever considered swinging or polyamory, etc. I realized that I haven't had a sex talk with a bunch of women in so long that it's really a whole different conversation now. It was just very interesting hearing what they had to say. 

And then someone broke out the pot. While we were walking on the beach earlier, someone had mentioned that a few people had done it the night before, and I was intrigued. It had never even crossed my mind that a bunch of 30-40-something-year-old moms would use pot. I don't know why, I just never thought about it. There was alcohol, which didn't surprise me in the least, and most women were partaking in at least a small amount. I wasn't, because I've never been a drinker and honestly don't have any interest in it. But the pot surprised me, for some reason. Turns out, one of the mom's husband has a medical marijuana card, because medical use is legal here and he qualifies. But I guess he's able to get more than he actually needs. He'd offered for her to bring some, along with his vaporizer, on the trip. 

The first time I tried pot was shortly after college, I think, and it totally didn't work. I don't think I did it right. The second time was about 11-12 years ago, with my immediate family the weekend after Thanksgiving, and my dad and my brother taught me how to inhale. Long story! It worked, and I remember liking it.

So, yeah, I vaped pot last Saturday night. And you know what? It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!!! I mean, I loved it. It just felt so awesome. As soon as I started to feel it, I recognized the feeling from the last time I did it, even though it was so long ago. I remember I kind of zoned out, and really liked the way it felt, and kept thinking, "this is awesome, how long does this last, sssshhhhh, no, don't change the music to something faster, I like this mellow tune, how can I make this last longer", etc. It was the same this time, but even more intense (I think I did much more this time). It totally mellowed me out, it felt great, and it was just so nice to NOT CARE. And to not HAVE to care. About anything, really. 

So, I've been doing some reading/researching this past week, because I wanted to know exactly when it'll be possible to legally buy recreational marijuana here (supposedly July 2018). I've gotten quite the education! Apparently, there's a difference between being high and being stoned, and from what I've read, I was stoned out of my mind last Saturday night. I learned a new term from my research - couch-locked. I was absolutely, positively 100% couch-locked! I described it to someone the next day without knowing it was a thing - it was like my body was asleep but my mind was one step above sleep, and even though at one point I kind of wanted to get up and move somewhere quieter, I couldn't. I couldn't move. It sounds like a lot of people don't like being couch-liked, but I did. I just sat/lay there enjoying how I was feeling, and it kind of felt like I was further away from the rest of the people in the room than I was. I was totally in my own world, and liked it there! When someone talked to me, or everyone suddenly laughed really loudly, I didn't like it, because it brought me out of it, sort of lessened the good feeling, and I wanted to go back! I was aware of what was being said, and I even had something to add to the conversation at times, or realized I knew an answer to a question in a game they were playing, but I couldn't speak. And of course I didn't care! For a while, they were playing "Scene It", a game that uses a DVD. In between questions, there was a screen with a rectangle of moving lights, and I really liked those lights. I kept watching the lights light up around the rectangle and kind of zoned in (out?) to it. 

Anyway. It was so cool, and I keep joking that I totally missed my calling as a pothead. Ha! But maybe I'm having some sort of midlife crisis?!? Because I can. not. wait. to be able to use pot again. Don't get me wrong - I'm not going to do it daily or anything. And NEVER when I'm responsible for the kids. Only on nights when both of them sleep at my parents' house, which will probably be most Friday nights going forward. Jordyn already sleeps there most Friday nights, and now that Evan is one, he'll likely start to, also. Last weekend was the first time he slept over there without me being there, too, and the first time I've ever been away from him all night. 

The whole thing is so strange to me, because I've always been more or less of a goody-two-shoes. Never been drunk. Never taken a single drag on a cigarette. Only smoked pot twice before last weekend, and I'm almost 43! So it feels weird, but I feel like I've (finally) found my vice. Other than tv and chocolate, of course! Alcohol and cigarettes don't interest me, I have absolutely no desire to use them. But pot? I can't wait to get my hands on more!

I'm also looking forward to another moms weekend away in the spring. This same group goes to another location in the spring, a couple hours away. Another mom has a family member with a condo we can use. Now that I've gone away without the kids once, I'm sure I'll do it again. Pot aside, it was SO nice to get away and just get a true break from all things kid. Just for a while. While I easily could've stayed another night or two, and will try to go for two nights next time, it was also nice to come home and for them be so happy to see me! 

Evan's Birth Story - Part 1: Labor and Delivery

Evan is 8 weeks old (edited to add: keep reading, only the first part was written at that point!), so it's high time I get his birth story documented. I did take notes on my phone during labor and the beginning of our hospital stay, so I do have some details documented, but I want to type it all out and have it here for prosperity.

Someone from L&D called at 8:45 Saturday morning, October 8th. She said they were pretty busy, and that someone would call back later in the day with an update about when I should come in. I explained my preference for a Sunday delivery (see previous post for explanation as to why), and offered to come in late in the day or even Sunday morning, if they needed to delay someone. Someone else called back somewhere around 10-11am and told me to come in for induction that evening at 8pm. Perfect!

Jordyn and I spent most of the day at home, and at one point we ended up doing a huge clean-out of her toy/play area. It was totally spontaneous, as she stepped on or tripped over something, and I said something like, "That's it! We have to do someone about this big mess!". In hindsight, it was like nesting suddenly kicked in big-time, the day I was going in to be induced. Ugh. But, we totally cleaned up, cleaned out, and organized her play area, and I brought some things over to my parents' house later for my dad to bring to their town's garbage and recycle center (which we affectionately call "the dump") to be put in the give-away area. He's constantly bringing things home for Jordyn from there, so it was time to give back.

We had dinner at my parents' house, and then as planned, Jordyn stayed with my dad when my mom and I left for the hospital. It was a little tough saying goodbye to her, knowing it was the end of our two-some forever, but we were running late and so thankfully it wasn't too drawn-out. My mom and I arrived at the hospital around 8:30, and a security guard walked us up to L&D from the ED, and took us in a back door, which I think was supposed to be just for employees.

_________________________

Well, that's as far as I got waaaaaay back when Evan was 8 weeks old. I kept meaning to get back to it, and would think about it on and off, but it never actually happened. I eventually promised myself that I'd finish his birth story before he turned a year old, and, well... tomorrow is his first birthday! So, let's see if I can make it happen before he wakes up from the one nap he usually takes per day already...

We met my nurse, Morgan, and the midwife, Vera, who I'd never met before. She was great, though. I was put on monitors, but Vera said she wasn't going to do a cervical check because I'd had one the day before, and it hadn't been long enough for it to have changed much, and it wouldn't change the plan, anyway. I remember Morgan saying something like that she had to remember how to set up for an induction, because she always worked the night shift, and it wasn't often they had someone come in at 8pm for an induction; it usually started earlier and she took over from someone else who'd started the process. It took a while, and three attempts by three different RNs to start my IV. Vera explained that they'd give me one dose of cytotec (misoprostol) - which involves simply swallowing a pill - every 4 hours for up to 6 doses, and if that doesn't do it, then they'll start with IV pitocin. So that means you can hang out for 24 hours just swallowing a pill every 4 hours before they do anything else.

Well. That may be the case for some people, but certainly not for me! I took the first dose of cytotec at 10:00pm, and it was like my body then said, "Oh, so that's what we're doing today?! Ok, I got this!!" And the contractions kicked in, and that one pill was all it took for my "induction". By 11:30 my water had broken, I was 4cm dilated when Vera checked at 1:25am, I got an epidural around 2:00am, Vera checked me again at 3:10-15am and I was fully dilated!

But let me back up and give more details... After I took the cytotec, I watched tv and surfed Facebook on my iPad, and maybe texted a little. At one point, I stood up to go to the bathroom but stopped and watched the monitor first because there was a long contraction. They were somewhat painful but not so much that I couldn't handle it yet. I lay down on my side and thought I felt a small bit of fluid. Morgan came in and I asked for an extra pillow, and I shifted positions. At that point my water definitely broke (it was 11:30pm), so I stood up to change and put on a pad. I could feel fluid continue to leak out. Around 12:15 the monitors were turned off (they have to be on for 2 hours after taking cytotec) and I changed the pad. There was meconium, which while not too big of a deal, it means there will be a pediatrician in the room for the birth. I think I remember that they also put the monitors back on, because once there's meconium in the fluid, they monitor continuously.

Vera checked me at 1:25am and I was 4 cm. I was feeling a lot of rectal pressure with contractions, so started to ask for the epidural. I was doing ok, but really wanted to get the epidural before I was in absolute agony, because I remember that feeling from Jordyn's birth and had no interest in repeating it! I had to wait for a bit because the anesthesiologist was doing another one. The contractions were pretty painful now, but I hung in there ok. They had my mom leave the room (she'd been in the room the whole time, either on her iPad or sleeping most of the time), I sat up and hugged a pillow and held Morgan's hand. She was great about telling me what was happening, like when I would feel the pinch of the lidocaine needle. I didn't feel the big needle (for the actual epidural), but it felt like it hit a nerve - it was a really weird feeling for a few seconds. They asked me if I felt anything on the right or left side. First I only felt it on the right but then on both sides, so they said it was in well. I had a contraction during it which was the worst part of the whole thing.

The epidural made my feet tingle, which turned into a pins and needles feeling, before getting numb. That feeling worked it's way up to my thighs and then belly and even the bottom of my ribcage. The nurse said it was a great epidural because I could still move my feet and legs some, but they were numb. I also still had some rectal pressure on the right side, but it was much better than it had been. My mom came back in the room once the epidural was done.

Vera came in and said my contractions were in a pretty regular pattern, and that if they continued like that we wouldn't need to do anything else. She said we'll watch for two hours and see if the pattern continues, but that it seems like my body may do fine on its own now, but we could do another dose of cytotec if the contractions slow down or stop. A few minutes later, Morgan came in to place the foley cath. I barely felt it. She said she thought the baby's head was lower because she had to push past it with the cath. Once the cath was in, I shifted positions and lay on my right side, which made the rectal pressure better. I could still feel that it was happening, though, so I knew the contractions were continuing.

At 3:05, Morgan came in to fix the baby's heart rate monitor, and she said the contractions  were coming pretty frequently. I asked if it was maybe transition, and she said, "that's what I'm thinking" but we can't know for sure without checking. So Vera came in a few minutes later (around 3:10-3:15am) and checked me, and I was fully dilated!! She also said the head is "right here" (I guess she meant at the cervix?). She had me do a couple of practice pushes just to see what happened. She then gave me a choice of either pushing or "laboring down" to just let him move down on his own with the contractions for 30 minutes or so. Since I was feeling pretty much nothing - that epidural was AMAZING!! and I don't understand why everyone doesn't just get one, every time, as a matter of course! -  and was just hanging out mostly on Facebook, I decided to try laboring down. They sat me up a bit, had me open my hips to open my pelvis, made sure I was comfortable, and left the room. It was a very weird position to be in, but it makes sense, because you're using gravity along with the contractions.

About an hour later, around 4:20am, Vera came back in and had me start pushing. I had the mirror placed so I could see, and she said I was doing good pushes. I remember thinking that it was SO different from the last time, because I wasn't panicking. It was quiet, and calm. It felt so much more controlled and was just a much more pleasant experience all around. I kept pushing, and I kept thinking I was going to see his head crowning any minute, but it wasn't happening.

Around 5am Vera checked me, and said his head hadn't budged since the last time she'd checked me two hours earlier. She thought with all the laboring down and pushing, and for a second vaginal birth, that he should be delivered by now, or at least be crowning. She also discovered, though, that he was sunny side up. I'm not sure if he always had been, or if he'd moved, but this was definitely the first time I'd heard that! She also said that his heart rate was taking a bit longer to recover post contractions/pushing than she'd like. She said it certainly wasn't emergent, and that I could keep pushing for a while if I'd like, but that she'd been doing this for 23 years, and that in her experience, if he was going to fit to come out vaginally, he would have by now. She wanted to have an MD come check, but that that was her opinion.

My mom had three kids vaginally (and unmedicated), and had always been told she was "built to birth babies", and I'm built like my mom. I'd had Jordyn vaginally (and unmedicated), and so the thought of needing a c-section had never crossed my mind. But here I was, seven hours into (somewhat induced) labor, fully dilated, having labored down, and pushed, and c-section was first put on the table. I'd known he was a big baby, having been told he was measuring big pretty much all along, but I'd still never for a minute thought I'd need a section.

That said, I totally took it in stride. I declined continuing to push; I didn't want to end up needing an emergency c-section. I'd rather do it earlier and non-emergently, and I just wanted to end up with a healthy baby regardless of how he came out. My mom was worried, of course, I think partly because it's major surgery, and partly because she'd never had a c-section and didn't have any experience with it. She was given the option to come in the OR with me, and she couldn't decide if she wanted to or not. First she said yes, and then when they gave her the scrubs to put on (over her clothes, maybe?) she decided maybe it wasn't such a good idea and changed her mind. We talked about it and went back and forth, but eventually I realized that if she came in the OR, *I* was going to be reassuring *her*, and that was definitely not how it was supposed to be! I told her it would be best if she didn't come in, and that then she would be able to go with the baby if he left the OR before me. That was the plan all along, for her to stay with the baby if he needed to leave my side, so I wanted that to still be the case.

The foley cath had been taken out for pushing, so the RN put another one back in now that I was having a c-section. It was really no big deal, because of the epidural. Later, I was very happy to have that foley and be able to drink all I wanted and not have to get up to pee!

The OB came in at 5:something and said he didn't even feel the need to check me. He said he trusted Vera, and I decided I did, too. She's been doing this for 23 years, so obviously has a lot of experience.   He asked me what questions I had about the c-section. I don't remember if I had any, really, but I know I joked about how young he seemed. I asked if he'd done a lot of c-sections, and he asked me what would be "a lot" to me. I had no idea and guessed 100, and he said he's probably done six times that. I think I eventually said something about how young he looked. I didn't ask, but I think he said he was 34. The next thing I knew, another (older) OB had been asked to assist him! I felt bad because I certainly hadn't meant to offend, and I said as much, but everyone just kind of laughed and said it was no big deal.

Somehow, I knew I could request a clear plastic drape, along with immediate skin-to-skin, and delayed cord clamping, if possible, and had the presence of mind to actually do so. I was told that was all fine, but then everyone was looking for a clear drape and couldn't find one. They said they were out of them, and gave me the option for them to keep looking and to check the main OR, but I said the regular drape was ok. I was disappointed, but I didn't want that to hold everything up, and it seemed that it was, or would have been.

I got to the OR around 6am, or maybe a little before 6. It was totally surreal!!! I think it felt that way because I'd never given a c-section a second's thought, and now here I was in the OR, being prepped for one. It just felt so surreal, there's no other word to describe it! Since my mom ended up not coming in, Vera came with me as "my person". Before we went in, I took the lock off my phone and gave it to her so she could take pictures. They gave me a stronger med in the epidural, which made me more numb, I couldn't move my feet or legs at all anymore, and even my hands and arms got pins and needles and some numbness. I'm pretty sure I asked about that, because I was a little worried that I was getting numb too high up, and that I was going to have trouble breathing or something. I think the anesthesiologist said it just meant they weren't going to/didn't need to give me any more (of whatever the med was).

Evan was born at 6:22am after a lot of pressure/pushing on my belly. They held him up quickly so I got a quick peek for a second or two, and one of the OBs said, "that's not a small child!" (I don't remember when, but eventually I was told he weighed in at 9 lbs 3 oz). Evan didn't cry right away, and I can still picture him looking pretty limp and I think blueish/not pink when they held him up. It made me nervous, but they said he was ok. They took him over to the bassinet thing and worked on him for a bit. I honestly don't know exactly what was happening, but the paperwork I got later said something about delivery room "resuscitation". He wasn't intubated, but he did get blow-by oxygen, and maybe some suctioning, I guess? Vera and the anesthesiologist both kept me updated that he was pinking up and doing better. His apgar scores were 5, 8, and 9. Eventually, I heard him make some noises, but never a robust cry.

About ten minutes after he was born, Vera left my side to take some pictures of him in the bassinet. About five minutes after that, someone brought him over and held him next to my face so I could see him and kiss his cheek, and she took some pictures of that, too. The first few of those pictures he's not getting oxygen, but the next few show a blow-by oxygen mask by his face, so someone must have noticed he needed it and brought it over. After about a minute or two, I started to get really nauseous, and said so, because I was afraid I was going to throw up on him! He was taken away, and I dry-heaved into a basin, but nothing came up because I was so completely empty. I was given something to help with the nausea, which worked pretty quickly, and I didn't have any more issues with that.

Evan must have been taken to the nursery at that point, because I didn't see him again until way later, but I know he was ok. I was in the OR for an extraordinarily long time, apparently. I was told the two OBs doing the surgery were both very meticulous and were taking their time with each level of closure. I was also told that the baby's head had been so low down for so long that it made the uterine tissue in that area very thin and friable, so they were taking their time and doing it slowly and carefully. There was a lot of pressure on my abdomen both before and after the baby came out, on and off. Someone told me the baby had been head down and sunny side up, and they had to flip him to get him out, and he ended up coming out breech - butt first!

Vera was fantastic - she stayed with me the whole time, except for when she walked away to take pictures of Evan in the bassinet, and when I requested she give my mom an update when I was in the OR for so long after he was born. She held my hand, stroked my hair, got me a warm baby blanket to put on my neck when it got stiff, rubbed my neck, etc. She was very supportive and I was very appreciative. At some point, she disappeared, I think because she was going off duty and I was almost finished in the OR. I never saw her again, because I guess she wasn't in the hospital the next few days. I do wish I'd gotten so say goodbye to her, and to thank her. The anesthesiologist was also fantastic. He answered my questions, gave me updates, and was just really friendly and supportive, as well. At one point when they were closing me up, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer (I'd been up all day and all night at that point!), and closed them for a while and dozed, and I think he reassured me that that was ok to do.

It was 8:something when I finally left the OR, about two hours after Evan had been born. Apparently it usually doesn't take nearly that long to close someone up after a c-section. I was finally off to recovery, where I also spent quite a bit of time...

... to be continued in part two, just as soon as I can get it typed up! This took me Evan's nap and also quite a bit of time after bedtime tonight. Exactly one year ago right now I was in labor with him! Crazy!

Baby Watch 2016

Well, it's the beginning of the end. Of this pregnancy, I mean. 

I'm scheduled for induction sometime over this weekend. The way they do it, they give you a 2-day window, and someone is supposed to call between 6-10am on the first day (tomorrow for me) and tell you when to come in, like as soon as possible, or later in the day, or that you're likely to be pushed to the following day, or whatever. 

I'm hoping for a Sunday birth, so I'm hoping they have me come in either late in the day tomorrow or on Sunday morning. But we'll see if I get that far without going into labor on my own... I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow. As soon as Megan, my primary midwife, said she would schedule induction for 39-40 weeks, I immediately asked for the earlier part of that week. This baby is HUGE... likely to be at least 9 pounds at birth, so as far as I'm concerned, the sooner the better (regardless of the fact that I want him to be born this Sunday - I'll explain why later). There was a slot for this weekend available, so that's how that happened. 

I went in for my last prenatal appointment today, and saw Lyla - not my primary midwife, but I'd seen her once before, not too long ago. I also had a non-stress test. It was my first one, as I had one scheduled when I was pregnant with Jordyn, but went into labor before the appointment. I got hooked up to the NST first, and the midwife came in to help the RN with that since she couldn't quite get the heart rate monitor in the right place, came back a few minutes later for the regular appointment (just a quick check-in, really, and she asked if I had questions about the induction), and then came back after the NST since I requested a cervical check. All looked great on the NST - I did have a few contractions, but I'm pretty sure they were the same ol' Braxton Hicks ones I've been having for a while now. The baby's heart rate looked great, nice and steady, no issues. 

I requested a cervical check because I wanted to get an idea of where I'm starting out with this induction. I have a feeling it's not going to take all that long; this isn't going to be a weekend-long event. I think as soon as my body realizes what's going on - that it's eviction day - it's going to be pretty quick. My labor with Jordyn was 12-13 hours start to finish, and that was a first birth! I anticipate this one will be fairly short, as well, even though the kid is humungous. That's pretty much my one theory of what could slow it down - his size. Well, that and the epidural I fully intend to receive! But I still don't think it'll take all that long, barring something unforeseen happening. So, I wanted to know if I was dilated and/or effaced at all. Basically, I want/need to know how quickly I need to get to the hospital so I can get the epidural before it's too late... now that I know (learned during labor with Jordyn!) I have to get a liter of IV fluids prior to the epidural! Turns out, I'm about 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced. Lyla explained how the cervix is sort of cone-shaped, and at the top-most point where she can feel the baby's head, I'm only a fingertip dilated, but 2, almost 3 cm lower down. TMI warning... There was a bit of blood on her gloved fingers after the check, so she said I'd likely have some bloody discharge from the check, but that it didn't necessarily mean anything.

Well, I have had some bloody discharge the rest of the day, and I've definitely been having plenty of contractions, but I can't quite decide if they're anything other than just a bunch of Braxton Hicks. Jordyn and I met my parents and sister out for dinner, and I almost called right before we left and asked my parents to pick up Jordyn to take her out, and stay home to time contractions and see if anything happened. The last thing I wanted was for my water to break in the middle of a crowded restaurant! In the end, I did go to dinner, and while I wasn't feeling great when we got there, I felt better once I had something to eat and drank a good amount of water. Still had some contractions, but nothing major. I had timed a couple of contractions late this afternoon before going to dinner, but gave up on that pretty quickly, because I was fairly convinced they were nothing other than BH. 

So, now it's almost 10pm, Jordyn's sleeping, and I'm sitting here wondering if I'm going to go into labor sometime tonight, or if I will end up being induced tomorrow or Sunday. Every time I decide the contractions are nothing and are slowing down, I have another one, and I do think they're coming more often than they had been (I've been having BH for a long time), but they don't seem to be turning into true labor. It's a bit confusing, which I wasn't expecting, since I've done this before! 

Why do I want to the baby to be born on Sunday? Well... it's pretty dumb, actually, but this is how my mind works: If the baby comes on Sunday, his birthdate would be October 9th, or 10/9. Jordyn's birthday is August 7th, or 8/7. So my kids' birthdays would be 10-9-8-7. Ridiculous to care about that, but my head really likes it. It would also make the bris easier to schedule, since it wouldn't be on Shabbat (Saturday), although if he's born after sundown on Saturday, that would be a Sunday bris, too. But really it's about the numbers, what can I say. :) My sister's girlfriend's birthday is on Sunday, and she wants the baby to be born on her birthday. I don't particularly care for my sister's gf, so I could care less about that, but it may happen, and it works for the numbers. I'd be good with Monday, too - 10/10 - but I just don't think that's likely with how fast I'm convinced this is going to go. We'll see what happens. A week or two ago, I was just hoping to make it to October - I really wanted an October baby, not a September one, because October is my favorite month. I love the weather, I love the fall foliage, and the one thing I've "known" about my wedding - were I to ever have one - is that I wanted it to be in October. But I'll gladly take an October baby, instead!

In other, but related news, I'm a little emotional about the end of "me and Jordyn". Our 1:1 relationship we've had for over four years. I lay in bed cuddling with her after reading books tonight, which is our usual thing, and I just kept thinking that this was the last time I'd be doing that for a while, or maybe ever. Next time, there will be a newborn to contend with, or maybe cuddling with us. It just won't be the same - it won't be "just us". I get a little teary thinking about it, if I'm being honest.  I'm well aware this is a temporary feeling, and as soon as this baby is born and in my arms, I'll feel like our family is complete, and it'll soon feel like he was always here, and all will be well. But for right now... I can't help being a little wistful at the thought of something good coming to an end. Damn pregnancy hormones!

A Tale of Two Pregnancies

Hello. Yes, I still exist!

The last time I posted, it was back in March, and it was about my first prenatal appointment, and all the hullaballoo about the subchorionic hemorrhage. Now it's September, I'll be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and all is well.

I've been reflecting on some of the similarities and differences between this pregnancy and my first one. Some are simple and obvious, and others not as much:

~ My first was a girl and this one is a boy.
~ Both were conceived via IUI with no meds - first and fourth attempts, respectively. I'm very lucky!!
~ I was miserable during and beyond the first trimester with both, but I was more miserable the first time. I never threw up either time, but had lots of nausea. The first time, I took plenty of Zofran, the second time, I didn't take it once.
~ I weaned off lexapro before getting pregnant the first time, and stayed off it until the day after Jordyn was born, when I started taking Zoloft (so they each got a "Z" med!). I've been taking it ever since, including throughout this entire pregnancy. Which I'm pretty sure made a big difference in terms of...
~ I developed significant anxiety (and maybe depression?) during my first pregnancy. I read back on some old posts recently, and... wow. I was a mess! I couldn't sleep, I cried all the time... This time? I'm sleeping fine, other than waking up to pee every 2 hours or so. No anxiety. It's more like I'm in denial. The first time, I was convinced every single little thing had to be perfect, every i dotted and every t crossed before the baby came. This time, every so often I'm like, oh yeah, there's a baby coming soon. I should probably get on that! Wait... there's a BABY coming soon?!? Oh that's right, I'm pregnant - very pregnant at this point, and that means that soon I will be a mother of TWO. Holy shit! Ok, so maybe just a little bit of anxiety! But nothing like the first time! No crying jags, no insomnia. It's a whole different ball game.
~ This baby has a foot, or both feet, over on my right side, in pretty much the same place that Jordyn had a foot toward the end. I guess there may be something about my anatomy that that's the comfortable position for a baby to be in in there.
~ This time, I have someone's hand to grab and put on my belly when the baby kicks - Jordyn's. And she gets a kick out of feeling him kick! It's been nice to have someone to share the experience with.
~ I don't love being pregnant any more this time than I did the first. I like having a belly I'm not trying to hide (which is what I'm always trying to do otherwise), and I love feeling the baby move. I'll admit, there's also something I like about some of the attention you get when you're obviously pregnant, i.e. "Here, sit down, are you feeling ok? What can I get for you?". I DON'T like the obnoxious attention like, "Wow, your belly's getting really big! Are you sure there aren't two in there?!". Ugh. But I think the positive attention is nice, because when do I get that otherwise?? It's not like I have a husband to tell me to sit down and take a load off after a long day, and give me a foot rub, or whatever. But when I'm really pregnant, it's kind of nice to be taken care of, in a way. But otherwise, I'm not such a big fan.
~ Not as much heartburn this time, I don't think, but a few instances of pretty significant heartburn that woke me up and kept me up at night.
~ I think I carry babies low. I've never had much trouble with shortness of breath from the baby being up high and squishing my lungs. I don't even feel many kicks up that high. This guy does it occasionally when I'm lying down in a certain position, and I guess maybe he's able to stretch out a little more. But mostly the movement I feel, at least at this point, is on my right side where his feet are, and VERY low, like just above my cervix, maybe, where his head and hands are. I swear sometimes he's trying to punch his way out, and I'm going to end up with one of his fists through my cervix!
~ I'm pretty sure I didn't get the first stretch mark when I was pregnant the first time. This time, though? I'm covered in them! My whole lower belly/bump, from my belly button down, all the way across, and a couple of small ones above my belly button, too. Plus a few small ones on my upper thighs. My mom told me today that she got a lot of stretch marks, too. Not sure how I got so lucky last time, but not this time. Hopefully they'll fade over time, but it's not like anyone sees my belly (other than Jordyn), anyway.
~ No baby shower this time, except I think some of the nurses at work might be planning a small breakfast "sprinkle" one of these days soon. My job-share colleague asked me if it was ok, but it hasn't happened yet. I created a small registry with a few things I need (like infant boy socks), but I already have all the major stuff. I'm pretty sure no one even knows about my registry!
~ Jordyn has come with me to some of my prenatal visits, and she has helped the midwife find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler, and measure my belly. I have a few pics of this - so cute, and I love that she's been playing a role all along. She's excited about the baby, but we'll see what reality brings!
~ Much less focus on the pregnancy this time. I'd heard about this, and it's true - when you already have a child, you have to maintain focus on them, and so the new one coming gets less attention, at least until they're on the outside. I do usually remember how far along I am when people ask, but there have been times I've forgotten I'm pregnant, and then someone will say something about it, or it'll pop back into my head, and I'm like, "oh yeah, I'm pregnant!".
~ Along the same lines, I can't come home from work and just collapse on the couch, or spend all day on the couch on my days off this time. I have a child already, so I have to feed her dinner, give her a bath, do her whole bedtime routine... even when I feel like I just can't walk one more step. Suffice it to say we've eaten more takeout and delivery than ever before, she's skipped baths on nights when she really could've used one, and she's had to deal with some pretty cranky behavior on my part (so maybe now we're even, ha!). Eh, at least we've both survived.
~ Also relatedly, my parents are local this time. Last time, they moved to Boston barely a month before Jordyn was born. This time, at least they've been here to help. They've babysat so I haven't had to take Jordyn to ultrasound and other appointments, had us over for dinner so I didn't have to worry about dinner that night, etc. It's not all fun and games, but it's been helpful at times. Oh, and my dad has spent three days at my house with a handyman while I was at work recently, so I could get some projects done around the house before the baby arrives and they never happen.
~ As of yesterday, this pregnancy has a deadline. An expiration date of sorts. Since I'm now over 40 (41.8 to be exact), they won't let me go past my due date. Jordyn was five days late, and that was fine when I was 37, but my midwife told me they'd induce me between 39-40 weeks (which is fine with me!!). My official due date is October 15, but just yesterday I scheduled an induction for October 8-9, if he hasn't come on his own by then. Yikes! That's two weeks from tomorrow!!! It's weird, and sort of surreal to know there's a definite end point, since last time it was just a waiting game until she came on her own.
~ This time, I'm having to face some things that I didn't before. One is that once this baby is born, I'll never be pregnant again. I'll never feel a baby move inside me again. It'll be the end of an era, and that makes me a bit sad (even though I don't love being pregnant!). But what makes me even more sad is facing the fact that my relationship with Jordyn as we've both known it for over four years is coming to an end. She'll never again be my only child. Like it or not, the dynamic is going to shift, because it's going to have to. Maybe it'll be a positive thing, but I bet it won't be easy, at least at first. I know this is a common feeling with women pregnant with their second, so I know I'm not alone in this, and I know it ends well. It's been made less big of a deal because Jordyn is so excited about the baby coming, and is excited to help with him. But, who knows what it'll actually be like when he's here! She may change her tune a bit! But seeing her excited about being a big sister (even though she wanted the baby to be a girl) has made it easier to not be too upset about losing what we have.
~ I still don't have a name finalized. With Jordyn, I pretty much had her name set in stone months before she was born. I shared it pretty widely, because I knew I loved it and was going to use it and didn't really care what people thought. Plus, I'm pretty much an open book. But this time, I decided not to share, except with my family. That was my fatal flaw, of course! My mom doesn't like the first name I think I've decided on. That isn't necessarily going to stop me from using it, but it does make me feel like I have to keep trying to find a different name. I've tried, but I can't seem to do it. At this point, we've stopped talking about it, and she's basically said to just name him whatever I want, and let her know the name after he's born. Fine. I'm pretty sure I'm going to use the name I like (and she doesn't), but now I may switch the middle name I was pretty set with, but not 100%. Ugh. Why do I have such a hard time with boy names?? I could name six girls right now, easy. At least four. But boys? SOOOOO much harder for me!
~ I'm planning a bris this time, since I'm having a boy. It's been interesting, because I have no experience with this, and I still don't have all the details worked out, but I'm working on it. I have a punchbowl invitation all ready to send - once I fill in the date, time, and the kid's name! Haha! I've contacted a few mohels, and will finalize one once the baby is here and I know the date of the bris. I met with one of the rabbis at our temple to ask some questions and get a bit of guidance. She sent me a list of possible readings for the service, and lent me a book. I'm sure it'll all come together.
~ I don't remember the end of my first pregnancy being quite as uncomfortable as this one. I mean, it wasn't all fun and games, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't this uncomfortable. I don't know if it's my age, or the baby's position, or if it's just that whole "every pregnancy is different" thing, but I'm full of all kinds of aches and pains. My feet ache (even when I'm off of them), although they're doing better now that I've been wearing over-the-counter inserts in my shoes. I'm almost positive I have some plantar fasciitis going on in my left foot/heal. When I wake up in the morning - and all through the night to pee - I can barely walk to the bathroom. My lower back hurts, although that's also gotten better with the shoe inserts. I've also been going to the chiropractor for maybe six weeks or so, at the midwife's suggestion. I was having a lot of pain in my pelvic region, possibly symphysis pubis dysfunction, or whatever it's called. I still have a lot of achiness in my pelvic area, almost like I've been riding a horse for a long time. I don't remember that from the first time. At one point, I bought a belly band thing, which kind of helped, but it was over the summer, and I was way too hot wearing it under my clothes. I think there's something about this baby's exact position that when he shifts a certain way, it creates an intense pressure that almost hurts. It basically causes a Braxton Hicks contraction, I think, and makes me have to pee. It's hard to describe, but I don't remember this from the first time. Braxton Hicks, yes (I remember joking that I should name the baby first name Braxton, middle name Hicks!),  but not this weird pressure in my very low abdomen/upper pelvic area every so often that makes me shift my own position to try to shift his.
~ Speaking of uncomfortable, I'm editing this post to add something I forgot to include the first time, although I don't know how! Different random complications: The first time, I had marginal placenta previa, which self-corrected and turned out not to be an issue at all. That didn't happen this time, but at 20-something weeks, just after July 4th, I developed severe, intense pain in my right lower quadrant. I mean, REALLY bad pain - I woke up in agony in the middle of the night, dripping in sweat, and in so much pain I almost called my dad to come over so I could go to the hospital right then and there. I thought I may have had appendicitis. I took tylenol, which eventually took the tiniest edge off so I could go back to sleep. I called and spoke to the midwife on call the next day, who said it sounded like round ligament pain. Um - no. Not even close. I've had round ligament pain, and this was light-years worse! I ended up going in a day later (and saw a different midwife than the one I'd spoken to the day before), and then ended up going for an abdominal ultrasound in regular radiology to look for/rule out a few things. Turns out, it was a degenerating fibroid, which can cause that kind of intense pain. I'd known I'd had a pretty small fibroid in there somewhere, which I'd been told was nothing to worry about. But fibroids can grow during pregnancy, from the hormones, and then sometimes they outgrow their blood supply, and a part of it starts to degenerate, which is excruciatingly painful. As soon as I googled this and ready some other women's stories, I knew it was spot-on what I'd experienced. There's nothing you can really do for it, although they told me I could take ibuprofen up to 30 weeks, I think, but I never took it. The pain was horrendous for a couple of days (I could barely walk fully upright and it was obvious to others how uncomfortable I was), and then just kind of faded and disappeared entirely. I was told it could happen again, since more of the fibroid could start to degenerate, but it never did.
~ I don't remember being as hot and sweaty the first time. I must be the hottest pregnant woman on the planet! It's FINALLY started to cool down a bit, but I'm pretty sure I didn't stop sweating for three months straight (June/July, August, September). It was a ROUGH summer. I know it was hot the first time, too, and Jordyn was, of course, due and born in August, but this time has been worse, I think, maybe because I had to make it ALL the way through the summer pregnant, and not just til the beginning of August. This time, I took to putting ice packs down the back of my maternity pants, between my lower back and the stretchy band of the pants. Sounds crazy, but it helped!
~ I had a doula the first time, and I don't have one lined up for this time. Mostly because while I was planning to try for natural childbirth (and did it - even though I ended up wanting an epidural, it was too late) the first time, I'm fully planning on getting an epidural this time! I'm not going to wait until I meet the midwives' criteria to go to the hospital - I have my own plan! I'm going to go in pretty much right away, and if they won't take me yet, I'm going to hang out in the lobby until they will. Ideally, I'll have them place an IV and I'll take the pole with me to the lobby, so that once I get a liter of fluids, they'll be able to place the epidural right away once they admit me to a room!

I may come back and edit this if I think of anything else, but that covers most of it, I think.

More updates to come once the baby does (and maybe sooner)!

Appointments

I had my first prenatal appointment last Friday with my primary midwife, Megan. I was pleasantly surprised that she's taking this SCH issue seriously, much more than Phyllis sounded like she was when I talked to her the Monday before. I wanted her to show me on u/s pictures where the SCH was,  but she didn't have pictures, just the radiologist's report. The report said there was a long, thin bleed that was as long as 50% of the placenta. Before I could even request it, she said she wanted me to have another ultrasound within the next 1-2 weeks including a consult with maternal-fetal medicine. Good. I was going to ask for that if she hadn't suggested it. That appointment was this morning, but I'll get to that in a minute.

I asked Megan if it was normal to not have heard about these not-so-good u/s results until almost a full week after the test. She said that with these "viability" ultrasounds, if the pregnancy is viable, it doesn't trigger a flag for the report to be viewed immediately. She said if I want to check on results, I can call the midwives' office the day after the u/s. Thing is, with this one, I didn't know there were any results to check - the u/s tech had told me the heartbeat and the measurement and didn't mention anything else (I know the tech can't really tell me much), so I didn't know there was anything I needed to call about. But now I know that if I don't speak with an MD, I won't know if there's anything else to know and I'll call to ask.

The rest of the appointment was the usual first prenatal appointment stuff. She asked me all the screening questions like do I have anyone in my family with neural tube defects, etc. I got momentarily confused and told her I have a 3rd or 4th cousin with hydrocephalus and some retardation, so she told me she wants me to take prescription strength folic acid (1mg?) for the next three months. I picked it up but haven't been taking it, because I realized the guy I told her about is actually the husband/boyfriend of my actual blood-relative cousin, a female with retardation of some sort, but no hydrocephalus. We talked about first-trimester genetic screening, and I told her I wanted to do whichever one will give me the most information. I'm all set to go in for the bloodwork and nuchal translucency u/s (which apparently goes with it) a week or two from now.

Megan answered some questions I had, and then checked my cervix to make sure it was closed and that there was no blood near it that I hadn't seen yet, but all was well. She tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler, but warned me first that she may not be able to find it because it was borderline that I was far enough along. She tried briefly, but then decided to just look on u/s - they have a big, old u/s machine they use to check quick things like heartbeats. So this was fun, because she let me videotape the screen, so I have a recording of the teeny-tiny baby moving around a bit, and we could clearly see the heart was beating.

The nurse drew blood to check a CBC and whatever else they usually draw at this point, and Megan had them check my A1C (I think? sugar?) and thyroid. All came back fine. Hemoglobin and red blood cells just under the normal range, but apparently that's ok, and I should just keep taking the prenatal vitamin. The appointment was informative, but took FOREVER, and by the time I was leaving, the MFM office was closed for the day (and the weekend), so the receptionist had to call on Monday to try to get me in for the u/s and consult that (this) week.

On Monday, the receptionist called to tell me she could get me in with MFM at the main hospital the midwives deliver at on March 25th - NEXT Friday! I told her that was too far away, she double-checked with Megan, and then said she was going to try to get me seen at their back-up hospital (which is actually a much bigger, very well-respected, more "main" hospital than the first one) this week, but first I had to call and preregister at that hospital. Ugh. I did that, called her back, and finally heard from the MFM department at the back-up hospital to schedule an appointment on Tuesday early afternoon. Somehow, they were able to see me this morning (I could have even gone in yesterday, but at a less-opportune time).

So now... the MFM consult! The tech, Colleen, was great. She did the u/s, and then the MD came in afterwards. Colleen told me the baby measured 10w3d (a couple days ahead, even) and the heartbeat was 157. She saw the fibroid mentioned in the first u/s report, said it was small and no big deal, that fibroids often grow in pregnancy due to the hormones, and that they sometimes go away after the pregnancy. She printed out a couple pictures of the baby for me. The MD, Brett Young, was also very nice, but I could tell she found mine to be an uninteresting case and not worth a whole lot of her time. She said she was "underwhelmed" by the bleed, and really didn't see anything to be concerned about. She saw (and showed me) two small spots that she said may have been what they saw on the first u/s, but they were small and nowhere near 50% of the placenta. That if my first u/s had looked like it did today, she would have read it as a normal scan. It was "all good news", and while it was possible that there had been a large bleed that had mostly disappeared by now, it's also possible that there was never really anything much there in the first place (which is what it sounded like she thought was more likely).

Which begs the question... WTF?!? I mean, don't get me wrong - I'm VERY HAPPY that all seems to be well and I don't have to stress about the SCH anymore. But seriously, WTF happened with that first u/s?? Dr. Young definitely didn't sound convinced that there had ever been anything to worry about, because it's only been 16 days between ultrasounds, and she seemed to think a bleed as big as the report said couldn't possibly have turned into what she saw today in such a short period of time. Sounded to me like she thought it was more likely that something had been misread entirely! I'm thinking about trying to get a copy of my medical records, at least in terms of the ultrasound, from the other hospital. I figure they must save the pictures from the u/s, right? And not just the report? I'd really like to know what happened - this is going to keep bothering me if I don't! When the u/s was being scheduled, the midwives' receptionist tried to have it be on a couple specific days when I would have been seen in the prenatal ultrasound area, as opposed to general radiology, but the scheduling didn't work out, and they said it was fine to do it in radiology. So, I did, but now I regret that, and wonder if things would have been different if I'd gone to the totally different area where they do prenatal ultrasounds, instead. Ah, hindsight.

But... At least I can relax and know that there's not some huge bleed in there threatening the pregnancy. Phew!!

And now for the next two (or so) week wait... until the cell-free DNA test and NT u/s!

Unexpected Not-So-Good News

My ultrasound where I saw the heartbeat was last Tuesday at 10am. This past Monday - almost a full week later - I got a call from one of the midwives (Phyllis), asking if I had any questions about my ultrasound. The only thing the tech had told me was the measurement (7w5d I believe) and the heart rate (152), both of which were normal and good, so no, I didn't have any questions.

Then she sprang on me that there were other findings. So, yeah, THEN I had questions!! Apparently there's a 4cm fibroid (cyst? I forget which one she said but I think fibroid) on the front of my uterus that she didn't sound very concerned about. And then she said, "Well, we've found the source of your bleeding", at which point I immediately interrupted her to say that I haven't had any (any!) bleeding! As I was saying it, I figured she must have me confused with someone else. Either she called the wrong person, or knew she was calling me but had someone else's results pulled up on the screen.

But no. She'd thought bleeding was why the u/s had been ordered, but it had been at my request, because I wanted to make sure there was a heartbeat. Apparently there's a large "peri-gestational bleed" (aka subchorionic hematoma/hemorrhage or SCH) surrounding almost 50% of my uterus (sac? placenta? whatever). YIKES!! According to google, a lot of times a woman bleeds, thinks it's maybe a miscarriage, but has an u/s and it's found to be SCH instead, and the baby is just fine. But sometimes, you can have a SCH without any bleeding, and it's diagnosed on u/s, which is what happened with me. I haven't seen a drop of blood since my LMP in early January. A SCH often goes away on it's own with time, and any blood that doesn't come out is reabsorbed into your body, but sometimes it can worsen and cause a miscarriage or preterm labor. Lovely. Just what I needed - something else to stress about! Something I wouldn't even know about had I not requested the damn u/s! And according to google, the larger the bleed is and the older the woman is, the worse the prognosis is. So yeah, two strikes against me!

I asked about follow up, is this something that we need to watch closely, and her response was that I would have follow up, because if I wanted to do any first trimester genetic screenings, it would include an u/s around 12 weeks. That seems SO far away, since I'll just be 9 weeks tomorrow! Plus, it seems odd to only have follow-up because I'll just "happen" to have another u/s at that point for a different reason. Shouldn't this warrant it's own follow up on it's own schedule?? I have my first prenatal appointment tomorrow with a different midwife, and I'm going to see if I can have an u/s in 1-2 weeks. I'd like to know if the bleed is getting better or worse, and if worse, if I should be on bed rest or anything to try to help. I've already stopped carrying Jordyn, even though she'd like me to at times, because she's damn heavy now and there's no way that could be good for me.

I'm also pissed because why did it take so long for them to contact me with these results? Not that it would have changed anything, except maybe I'd have stopped picking Jordyn up sooner, but really, almost a full week? Seems a little excessive. And that, plus the progesterone saga from a few months ago where I had two midwives giving me very different information about whether or not I needed it, with the one saying I needed it calling me too late for it to really have helped had I actually needed it, only to have the RE tell me the following month that she wouldn't have even tested my progesterone in the first place (not to mention I ended up paying $60 out of pocket for a med I ended up not needing). I like the midwives, and I feel like I got great care when I was pregnant with Jordyn, but this is ridiculous! Their communication sucks, and they're totally not all on the same page. I wonder what the one tomorrow will tell me about the SCH! I may ask to see a MFM specialist, kind of as a second opinion.

I'm going to put the u/s picture here again... Does anyone see where the SCH is? Is it the white part at the bottom, or the slightly gray part above the baby, which I previously had thought was just part of the uterus. Or maybe it's off to the left side, the black part that's cut off at the edge of the picture? I'm definitely planning to ask the midwife at my appointment tomorrow for more details! I'd stepped out of a work meeting to answer the phone call, and was standing in the middle of fairly main hallway in the hospital having the conversation, plus, I was so surprised I didn't think of many of my questions until later.

(Extreme) First World Problem

Ok, this is probably the most extreme first world problem there is. So extreme, that it even annoys me to think that I'm even struggling with it, so if it's annoying to you, too, feel free to stop reading anytime!

A week or so ago, my dad brought up the idea of me and Jordyn going on a trip somewhere with my parents before the baby comes. The way he asked - "Would you like to go on a trip somewhere interesting with me and mom?" - I thought he already had a destination in mind. But he didn't. He was just floating the idea of going on a trip, and if I was on board, we could figure out where to go. He started to suggest places in Europe, which I personally think is kind of crazy with a not-quite-four-year-old. I mean, why?? A long flight with a many-hour time change, and then what would we do when we got there? Take Jordyn to a bunch of museums and walk around looking at architecture?! To be honest, *I'M* not even that interested in that stuff!  It just seems like the wrong destination to me. We didn't decide on anything, and he left the next day on a ski trip with his college buddies, so the conversation was put on hold.

I did a little research while he was away, though, trying to figure out a place to go that we would all enjoy, without it being too much work,  without too much driving, in non-Zika virus territory, with things I could do while pregnant, readily-accessible bathrooms, etc.  I came up with the idea of an all-inclusive type resort in the mountains or on the coast, but not south - like Vermont if we wanted to stay closer, or even the Pacific Northwest to add to the interest factor (different scenery, a part of the country I haven't spent too much time, etc.).

Today, my dad and I started to talk about possibilities and we sat at his computer and looked at a bunch of websites and maps. He's not so into the all-inclusive idea, but would rather do something like a 2-3 city trip, driving between them, and staying 2-3 nights in each place. "Ugh", was my first thought, partially because I know how my dad likes to travel - nonstop, go-go-go all day long, minimal bathroom breaks, off-the-beaten-path places... UGH. Most of that (I'm usually ok with off-the-beaten-path) doesn't sound good for a vacation under normal circumstances, but while pregnant?! No thanks!

We did kind of end up talking about a Pacific Northwest trip, flying into Portland, driving out to to Long Beach, WA or somewhere around there, and then up to Seattle, flying back from there. The drive would be a total of 5-6 hours, and we wouldn't do it all in one day. I'm interested in seeing that part of the country, since I haven't spent much time out there. I went to a conference in Seattle once, years ago, and did go to the fish market and the space needle, and I spent a week in Vancouver many, many years ago, but that's about it. My dad swears he'll make as many bathroom stops as I need, and I think there would be fun things to do with Jordyn, at least in Portland and Seattle (not sure what there's to do in Long Beach other than look at the scenery). I was pretty set on this, and we started to talk about dates, and it turns out, since I work part-time, that I could take 3 days off in June and end up with 9 days off in a row...

... So then my dad threw a real wrench into things (here's where the whole first world problem issue really gets going!). He asked if I had someone I could travel with to go pretty much anywhere I want, because with 9 days off, I could really go wherever - like Europe or other international destinations. He and my mom would take Jordyn, and I could jet off to wherever for 9 days with a friend. I'm pretty sure I don't have any friends who could just drop everything and pay for a 9-day international vacation with me three months from now (haha!), so then he suggested one of his sisters. He has two, and one would be a great travel companion; the other one would be absolute torture to spend 9 days with. Assuming the former could get off of work, my dad would pay for her to go, and we could go... literally wherever. Hmmm.

My first thought, honestly, was that I don't really want to leave Jordyn for that long. But he kept saying things like, this is my last chance to do something like this for probably many years, and it kind of got me thinking. I told him I'd think about it. And I started googling potential places to go and trying to think it all through. It would certainly be easier to pack and travel for just me, and my dad kind of has a point that I'll never have this chance again, at least not for a VERY long time.

Hence my extreme first world problem.

Do I...
A) go on a trip with Jordyn and my parents to the PNW, which would likely be fun for all, if a little stressful packing, traveling, and dealing with a 3-hour time change for/with Jordyn, or
B) go on more of a true "babymoon" with my aunt to Venice or Paris or Amsterdam or Iceland or Hawaii or ______ (literally anywhere Zika-free and with decent healthcare) and leave Jordyn for 8-9 days??????????????

I've also thought of a potential option C), which would be doing the PNW trip, and then maybe going on a mini-babymoon somewhere very close to home for a weekend, without Jordyn. Not sure what that would look like, and if I'd be doing it solo or a with a friend or whatever, but it would be a bit of a compromise, a way to do both, but it wouldn't include the potentially once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go somewhere really cool and interesting.

What would you do? Where would you go?

Like I needed *this* to stress about! But I'm absolutely 100% NOT COMPLAINING!!!!