Dear Carla

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Dear Carla,

Oh how I missed you today! It was a beautiful day for a wedding. The bride was beaming and gorgeous. I tried to soak it in for you. The minute I woke up, my mind registered the fact that this was the day your beautiful Stacey would be getting married. I couldn’t help but think about how happy you would have been. . . how much fun you would have had helping her get ready for her special day, after months of planning. You would have probably helped her make her wedding dress, although she actually did just fine on her own (she’s so much like you). In the end, she wasn’t quite happy with the dress she’d made, so she bought one after all. It was absolutely stunning. After managing to hold it in all day, I lost it the moment I saw her in the dress. I couldn’t help it! She was breathtaking. And all I could think of was how proud you would have been of her—not only because of her outward beauty, but because of who she has become inside, too.

She’s wonderful, Carla. And although you died when she was only 17, it’s clear that you had a tremendous influence on her. She’s sweet, funny, giving, smart, emotional (wonder where she got that?) . . . I could go on and on.

On days like this one, I miss you so much. I can’t tell you the number of times something has happened and I have thought, “Oh, I’ve got to tell Carla about this. She will crack up!” or “I’m going to call Carla and share what happened. She’ll understand.” Of course I quickly realize that I can’t, and the frustration of that fact stings every time. But today, your absence was felt even more. It’s been the case on all of the special days you’ve missed—James’, Scott’s, and Anna’s weddings, Westley’s birth.

Throughout the reception, I kept getting caught off guard. Simple, little things would just touch me, and I’d get choked up all over again. Like the bride and groom’s first dance, the father-daughter dance, Adam dancing with Stacey, Anna and Kelby’s maid of honor speeches. Stacey looked so happy. You would have loved it.

But you weren’t there.

And I missed you.

Reflections of 2011

Now that it's April, I decided I should try to catch up on what happened last year. I know, I'm pretty bad.

January
The girls turned 13 and 17. I already posted about this, so um, yeah. . . they turned 13 and 17. Gene and I celebrated our 33rd anniversary. And, I already posted about this, too, so. . . moving on to February.
February
Gene turned 54. One more year until he's considered a senior at some businesses. Senior Citizen's discount here we come!
We went to see Nick Vujicic (pronounced vooy-cheech) at The Rock Church. He was born with no arms or legs, and he has an amazing testimony. You can learn more about Nick here: http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/around-the-world/bullying-stop-the-epidemic/
March
Ryan went back to Japan to visit Ai. The day he arrived there was a massive earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Thankfully he was far away from the disaster. It was so devastating to watch the destruction.
April
Nothing eventful happened this month. I continued to try to sell a home to a couple of different clients. Held a couple of open houses. By the way, open houses are a lot of work!
May
Got an MRI done on my neck and back. I'm so tired of this pain! The MRI revealed several small to medium issues, which apparently all add up to one big issue, but there's not much that can be done about it. It's very disheartening.
June
Got a new stainless steel refrigerator, oven, and microwave! Gene showed off his handyman skills by running a gas line for our oven, so now I have a gas stove/oven! He also mounted our microwave. Sometimes he really impresses me!
Leah left for the summer to visit her birth mother in Hawaii. It was hard to let her go, because I felt like it was the beginning of her leaving us one day, which turns out to be right. More about that later.
July
Got a bone scan and a mammogram (fun). Still no real answers. Krista went to camp for a week, and Gene and I went to visit my mom in Albuquerque. It was so nice to see her, but the visit was too short. I think she really enjoyed having us there.
August
Ashley, Eric, and the grandkids came out for a visit! We had a wonderful time. We all went to Disneyland. It was our first time seeing Alex. What a little character he is. And Marah is so smart and funny. And our beautiful Jenna is such a sweet, talented girl. They are all growing up so fast! I sure wish we could see them more often.


Leah came home from Hawaii right after Ashley left. It was so good to see her! Apparently she met "someone special" out there. She started talking about going back there to live when she turns 18. This was hard to hear, but I wasn't surprised.
I decided to home school Krista this year. School started this month, which was hard with Ashley here. As it turns out, homeschooling was a HORRIBLE idea. I thought it would be easier with Krista than it was for Leah, but Krista was just as hard, if not harder. She just kept making excuses and begging to get out of an assignment. I could only handle it for one semester. Lesson learned.
My best friend from 10th grade, Karen (Lepker) Bauer called up one day and said she was in town and wanted to know if I could meet her for dinner. Why, yes I could! It was so great to catch up with her. Now if she would only get on Facebook!


September
I took another course in SDSU's Educational Technology certificate program. This is the last of the required courses. After this I only have 2 elective courses to take. I'll be so glad when this is finished!
Ryan was busy planning his wedding. It was so interesting to watch. You don't often see the groom plan the wedding. But he did it all! He's quite the proscratinator, and I don't think he realized that you have to book wedding venues early, so he had a difficult time finding a place. But he eventually settled on a beautiful place in Julian. We were all so excited to meet Ai's family!
Carla's been gone for 8 years now. The pain is still intense.
October
Ryan and Ai got married!

What a special day it was. So many of Ai's family members came out from Japan, and we had a wonderful visit with them. They were so sweet, and they brought yummy gifts! And Ashley was able to come back out for the wedding. So all of my kids were together for the first time in a LONG time. We are blessed.
The sad part came when Ryan and Ai went back to Japan. They have to live there for AT LEAST two years. A lot can happen in two years, so I'm worried they will end up staying there. That's so far away!

November
This month turned out to be rough. First, I turned 52. It's hard to even type that. I'm still in denial. But the really rough part was that Leah left to go stay with her birth mother's sister in the bay area before eventually moving to Hawaii. It was especially difficult because it was right before Thanksgiving, and she left because she was angry (mostly with me, though she and Gene argued a lot). It was very emotional. Thanksgiving is always emotional for me, because it was Carla's favorite holiday, and my dad's birthday is around that time, so I think about them a lot around Thanksgiving. Leah leaving didn't help.
I did have my first real estate transaction this month. I sold my first listing. It was my neighbor's mother's house. She had unfortunately passed away and they needed to sell her house, so they asked me to help. It sold in 10 days!
Anna came out to visit, and we finally got to meet Luis. We had a great time at James' and Sabrina's.


December
Christmas was definitely different this year. With only one kid at home, it just seemed odd to go all out with decorating, so we bought a little tree and used just a few of our ornaments. It certainly took less time to decorate (and undecorate), but it didn't feel much like Christmas. We went to Hollywood for Christmas. We saw "Wicked" and we went to Universal Studios. We video chatted with all of the other kids on Christmas Eve, which was really nice.



It's hard to believe that 2011 is over and that we are well into 2012 already!