Xmas's eve

"For you, I am nothing.
For someone, I am the world."

It is the best and encouraging thing I heard on the Xmas's eve.

And I do believe so.

Thank you once again!

A-Lin演唱會

分了手去聽A-Lin 的演唱會，是會哭得停不了的。
在我最失意，最崩潰的時候，我開始聽她的歌，雖然一邊聽一邊哭，但仍然不停replay...

一年後, 我可以聽她現場唱歌，既開心，更想不到是如此震撼。很欣賞她的歌藝，也很佩服她的投入，每首歌都很有感情，感染力非常厲害。

聽到她的一首新歌「我們會更好的」，眼眶不禁湧起淚水，是感同身受吧？但心裡更加希望，他給我的是這一首歌，而不是其他。

演唱會過後，腦海仍然是她的歌, 而她的歌給我最多的, 就是淚水。

"即使我們在愛情裡難免拉扯掙扎、失望不安，也不要輕易放棄相愛的可能，只要彼­此相信、守護，我們都會更好的。就像這首歌最後堅定地唱著：「抱怨會淡忘 / 固執會流亡 / 愛情會教人成長 / 知道嗎你的笑 / 對我有多重要 / 我是真的以為 / 愛你是幸福的」。我們都會幸福的。"

Stay good

Thank you for being around.

I always wish that you do stay happy and healthy, no matter what.
I know that you have the same wish for me.
That's quite good enough for two distant hearts, isn't it?

還你自由

天邊風光 身邊的我 都不在你眼中

你的眼中 藏著什麼 我從來都不懂

沒有關係 你的世界 就讓你去擁有

不打擾 是我的溫柔

不知道 不明瞭 不想要 為什麼我的心

明明是想靠近 卻孤單到黎明

不知道 不明瞭 不想要 為什麼我的心

那愛情的綺麗 總是在孤單裡

不知不覺 不情不願 又到巷子口

我沒有哭 也沒有笑 因為這是夢

沒有預兆 沒有理由 你真的有說過

如果有 就讓你 自由

AL finished

Just saw "3 idiots", the movie I had been longing to see for so long. Everyone told me that it is a great movie. I could tell from the full house in cinema even after 2 and a half month. Finally I saw it and finally I know how good it is. Truly highly recommended.

My annual leaves has also came to the end. I enjoyed so much the "pressure-free" days. I am also happy to have done three things: Singapore trip, Learn to make macaron and See "3 idiots". But now I started to hate the return to the shitty work.

November of this year

An year ago, it was a very tough time for me. I was hoping time could pass faster and the pain could go sooner. It did not kill me, fortunately, and it just made me grow stronger.

Now an year later, I have a similar situation. I thank God that I am stronger. It makes me sad but it doesn't really bother me too much. At least I could be more rational.

But then I started to think a lot about myself. I admit that there are some problems of myself. A friend of mine said that I am a very typical Virgo. The first thing she asked me about my status was that if I picked on the guy again. I was speechless. I know I am picky sometimes, but I never think I demand too much. Well, or I just never feel satisfied with what I have got?

a new day, a new start

Weather is better today, seems to tell me that this is going to be a good start. I truly hope so. I just realized that how many shared memories are here in the past 3 years. They have been hidden but once they are back, they are just all around and touch the heart.

leave me alone

I don't remember since when I became a very emotional person. When I was a kid, I did not cry much and instead I was very strong and stubborn. Now, with changes in life, I always easily drop my tears, every time I do feel pain in heart. Or sometimes if I am lucky, they are happy tears, but it is rare.

I strongly believe in destiny, or to be more specific, I strongly believe that there is God arranging everything for life, at least for mine. He does not only give me happiness, he also gives me lot of pain. He then gives me comfort and let me learn, but at the time he decided, he takes away the joy I gained from the comfort. It is really a plan.

Headache killing me last night and problems seem so hard to be sorted out. The weather today matches my mood. It is a good timing to hide in my cave now. Soon I will be back in shape, hopefully.

thank you

「一個人的美麗是認真，兩個人能在一起是緣份。」 慶幸我認真過，也感激我們有過這緣份。

真真假假都已經不重要，我們確實有過快樂的時光，而且我真的心存感激，只是緣來緣盡，從來都不是我們可以控制的。

多謝你！

speechless days

這幾天心情有點低落，還好有他在身邊，本來打算跟他傾訴，但每次我們見面時，話題都不會深入，他也因為工作而十分疲累，我看着他也感到心痛，想跟他分享的事也自然不了了之。 我很希望可以豐富我們心靈上的交流。已經差不多三個月了，我仍然覺得我們之間有些障礙，完全不是人們口中所說的熱戀期。 他未有給我機會訴說我心中的感受，我覺得我們有點距離。

他問我是不是仍然生氣，是，不過這遠不及我覺得無奈和迷茫。我生氣的是他控制不到的脾氣，和令我難受的說話和行為。但我清楚明白，我自己曾經也是一模一樣，所以我雖然感到傷害，我不責怪他。只是感到很可惜，我們的感情時好時壞，而且不斷地受到破壞，還可以維持多久，我真的不知道，也不敢去想。 可不可以只有快樂，永遠沒有傷心無奈？

Discomfort

Fights and disagreements are annoying, but it is much more annoying when you have physical discomfort. You can do nothing about it besides being suffered and worried.

We could overcome fights, coz it is mainly created by us human beings, or it is simply caused by misunderstanding. But it is out of your control when something about health bothering you. As growing older, I am more cautious about health and also more scared when there is s problem. The feeling is always like if I will be left alone, no matter it is serious or not. I confess that this thinking is very innocent but that's always my fear. It just makes me feel worse when I don't get the care I need. That's why I feel a bit down now. I always know I can't suppose anyone to do anything for me. But at this moment, there is really something missing and that makes me feel even worse besides physical torture. Sigh...... Now I miss the time I run alone at the riverside, I don't want to be found.

when I am alone

今日， 我的一星期大假正式開始， 已經半年多未放過大假，上次放假的時候還在以色列和歐洲渡過，過了幾個月，人和事都已經事過境遷，不禁有點感慨。

這個假期沒有像以往的周詳計劃，大概只想好好休息一下，一直發生的事太多，人和心也很累。

第一日的假期，就讓自己一個人安安靜靜的在家渡過。以前的我好怕寂寞，因為慣了有人陪伴在側，但當生活改變了，慢慢都已經習慣。事實上，總會有只得我自己一個人的時候，　很多時我都覺得一個人都不是壞事，可以做自己想做的事，去想去的地方，吃想吃的，買想買的.....實在是無拘無束。其實我本來已經適應了這種生活，可是，今天我竟然覺得有點落寞。　

我想起了最近一首歌的一句，＂寂寞不痛，痛在念舊＂。簡單的一句就道破了我的心情。　原來發生過的開心事不只會留下美好回憶，還會成為寂寞時的傷痛。我不是覺得寂寞，而是想念著我倆開心的時候。高高低低，起起伏伏，這一刻，這一次，我真的沒有太多信心，感覺也不太好。　

我的心情

久違了我的 BLOG, 這段期間太多事發生, 又有太多轉變, 心情起落也如過山車, 每日都好似有著意想不到的變化, 縱使心裡仍然有點忐忑不安, 我還是安好的, 尢其有兩個好朋友時常在我身邊支持我, 聽我訴苦, 好多事都可以淡然面對了。

有了一個新開始, 本應是開心的, 但直到現在, 快兩個月了, 我的心仍然有很多顧慮, 很多懷疑, 我自己都搞不清楚究竟為什麼, 而事實上, 他對我很好, 雖未至於無微不至, 但已經超乎我的預期了, 更令我有種不敢相信, 疑幻疑真的感覺。 我不明白為什麼在短短的認識期間, 他彷彿已經有著很深的感情, 這不是壞事, 只是思想複雜的我仍未能完全說服自己去相信一切, 去放低所有顧慮, 並放膽去投入這段感情!

這星期發生的事, 令我很想放棄, 我不是輕易放棄的人, 但心裡的折磨困擾得我很厲害, 再加上嚴重缺乏安全感, 我寧願自己一個人, 好過日日都愁眉苦臉, 更不想三天兩日就吵吵鬧鬧。 不過, 我不捨得, 他也一樣! 明明已經想好了難開口的對白, 但望著他的時候, 我總是心軟, 一切的困擾也好像被蓋掩了, 只想緊緊的抱著他, 只想我倆的距離可以拉近, 只想我倆可以開開心心。

我知道自己的思想性格, 朋友我可以輕易結交, 不會想東想西, 甚至可以很快信任, 但身邊的那個人, 每次都要經過懷疑/ 困擾一輪才可以接受他, 每段感情的開始我都難以投入, 要花很多時間去觀察, 因為我實在很怕受傷害, 以往的種種已經夠我瘋了, 我不想自己有天真的為了感情而精神崩潰! 縱然如此, 我也要多得"他" 的耐心與包容, 我的憂慮不是人人都可以明白, 更加不是人人都可以接受, 有時我都覺得自己過份, 確實不應該不斷去挑戰他的容忍程度!

近日, 他不停在說我 "身在福中不知福", 是真的嗎? 我之前一點也不覺得, 只覺得他口甜舌滑, 渾身是追女仔的技倆。 這兩天, 尢其經歷了面臨分開的一刻, 我開始想通了, 其實有很多事可能是我自己想得太多, 問題不在他, 是在我自己的心結, 要是對他不公平, 我寧可調整一下自己的想法, 或者這樣會有更好的發展。 但願如此!

兩個人可以相識是緣份, 可以成為情侶更是難能可貴的緣份, 無論以後會怎麼, 現在, 我們都應該好好珍惜, 珍惜我們眼前的一切。

Song for V-day

Thank you for loving me!

working CNY

Chinese New Year......time always passes so fast! Another new year starts. I think this is my first time to have such a busy working new year. Of course it is not fun at all. I don't feel any CNY atmosphere, except the moment I got laisee from my colleagues!

Five days working until the 3rd day of CNY. I have missed a lot. It is really quite tiring though I have got a surprising layover in Sapporo that I was so happy about. New Year day is the worst, 3 sectors and extra tired after medicine. It is not a lucky sign to get sick during CNY, but no choice, Sapporo -10 at least and now in Manila 30 degrees. I think I am already strong enough not to be defeated yet.

Actually I cured myself today by a very effective way, crazy shopping!! It is a way to balance my loneliness during CNY. It works!! I am so satisfied with all my new stuff. I totally forgot it is the 2nd day of new year.


Now I just want to go home and eat those new year food! Not too late.......

Prince Apples

小時候, 我好鍾意食蘋果, 覺得它又大又紅好靚, 又簡單又健康, 一邊食, 一邊覺得自己都好健康, 有一段時期差不多每天一個, 對"一日一蘋果, 醫生遠離我" 這句話深信不疑。 我還記得, 我曾經發過一個白日夢, 如果有一個人, 每日都會買蘋果給我, 那人一定是我的白馬王子! 哈哈....

其實家裡好像只有我一個鍾意食蘋果, 而且有好多其他選擇, 阿媽沒有買蘋果的時候, 我也逐漸遺忘了我對它的偏愛。 現在人大了, 自己會去買生果, 奇怪的是, 雖然我仍然好鍾意食蘋果, 但永遠都沒有買它回家, 只是偶爾有機會吃蘋果的時候, 我會多吃一點, 因為我會想起自己曾經是蘋果的 fans。

不知道事有湊巧, 還是天意, 這幾天, 幾個蘋果的出現令我再次回想了我對它的情意結, 甚至記起那個白日夢! 我又再次試著一日一蘋果, 不過, 心裡在想的, 跟小時侯有點不同了.....為甚麼這幾個蘋果特別甜? 我曾經幻想的 Prince Apples 真的出現了嗎??

一邊食, 一邊笑了.......

being simple and happy

When did it become so hard to trust a person? Sometimes I really want to go back to 10 years ago and I could just openly accept and trust people around me. When I am getting older, with more and more experience, it just became more complicated when you are trying to know someone you have never known.

I am trying to think simple. In fact, simple is the best. What I want is very simple but still, it is not easy to get. How I wish those human relationship can be simplified!!

Is it just because of the time? or it is actually a mistake?

God, please let me know........

rainbow

I always like rainbow, not only because it is amazingly beautiful, but also because of its meaning. We cannot always find rainbow, it only appears after rain. To be more specific, it only appears under the sun after rain. I always believe that I am lucky if I can see a rainbow. I think I have never seen one in Hong Kong. But I remember clearly I saw a double rainbow for the first time in France. I can never forget that.

There is also rainbow in life. There is rain, but the sun must come afterwards. And if there is something even better than sunshine coming to you after the rain, that's the rainbow! It may not last long, but at least, it can cheer you up, and makes you believe that rain will surely be over.

......

this is not the story you used to tell me
this is not the you I used to know

再一次的...痛

新一年, 本來決定了要有一個新開始, 好想將傷痛留在2010, 而且, 明明已經覺得好多了, 幾日前還寫了醒悟的心情, 想不到, 一個短短的email, 看似有情, 其實無情的幾句話, 又再次刺痛了我的心。 就是一個我一直在等的答覆, 原來, 一直只有我自己在意; 原來, 一直只是我自己高估了這段感情的價值; 原來, 這段感情在他心中......已經不值一提。

剛巧昨天是分手的兩個月, 就這樣, 我在北京一個人被折騰了一整天, 也哭了好幾次。 電視更湊巧播了一首在說我心情的歌, 我每聽一次, 就多哭了一次。

當我走在去過的每個地方 總會聽到你那最自由的笑
當我回到一個人住的地方 最怕看到冬天你最愛穿的那件外套
只是哪怕周圍再多人 感覺還是一個人
每當我笑了 心卻狠狠的哭著

給我一個理由忘記 那麼愛我的你
給我一個理由放棄 當時做的決定
有些愛 越想抽離 卻越更清晰
而最痛的距離 是你不在身邊 卻在我的心裡

可以的話,
給我一個理由忘記那麼愛我的你

可以的話,
給我一個理由放棄當時做的決定

有些愛,越想抽離, 卻越更清晰

而最痛的距離,
是你不在我身邊, 卻在我的......心裡


我的心, 真的很痛......