It is with a heavy heart, swollen eyes, tear soaked cheeks, and runny nose I write this letter to you. As you can probably sense by my physical description I am an emotional mess. I was just told that you passed away this morning. I literally had to sit down immediately. I am grief stricken to know I will never get to say good bye to you, tell you how much I really do love you and tell you how much you taught me. You made me a better person. Yes, I guess I am being selfish but there is also some guilt because I wasn’t there by your side when you took your last breath. However, due to your sometimes conflicting ways, you may not have wanted me there. Though, you and I both know I have witnessed far too many “last breaths” and now in this stage in my life I find it unbearable anymore. So, I have a hunch you purposely waited for a day you know I would not be there. Thank you for being so courteous and courageous.
I just wanted to share with you in this letter some of the things I may have failed to communicate to you when you were alive. You know I always had strong feelings for you; but, I struggle sometimes to express them effectively. I still remember catching you as a little wild kitten behind that pizza joint with 35 other mates from your feral colony when I was in my third trimester of pregnancy with Pheodora. I wanted to keep you and 6 of your littermates including your feral mother. However, my husband would not allow me to keep you all. I fought and worked hard to keep 5 of you. Unfortunately, you and your sister Schitzy cat were the last survivors from that colony. So please know despite your feral ways in the first ten years of your life, I always wanted you. I wanted to take care you. I enjoyed keeping you out of harms way. I wanted to make your life easier by providing you shelter, food and water - so you would never be without. You deserved it.
You were always respectful to our other older cats and noisy dogs. I loved your curiosity for my daughters too. You always liked hiding out on my enclosed bedroom porch and perching on the cat trees I got for you and your siblings. When my babies would fuss in the room, you always stood watch of them from a safe distance. Your curiosity gave me hope that one day I could eventually pet you.
I still remember your guard slowly fading as years would past. As I would feed you wet food, I could get to pet your back. You would pop your head up startled and run away. Eventually running back to the bowl of wet food so you wouldn’t miss a morsel, I would then pet you again. Then one day, you came to me as I sat at my vanity and allowed me to pet your back and tail. That was the start of our physical show of affection for each other. It was on your terms (and I was fine with that), I could pet you as long as I was sitting or laying on my bed. Soon, you came to behave like a normal house cat, looking for those strokes of affection soon leaning into being kissed on the head.
We eventually shared my bed, both for slumber and cuddles. You were such a big beautiful long hair cat. Your fur was soft. It was funny how you would slobber like a dog when we would pet you too much. The funny part was when you would force your head against my lips making me kiss you and slobbering the whole time. You were such a sweet pleasure to be around. I will miss your kisses.
I won’t keep you much longer from your time in kitty heaven. I am sure you have a lot of catch up with your old friends.
I will end this letter with just a couple lessons you taught me and I thank you for making me a better person. First lesson is patience and tenacity - Never to give up when your gut is telling you it will work out. Just have patience. I am so glad I did with you. We shared some lovely heart warming moments despite it taking over ten years. You made my bed warm and inviting. Your kisses mad me feel special. The second lesson is - it’s ok if things aren’t always the way you want them to be. Sometimes it’s best to accept things for the way they are and try daily to make them better. Live in the moment. Enjoy the moment. Be thankful for those moments we get to share. Be thankful to have an open heart that is ever evolving to invite more love in. Even if you know it may not be long, it’s those moments that hold a special place in our hearts and minds that make a lasting impact.
You will always be my beloved pretty furry girl. I hope I get to see you again in Heaven in one day. But for now, enjoy your time. Thank you for being you and opening your heart to me. I love you.
Love,
Paulette
