I haven't changed. Or have I?

When I was pregnant with Liam, obviously my life changed - what I could eat, how much I slept, how easily I could move around. And I knew that once Liam was here my life would change – meaning I would have more responsibilities, less free time, a new main priority. But I swore up, down, left, and right that I would not change.

I’d still enjoy a night out with my friends; grandma and grandpa would surely watch the little guy. I’d love sitting around the bonfire until the late night hours because that is what summer is about. I’d go back to enjoying a blue moon or glass of merlot on the weekends. Mike and I would still go out to eat; he is just one little baby after all. I’d still see all of my friends and make time for them, just bringing my sidekick Liam along. I wasn’t going to change….yet… something changed.

A few months after Liam was born I started to see friends who I normally spoke to regularly and hung out with regularly disappear. On the flip side, I saw friends who I hadn’t kept in great touch with suddenly reemerge into my life. It was no coincidence that those who faded away had very different responsibilities and priorities and those who emerged recently had children and understood where my life was now at. I was hurt by the people who looked at me like I had changed and no longer included in me in their lives – I am still fun, talkative, opinionated, friendly Ashley! It wasn’t me that changed….or was it?

With more and more months passing, I do understand that this major life event has changed me. Once I quit placing the blame on those around me not “accepting” that I now have a kid, I started to realize that it is me who is very actively choosing to be a new version of myself. While a bonfire and some blue moons would be great every now and then, it is not something I want every weekend, and it is certainly not the only thing summer can be about. I still very much want to go out on the weekends and see my friends, but I can’t help but think it would just be better for Liam if I was there to keep up with our routine. And those few times I do indulge, well, I have to go into that knowing I will be even more sleep deprived with a longer recovery the next day. Going out to eat is not relaxing anymore, and the food isn’t all that amazing – certainly not worth the money that could be used to save for college. I’d love to go to the gym for 2 hours each night after work but that is the precious time I have with my little guy before he goes to bed.

I have changed. Being the life of the party, making sure I never miss out, and making sure I am always at every event is now nowhere near as important to me as raising a happy, healthy, respectful, religious little boy. I am constantly feeling guilt between who I was, and who I am now. I can’t have it all (as hard as that is to admit) because somewhere, something has to give. And right now, I am making the choice to put my family first. I know that because my life and who I am has changed, it has had an impact on some friendships. I still very much value those friendships that have seemed to have drifted and I am hopeful as time evolves that there will be reason to rekindle those relationships. I am extremely grateful for those relationships which have strengthened through the commonality of having children. As the saying goes, “People walk in and out of your life, but true friends leave footprints in your heart.”

I still plan to have an annual girl’s weekend and I will make date night a priority. I will do what I can to make those closest to me feel valued and loved. I will be an example for Liam - and sometimes that means showing him that the “old” me still needs to see the light of day!

I have changed. I feel that God has put me right where I need to be, He has given me the relationships I need to prosper, and a village to help raise my little boy. Time will tell on how the future plays out, but a wise man (or woman) once said, “The only thing that is constant in life is change….you just have to embrace it!”

Tremendous responsibilty.... tremendous love!

Again, I'm back...writing on this blog that is. I haven't written in well over a year, and for those who enjoy reading my thoughts on their screen, I apologize. Life has been... tremendously busy.

That word tremendous: "Very great in amount, scale, or intensity." Yes. Tremendously busy is appropriate.

I cannot complain; we have had a wonderful year so far in 2016. It has been filled with friends, family, weddings, lazy days at home, wonderful days in the sun, and so much more. This year has been filled with many blessings, lots of laughter, and love. Tremendous love.

This year (and the last half of 2015) has been unlike any other. I am now a mother. Just writing that feels “heavy.” There is such depth to that word and it is not something I ever truly understood until I became one. From the very second I knew I was pregnant, I felt purpose. I felt responsible for something far greater than myself. My pregnancy was not exactly an easy one and we were worried the entire way with various concerns, but on October 27th at 2:00 in the morning, Liam John Shrode came into this world and took my entire heart. I became a mother and was tasked with the responsibility of raising this child. Tremendous responsibility.

Every day I am more and more aware of how important it is to show Liam empathy, love, how to be caring, and how to show respect. I am more aware of how I am going to have to teach him tough lessons and use tough love when all I want to do is cave-in to such a precious being. I’ll watch him grow and become more and more able to do the “little” things. I will need to show him that there will be times when things just don’t make sense, that the world isn’t always fair, and that not everyone will be a friend. I will have to answer all of his “whys?” and “hows?” There is so much for him to learn and Mike and I are his first resources for that. We are his examples and he will learn from us – whether we are trying to teach or not. The people we are will shape who he becomes. What a tremendous responsibility that is.

At just 9 months old, Liam is absolutely amazing. I could just watch him play for hours because his view of the world is so basic, so beautiful. He shows love in so many ways already and his love is so pure. The smile he makes when I pick him up from daycare is priceless and can make 8 horrible work hours seem irrelevant. The little arms that are held high above his head showing he wants to be picked up makes my heart so happy. The giggles he makes from tickling his belly or chasing him down the hall makes me feel overwhelmed with happiness. The smile and squeal he makes when Mike comes home from work is pure satisfaction. He has brought us so much happiness and so much love. Tremendous love.

So with such responsibility comes such love. It is impossible to explain how it can feel like such a daunting task to raise a child, but then it is an indescribable joy as well. How the thing that keeps you from sleeping and functioning as you once knew, is the whole reason you feel you are even meant to be. I have to say that I gained a HUGE amount of respect and admiration for my mom and grandma, as well as Mike’s mom, when I became a mother myself. How they dealt with the many emotions of raising a child from the infant years through adulthood, I cannot yet fully understand….but I have a 9 month glimpse…. and it is tremendous.

Is this reality?

I recently read about a boy who was billed by his friend’s parents for missing a birthday party; they sent him a “no show fee.” I also noticed social media exploding about “bullying” at the Osakis Public School and the outrageous comments coming from people who have no idea what they are talking about.

Do people really believe that their behavior is acceptable? Do they think they are being good role models for their children? There are so many things for kids to be distracted with in today’s media that they NEED the parents to be level-headed and provide a stable grounding for the children to see as an example. I hate to say “normal,” (because everyone’s normal is different) but kids need that sense of stability and comfort in a world that is constantly moving and chaotic. Social media has only heightened the continuous feed of information, the area for self-consciousness to expand, and for boundaries to be explored and pushed. The problem is…it isn’t going away anytime soon. I can only hope that common sense becomes more common and that people THINK before they ACT; but history has taught me that is not always the case.

For the example I used above about the kid who was billed by a parent of his friend for not showing up to his birthday party - in what world would that be okay? Why do we head right to the end-all for every obstacle that comes our way? Instead of billing the kid who did not attend the birthday party, why not contact the parents and find out why – or discuss with them what you would have liked them to do in that instance? Why go immediately to “I’m going to sue you!” instead of finding a common-ground and solution? (Am I really preaching on peace?)

The Osakis incident has really upset me - maybe because I am defensive of a place that I feel taught me, prepared me for the future, and set examples for what is acceptable.

The term “bullying” is being overused. That is 100% my opinion. Is there bullying in schools? Yes. Is that wrong? Yes. Are parents and students overusing the term bullying? Yes. Yes. Yes.

The complete outburst on facebook, twitter, and EVEN CRAIGSLIST (under political) is absolutely ridiculous. A cop was sent to the school and evaluated the problem – he noted it as kids being foolish and no criminal behavior. While that deserves its own punishment, the level to which the parents (and supporters of these parents) have taken it, is too far. Talking about suing, expelling these kids, firing staff, etc. are all so extreme. What about possibly having the parents, students, and staff sit down together and all admit their wrongdoings and find a solution going forward? Instead of ruining people’s lives, reputations, slandering their names/businesses, how about we come together to set an example and teach the kids something? – A LESSON! Heaven forbid there are lessons learned in school that are not on the lesson plan!

When I was in 7th grade, three girls that I went to school with created websites detailing how they would kill me. They had planned to tie bricks to my feet and throw me in the lake. They continued to make fun of my hair/figure/hobbies. They were even creating these websites during school hours. My parents found out about this, contacted the parents, and they handled it together. I received an apology and the incident was over. There was no talk of suing, of expelling anyone, or firing any staff. I feel that incident was more along the lines of “bullying” because it threatened my life and how safe I could feel around these people. But, as responsible parents, my mom and dad took care of it and taught me a lesson all while making sure I felt safe knowing they had my back.

From my understanding, the Osakis incident was stupid (as teen boys often are), but the kid tied up in the pictures knew what was happening and was a willing participant. He didn’t yell out or attempt to get the teacher’s attention. My guess is that ever since his parents (and their followers) have raised the concern, the kid is probably too scared to come forward and say that he was playing along. The parents went to the extreme… how could the kid come forward now? Maybe I know nothing, but I know at least as much as all of the people on facebook who are posting/sharing/liking this incident. Again people, THINK before you ACT; this affects someone’s livelihood, character and future.

Social media has given the idiots access to the population (and you may be thinking I am one of these idiots –touché ). Everyone is free to share their thoughts/comments/concerns to anyone in the world with a Wi-Fi connection. Well, here are mine:
- People need to start THINKING before ACTING!
- Common sense should be more common!
- Be an example for your kids and those around you- my parents did a great job in my opinion!
- The term “bullying” is being overused and it is not to anyone’s benefit!
- People should be able to sit down, have a civil conversation and come out of any problem with a solution!
- Osakis Public was a great school, with exceptional teachers who prepared me to go out in to the real world and make a positive impact on my community!
- And lastly, on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I encourage you to put aside you prejudices and try to work with those around you for peace. Our children are watching us…

The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

“The world now demands a maturity of America that we may not be able to achieve.”- Martin Luther King, Jr.

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm back!

It has been quite some time since I last wrote on this blog. I had started writing right out of college when everything seemed to be a new beginning – and it was – but everything that seemed blog-worthy then was really just sharing my routine and whereabouts with family and friends (Grandma always loved it). It was a nice place to share my thoughts and note what I am grateful for, but it lacked true depth and insight to who I am. Maybe I was scared to show it, or maybe I simply did not know. Anyway, I slowly lost interest and found better use for my “free time.”

I removed all of the prior posts when I started looking for new employment about a year ago. I did not want any future employers to see my blog or find me unprofessional on any social media site. Well, it must have worked because from the time that I deleted the prior blogs to now, I have started a new career. Actually, my life has changed significantly since I wrote on this blog four years ago. This post will be a lot like the ones of the past, it will catch you up! Let’s begin, shall we? (Enjoy Grandma)


Life starting in 2011: I was working for the NCUA and traveling far too much. At that time though, the traveling was fun, exciting, and allowed me to occasionally spend time with the small group of girls I love! Jessica, Jennifer, Kerri, Lauren, and Sarah lived hundreds of miles away in various directions but when we were together, it felt like we had been friends for years. It truly amazed me that we came from all over the U.S. and are still so similar and get along so well. Aside from the friendships gained, work was always stressful and felt like a never-ending uphill battle. I had some colleagues I really enjoyed working with and learning from, while others made me want to bang my head into a wall. Also, having a manager who did not have an ounce of professionalism or deserve the slightest bit of respect did not help.

I had just started dating Mike “officially” and things were going great. The relationship had a strong foundation and friendship to begin with, so it just headed toward destiny. In May of 2011, I bought my townhome in Ramsey, MN and it was such a wonderful place. At the end of the year, Mike moved in with me and started job hunting. This was a huge leap of faith for him to take and such a statement of commitment. He left his home, the comfort of his family, and a stable job just to move in with me; sometimes the scariest things are the most satisfying. Shortly after moving in, Mike found a job with MJ Lorenz Concrete and absolutely loved it. Everything was falling into place.

2012 was a wonderful year. Mike proposed on July 16th at the Color Run and the wedding planning began. This year was full of ups and downs, but we had our eyes set of 5/25/13!



2013 was filled with every possible emotion. The first half of the year was chaos. Mike and I sold our townhome in Ramsey and bought our home in Ham Lake. Thanks to Sharon, my mom, and Mike and his brothers, we were settled in our home on just the first day!


After the move, the weekends were filled with showers, parties, and wedding prep-work; it was such an exciting time. The wedding could not have gone any better and I became Ashley Shrode! I truly am so blessed to have married such a wonderful man.


Many people know Mike as the comedian and someone who is always fun to be around. Many know he is artistic, athletic, musical and a handy-man. What many people may not know is how strong Mike is, how caring he is, how much he puts his full faith and trust in God to lead the way. He is a wonderful Christian man and a wonderful husband. One day, he will make a wonderful father as well.

Mike and I took a trip to Washington D.C. over Labor Day and it was wonderful. We covered a lot of ground and history over the long weekend, but it was fun for me to see his first reaction to everything there. We went to places I had seen 20 times from working with NCUA, but none of those times compared to sharing it with Mike.


In the fall, things kind of took a turn downhill for my family. My dad was showing signs of heart failure. He has always had heart disease but it was really beginning to weigh heavily on him. In September (on my birthday actually) dad was at Abbott Hospital in Minneapolis about to get a pacemaker when he was informed that was only a “temporary fix.” My dad was told he would need a heart transplant or he would have not have many years ahead of him – and those years would not be of great quality. Things like this can bring a family closer, or tear them apart. I believe it brought our family closer. We had our ups and downs, many arguments, and many tears, but we knew that we all had to be strong, have faith and let God lead us. My dad chose to wait in the hospital for a heart to be available (he would receive it faster that way). Days went by, weeks, and eventually months and we did not know when he would get the heart. It was VERY, VERY hard to watch weeks go by without any news and for my dad to just be hospital bound. He was able to ride a stationary bicycle, read/play on his ipad, but it was killing him slowly. We spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s all in the hospital. No fresh air for him, no feeling of snow, and worst of all, no ice fishing for him.

All during this time, my job was becoming unbearable; I needed to look elsewhere. I was on the road all the time and not able to be there for my dad and family. I was stuck in a position that had no advancement opportunity for AT LEAST the next two years – it wasn’t looking good.

2013 ended with Mike and me taking a much-needed trip to Lutsen with Sam and Raquel (Mike’s brother and his wife) to go snowboarding. While we were on the five hour drive up to Lutsen, I received an email that I would have an interview with Thrivent Federal Credit Union for the internal audit position– it was the glimmer of hope I needed.


2014 started off with a bang! After several interviews, I was notified that I got the position with TFCU and would start just a few weeks later. I put in my notice to NCUA without hesitation and have never looked back.

The week I found out I got the job was the same week dad was notified there was a heart available. My mom called me frantic and let me know that they had a heart. There was an immediate instinct to organize myself and get to the hospital, all while tears of joy were streaming down my face. Mike was at work and I called him to get home ASAP. Of course though, just like every other weekend that winter, there was an ice/snowstorm and it was a challege to get to the hospital. Mike and I got down to Abbott around 8:00 pm and my mom and brothers would be down shortly after. Dad seemed very calm (which he always did) but I think under it all, we all felt the relief and sense of fear at the same time. The doctors informed us the actual surgery would not be until the next morning. We all stayed at the hospital that night anyway; we tried to sleep, tried to play games, tried to eat. My dad went into surgery and we sat and waited. At 4:00 pm we were notified that the surgery went well and he would be going into recovery. After dinner that night, we were able to go see him and by the next morning he was sitting up in a chair. It all seemed too unreal and we were all in such a haze. There are no words to describe the gratitude I have to the nurses and doctors who helped my dad in the hospital for those months and for the surgeons that day. Mostly, though, there was a man who died too young but made the decision to donate. His choice saved my dad’s life and to him and his family and I forever thankful. “A few years” with my dad turned into many years. It was a blessing from God.


I started my job with Thrivent FCU in March of 2014 and it has been another blessing from God. This job now gives me purpose and I have some pretty amazing coworkers. I have supervisors who support me and are great examples of strong women who have it all (faith, family, career). Oh, and I also really enjoyed decorating my office! Thrivent is a wonderful place to work and has made me a better person. Don’t get me wrong, there are stressful days, but this job allows me to go home every night to Michael, to cook my own meals, and to sleep in my own bed. I have a voice at this job and feel necessary.

2014 started with a new job and a new heart for my dad. Mike and I celebrated our one-year anniversary and added Bella (our black lab) to the family.


Over Labor Day weekend we took a 10-day road trip with Sam and Raquel. We went to Yellowstone, to Salt Lake City, to Las Vegas, to the Hoover Dam, to the Grand Canyon, to Sedona, to Albuquerque, to Colorado Springs, to Rocky Mountain National Park, to Mount Rushmore and Lake Sylvan. It was breathtaking. We saw so much ‘Merica and spent quality time with two great people; what an amazing adventure SHRODETRIP 2014 was.


I am beyond blessed. Mike and I enjoy our life, our marriage, our careers, and our family. We are blessed by God in so many ways and are constantly working on how to be better disciples for Him. I am hoping through this blog that I will be able to share what is on my mind and on my heart, to reach out to family and friends, and to be a voice for many who may share these same feelings.

“Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more of yourself by giving it away to others.”