I have never missed you so so much before.

So much to tell you

So many eventful events that I want to share joy with you, laugh with you

Just want to share my everything with you, even my future

Together till we grow old.

I yearn for your hugs
I yearn for your kisses
I yearn for your sillyness, creating nonsense lyrics in a song but so cute in my eyes
I yearn for your laughters
I yearn for your stares at me, making my hair
I just want to hug you so tight, my dear. 

when you thought that everything is going to be alright once you recovered, it's usually not the case. One issue down, another issue came up. Worries are never ending, there can never be a day when you have nothing to worry about or things to think about.

Though there are good and bad times, I'm still thankful to have a bestie I can fall back on, few close friends to confide in and of course my sweetest boyfriend thats always here for me. I do not need anything else more, just these will be enough. 

I thought I had the chance to but in the end it still back to square one.... I did not want to sacrifice what I've been doing way before I started this career of mine. Actually i thought when i have the freedom to choose flights, dance would be back to normal again but it is more than that.  The planning of flights on dates needs to be done, sacrificing long flights to exchange for day off and etc, however that is something expected when i said yes to join the team. I really don't mind just for a chance to be on stage this year, just once.... but this happened.

the hope of getting into recital this year, to be in s24 this year is what i thought impossible before but opportunities came and go on its own. i'm not sure if its meant to be cause the day of injury i had a standby which sure to be activated and mummy just said if i just go ahead probably i would've escaped this injury. But, who knows for sure? I may even get into something more severe that God is protecting me from. I refrain myself to think negatively but emotions just can't be controlled. Being still involved in the group chat the dance videos that I saw, it just brings back more hurt that I'm supposed to be there but someone has already replaced me..

I did complain before i need more time to be home and spend with family and friends but i did not specify in what ways i like to in my prayers T_T my fault. I did not blame God for this mishap to happen but I know through this it reflects a lot about the people around me, especially my closed ones. It is indeed through tough times that true friends shows, thank You for showing me that and family love is indeed something cant be replaced.

I feel so limited everyday, i wanna pack my items but can't seem to do anything with my leg that can't carry things about coz two hands occupied sigh I'm pretty sure my luggage grew dust already lolol pending for my "holiday" to be over soon as I'm eating grass this month :< well on a side note being separate from my loved ones isn't a good feeling either. at least simplest i can do is to move around.

A special thank you to this sweetest squirrel that hop into my life when i least expected it, you showed me things that i never thought i will experience in my life, doing the sweetest things ever to touched my heart, loving me in a way no man in my life ever did before (I'm serious). Thank you for taking care of me all these while and to the extent of getting a wheelchair for my convenience as you see how 幸苦 i am these days with two chopsticks under my arm to help with moving around. Well nobody has seen this cutiepie of mine on social media, i guess nobody will come here ever so hehe full face shown xoxo

tata

most irritating guy yet the sweetest one that i wanna keep for life <3

Thank you for the late night chats where you accompanied me through with laughters

Thank you for playing the piano that always managed to melt my heart so easily

Thank you for the constant calls that you always made before/during/after work

Thank you for sacrificing the time you can rest to chat with me even tho you're tired

Thank you for the times where we always couldn't bear to have the final farewell 

Thank you for all the hugs we had that i treasured dearly

Thank you for letting me know you're always here no matter what happens

Thank you for being someone I enjoyed being with so much

Thank you for always being the nicest person, caring for me & my friends

Plenty of thank yous and it's never enough cause you'll continue to amaze me for sure (hahaha) 

why must you up the standard for me that I'll never be able to catch up :( 

Above all the thank you, 

thank you for coming into my life. 

thank you for loving me for who I am.

thank you for being here for me whenever I needed someone

thank you for tolerating this little irritating girl you fell for 

thank you for being you

thank you for the chance I get to know you, &

thank you for allowing me to love you. 

I don't know how often do you come back here but I am still gonna regard this blog as an outlet since I've been doing this and thought that nobody actually reads this anymore until you appear (I'm still pretty amazed) hahaha but I would rather you not knowing this la now I'm just too lazy to create another blogspot hahahaha

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Seriously when i think back now things are still very magical as in how things happened and how everything slowly piece up when we get to know more about each other. You don't know how appreciative I felt and how happy i was when i first received the parcel from you. I never expect us to get back in contact after the first day we know each other cause i assumed you had no interests to but it was a pleasant surprise indeed hehe. Idk why being with you just made me feel very different compared to others, made me feel very loved and this is how it feels when someone really cares and love me for who i am.

I feel the same way as you do, like amazed how common and similar we are in terms of character personalities and even things we do/watch/say/etc its just too unbelievable as i never knew i would meet someone like you.

you're really someone that I feel so connected to even without relaying my thoughts and its really been awhile since I laughed so hard being with someone i enjoyed his company so much :')

Many things I do not dare to say it face to face coz I'm just too shy or afraid of saying too early cause i just have fear of losing someone that I'm so thankful for to appear in my life. Things are still too soon to say so now but well, I just have a feeling we can go farrrrrrrrrrr :')

just paktor now only ah not yeojachingu hor 

tsk where got so easy HAHAHAA *cheeky*

Nobody elses knows and continue reading this blog so I assumed I can treat this blog as my private blog freely express to myself and also inner feelings that cant tell anybody.... nobodywill really come back to this blog and read, I'M SURE. 

Just a sudden feel to do some blogging to relate my feelings about everything thats happening around me... Somethings are better when left unspoken but the feeling that cant be expressed is pretty unbearable. Especially I just caught The Way We Were and see some blogging does some help to relieve yourself thus I came back to this keyboard once again. 

I agree that having dys that requires no alarms is really a happy thing. But that comes with a price which is.... unable to sleep properly and sleeping at odd hours. You may say this job is a dream job but many sacrifices come along with it. 

1) Irregular sleeping hours

2) Lesser time spent with loved ones including the boy, janjan and my other group of friends. Am I neglecting them or its just our time doesnt match? Im trying hard to connect with everyobody but with such limited off days I just.... can't accomodate all.

3) Dietary. Eating lunch dinner supper at the wrong hours and gaining unnecessary weight calories with less energy to even exercis T_T

4) Skin condition. Things that I cant control - Weather, onboard condition, external conditions and all.

Its not easy but yes I agree I get to travel around and enjoy their good food indeed its a dream come true. 

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I've so many things to update!!! But I think just let picture do all the talking lah k :):)