The Rough Road of Infertility.........

I've been debating for a long time whether or not to post about my infertility issues. It's a very personal thing for me, so I haven't wanted to, until now. Most of you probably know that my husband and I are trying for a baby. I know I've made several comments about it in previous posts. But alot of you probably don't know the details and probably don't care, but today, as I took yet another negative pregnancy test I wished more than anything I could had someone to talk to that actually knows what I am going through. Or at least read someone else's experiences. I have many friends and family member who I know care very deeply about this and who have listened to me cry many times, but they don't actually know what I'm going through. They can sympathise, but not empathise. For this reason, I am going to start blogging more about my experiences for those women who need someone to relate to. For the rest of you reading this, I'm sorry. You're going to just have to deal with the drama of my road to pregnancy.

So as I said in a previous post, it took me a year to get pregnant with Kassi. That was so hard. Everyone around me was getting pregnant, and I would cry and cry. My mom popped out babies like they were nothing and I thought I would be the same way. When I finally got pregnant, we were so beyond happy. After we had Kassi, I didn't want to wait too long to start trying again for fear it would take another year. Brad, wanted to wait a while. Finally when Kassi was about 18 months we started trying. To my surprise we got pregnant after 4 months. We were so excited. After 7 weeks I miscarried. That was hard. But I thought I would get pregnant again right away. Boy was I ever wrong.

After a year of trying my dr said that I should start taking Clomid, but we would have to get Brad "tested" first. We put it off for months hoping I would just get pregnant and not half to go through the whole testing proccess. Finally we bit the bullet and just did it. When I got the results I was so relieved. Brad had some, uh, issues with his boys. He had a vericosile(sp?)vein. It was causing some blockage and therefore the boys weren't swimming so well and most of them were mutated.(He's going to love me announcing this to everyone.)I was excited cause we were finally getting some answers, but not so excited cause Brad was going to have to have surgery.

By the time he had the surgery, we were going on 2 years of trying. The surgery was horrible to say the least. Well, maybe I should say his recovery was horrible. I won't go into that, though. The Dr said he wouldn't be up to par for probably around six months. Well six months came and went. No prego. So poor Brad had to be tested again. Everything looked good. So then what the heck was going on?

I the started my first round of Clomid. It was horrible. It made me feel so crappy, gave me migraines, and made me a tad crazy. I was on it three months and nothing. So I went off it. They decided to do more testing on me. They did a test were they shoot die in your Fallopian tubes to make sure there is no blockage. Mine were perfect. My Dr was so confused. I had had 2 pregnancies, but for the life of me couldn't get pregnant again.

So I went to see my family Dr who I had heard was helping women get pregnant as well. He diagnosed me with PCOS. I guess my hormones weren't working exactly the way they should have been. So he put me on progesterone and some other stuff for my cysts. I tried that for a couple months and then decided to start Clomid again.

Let me tell you how not fun it is to be taking Clomid by itself, and then combining it with hormones. I look like a 15 year old with the acne plus I've gained like 10-15 pounds depending on the day. My poor, poor husband. He is so patient with me. I'm a serious loony, no joke.

Well, back in March my OB told me if I were his wife he would tell me to do AI(artificial insemination). Brad and I agreed to try one more month and if I didn't get pregnant we would do AI. Well guess what? Yup. No pregnancy. So we did AI. Ya, that's not so fun either. It's like a very painful Pap. Which gives you alot of cramping afterword. Oh well. If this is what it takes to get me pregnant, than so be it. Well, no pregnancy. That month I also had an ovarian cyst burst. Clomid will do that to ya. Give you cysts and make your periods extremely painful. Fun times.

The next month I took all of my ovulation tests and still hadn't ovulated. I called up my nurse and she had me go in for some blood work. Called me back a couple days later. Yup. No ovulation. Well, isn't that what Clomid is supposed to do? Make you ovulate? Why yes, she said, but we are obviously not giving you enough, so I'm gonna go ahead and double your dosage. Lovely. More fun times. Especially for Brad.

That brings it to this month. We once again did AI, and once again, not pregnant. I've tried my best to stay positive through these 4 years as much as possible. And please believe me when I say I am happy for you if you are pregnant cause I am. Genuinely. I don't ever want anyone to be afraid to tell me about there pregnancy. The thing I've learned most from this experience is that everything happens for a reason. Babies are true gifts from God, and if you are pregnant with one, than just know that is what is supposed to be happening. and if you are like me and not getting pregnant, know that the Lord is watching over you. Today I felt extremely low. Just one of those days where you don't even want to get out of bed. Where you question everything you are doing. Wondering what the future is going to hold. Knowing that I have more children waiting to come down, and wondering why I can't get them here. But as I prayed to my Heavenly Father, I knew he was there with me. That even though I feel like he's not listening to my prayers at times, I know he is. I don't know why this has been chosen as one of my trials, but I know I will get through this, and there are things much worse that could be going on in my life right now.

I have a beautiful healthy daughter. She is the one who gets me through this trail. I am so lucky and blessed to have her.

I'm sorry that once again this went on forever. But it's actually made me feel better to write this all down. Hopefully this will be able to help anyone who is going through the same thing. I will keep you all updated on what we do next.

Kassi Pics 12 months

So I thought since I had started putting baby pics of Kassi on here, I should just keep going. So here are some more pics. These are of Kassi's first Birthday. Before I go on, let me tell you a little about her. As you can see from pics, Kassi was extremely chubby, so she was very slow physically. She did not crawl. She was a bum scooter. We took video of it that I wish I could put on here cause it was HILARIOUS! But I wondered if something was wrong with her physically. As I expressed my concerns to my pediatrician, she told me just to be on the safe side she wanted me to call someone to come check her out. I was totally stressed. The guy came and evaluated her, and he said she was totally fine. She was just finding a different way to get around than most babies. I felt so much better. But then she hit a year and still was scooting around on her bum. She was a very stubborn little girl and as hard as we tried she refused to walk. Finally at about 17 months she started walking. It was a miracle. But she has continued to be a little slower physically. Not to mention she shot up like a twig. So by the time she got comfortable on her feet she was growing at such a fast rate her body just wasn't keeping up.

Anyway, at age 5 she is starting to run as fast as other kids, but unfortunately is very clumsy. That comes from me. Here are some pics from her first b-day.

Kassi's Birth Story

I can not believe my little girl is 5 years old. I haven't ever put her birth story on here, so I thought since this is like a journal that I should probably do that. I'll try to not make it too long like I've done many other times! :)

It took Brad and I a year to get pregnant with Kassi. We found out on our 2 year Anniversary that we were pregnant. We were beyond excited. We thought for sure we were having a boy. On the day of our ultrasound a lady that worked in our doctors office looked at me and said, "You're having a girl." Brad and I looked at her and kinda laughed, secretly thinking you're crazy lady. But the crazy lady was right. We were having a girl and were very excited.

My pregnancy was not easy. I was sick for the first 3 months, was working full time and had a 45 min commute. I was pretty miserable to say the least. Then when I was 6 months pregnant I started having alot of pain in my abdomen. Long story short I had to get my appendix taken out. Not fun at all. Try healing from abdominal surgery when your stomach is growing at a very fast rate.

At around 34 weeks I felt like I was having a lot of braxton hicks contractions. They checked me and I was dilated to a two and 75 percent effaced. From that point on I had contractions regularly and was pretty miserable. Not to mention I was pregnant in the summer. Not fun.

(I do want to say really quick that I did not have an easy pregnancy with Kassi, but I am so anxious and excited to get pregnant again. I can be sick as a dog. I don't care. I just want to be pregnant!)

Finally at 38 weeks I started having consistent contractions. We went to the hospital and they sent me home. So bummed. A couple days later the contractions became more intense. We went to the hospital again. They had me walk around the halls for awhile, but I was not progressing. I was stuck at a 3. But my contractions were a minute apart. My nurse kept telling me they were going to send me home cause I was two weeks early, and I wasn't progressing. I thought if they sent me home I was going to die. Finally we got them to call my Dr. Thank goodness for him. He told the nurses if I was having contractions that close together there was no way he was going to send me home. So he had another Dr come in and break my water. I was thrilled. I was going to have this baby. After my water broke things progressed fairly quickly. I got my epidural. Thanks goodness for that. Some people have bad experiences with it, but it was the best thing in the world to me. Finally at a little after 2am on 8-8-05, Kassidy was born. I only pushed for a half hour or so. Wasn't bad. I was really lucky.

From the day she was born she has had a set of lungs on her. She definitely knew how to get our attention. It was very hard cause she had severe jaundice. We had to get a Bili-Ruben bed at our house, and for the first couple days that was all she could lay in. I could take her out to feed her and change her diaper, but then she had to go right back in there. She also had to have a mask over her eyes and she hated that. She cried and cried and I cried and cried right along with her. She also had some breathing problems that were bad enough that we had to get a breathing monitor to make sure she kept breathing while she was asleep. Fun times. But she is now healthy as a horse, thank goodness!

Anyway, here are some pics:

Me pregnant in Kassi's nursery.

Newborn Kassi pics.




Kassi was 7 pounds exactly when she was born. It wasn't too long that she started to plump up. And I mean really plump. She was off the charts in her weight. People told me she looked oriental. Kinda crazy.










Well I think that is enough pics for now. That was about the first 8 months. I'll have to do the next half of her first year in another post. And i'll be posting her 5th birthday pics soon as well.

Pioneer Day!

The 24th was so fun. We went over to my Uncle and Aunt's house for a BBQ. I got to see my cousin Amelia that I haven't seen in years. She has a beautiful family and I'm so glad I got to spend some time with them. Here are some pics.

My cousins Whitney and Amelia

The kids playing on the slide.

Amazing Grocery Trip!

So I have been doing Grocery Smarts for a while, but haven't been sticking to it as much as I should. Well, I lost my job last week,(really long story)so I have to stick to a very tight budget. Smith's has become my fav place to shop because of all the great deals they have. Well this week was exceptionally great. The total for my groceries came to $156.21 and I paid $66.17. That's a $90.04 savings. Crazy, huh? I was so excited I took a picture.

Here's what I got:
-2 packages of 16 count CheeseHeads String Cheese
-1 package of 12 slices of CacheValley Singles Swiss cheese
-Smith's 1% half gallon of milk
-Horizon organic half gallon lactose-free milk
-4 Yoplait Whips Yogurt
-2 packages of Farmland lunchmeat
-Silk half gallon soy milk
-1 package of HomePride white bread
-1 avocado
-3 large peppers
-4 packs of Mentos Gum
-1 4oz can of Kroger Green Chile Peppers
-1 10oz can of Enchilada sauce
-1 package of 12 count Kroger Daytime Cold Meds
-1 package of 12 count Kroger Nighttime Cold Meds
-1 package of 2 count Covergirl brow pencils
-1 package of Lipton chicken noodle soup
-2 boxes of Crest toothpaste
-1 Private Selection Organic Bay leaves
-2 boxes of 12 count Trident white gum
-1 package of Duracell AA batteries, 20 count
-1 box of Kroger Yellow cake mix
-2 bottles of 7.5oz Softsoap hand soap
-2 boxes of Strawberries and Cream oatmeal by Oat Revolution
-1 box of Kleenex w/lotion tissues
-4 boxes of Puffs w/lotion tissues
-1 bottle of Herbal Essences spray gel
-1 package of Ivory bar soap, 3 count
-1 bottle of Nature's Bounty vitamin D, 100 count
-3 bottles pf Gillette body wash
-6 bottles of Old Spice body wash
-1 package of 3 count New York Steaks
-1 24 pack of Arrowhead water (not pictured)

Pretty good for 66 bucks, huh? My husband doesn't think I can keep this up, but he is going to continue to be pleasantly surprised! Are ya proud of me?

Swim Lessons

Kassi took swim lessons this year for the first time, and I have to say, it was a DISASTER!!!! First of all, we did it at the beginning of June (ya, I'm just a little behind)when it was freezing. Secondly, I haven't taken Kassi swimming a whole lot in her almost 5 years of life, so she was very scared. Thirdly,(is that a word?)I paid for her to have private lessons cause I thought she would learn faster. Nope. It would have been better if she would have had some buddies there. I think it would have calmed her nerves.

Her teacher was so cute and patient, but poor thing. Kassi pretty much screamed the whole time and it probably made Kirsty deaf. By the final lesson, after some bribing, Kassi actually had a descent lesson. That is when I took these pics. Hopefully next years lessons will be better.......

Kassi clinging to Kirsty's neck.

Kirsty:"Come on Kassi. Jump!"
Kassi:"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Slowly, but surely, she became a little more comfortable.

Dinosaur Museum, again.

We love the Dinosaur Museum here at Thanksgiving Point. We went with my brother and sis-in-law and their kids. Here are some pics.

Here are Kassi, Zachy, and Danny playing.







My soul mate.

Me and my cute sister-in-law, Heather.