18.8.05 ;
I might be hard to comprehend. Complex.
But is anybody really looking for something simple?
Trust me, I've tried to be plain but it fits me ill.
Maybe I am losing my inspiration, & maybe my mind
is sewn to its side too. Maybe I don't want to give you
another chance because I know that you'll just leave
it abused. & maybe that's the only thing I have ever
wanted to do.
We're halfway to ambiguity but let's not talk about
this now because the words are tangled in my mouth
& I am running on the very last fine thread of burnout.
I have few new words to offer but I've got a collection
of apologies hiding under my tongue.
Time carries itself through every decision I have made
& regret. It tells me that it has no answers but uncertainty
so I should learn to take things as they come & I have
nothing in me that allow me to oblige.
I question & doubt every inch of what I am & fight to
figure out just what it's going to be or I want it to be &
I am in regression trying to find some sort of solution to
this apathy that has grown stale through masked emotions
& trying to let go, which only further provokes holding on.
I feel dull like the throbbing in my knee from last night's
masquerade, & pointless like its outcome.
This is me, tucking hours beneathe my skirt & running away
without a single bread crumb trail to indicate where I might be.
I'll disappear for a day, a week, a month or maybe a year.
Catch me when I'm vulnerable, I live to deceive myself & you.
Goodbye. Y
