Explode!!

Something... inside... my heart... something not right... the "thing" doesn't belong to me... it is inside me... i wanna let it out... but no way i can take it out... i don't have the key... i'm going to explode... please help me T_T........... HELP!

Work station

this is the very 1st time i believe the work station does make a very important for a work progress. previously i'm only use a box as a table for my laptop, but now because my sister need to fully "occupies" the entire room, so i place my laptop at the dinning table.

but it feels really not bad i would said. cause i can sit at a proper position for typing and viewing. so it won't cause my back feel pain or tired. but there is 1 thing no good, which is privacy. those "web" i search, those "video" i'm going to search, is cannot be done in a open environment. LOL

everyday working, although is not a very tough job, but still, feeling boring sometimes, now i understand why lots of my friend who worked 9-5, 6 days per week, sit inside the office, is really really really boring. but i have to stand and run here and there the whole day. it is funny cause i like to exercise and thinking something silly, but now end up in a bookstore for the whole day. if really ask me to do things slowly, i really cannot do it. cause i think i'm a over active kind of person.

too bad i'm short of bullet ($$), otherwise i might travel a lot. i really want to enjoy life. work in overseas, feel the difference culture among the others side of the world. is really what i'm looking forward. well, i think the time will come. just make sure i still have the faith and believe it.

thinking back, my "mom" really not bad. "the" my "mom", cause she really not bad, i'm glad that a lot people ask her for script writing. cause her idea and creativity is really good. sure she going to archive what she wants in her life. you can do it mom!

Mr. Edwin, ya... still cannot call you without the MR. cause too used to it. i'm glad u coming back soon, in December. sure u going to have a big plan and adventure waiting right in front of u. i can't wait to ask u to show me ur latest art work, if there is any =.=... hope to see u real soon.

for those who i haven't contact in a while, hope to see u guys in dec. i'm not sure what i can't offer, cause not much of talent that i have, but still thanks for accepting who i am.

LOL....

LOVE n PEACE...

O_O"

am i STILL standing?

i stand in the middle of the city...

buildings surrounded me...

i see lots of people passing by...

but non of them notice me...

i shout with all my straight...

no 1 hear could have hear me...

i want to find an exit...

building like a "maze" for me...

i run and run for it...

but can't find a place to be...

i saw a bird in the sky...

but can't fly like it...

Am i still standing?

yes, i am still standing .....

alone ...

waiting to be free...

Seeing things

Things we see...

Things we don't see...

Although we feel it...

But cannot touch it...

When we have it...

Soon we will lose it...

We try to hold on to it...

Suffer come with it...

I hate it...

I love it...

Nothing will last eternity...

That's why we precious it...

Love n Peace...

Conversation with a bird

"let me free please..." the bird beg me.

"i never lock the cage" i said to the bird.

"but why can't i fly away from here?" the bird beg at me so badly to let him free.

"i don't know, maybe is not the time yet" i told the bird.

"what time?" the bird asked me.

"you will be free when you wanted to, and when the time has come, nothing will stop you for leaving" i told the bird.

I am whatever...

i am a writer...

so i write...

i am a painter...

so i paint...

i am a dancer...

so i dance...

i am a musician...

so i play...

i am a philosopher...

so i think...

i am a farmer...

so i plant...

i am a photographer...

so i shoot...

i am ......

so i am what i am....

i'm on a ....

i like walking...

cause i can enjoy every nice little things happen around me...

i hate driving..

cause i only saw the road right in front of me...

i like squatting...

cause my eyes see things when i was a kid...

i hate buildings...

cause it block my view to blue skies...

i like jungle tracking...

cause every breath i take makes me believed i'm alive...

i hate gym training...

cause smell boring and death...

i like or i hate...

i hate or i like...

i only choose.... "what i like"...

My illusion

dip... dip.. dip...

now is in the middle of the night...

dip.. dip.. dip..

is not the sound from the clock...

dip.. dip.. dip...

it is an illusion ..

the illusion of my mystic world...

it... begin...

again...

dip.. dip.. dip...

......------......?

Have you ever have this kind of experience? When you wake up in the morning, the 1st thing you do is brush your teeth. But when you look into the mirror, you cannot recognize who is the person inside the mirror, if feels like somebody that you don't know at all. You wonder where is he come from, the next thing you will feel something strange, it is like where am i? the "I" i know, where he gone? And begin to feel really empty inside the soul.

This is not the worst, cause when the inner soul tell you: "sorry, i don't know you, why u taking control the body not belong to you?". How am i going to answer? Cause i know the inner soul, but he just don't recognize me.

I begin to realize it is not a easy thing to discover yourself, and I never thought that it would be a fix me in my entire life. I feel like there are so many character I want to be, but sometime some others "character" don't like the real me. "They" always argue inside saying this is not right that is not right, like demon and angel fighting. But, i felt that is not just simple as that, today I realize that, I pretend some character that i'm not, it feels disgusting after all. I need to find a way to delete, erase, kill, destroy, that A.H character. And the others will remain in my body, I don't mind having many soul using 1 body, cause important is I know which character taking control most of the time.

It is a fun thing having many character in a single body, always becoming someone you never expect, I found it a lot excitement they have bought to me.

Later i want to try something fun in my life. Since there are no more secret in me, is time to have fun.

Love n Peace...

Merdeka 831

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!

Bullshit la... Do you believe in 1 Malaysia?

Actually, I don't...

If you do, i beg you open your eyes...

168- 16Aug 2009

168... it is a strange day.

861... my house number.

168... my coming out date.

861... just a number that i lived in for 10 years...

168... meant a lot to me.

861... there a so many memory.

168... some accepted me, some may not.

861... i am planning to leave.

168... new life is coming to me.

861... thanks for protecting me all this years.

168... i got the courage to accept what i am.

861... my mom could not accept what i am, it take time.

168... my the other mom happy to accept who i am.

861... mom, sorry for making u suffer.

168... feel lighter, not more heavy lifting in future.

861... starting to feel strange, awkward in the house.

168... i know i can live better.

861-168 my journey starts, feel like everything getting easier. All word i don't have to think twice before i could have said it. It is really nice to being myself.

I am what i am. after 24 years of denying who i am. At last, i got the "balls" to accept who i am.

LOL

Love n Peace

Attention!

Attention please! According to the calender, now is June 11, 2009. I'm so happy, cause finally i graduated! But not with the certificate, cause i need to wait until August to get my certificate. Well it is not a very big deal, just a diploma.

These days, diploma everywhere. People selling DVDs, CD, also holds a degree. That's what i said, diploma? Who give a shit. Actually i don't give a shit to diploma too. Cause working is not depending on your piece of paper, it is depend on what u capable of. That's the reason until today, i still cannot find a job, half because i don't look for job, and the other half is i don't know what can i do.

Like i mentioned, today is 11th June, i really wanted to find a job. Cause i'm getting old, and boring at home. I really want to work, it is doesn't matter for any job. As long as i'm happy, it's worth for everything.

For whoever see this, wish me luck.....

Balik sini..

Balik sini = back here... 

it is a malay words...

looked back the last post...

ya... it's been ages i never update my recent status...

well.... i guess there are a lot to tell, yet a lot cannot be tell..

1st of all is about the problem that i had in last monday, which is 12 of April...

what have i done?

the answer is... SHOOTING!

shooting a short film, my script, i'm the director, and the actor as well...

but it end up badly... 

the truth is... just 1 simple person cannot handle so many thing in once..

it is better to spread the job out to let others people help u...

or else u have to face the failure... 

...................... this is the problem i had in my shooting....

i guess i will never let it happened again...

no pain no gain... this time...

i pay for the equipment, the entire production fees...

but end up, nothing like i want.... this is a very sad thing...

actually, i don't think i put enough effort in it...

otherwise it will not happened like this....

next time i promise i will do better...

and i can do better!!!

Colors..

what color are you?

Black?

White?

Yellow?

Dark?

no matter what color...
we are the same...
Be United... Protect Our Homeland..

Be Prepare...

To the world....
prepare yourself...
the new disease is going to strike the world...

I am what i am...

this is the sentence from the movie "another gay movie: gays gone wild"...

it is a comedy, but tells a lot of the gays life in it... i wonder is the director gays too?

well as i said, it is a comedy.. it is not bad to just watch it for fun, cause it really make you laugh out loud... not to said much, if interested in this movie, check out online... it might be selling in eBay or online purchase... and it is definitely not selling in Malaysia...

Empty

Nothing but Empty....

Just Empty inside....

Please HELP!!

The earth is dying...

if we human race not doing anything to save the earth...

the end of the world will approach us very soon...

if we do care for our children, our future...

from this second onwards please do what you can to save the earth...

being vegetarian is also can save the world...

because of the food chain... everything in this world have a link...

a link from 1 to another..

but, very long ago.. we human race have broke the chain..

that's why the balance of the entire world is going to collapse...

from the minute we eat as much as we can...

from the minute we held our weapon against the weapon...

from the minute we demolish our green land turn them into the semen floor..

from the minute our leader bring the war to us...

and more, we human race have bring death to this world...

there is a news this evening... "the world can self healing" said the scientist...

ya... maybe scientist is true... the world is doing self healing...

but, it is stupid to tell the human race the world is doing self healing...

cause human is greedy, when we know something will get fix by itself, so we will not care what we have done... beside, we will kept destroying... this is a sad thing to say but true....

if we ever have at least little humanlity inside us, please... please do something to save our world..

don't not stand a side and do nothing watching the earth die...

your help is very precious to this earth...

PLEASE HELP TO SAVE THE WORLD!

FOR OUR GREEN HOME...

1554...

now is 3:54 p.m...

teases for tomorrow still not complete...

and i'm not in the mood too...

will i complete?

definitely will...

about last post...

about the last post i post with title "nothing but busy"

it seem i did out of topic...

well, what i tried to said is... these days busy for nothing...

busy not on working, study, assignment, or anything...

i busy on nothing...

people invite me go somewhere...

but i kept telling them i very busy...

no time go out...

but the truth is ...

i'm not sure what i busy of... this is really make even myself very curious...

cause doing nothing, but keep telling people i'm busy...

am i have some kind of sickness??

or busy is just some illusion for me?

nothing but busy...

these days are really really busy...

busy hand in assignment.. rushing for something...

but not sure what to rush... well graduate is real soon... 

but still, never have the thought of looking for a job...

worry i might not fit in to a lot deference field...

production house, working hour is way too long... very tired (i'll pass)

magazaine company... hate runing here and there... (i'll pass)

reporter... even worst... never thought of it...

guess promoter will be the best for me...

but still i want to try something deference...

i always thought things will be tough...

so i never try...

but i do have a chance to work freelance... 

the other day a friend called me for job..

but it seems it need experience... well i totally without experience...

the people tell me will get back to me soon...

but i already knew i will never get that job..

cause no experience..

but i wonder does he ever thought of if he never give the chance to people without experience, how the hell they going to gain experience? 

of course it is not that guy problem... self also need to be very aggressive...

otherwise people will not have confidence on us...

well, i'll seek for another chance than...

sure they are people out there willing to give me experience...

that's for sure...

movies

i have been wonder what happened to all the script writer...

cause from dec 2008 till jan 2009 -which is today

i have watched a few movies...

IP Man (HK)

the spirit (US)

dark floors (US)

diary of the death (??)

it seems among this 4 movies, IP man is the best for what i have seen...

story, shooting, acting, and everything...

i guess the rest is really cannot be compare...

IP Man

as usual a Hong Kong martial art movie... at the beginning people saying the same thing... this movie look a like "fok yun gap"... but i can tell, this movie is far more better than "fok yun gap" cause this story line is surely stronger... for more information on this movie may go to www.imdb.com for more info... recommend to watch... 

The Spirit

I would said this movie actually is kind of unique... 

the color and the way of shooting, and also the story telling is really unique style...

but too bad there are many hidden message in it... it is easy for people who have seen lots of movie and understand those symbol appeared in the movie... otherwise is really a boring movie and after watch it leave lots of question mark all over the head...

Dark Floors

today i just watched it... this movie really look a lot like silent hill...

but i prefer silent hill more then this... it is because the story line and character appeared in this movie was not strong... and really meaning less for me after seeing this show... it is hard to understand what the writer trying to tell us... i have been thinking a lot for this movie...

but there is a conclusion... don't not give what your children ask for... i guess this is the message the writer tried to tell the audience...

Diary Of The Death

an handheld production.. it is kind of worth watching for those mass com journalism students...

cause it tell a lot in the movie... truth to the public... there are many message that writer wanted to tell the audience... truth... government will not tell 100% truth to the public... it will create what public should to believe... but there are also some mistake in this movie to remind the journalism not to do... overall not consider a very bad movie, because of it is handheld, so it might make audience dizzy... 

after seeing all these movies, i really wish there are some fabulous script writer come out with good script... movie like LOTR, Starwars and etc...

at least it give me feeling like "worth for cinema" not the thought for pirated DVD or downloads

1st January 2009

Finally it came!!

happy new year to everyone in this world...

may your coming year will be better and greater then ever before...

all your aim will hit on, all your wishes will come true...

but don't forget, nothing comes in free...

you want it? go for it!

work hard to archive what you have set your target in this year...

remember: " You Do Your Best! God Will Do The Rest!"

and never stop believing...

you definitely will success as long as you have a vision...

make sure you are strong enough to believe it!

Go Go Go for it!!

God Bless with angels guidance...