Sigh. This is it, I guess. Here I am, seated all alone in front of the com on New Year's eve, blogging about my impending return back to the "land of drunken sluts" (as very nicely enounciated by Elle). While just about everyone else is at some bash or another counting down the seconds to the stroke of midnight - the very thing I've been dreading. The irony strikes me as faintly amusing; though for some weird reason or another, I find myself unable to share in the humor. All I can think of is how, the next time I blog, it'll be from a different house. A different chair. A different computer. A different world, if you will.

Its been a miserly 10 days, but I can't say I've regreted a single moment. What's another three-fold? A month'll pass like it was yesterday.

The mind tries in vain to convince its beating heart.

***

It seems to me, that the best relationships
- the ones that last - are frequently the ones
that are rooted in friendship. You know, one
day you look at a person and you see something
more than you did the night before. Like a
switch has been flicked somewhere. And the
person who was just a friend is suddenly the
only one you can ever imagine yourself with.

- Scully

Lunch at Piggy's today... had so much fun cooking together, heh. :> My 25 minutes of fame (or was it shame?) with my best friend the squid, her utterly disgusting pile of garlic (garlic soup!)... the yummy egg-thingy that got stuck, her pretty chicken breast... and all surprisingly edible given her penchant for steamed (you heard me the first time!) muffins and fruit cake. :p

Tried to start on E&D fieldtrip report in the sweltering heat of her room, did a page then got bored and left her to crap for me. Bah. Bet no one'll notice the difference anyhow. :p Spent the rest of the day laughing ourselves silly doing god-knows-what... s'funny how time flies when you're having fun. Promise I'll cook the next time. :>

***

On another note altogether, Cat's back after a year long hiatus. No word at all for ages, no nothing... and suddenly *poof*, she's back to stay. Don't really know what to think or say... after so long the insanely jealous green-eyed freak within me still lies dormant, just silently seething. Its probably a *very* good thing T's away on holiday right now... love the two of them as individuals, but together they drive me crazy. It kills me, it really does.

Seriously need a reality check here.

***

How empty of me
To be so full of you.

"Empty" - Janet

Been up to a lot these few days (basically eating non-stop), absolutely no time to blog and stuff... lots to account for!

***

Friday, December 27, 2002

Met up with K and PCB for prata breakfast... sorry MM, I made sure I ate extra for you. :p

Met the babes for dinner at Al Dente near the Esplanade - really nice place, great ambience and food... if only a bit pricey, and the sad fact that their magaritas suck big time. But still, well worth the money... a must go!

Embargo after for a couple of drinks. Not bad, really... yummy, yummy cosmopolitans were a major, *major* plus. :p

***

Saturday, December 28, 2002

Went blading at East Coast with Piggy and Ja... contemplated splurging on a pair of new blades but wasn't willing to pay *that* much, as comfy as they were... and the pretty Fila ones (on discount) were outta size. Crap. Had to settle for a shoulder strap first... maybe I'll manage to find a reasonable pair about before Wednesday. Seriously need a form of exercise to tide me over! :p

Had Genki for dinner after where I stuffed myself silly on Chawan-mushi and spider maki... anyone notice a theme here?

Also the day parents had their big fight. Hid in room til it was safe to come out... sigh.

***

Sunday, December 29, 2002

Town with mom today after Church to buy underwear and socks and stuff. Kinda feeling blah about having to leave so soon now that things have more or less come to a standstill... no work (its just sitting invisible on the table), no worries, good food... plenty of love and affection... life is GOOD, here. Sigh.

Had taiwan porridge for dinner with parents... just like before. Double sigh. Acute nostalgia! >_<

Piggy's place tomorrow... the sweetie's cooking, heh. :>

Blah. Something tells me I'm going to be one sad kid on Wednesday morning...

***

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there,
I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn�s rain.

When you awaken in the morning�s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there,
I did not die.

- Anonymous

Christmas day. Went to church, laughed myself silly with bro doing really dumb stuff together (like bowing at every alternate hymn lyric and trying to rouse the entire congregation to clap at the end of Fr. David's speech :p)... crappy stuff like that I've missed. Came home, took a while to open pressies (12am does *not* count, ya hear me?!)... gonna *buy* my pressie from mom and dad tomorrow. Can't wait though. :>

Swapped phones with bro... the lucky fart got himself a 7210. Not that I'm complaining though. *Anything* is better than my useless phone - all (and i really mean *all*) it can do is sms... can't recieve or make calls coz the sound thingy is dead. Good riddance.

Meeting up with K and PCB tomorrow to do a bit of shopping, then having dinner with the lalas at C's dad's restaurant. :>

***

Haven't started a single scrap of work yet... went on a stationery shopping spree at Popular today. Bought so much stuff I really wonder how in the world I'm gonna bring everything (including all the pressies) back with me... hope cuz's gonna pick me up. Hint hint.

Just learnt the whole jingbang's gonna be there til the 4th. Argh.

***

Find myself wondering how T's doing from time to time.

Merry xmas, you guys back there... miss ya'll already.

***

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

"The Hollow Men" - T. S. Eliot

Went Ikea with Piggy today... shared 3 hotdogs smothered with sauce. :>
Bought a whole bunch of stuff mainly for xmas... bottle for grandma, ribbons, wrapping paper and such, stuff for my wardrobe too.
Had my (peanut caramel) Marche crepe, only it looked kinda piakpiak... a little like when you have constipation. Bleh.

Going blading on Thurs! :>

Dinner party thingy at Char's, had so much fun chillin with all of em again. Missed P though, poor girl was absolutely pooped just returning from Hong Kong. Can't wait to catch up with ya babe. Char and Muffin rocked, just like old times. :> HL's so much fun to be with. Remember our funky MM night? :> Ah, to be young again.

Xmas eve tomorrow, probably going to run errands and such for mom... family dinner with grandma and pa in the evening. Haven't even got the tree up yet - we're really running late this year! Gotta whole bunch of gift-wrapping to be done later tonite in time for tomorrow... what a serious rush for time.

Starting to like being home. :>

(NB: Emoticons are getting *way* outta control...)

***

"Does my phone have the Butterfly craze?"

- Dad, getting hip

My first official day back home.
Feels alrite, just like... home.
Went xmas shopping with bro in the day, still have a bit more to go tomorrow but I guess we're more or less done. For once I've got majority of the stuff done way in advance. :>

***

Anyhow, what does a Confirmation Cert really mean?
Does having a piece of paper with a date and name etched onto it really mean one is *officially* a Christian?
I mean, is there such a thing as being "officially" Christian?
Or that one is any more "confirmed" as a Christian as opposed to someone without a cert?
So does it mean with a cert bearing your name you're any more holy and accepted by God?
An important date, maybe... but does the date you *officially* become a Christian actually exist?

*shrug* I could go on for ages on this.

***

On the 1st day of Christmas
DDR gave to me,
A plate of fish and cheese...

- *THE* Platt

Its officially the start of the so-called hols, and I'm heading back home with mom and bro tomorrow! Somehow or another I'm not feeling *too* excited about the whole prospect. I know I should be, but...oh well. Looking forward to seeing the people that matter again, but hopefully none of the "OMG you're back we so must meet up and have so much fun together and do sooo many things together every minute everyday!" shit. Yeah yeah. Save it, really. I want a little peace and quiet too. -_-

Finally done with lit Gothic essay... what a crappy question. 1500 words is so *not* enough to even start writing.

So anyway, the "hols". Some holiday, eh. Massive media essay, disastrous E&D fieldtrip report and a chunk of studying to do for the upcoming exams upon return... wooo.

Bendy. Just how low *can* you go?

***

Dying to eat roast chicken rice at Far East.

Honey lemon bubble tea. Mom's cooking. Grandma's cooking. Swensen's catfish. Roast chicken rice. Dino's. Genki. Chawan-mushi. Spider maki. Roast chicken rice. Marche crepe. Taiwan porridge :>. Nasi lemak. Attap Chee ice-cream. Tako-pachi. Yakitori. $1 Ikea hotdogs. Teppanyaki. Did I mention roast chicken rice? :>

Dying to sleep in my bed again. (And also check out the ant army in my room!)

Dying to go see the new Church building.

Dying to go Ikea shopping and $1 hotdog scoffing sprees. :>

Dying to see how my computer baby's been doing (and much how of it bro has taken over...).

Dying to get my blades fixed and bring 'em over.

Dying to see you again.

***

I come back to you now,
At the turn of the tide.

- Gandalf the White
Lord of the Rings

The church was hushed and I knew the tears were rolling down
my face and even the black veil no longer hid them. Trembling,
I removed the hat and veil and stood proudly staring out at the
audience, my face streaked with tears.

"And I loved her so," I said and I could hear someone crying in
the church while others sniffled. "I love her so much and I know
she loved me. Goodbye, Suzanne. I don't know how I will live
without you."

***

I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time,
Walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme.

"Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye" - Leonard Cohen

Just got back from brainstorming at C's for our Sony pitch tomorrow (actually later in the day!), and surprise surprise... *gasp*, its 4am! Absolutely dog tired... but hey, we got some damn good stuff... I mean, really. :> And also big egos, but that's another story altogether.

Finally had the wisdom tooth taken out... its seriously been bugging me for a while now. Got a 5 day MC til Friday! Now *I* get to flash it around like a trophy (*whistles and nudges PCB*) while everyone else goes green with envy. ;p Yeah yeah. Anyhow, the visit to the dentist wasn't all that bad... at least there were no tears this time (unlike back home where yours truly bawled the whole house down). I mean... after the 3rd anesthesia jab I swear someone could have punched me square in the jaw and I wouldn't have known.
Due back for a cavity filling in a week, hopefully the cap will last til then.

The folks are coming in a week!
Unfortunately... we *also* have an E&D fieldtrip up to the mountainson that very same morning. Blah.

***

Words
Play me deja vu
Like a radio tune
I swear I've heard before.

Chills
Is it something real,
Or the magic I'm feeding
Off your fingers?

"Come Undone" - Duran Duran

There seems to be a pattern here.

Its past 4am again, and I'm wide awake as usual... desperately browsing through euthanasia stuff for dratted OP later today. Due up at 7am for Lit lect at 9... that's like, 3 (tree) miserly hours away, and even if I *do* manage to haul myself outta bed, I can bet I'll be Lil' Miss Grumpy the whole of the morning. Okay, so maybe "little" wasn't quite the word I was looking for but... well, you get the point.

Anyhow, never let it be said that I skip lit. I *don't* skip lit... I just don't wake up in time for it. Its just plain unfortunate, okay? I mean, why can't they have like, *picks a random subject* say... EAP, at 9 effing am on a Monday morning? The world would be a *much* better place, and we'd all live happily ever after. Well, almost all of us.

What can I say? I'm just frank.

I've got to stop those bad, baaad puns...

***

You don't have to hold on to the pain
To hold to the memories.

"Interlude" - Janet

Shit tired. Got home at 2am, still awake at 4... and I haven't even bathed. Blah.

Hectic day... Drama Night was pretty okay, seriously glad to get it over and done with -- no more squeaky voices, or dusty cloth draped over me and posing like a block of wood (That was so, so baaad. :p)...

Went to Crown after that, hung around for a while doing absolutely nothing (no worthwhile movies to watch, nor sufficient ID for the casino/bars) before heading home... where I ended up missing the last train AND tram *after* making it to Flinders... Muef went off, and I was stuck all alone in a crazy queue for cabs. 45 goddam minutes waiting for a damned cab, and I swear not a *single* cab appeared. 12.51am, and still no cab. Finally walked over to the tram stop, where en route the last tram went rolling by... Arghhh.

Another 25 minutes spent aimlessly walking 'round trying to flag a cab, but of all days, the whole goddam world was intent on taking one too... so I ended up walking *ALL* the way back to PCB's on a blistered foot, where she finally managed to call me a cab after eternity of trying (Engaged, engaged, engaged... *curses*). Thanks babe. :> Dunno what I would've done without ya.

Had to share my cab with someone heading to Orange on Chapel... called the folks to say hi and also happy birthday to dad, caught up with bro for a while ("Mie!" :>)... tested out the new pre-paid net thingy which thank god, worked (I mean, can you even imagine if I had to survive another day without the net?!)... and here I am, in front of the com at freakin' 4am... with a Psych lecture due at 11am.

Eyes hurt like hell, the dog's snoring like he owns the apartment, tummy's rumbling...

And crap, I haven't even bathed. >.<

***

An ache in the rain
A dream in the storm;
Love like the wind,
What is my whisper scream from?

I died today
But I'm still breathing,
Bleeding;
For now,
I'm broken.

You left me here,
Capsized and sinking;
Thinking, right now,
There's no more good guys.

You left me standing here,
Alone and colder;
I hope that some day soon,
The pain inside will stop.

You died today,
But you're still breathing,
In my mind;
That is,
There's no more good guys.

I hoped you'd see me,
I hoped you'd understand;
Or crucify me for my failings,
My cruel ambition,
Hardly justified

And the pain inside will ... stop.

"No More Good Guys" - Skindive
Queer As Folk Soundtrack

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Omg. I've been found out! O_o

***

Come away o' human mind
To the waters of the wild
With a fairy hand in hand;
For the world's more full of weeping
Than you can understand.

-- "Artificial Intelligence"