It was January 31, 2011. This was a special day because it was my dad’s 74th birthday. My daughter and I pulled up in front of the nursing home. It was a cold brisk winter day, but Lake Crossing was warm and inviting with its beautiful trees and white wooden rocking chairs on the front porch. As we walked inside, everybody was busily getting ready for the afternoon’s festivities as today they would be celebrating all of the birthdays for the month of January.
We found my dad in his room sitting on his bed dressed nicely in dress slacks and a polo shirt. I took a moment to reflect on how the Alzheimer’s had aged him, yet it had made him child like. He looked up and said, “Hey, look who’s here!” I was blessed that he still recognized my daughter and me.
Lady J ran to his arms and they shared a bear hug. “Happy Birthday, Grandpa!” she exclaimed. I followed with a hug of my own. “Look dad, I brought your dancing shoes,” I said. He looked at them puzzled, but put them on. Lady J took him by the hand and led him gently to the recreation room where the other residents and staff were gathered for the birthday celebration.
A wide circle had been cleared in the middle of the room. I led my dad to the center of all the people watching. I tenderly placed his left hand at my waist, and placed my left hand upon his shoulder, and then I took his right hand in mine. The CD I had chosen began to play. The song was “Lollipop, Lollipop” and the tempo was strong yet moderate. At first my dad looked at me and said, “I don’t know what to do, “so I started to lead.
I started with two side steps, then a triple step back. Within moments there was a sparkle in my dad’s eyes and he began to lead. There were spins, turns, and slides. He didn’t miss a beat, but the best part was the smile on his face. When the song finished we did a big spin out for a grand finale and everyone clapped and cheered.
Breathless, I hugged my dad. Lady J jumped up and down with joy from watching the dance with her mom and her grandpa. After the celebration, she got to dance with her grandpa in his room. The sparkle remained in his eyes even though he said little the rest of the day. That was the last time I danced with my dad. He passed away on April 10, 2011, but the memory of that day will live with me forever.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Last Dance With Dad
Friday, April 24, 2009
50th Marriage Anniversary -Ups and Downs
My parents got married in Idaho Falls, ID. They decided to take their honeymoon in Salt Lake City, UT via a small plane piloted by my dad who was an electrician in the Navy at the time. When it came time for them to return home to Idaho Falls, two snow storms converged upon them and they were forced to land on the highway in McCammon, Idaho.
As the newspaper article stated, "The sheriff came meet them and, lights flashing, escorted the taxiing plane to his own front lawn. There the plane parked until the storm passed. Then the Idaho State Patrol and the Sheriff escorted the plane, with its honeymooning Hales, to the highway, which they kept clear for takeoff for Idaho Falls."
They have a framed copy of the newspaper article in their home now. The headline read..."This Marriage Already Has Ups and Downs" Isn't that what long lasting marriage is really about? Isn't it about weathering the storms of life? Let's face it, marriage is not easy. My parents taught me a lot about balance. My dad taught me so much about the value of work and integrity and about doing the best at everything you do. My mother taught me the value of compassion and service and especially about the value of laughter. I think laughter is what got us through a lot of things. We used to have a saying....I will always love you...I may not like you all of the time, but I will always love you!!
My parents have had their challenges including death of loved ones, deployments, financial challenges, job losses, teenagers and health challenges. You name it, they have probably been through it.
My dad retired from the US Navy in about 1974 and is a very accomplished artist with some of his prints being published by Ducks Unlimited. He retired most recently from Stone & Webster. My mom did a wonderful job raising my sister and I and is an incredible seamstress and very accomplished sales and merchandising. Both of my parents are excellent ballroom dancers with multiple medals and trophies.
In this world of "throw away" relationships, this is what marriage is truly about. It is about weathering the storms and about sticking it out through the ups and downs of marriage. It is about not giving up because there is a torrential rain or a flood of bad luck now and then. Sometimes it is about finding a place to land and waiting for the storm to pass, so you can continue on in your journey. That is how my parents got through their 50 year journey.
Dancing en Pointe - Strengthening our Hearts, Bodies & Souls
Some girls during their younger years take ballet lessons. During that time, it seems like every lesson is the same thing, day after day....and to some it may seem repetitious and even boring. Some aspire to become ballerinas, perhaps to become the ultimate prima ballerina. To do this a girl practices to dance en pointe, or upon her toes. To dance en pointe a ballerina must have balance and use the entire body for support. A ballerina seems to dance across the stage with delicate grace and beauty, seeming to float effortlessly like a butterfly lightly touching her toes upon the surface. Truth be told, this is only accomplished after years of pain and suffering. Underneath the beautifully laced slipper reveals feet that are scarred, bruised and calloused.
When my daughter was diagnosed with her disabilities, many people would tell me that Heavenly Father sent her to me because He knew I would be the best mother for her. Now, when I envisioned these "Special" mothers, I pictured women with the patience of saints who never raised their voices. I also pictured these women to be calm, always cheerful, heads held high and their feet lightly touching the ground as they effortlessly guided these angels from God through life.
Fortunately, someone sent me the following article by one of my favorite authors, Erma Bombeck.....
The Special Mother
by Erma Bombeck
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."
"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."
Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"
"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".
"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."
I have since learned that these other special mothers are also dancing en pointe and getting stronger with each step. Some days it is the same thing day in and day out. Some days we go to bed feeling bruised and blistered and a bit calloused.. Each day strengthens us, we are made stronger from the inside out as we reach out to have support and balance. As you unlace our hearts you will find a love that lifts us across the stage of life just as we feel the curtain might come down upon us. My slippers are worn, tattered and the laces are all but gone but my joy is full as I look upon my children.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Ignorance is not bliss, Ignorance is not finding out the facts!!!
WARNING THIS IS NOT ONE OF MY FLOWERY POSTS....IT IS REAL LIFE!!!!
For two weeks my daughter, LadyJ who is 7, has been in the hospital. Not an ordinary hospital, a psychiatric hospital.She suffers from Bipolar, a form of autism and severe ADHD. I say suffer, because we suffer from other people's ignorance! I have lost very dear friends that I have had for many years because they do not agree with the diagnosis, or because they do not think she should be medicated, or because they think I should just parent her better.
I did not come up with these diagnosis on my own. Multiple doctors have met with us, I have given full medical, family and social histories to each of them. I would be thrilled if all I had to do was change my parenting style, that would be soooo simple!!! All of the doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists agree on all three disorders, they just don't agree on which one is the worst. All I know is I watch my little girl struggle day by day.
I can try to explain to you what she goes through, and you still would not fully understand it. You just have to live it and I would not wish it upon any one of you. I will still try. Imagine all of the emotion that you feel when you are deepest in love, that intense joy you feel. Now imagine the emotion that you feel when you have just been betrayed by that same love, that intense rage and anger. Now imagine that emotion that you feel when you have just lost that same love whether due to a breakup or death, that intense sorrow. In addition, imagine the emotion that you feel because your loved one is missing, that intense anxiety. THAT IS WHAT BIPOLAR DISORDER FEELS LIKE!!!
On the positive side, my daughter runs up to me when she sees me and throws her arms around me like she has not seen me in forever and screams "Mommy!!!" and plants kisses all over me...every single day!!! She has the deepest sense of compassion for those who may need her help or caring, and cries when I cry. On the other hand, it hurts her so much more when the kids at school start to tease her because she seems a little bit odd. It makes her angry when they don't play fair, or they don't follow the rules. It makes her angry when she feels she doesn't get her way. She lacks the ability to control those emotions completely and it frustrates her because she wants so much to please those around her. Bipolar disorder is a problem in the neurotransmitters in the brain, it is also genetic. I know how she feels because I also have Bipolar disorder, so does my sister and so does her 24 yr old brother.
Autism is a little different. I, like others, believe it was brought on after she received a round of immunizations, five to be exact at 11 months old. Her symptoms were typical at first, she would not make eye contact or talk, and she did some hand flapping. She also "read" the Las Vegas yellow pages one page at a time with her back to us and would get very angry if we interrupted her. She would also sing one line of a song over, and over, and over, and over, and over (you get the picture)and over again. (try this for 3 hours in a car!). This act of repeating words or phrases over and over again is called echolalia.
As far as ADHD, her brother had ADHD and we used to call him Woody Woodpecker (an old cartoon character)....well LadyJ is like Woody Woodpecker on speed!!!!
So, here is where the ignorance comes in.... I am a single mom dealing with all of this. It gets exhausting. When I tell people some of the things she does, I get comments like "all kids do that", or "maybe you just need to spank her butt!". I tried to call someone because I was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. LadyJ was having a particularly difficult time and I really needed someone to come help me, even if it was just someone to come sit with me for a few minutes so I would not feel so overwhelmed. This person told me, "I'm sorry, I can't think of anybody I can send over because of the possible liability issue...." I WAS SPEECHLESS!! I told her I needed to go and hung up!! Since then, LadyJ has been hospitalized, no one has sent cards or letters, I have not had anyone call to see if I am okay, and I have been taking the bus 2 hours each way to the hospital to see her each day because my car is broke.
If LadyJ had a brain tumor or had been in an accident, people would be swarming with compassion and sending cards and letters and asking to help. Because this is a mental illness, people still think she and I have cooties!!!! COME ON PEOPLE, SHE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD!!! She did not do anything to cause this, I did not cause this, we do not do drugs, we do not smoke or drink or do anything perverted. SHE IS SICK!!! IGNORANCE IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO STOP CARING!!!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
These Legs Were Made for Dancing but This Boot Ain't Made for Walking
I can dance
So here is the scoop
The ER said it wasn'
I went back today
Inaugural Ball
The ladies were surely dressed in their very finest for the Inaugural Ball. Even the children donned their best attire for this event. The very best china was used for this very special occasion and the anticipation in the air was great as all awaited the arrival of our great President. The entertainment provided would prove to be lively and pleasing to the ear with both prose and melody. The weather was accommodating with just a slight breeze in the air to keep us cool. All would remember this great occasion for years to come.
My Presidential Choice.......
Abraham Lincoln
