Friday, March 18, 2011 effwhypee
there are some things in life that i am honestly afraid of.as time past, and there's the urgency for me to make decisions.
and the 'what-ifs' after that...
and all the troubles that come with it.
i'm a coward.
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Job 421 Then Job replied to the LORD:
2 “I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’
5 My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
6 Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”
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Saturday, March 12, 2011 zealous
In about 5 hours, I should be awake and getting ready to catch the first few buses out of Hougang Avenue 7.But my mind is so cluttered it refuses to rest.
The theologically and philosophically heavy podcast by Ravi
The nervousness of Sunday's express highlights that I really cannot screw up
The tough decisions in life like fypgroupingandyoudontreallyknowwhatyouwantandpeoplearestartingtoaskyou
Swallowing down tomorrow's script and really wanting to make life easier for the main team and also discipling the newer ones on set.
And the few people that, well, have been giving me (good) problems.
Problems are good, cause I know they are thinking, they are uncomfortable, they are growing.
So yes, it's good and I welcome them :D
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Friday, March 04, 2011 monochrome?
no amount of mask can make the skin better if i'm going to continue to sleep so late.sucks when your mind tells you to have the night to yourself, regardless of what time you reach home.
anyhows, before appy's battery died fully after my charger gave me a huge fright of being unable to charge up appy yesterday
i chanced upon a senior's blog.
(when i say chance, it really mean chance; i dont normally stalk people...)
i have this feeling i am the protagonist of the post, dating July 2009, although no names were mentioned.
But I remember I got a call from him before leaving for Sydney in July...
I could also be overthinking, and analysing...
i am not too keen of quoting, since google is powerful and everything can be traced.
so paraphrasing, making me the 1st person,
My decision to leave came as a shock to them, especially so at the time where they need able people. Yet he stood back and looked at the big picture, it might not be my fault after all. He felt that he failed to make us feel at home or inclusive...(and all the 自责 stuff...)
Honestly, I didnt know that he felt this way because of a decision i made. And after reading it, i felt slightly apologetic because of the way he faults himself. And i also thought i dropped quite alot of hints along the way about the level of involvement i'll give like in mid sem...
Was it a selfish decision on my part? Perhaps.
In all, it's something i dreaded a little, survived a little, made me stronger, know more people.
It's not all bad, just that i am unwilling to give so much to this...
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Wednesday, March 02, 2011 when he calls
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Tuesday, March 01, 2011 another tumblr
i am two-timing.so i am neglecting this blog very much.
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Friday, February 25, 2011 nua-ing
So I basically had very little time due to turn in a submission video(s) for NEYO's upcoming tour, none of my submissions made it but I was still absolutely happy with what i created and really thankful for all the people that helped out in the crazy short amount of time:)this was something shaun evaristo posted together with his submission video on youtube.
those who knows shaun in some manner would know that he's quite a big name in the dance arena.
he and his team dance with emotions, with groove and well, setting some big trends...
"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."— Ira Glass; something juliana shared on fb.
I'm not going through some creative slum at the mo, but it'll come soon, i'm sure.
But just today on my way home, I thought about life in shanghai.
It's been almost a year and part of me is still there.
It's been almost a year and part of me is still there.
How life was learning, exploring, expanding, influencing.
I don't hate my life now
I don't hate my life now
It's just that I am unsatisfied and restricted and confined by uncertainties of work, of time, of what I can do, for others, for myself.
At the end of each day, I feel tired after reaching home
At the end of each day, I feel tired after reaching home
I just want to nua~
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