I've got no moo-lah

I’ve always wanted to live on my own. Maybe it’s because I yearn to be independent. Staying with mom and dad doesn’t allow me that. I’m not saying that it’s not good. It is fantastic. But sometimes, you really wish that you are not so dependent on them. I remember I started planning my daily schedule if I were to ever stay on my own when I was 12. Mondays to Fridays were dedicated to school, like in college or university. Friday nights will be chill out. Saturday would be a day of housework and shopping. And Sundays! Grocery shopping and work out time. When I look back at what I had planned out for myself, I am so sure that it will just be another fantasy of mine.

This urge to move out as soon as I have the ability has also led to my first dream – to go to boarding school when I was a teen. Right when I was 4, I didn’t aspire to be any doctor or lawyer. I just wanted to go to boarding school, learnt, play and sleep with other girls your age. You learn how to take care of yourself, be more responsible and definitely less reliant on your parents. It’s hardly every surprising that my favourite fiction books was all about girls going off to boarding school. I vividly remember that there were a couple of series from Enid Blyton. God knows what happened to them now. Haha!

Foodies! =D

Goodness! It has indeed been sometime since I’ve updated this! So many things happened. For starters, A levels are in one week time! (Yikes!) I really had a good time at the Teochew Porridge Buffet at Quality Hotel on Sunday night. I didn’t expect that there would be so many people there! I mean, it’s Sunday night. Don’t they all have to go to work the very next day? It wasn’t too bad, although I half suspect that the food that they served us were all leftovers from dinner, especially when one of us (promised not to mention who Haha!) swallowed a mouthful of some shrimp stuff that smelt like a crossover between the rubbish dump and vomit! After that, we all decided to go for a drink. So we went to the nearest 7-Eleven store to get our stuff. When we’re there, we kinda pissed this guy off who was in the hurry to get condoms! Haha! Later on, we found that he and a lady (that looked like a trans at first glace) went to the Hotel 81 across the road… We couldn’t find anywhere to sit down, so we settled at the bus stop. From where we were, we had a really good view of what was exactly happening! I mean, with the taxis stopping in front of you and you’re just opposite the hotel, we just couldn’t help speculating. And! We also cheered when they did go in. Haha! Hopefully we get to do this some time soon! Which reminds me! I’ve better get going with the Amara Hotel research! Hehe…

Current PSI: 56 (as of 11am 12th Oct 2006). I hate my body

It’s the second last day of school, but I’m stuck in my bed, ordered to get rest. Well, it suits me fine, as I won’t have to see someone that’s getting on my nerves. So many things have happened during the past few days. I’m confused and lost. I’m like a lost sheep waiting for my shepherd to come and guide me. I took your advice Aaron, it still sucks. I can’t believe I actually tried to do that. Guess I probably chose the wrong time. And it’s not only that, the closest ones too. Why must I be the one bearing with such agony and pain and ‘i-don’t-know-what’. Sigh. I have no idea why stuff must always happen when it’s the time to make the most improvement. I’m desperate. I look as though I’m willing to sacrifice everything else to get what I want. But no, I place ‘other thing’ as my first priority. It’s stupid, I know. I can’t even explain why I’m doing this. It’s a lonely ride out here.

“The new recruit had been with the gang since the beginning of the summer holidays, and there were possibilities about his brooding silence that all recognized. He never wasted a word even to tell his name until that was required of him by the rules, when he said “Trevor” it was a statement of fact, not as it would have been with the others a statement of shame or defiance. Nor did anyone laugh except Mike, who finding himself without support and meeting the dark gaze of the newcomer, opened his mouth and was quiet again. There was every reason why T., as he was afterwards referred to, should have been an object of mockery – there was his name (and they had substituted the initial because otherwise they had no excuse not to laugh at it), the fact that his father, a former architect and present clerk, had “come down in the world” …… What but an odd quality of danger, of the unpredictable, established him in the gang, without any ignoble ceremony of inititation?”

The Destructors by Graham Greene

I'm such a loser. No, wait, there's someone else who's a greater loser!

Argh! I can’t take it! I can’t focus, I can’t think and I’m falling asleep on the table. It’s a Thursday and we ARE supposed to be very high getting ready for the start of the weekend. But the thought of one particular lesson tomorrow just spoils the entire mood. Must HE ruin my last few days in school? My last few days wearing the uniform in the crap Singapore education system and my last few days with my lovely class? Doing that thing in front of me was bad enough and he just had to make it worse off by throwing his tantrums. Hello? Grow up! Who do you think you are? I think we’re probably more mature than you are! And, we also have SOCIAL ETIQUTTE! (Sorry, I can’t help but keep focusing on that). Argh!

It’s less than a month to the A levels. I don’t think I can make it. I can’t fathom what will actually happen. Maybe I should just get into a car accident of something and get my brain damaged. I’m a freaking perfectionist and I don’t know what I’ll do if things don’t go right. Fuck! And I’ve got people doing disgusting things in front of me. This life sucks!So here’s what I need to complete by tonight. Geography Mock and Economics MCQ and DRQ. I think it’s gonna be another futile night when I fall asleep while trying to do them.

Bah! I’m such a loser! I’m going to cut hair on my own, again. It’s the second time in the row. Haha!