Dislike

The word dislike comes with many negative connotations. I admit that I used to be a big fan of this word. But after this year, I find that it is a very childish word to use.

I know I have not been appreciating every thing that is around me as much as I would like to. However, this question keeps popping up on my mind - "what happened?". I keep blaming myself for everything and it has been really tormenting. So what if it's tormenting to me? It does not make a difference. It does not make me understand something more. It definitely does not brings back happier times. 

I am a person who bothers about what other think of me. For many years now, close friends have been trying to not let me do that. Unfortunately, I have failed their efforts. Whenever I think of the bitching of me behind my back, my heart just hurts. Whenever I think of these people spreading negative things about me to mutual friends and other people, my heart hurts even more. Why can't I let it go? Why can't I just focus on what I am doing and not bothering about what others think?

It's such a trying time. It's already the end of the year and after the exams, all of us will go our separate ways. All I just wish is for everything to be like they were. Okay, maybe I'm expecting too much. All I wish is for everything to be well again - minus the tension and the dislike and the disgust and whatever negative connotations.

Thank You! =D

A big thank you to everyone who has sent their birthday wishes. I had lots of fun on my 20th birthday *shudders*. When I was talking to Priscilla earlier in the afternoon, I thought I was in for another boring day. Seriously, as you get older, birthdays become less and less significant to you. I don't know if everyone experiences that though... But a big THANK YOU to Priscilla for a very not-so-subtle birthday shout-out and of course, I mustn't be subtle either. Haha!

Priscilla's shout-out. Love it muchly. =D

And my shout-out to dearest Priscilla. =)

Our shout-outs. =D

Anyway, I kinda got hold that something was going to happen when Mei Shi messaged me a message when it was clearly meant for someone else. And along the way, it kind of became more and more obvious that I wasn't going to celebrate my birthday just with the 3 of them.

So, yeah, Grandma Pee came over with part of the cell group, mostly those from Semester 2. Honestly speaking, I'm so much closer to those people in Semester 1 and it was kind of a shame not to see them there. I actually wanted to have steamboat in Northbridge as my birthday dinner. But due to the large number of people and limited cars available, we only made it to as far as Karawara.... for KFC. - . - I know, it sucks, but I'm not complaining that much as I got to spent it with some of the most wonderful and fun-loving people.

I thought the night was over until Chia Hsin accidentally let spill on more surprises. Haha! It was so hilarious to see her despair look at the bus-stop when she spill the secret. We had a whole lot of fun just the 4 of us watching Ouran, cam-whoring and just being stupid and doing spastic stuff.

The best surprise of my birthday has gotta be the last one. But I'm not going to say much as it is a wonderful surprise and a beautiful memory. Furthermore, I've got a new TOY! Okay, it's not really a toy, but I'll definitely use it very often. Hehe. Thanks Mei Shi for everything on the 28th and lots of other stuff. ;)

THE Holidays!

The holidays are finally here. Or should I say study break? Argh! I know we're supposed to be studying and all, but I've been going out, playing SIMS, sleeping and simply sitting around doing nothing. This is bad, bad.

On the bright side, I've changed my flight and will be going back on the 17th November. Sorry pris! I don't think I can visit you in Sydney. Seriously ar, after buying my new baby.... I'm super broke!!!! Haha!

Mournful

It has been a rough week at school and at home. There was so much work and pressure in school that I inevitably brought it back home too. I thought as the weekend approaches, it was getting better. Not until I listened to what someone had to say yesterday. It really came as a surprise and I could not believe my ears. I simply cannot understand what is happening and somehow I think it’s my fault. Seriously, I’m such a jinx that I even jinxed myself.

People say that you should sleep when you are unhappy so that you will forget the problem more easily. I think it’s a whole lot of bullshit. The reality was still calling out to me when I was lying into bed and when I closed my eyes; it was as though the whole conversation was playing out in my head again and again. I just want to know what’s going on and if everything could start from the beginning again.

Why is there a thing called love when it’s so painful to love?

After 1 week

After 2 weeks of holiday, I can announce that I'm officially lost at school. Idiotic Evolution, tons of Languages stuff to remember for Informartion Systems and Essays! Argh! I want to go play tennis tomorrow. =( But I'm so freaking busy, not only with school but with erm... lots of other stuff.

A Whole Day of Silence

I have been trying to sleep as much as possible so that time will pass by quickly without me thinking about the whole issue. It has been really tough especially when I awake to see there wasn't a single message in my phone.

The truth is, it's only 2 more days. I am both excited but at the same time terrified. I am terrified of silence, I am terrified that I will be ignored and I am terrified that things won't be the same since we last met.

What have I become?

Heartbreaking

I've been putting in so much effort, but only one-word replies? That's very hurtful. Now I don't know whether I'm confused or not... Life sucks.