how does that saying go?

There's no use crying over spilt milk? Whoever thought of that little saying wasn't pumping milk from their lady lumps every 3 hours for their sick newborn. They also probably weren't losing their milk supply due too lack of sleep and stress. They definitely didn't have a crazy 2 year old that as soon as he sees you pumping decides it's the perfect time to wrestle mommy, thus spilling the liquid gold all over the bed. I am sorry, I will be crying over every single drop of spilt milk.

when Harper met Davy

I have to admit I was a little nervous about how this was gonna go down. You never know with Harper, he is a little bipolar. We have been showing Harper pictures and talking about baby sister to prep him, but how much does a 2 year old really understand? When we brought him in to her he got a really big smile on his face and said" baby sister, baby sister." Then he said" Owie. baby sisters got owie's on her nose." All in all it went well. He isn't acting out any more then he usually does, unfortunately that's not saying much.

Ollie and Davy

Ollie was probably the most excited for Davy to come home. This was the very first time he got to hold his little sister. He is always willing to help her. The other day he was watching her monitor and he noticed her blanket moved and covered her face. I asked him if he would mind moving it down for me. He jumped up and in a high girly song voice said, "only because I Loooooove her." then i watched on the monitor as he put his hand on her and said, "don't worry little sister, I'm here, I'll help you." It got me all warm and fuzzy inside.

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Last week Ollie's Teacher brought us the most amazing dinner. No really, she even printed a menu. It was the nicest thing ever. I am constantly amazed by the outpouring of love and service that my family has received. I came home from the hospital to the full spread on the table and Ollie said............

Ollie- Mom, do you think this is a dream or real?

Me- Hmmm I don't know.

Ollie- MOM, It's NOT a dream! Mrs. Spillet-Maurer knows where we LIIIIIIVE!!!!!

It probably was the best thing that has ever happened to him. He couldn't stop talking about it.

welcome home Davy

She's home. There were no tearful hugs goodbye, It was more like a C-YA. I felt like I was about to ride on a big roller coaster, scared and excited all at the same time. Luckily I have the best partner in the world. Scott has been amazing. He has been able to retain all that's been told to us by the Doctors, he's helped work on a Meds/feed/pump schedule for me and through it all he has been calm. I admit i kinda lost it the first night, not the curl up in the fetal position lose it, more like the stare out the window and cry kind. But he has been a rock, my rock. So the first couple of days? I would say it's been the hardest thing I have done......ever. But before you give me the positive "you can do it Ruth speech", I know this is the first couple of days and eventually this will become "my" normal, I know this.

The night before Davy was born, I was really scared. We knew there was a chance she could not make it and I dwelled on that thought most of my pregnancy. But the actual day of her birth I was really calm, right up until the moment that I had to push. That was when the thought hit home, she really could not make it. I looked around the room at the 10 plus doctors and freaked out inside. The only thing that calmed me was to hear that beautiful cry that came belting out of her lungs. All these hands checking her over to make sure she was OK. All these nurses and Doctors that helped her survive these past 66 days. And now it's up to me, my awkward hands. It's the night before I bring Davy home and I have all these same feelings again.

practice makes perfect

I'm starting to get the hang of the shots. Do I like it....no. But I can do it. I've been practicing a lot, cuz come Tuesday it will be up to Scott and I to do them. Our baby girl is coming home.
Last Thursday the doctor on rounds told me.......
DR.- (very casually)So I think she can come home maybe Friday or Saturday
me- O kaay......that should be good. My husband gets home from N.Y on Sunday, that should give us time to get things ready.
DR.- no, this Friday and Saturday
me- Dude that's tomorrow! Are you crazy?! I have nothing! No husband, my sister (my biggest help) just left the country, and I have nothing ready. N O T H I N G ! That's when my panic attack started.
I had this vision in my head that when I was told that Davy could come home Scott and I would be together and be so happy and maybe even a rainbow would appear in the hospital room. But instead I felt panic, scared and alone. I had no idea how I was going to to all the things I needed to do all by myself. Well first off , my mom came down to watch my kids, so I could work with my insurance, the hospital, pharmacies, find a pediatrician and I don't even want to tell you about my house or how I didn't even have a crib for Davy to sleep in. Then my sister Jennie called me and said, I'm coming to help you. I started to feel a little better. Then when I came home that night I saw my sisters, Cathy and Terri's car in my driveway. I lost it. I started crying. I'm not alone..... I have my family. My SIL Amber came to help and my other SIL Tania came and scrubbed all my walls. Then my Dad came and took all the kids to the park and movies so we could get the house ready. Why did I start nesting when my baby was 2 months? I should have had this done months ago.
The house is now ready, Scott is home and the panic is gone. I am ready......I think.

2 months

Today my Davy Girl is 2 months.
*She is now a whopping ten pounds and 20.5 inches long.
*She is very alert, loves her mobile and is always trying to hold her head up.
*She has far surpassed what the genetics doctors had guessed for her. Which has taught me something........ never give up hope, Doctors only know so much.
*We are working on breastfeeding and bottle feeding, the most she has taken is 25 cc. So the rest is through the G-tube.
*She has the biggest smile that completely takes over her whole body and my heart.
The nurses tell me she sleeps through the night and I will get to find that out for myself very soon.

Isn't her strawberry headband cute. I got it on Etsy in my friends shop Jellabeejr.

It takes a Village

It has taken a Village to help take care of Davy. Seriously, I've needed a Village. I could not be with my baby every day if it weren't for my amazing friends and family. These Ladies(my sisters) left there families for a week to be in my home to take care of my family. They are now coming back for round 2. All of them have helped out in different ways while they were here.

This is Is my mom. She is coming for a third time this week. She is a very crafty lady. She came right when Max had a school project due, it was perfect timing. She also had fun things planned, like making homemade doughnuts or cookies. Not to mention all the cute hats and flowers she made for Davy.

This is my sister Jennie. She's a school teacher, so I knew the homework would be done and done right. She is also very good at organizing. Her and Beth(my other sister) reorganized my whole garage. Immediately after they had an intervention about my hoarding issues. Apparently I am a craft hoarder. They made me swear not to buy another piece of fabric until I use what I have(I crossed my fingers though.) She also brought her 2 kids, so my boys were in heaven playing with their cousins.
Then there was my oldest sister, Cathy. I got 2 for the price of one here. She brought her husband, Dale. Dale fixed every random broken thing in my house and even installed a doggie door for Charlie(and Harper). She was here during spring break, so she planned a bunch of fun things for the boys to do. The best part was that she would text me pictures so I could see what they were up to during the day.























After Cathy came Terri. Terri was my comic relief. She always makes me laugh. Which during times like these it's good to have a laugh. She always had the house nice and clean. And Harper really started to love her. He was calling her wam-ma.


Now the next 2 ladies live close by me. So while they didn't stay in my house, they have been a huge help to me. They have been my babysitting organizers, meal bringers, fill- in babysitters and call me daily to see how everyone is doing. I don't know how we would get through this hard time without family. I know I could never thank them enough for what they have done for us.

My sister Beth and my SIL Amber.

I'm on a mission

(please note the look of fear in her eyes)

My mission is "bring my baby home!" I'm doing what I gotta do and learning what I gotta learn, so I can get her outta here. Step one, stick a needle in my newborn baby. Step two, do step one. Step three, really Ruth you have to do step one.

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Yesterday the nurse asked me if I wanted to start giving Davy her growth hormone shot. I slowly answered .....um....OK. I knew this day would come and I knew I would be scared, but I have to take this step in order to bring Davy home. I had until 4pm, so all day I was giving myself a pep talk. This is no big deal...it's a small needle......this is for your little girl.....You got this!

It's 4pm, (cue scary music) The nurse hands me the needle. I pinch my baby's chubby little leg and......start sobbing. I can't do this. Who am I kidding. I hate shots. I am the Mom that always cries when her baby gets shots. When Max got stitches, I made my Niece come in with me so he didn't just have his crying mother at his side. I guess you get the point. I am a crybaby and I hate needles. So I failed my first attempt, so what. I will try again tomorrow.

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It's tomorrow. I walk in to the hospital with the Rocky theme song playing in my head. I will do this. I will give Davy her shot. Once again the nurse hands me the needle and my stomach drops. I pinch her legs and close my eyes. Wait, Ruth open your eyes, you kinda have to see what your doing. Cue Rocky theme song and..............Jab. I did it. Davy starts to cry, i start to cry, but with my head held high this time. I did what I needed to do.

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Just for fun, Guess how much Davy's daily shot costs. $25?.......$50?

Try $1500! I think their might be gold in that thing. $1500!!!! Sheesh.

FYI

Today's Heart Echo once again said NO coartation. She still has the PDA, but that can be fixed when she is a little older. So we can cross Heart surgery off the to do list. Next up...... Getting this girl to eat.

Positive thinking

I am trying to remain positive. Really I am. But I'm not loving it at our new home. It's like I'm in a foreign country, but I don't speak the language. It is so different here. At UCI it was peaceful and quiet. I feel like Davy is living in a crowded restaurant now. We have a lot of criers in our room of 5 babies. Our first day here I left so sad. I didn't want to leave her here with these strangers. Will they hold her when she's sad? Do they know she has the cutest smile, if they just look her way? Scott kept telling me let's try and be positive. We are here for a reason. We thought it was for a heart surgery. Could there be another reason? I dunno. As for now, I will try and think of the positives, Like..................

1. Nursing moms eat free at the cafeteria. I am a total sucker for free food.

2. The pumping room has current People magazines. I do love my celebrity gossip.

3. I found these cool chairs(see above picture) to take my next family picture on.

4. If Davy can sleep here, she can sleep a n y w h e r e.

5. Maybe I will find a 5 tomorrow.

Miracles Happen...really they do

Do you believe in miracles? Well you better start, cuz we had one today. Tomorrow Davy is having surgery on her heart. They are gonna fix 2 of the defects, the PDA and the more worrisome coarct of the aorta. So in prep for the surgery they did another echo of her heart and guess what? No coarctation!!! It was just gone. So the same doctor that did her echo at UCI did another echo and still, NO COARCTATION! I asked him "is this normal? Can it come back?" The Doctor said he had never seen this happen before. He then explained he has seen them shrink with medication, but not disappear entirely. Davy wasn't even on medication for it. He had the cardio team look at both echos and they all came to the same conclusion ........ NO SURGERY!!!!

They are now going to wait til Thursday and do another echo then to see if it's still gone. I really feel so blessed. This is such a relief that our little girl isn't having another surgery. I want to thank everyone for your prayers on her behalf....they worked. Now maybe if I just click my heels 3 times and say theres no place like home, we can go back to UCI.

50 days

50 days have gone by. Where did they go? How can something feel like an eternity in 50 days?

Day 50 was a big day for Davy.

She had a lot if firsts. First time outside. First car ride.

And a new home.

I'm so glad I got one of these today, I needed it.

I'm feeling the love.

It's been hard not to be a little sad today. I'm getting nervous about leaving our home here. When babies leave the NICU to go home, the parents carry them around the unit and say good bye. I loved seeing the happy parent so full of joy, holding their little one. They were able to say goodbye to the many nurses and doctors they've come to know, trust and love. Davy will most likely leave on Mothers day by ambulance, to her new home. I know this is the best thing for her, but I've been feeling a little sorry for myself. At the same time, I know someone is looking out for both of us. I have really felt the love the past couple of days. The same amazing person who made my cute hospital gown, made Davy two, so she could make a good first impression at her new home. I had a visit tonight from two Old friends and sweet note and beautiful hand made dress from another old friend who lives 2 states away. Thank you everyone for the emails, kind words, texts, prayers, food, facebook messages and comments on this blog. They are very appreciated.

Davy's first bath

Well it's Davy's first bath by mommy and daddy anyways. When Davy's nurse asked us last Sunday if we wanted to bathe her, we were so excited. You would have thought it was Christmas. It made me realize how the little things in life we can easily take for granted......... like giving your baby a bath. Do you want to know the best part? For 15 minutes she wasn't hooked up to wires and monitors. We bathed her, wrapped her up, then I hugged her tight and danced around the room with her. Scott was laughing at me cuz I walked every inch of that room, doing spins and a couple of bounces here and there. I couldn't help myself, she was WIRE FREE!! And that's why they call the NICU, the "NICU roller coaster". There are times when you are so low (tuesday)and then times when you feel so high. This day was a definite high.

The Straw that broke my back

I'm not gonna lie today totally sucked. I guess I should back track a little. The past couple of days Davy has been not her happy self. She isn't smiling as much and she was sleeping a lot. I was thinking maybe growth spurt. She has actually been losing weight so growth spurt was my wishful thinking. Scott and I were at the hospital this morning to start learning physical therapy for Davy, we didn't even get pass introductions with the nurse, when the cardio Doctor came in to tell us there were some new findings on her Heart echo this morning. Once again, not good news. She has what is called a Coarctation of the aorta. It's when the aorta is too narrow in one spot. It basically causes Davy's heart to pump even harder to force blood through the narrow part of the aorta. Because she has this combined with the PDA she will need surgery within a week. And now cue my tears. Then to top it off she will have to be transported to another hospital to have the surgery and most likely not return to UCI. Cue more tears and my nurses tears. That was a really hard blow for me. This has been Davy's (and my home) for the past 6 1/2 weeks. The nurses know and love Davy. And now we start all over again. The only home I wanted Davy to leave UCI for is yellow and 900 square feet. The fact that Davy's nurse cried with me shows how much she really cares for her. She told me through tears how special Davy is and she is a fighter. And the other Hospital is a good Hospital(sniff sniff) and the nurses will love her there too. So there you have it, my little girl will be having her second surgery in under 2 months.

Daddy's girl

It's official, Davy is already a Daddy's girl. Her face lights up when he is holding her. I mean she did smile at him first. Last week when the endocrine Doctor was trying to explain all of Davy's issues to us, Scott could barely pay attention, because Davy kept cooing and smiling at him. He didn't know where to look, smiling baby or serious Doctor( baby won.)

Scott and I have been splitting up the time at the hospital with her now. I go all day and he goes at night. It was becoming exhausting for me to be there all day and night. So this way he gets some one on one time and I get some rest. All the nurses say how cute it is that every single night Scott is there holding Davy. And when Davy was really sick and she couldn't be held, he would go and hold her hand or pacifier. I guess Dads don't come that often to the NICU, especially by themselves. If the nurses were smart, they would hang out right outside our room, cuz they may hear Scott singing some made up lullabies about Davy. Who knows, maybe a future Yo-gg song is being sung.