live life..
ok that last post was written on wed?.. somehow didnt get published until today.
anyway i was having a bad day today.
things just
OOULDN'T go right anymore since the call came in the afternoon...
i've felt this quite a lot of times before it seems..the stinging pain u get when u gotta say byebye to a dream... so things didnt go right. right til i got home and wanted to watch something to forget it all temporarily.. when mum couldnt take the racket coming from my "scary" tv programme. till i tried holing myself in my sister's room...and discovered the comp had crashed..
oh boy.
yes.
we never know when we're gonna go...
smile. smile. smile.
many thanks to a dearest fren.. for the fact that i'll at least sanely get thru tonight.
hahaha ok. ranting over. i'll LIVE. i will.
*tmr mum wants to dine out for breakfast. she's busy brainstorming uncontested GRCS so we wouldnt meet handshaking ministers. lol.
drizzle..
nice little drizzle went on in the evening...
i hovered from my room to the cool dampness of the living room. on an impulse I grabbed my Yanzi Hong Kan concert dvd...stuffed the Zi Xuan MTV cd in my dvd player and let it play..
watching the lineup... had lotsa recollections/emotions from the past unexpectedly mushrooming... haha.. seriously.. watching how she really grew from her early days with a short..Qing Tang Wa Mian look.. watching her infectious.. innocent smile and remembering how she first endeared to so many pple....:)....to a flowy, more fang zong era....her "shuai"-ness emerges..the "glam" factor blossoms.. when she really rose to the status of a diva of sorts..
Its been five years for yanzi.. five years for me as well...
又站在你家的门口
我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候
还能多久
终于你开口向我诉说她有多温柔
虽然你还握着我的手
但我已不在你心中
我真的懂
你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有
陪在你身边
当你寂寞时候
别再看着我
说着你爱过
别太伤痛
我不难过
这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流
我也不懂
就让我走
让我开始享受自由
回忆很多
你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱
你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞
这会是我
最后的宽容
抱紧我
再抱紧我
这一份感动
请你让我留在胸口
别再说是你的错
爱到了尽头
是非对错
就让它随风
忘了所有
过得比你快活
不要再说
或许这是最好的结果
现在分手
总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手
离开你左右
我向前走
这会是我
真正的解脱
oh how her songs have featured in my life.. haha..:)
I kinda miss the old days when she seemed to smile more happily.. a less jaded manner.. more endearingly innocent,carefree and honest.. but with what she's achieved so far and all the things she's experienced u cant ask that things go back and become as they were all over.
its time itself u cant undo..
its a different world we live in now..
sleepless nights*
sleepless night this is.
got funny feeling in e tummy.. lotsa gas that refuses to budge.
its giving me a headache, literally..=(
sigh.. to think i was looking forward to a brighter week ahead! possible relief teaching assignments at papa or mama's skool.. driving revision!(long desired and hankered after)..wangzi dvd watching(:..book reading(*Fantastic mr. Fox* -grins- n bring on those agatha christie books please)..
now i'm sitting here feeling all grouchy.. n anticipating the becoming of a Sleepyhead in a possible bright and beautiful tmr.
i hate this feeling.
i guess it happens. the more u covet something, the more u dont get it sometimes. sometimes when u made up ur mind u dont want something that much anymore, it arrives at your feet..
thats how its like for me with Sleep. gRRrr.:(
Everything happens for a reason. I attempt to comfort myself with this saying. got to talk to my sis about my tertiary study plans. The prospects of another 6 months of idling looms.. not that its entirely unwelcome. its just a bit intimidating to think that i may be turning that amount of time to things rather divergent from what the rest of my friends would be engaging in... will i fall behind..fall out of people's lives unobtrusively?
sister thinks i got a singaporean kiasu..risk-averse..kiasee mindset.. haha.. which i think i will make an effort to correct and prove otherwise..
haii. gas still not budging. wahh wish there was ginger tea..
its gonna be one long night.
out of work!
hahaha lotsa gatherings these days!
jc frens. frens from work. funkyfish!
we seem to be all standing at the edge of some invisible springboard... unknowingly going to get flown off to some unknown destination...
before we say goodbye?
before we've properly picked up the bits and pieces scattered all over..of what came and went...
suddenly very scared of growing old..
oh no.
maybe i need to get work soon again lol. sigh. all this thinking's going nowhere!
i miss u folks! all my friends. from everywhere.. whichever stage of my life. haha.
pingchangxin.
街道静的刺耳
夜被路灯染色
趁感伤醒来前
先上车不会不舍
承认我是弱者
不敢再对爱假设
我真的累得不想再拉扯
我寻找的平静
是我将来看电影
带着一颗平常心
不必为谁心碎闭上眼睛
我需要的平静
是敢回头看曾经
那些为爱患得患失的情景
我选择忘记
我不懂得取舍
才让心痛堆着
找得到前些年
的快乐只是偶尔
回忆是个诱饵
是来叫我回去的
要伤能愈合
我非走不可
haha Providence works in wondrous ways sometimes!
i was getting out of Car 19 at SSDC after my lesson(2nd last subject!) today... taking a bit of time to pack my bag at the back.. thinking bout all the things i had gone thru at the centre all this while... turned ard to leave when the student in the car on the left emerged....
familiar bacckk...
familiar hairr...
she turns around...
and all i remember was a moment's surprise and SCREAMS at each other! hahahaha...
.... dear four dollars! =D=D
so happened that she had been complaining how "the silly person!" took so long to pack her bag while standing at the passenger compartment of Car 19 preventing her from opening her door.. LOL:D:D
man i had a great time talking to her.. ahahaha..(=
i thank God for the wonderful coincidences that occur in my life every now and then.
ahh.. today's a nice no take-home marking day.. which i spent chatting with my boys on msn. hmmmm. haha kk.. i also cleaned my pufferbaby's tank and caught up with current affairs hehehe.
last fri was supposed to my last day at the school for this stint.. my chocs were given out.. presents to frens on the tables.. cakes distributed....notes presented....
hahaha ack. then the sms came 1 april.
i wont forget how mr. ang my table neighbour jumped in his chair when i greeted him on mon morning.....hahaha:)how the crazy boys drew amusing stuff on the board meant for mrs jaya.. then ran to erase frantically and make the appropriate changes to the message...
i think i'm getting along slightly better with them now... i'm only quite bothered when i discover sometimes i dont know how to draw the line with the boys..
i noe i'd like them to be open with me... yet dont want them to bug me too much everytime they uncover
every little thing abt my personal life and make a big fuss about it... like they'd have the weirdest perceptions and then weave interpretations from them that mostly border on the perplexing/disturbing.
they say i dont scold them enuff. haha. despite being in the capacity to do so, i seriously have little faith in my abilities to effect change in thinking and character. and i cant afford to tip the balance(?)in my relationship with them the wrong way..
ok the latter concern abt the balance thing is silly.. i shouldnt have let the balance be attained in the first place right? am i meant to be in control, generally?
gaahhh silly frustrating issues that come with being in a profession that is so human-oriented.
