all these emotions.
went for a nice lunch/tea outing with 7788 yesterday...=)
was late (as usual) and made a great long walk from city hall to milenia walk...
TCC staff have really great service..:) was quite taken aback at first cos of mostly bad experiences at eating places lately...:P
there was kandy and bird there first.. haha. us hungry folks who didnt have lunch decided to order first and plot to kope dessert from the rest of the gang when they came later.
the menu was totally drool inducing. especially the desserts section.. haha..
my beef lasagne was rather normal.. i absolutely loved the apricot/herb cream dory! heh. which i koped from bird. really nice.
then mini appeared. with her significant other trying to zip off unobtrusively behind her when kandy jumped up in a flash and ran to say hi.. lol..
as usual it was lotsa amusement and warmth catching up with da gang again..:) driving experiences..uni applications..laments about the lack of funding.. haha.. work.school.life..
caused a bit of hoohaa again as usual with our frantic phototaking on the lovely leather couches at tcc. :)
then i rushed off early to get to zongcai..
i clearly felt my heart pounding somewhat painfully...as i made the walk up the path in the school carpark...towards the hall...memories from last week and the emotions they stirred still lingered somewhere within..biting from within...
and i was...afraid.
just really glad it turned out to be not so bad after all..
to my surprise...it became rather heartwarming towards the end...it a little bit more assuring to witness improvement... just felt so much better this time..things turned out so much better than expected.. all the fears were more or less dispelled...i finally got the chance to speak to them.. wang laoshi spoke to them...at least the atmosphere...and things in general looked..more optimistic i guess.
lots more pple were back yesterday...guess their presence helped make it not feel all so gloomy and depressing as before..so great to be able to catch up...haha one of the biggest surprises was seeing chermaine back! :)
and i'm just....really, really thankful. guess overall it was just a day of small little surprises and things that make ur day at unexpected moments. got this tingly warm feeling somewhere as i sat at the busstop opposite kap at 11pm.. soaking up the familiar quiet n darkness of the hour..taking stock of the events gone by.
:breathes:
update of my life.
hey..
i never wanted to curse so much. haha. grrr.
been working at a childcare next to mavis this past five days...
waaah first i thought it was the kids i couldnt tahan..
then gradually got used to them and came to have a better feel of the extent of reasoning capabilities they possess... how i shouldnt feel angry and try to scold/whack so often because they REALLY wouldnt understand..... sigh.
4 hrs in a confined space with fifteen 2-4yr olds/twenty 5-6yr olds every day is more than enough to drive anyone up the wall.
especially the young ones... they're just like little shrieking lifeforms on two feet whose only programmed capacity at this stage of their lives is to DESTRUCT. Running is the necessary mode of travel. Feet stomping, arms flailing, the tiny
things go about their routine activities, punctuating their acts of Destruction with menacing guffaws, stupefying screams and the all-powerful Bawl... leaving a trail of drool and mucus in the wake.
where better than a montessori, to get abundant material for a B-grade horror flick?
haha. with mavis' and another laoshi's guidance, thankfully i kinda managed to overcome my frustration/irritation/annoyance with them and stopped having desires to break their necks by mid-week.
the real terror of the job however. had been quietly settling in on me from the second day of work.
The boss.
is an amazing woman.
i'm really not kidding. when i say she's an adult with one of the most unfathomably incorrigble temperaments i've ever encountered ever i since i outgrew my own nuisance-lifeform state and developed a brain.
thinking about the kind of mental torment i'd been exposed to(and only minimally for me man compared to mavis and laoshi)...i feel really, really sorry for the kids.
she's really not a bad teacher at all.. takes her work seriously..is generally not unfriendly when conversing with people. i reckon anyone who views her lessons and how she livens up e classes for the children wouldnt really think her a bad person.
guess thats why the first blast i got from her was so hard to swallow..
i witnessed how she'e entirely capable of trampling on even her close working partner of two years, with utterly patronising comments and condescending glares.
it's as if the everyone else is inferior, meant to bear her scoldings and lecturing because she descended upon the world to lead and correct incompetent fools who make utterly atrocious mistakes and who are out to destroy her childcare centre.
then maybe an hour later when she's out of THE mode, she's all warmth and smiles again.
ccncerned about whether u're coping ok.. whether the kids are giving u too much trouble..telling u she's really thankful for ur help. u've been excellent.
it really freaks me out......
if she reads this i reckon i'm gonna be crushed by her mercedes. haha ok. her amazing somersaulting attitude makes me wanna put her down for being like, chao rich, but i realised i'd just seem bitter and petty.
actually i'm just really really, more sad than angry. for long-suffering laoshi and mavis.. and the little ones..
the working world just got a tad bit darker for me.
hahaha.. oh my goodness think this is the most amount contempt i've ever penned down openly...
the stint has sorta opened a little window into the larger world outside for me.
there are the lessons to be learned, especially in the area of dealing with crap from pple.
(sigh. i think i'm gonna be depressed.)
and also, how great working company makes a whole world of a difference.
thankful for mavis.:) she's really one strong girl to have braved it all.
low low day.
I'm really quite tired.
tired tired tired of my inability to get my a*s up and do what i really ought to do at the most important important times.
once u let that moment slip
it's gone.. just gone.
i sometimes dont know how to deal with myself.
my insides wring at the very thought...
and it really hurts.
i'd make the perfect dart board for myself.
woohoo. how DO i live? i cant help but wonder sometimes.
regret just sweeps in almost every, single occasional waking moment in which i find myself, attempting to look back.
driving part1
realised its been a super long while since i actually blogged bout events..
been in a terribly bad mood these past few days getting flustered and flared up over small stuff easily.. and i think my memory's starting to deteriorate as the days pass...
gahh..the bluesfromnowhere have sneaked up on me again.
started playing FF7 again.. after what must have been a four year hiatus from computer games haha. ooh i found that i forgotten totally how much i enjoyed engaging in the amusing little things that happen in the game..
have decided that i shall not be kiasee as i was four years ago and be brave and start fighting more monsters and going around the place looking for special treats for Cloud and co.
hehe.
another prominent feature of my current jobless existence now would be my driving lessons.
today i had my second one.. which in my opinion..unfolded waayyy better than the first... when i almost rammed into two cars on seperate occasions due to my retarded limbs.. =S
the instructor on my first lesson was yawning at a rate of 5 times per minute and speaking at a speed of 10 words per minute.. hahaha.. i was really so saddened after the whole thing.
today's instructor put me so much more at ease.. was a really patient and gentle man..(THANK GOD) and i'm really really grateful for it... really saddened at the end of the whole thing too. but this time it's cos i knew it'd be hard to get him as my instructor again....
still a couple of hiccups with my clutch-accel coordination.. jerky car every now and then.. haha.. i am progressing soooo slowwww--ly with my course... only did 5 parts in two lesons and there's 30 plus in total for completion...
=( quite demoralised.. but will try and push on. haha.
going out of the circuit next lesson! gosh. i AM terrified.
i am also helping my fourth aunt teach her P2 class to do a cheer display for a competition! pretty fun.. kids are cute but i'm racking my brains quite a bit trying to come up with ehh uhh nice movement/actions/rhythm for the hyper bunch...
havent done directing in a loong while.... and it got a bit intimidating when i was suddenly shoved to face all thirty of them on the hall stage last week.. made to think up something for them to do on the spot...
"Reduce...Reuse...Recycle!"hahaha yeah its for the environment! funny the kinds of competitions they design for school kids these days...
tmr's my second session with them..in which they hope everything can be finalised... (gulp)
haha i just hope my aunt and her colleagues and the kids' parents dont find my actions stupid..
meanwhile i've been reading up and thinking about Australia/Taiwan...bout whether i really am destined to be a loafer for life... bout whether an overseas education is but an impractical dream...bout what i really wanna do with my life.
took a couple of career tests here and there.. somehow the results i get just spur me on to search for more and more tests... is it that i refuse to look at myself the way these tests have portrayed me? even if its most realistic and accurate?
i hate running away. but i do.
