gong hei.
whee...
i sometimes detest my reliance on search engines.
i find myself switching on the pc. routinely clicking on the google.com shortcut. staring at its homepage. desperately burrowing into the recesses of my mind. searching for keywords that i seem to hope would lead me somewhere...fufilling.
type.search.type.search.type.search.
type.search.type.search.type.search.type.search.
type.search.type.search.type.search.type.search.
type.search.type.search.type.search.ahh. the predicaments we land ourselves into.
:at the beginning:
heyy...
my first post of 2006..here goes! =)
took up a relief teaching job and officially gave up on my bumming days from 3rd Jan this very new year. only for a month tho. means i have bout a week and a half left.
all the panicking.. weird insecurities that came with it.. ranging from a fear of socialising with teachers in many ways more adult than i am, to the uncertainty over how i would try to educate classrooms filled with 13 year old boys and play my part in grooming them to become outstanding leaders for the future.. when i know i am really just a silly
eh-lairver student all frightened about life ahead.
haha quite a mouthful that was.
I seriously believe i'm socially inept.
but its been a lot better than i feared things would be i guess..:)
even tho i still havent mustered enuff courage to stand among the rest of the teachers during morning assembly.. havent been able to get boys to develop enuff interest in lessons and stop asking me to take them to the library for a free period..havent....... argh... too many things lah. haha.
chinese high is really a rather hi-tech place. huge staff room. subject teaching/assessment methods rather complicated..(sophisticated? heh).. was going crazy with information by the time i sat thru just two department sharing sessions.
hahaha i found that boys are really quite amusing. still havent seen enuff to conclude whether amusing behaviour is manifested only by the ones in khaki shorts hehehe. but its probably not lah.. boys will be boys, as i was told. haha.
da boys have been generally rather nice to me..:) cept a few who threaten to scream the roof down everytime. still get a bit startled when faced with little ones bowing to me on corridors. hehehe. this stint was quite surreal at the start i would say..and now that i've gradually gotten the hang of things, i'm about to end it..hahaha..sigh.
actually i do think i'm really quite a lousy person to impart knowledge to the young ones.. get flustered when faced with weird spontaneous situations..get my facts wrong ALL THE TIME and THEY KNOW IT(eg. telling them the Nazi Occupation led by Hitler was during WW One).. once i couldnt spell "pyjamas"..also knocked into my chair rather hard trying to explain something.. sigh. :S
haha at the very least, i just hope they dont find me crappy.
i feel teaching really places a lot of demands on a person.. mentally (planning lessons!! arghhh!!)...physically (trying my best to be RID OF mua laopok inaudible voice)...and emotionally (being prepared,REALLY prepared for ANYTHING.)all of which i have been unable to utilise to the best of my abilities.
is it part laziness?... part of me still wishes i were free...
part insecurity?...never really sure if i ought to be given the task of teaching..
or is it just plain immaturity...an awareness of the fact that i've never really seen enuff of the world to play the part of a role model myself..
i dont know. guess i'll learn. :)
haha. okies gotta sleep now..
it's gonna be another day.
