There are no words to descrbe how i feel. Ripped apart, perhaps. Massacred.

I won't let you close enough to hurt me. I will never let anyone close enough to hurt me.

I don't think i've ever been this angry. But then again, i don't think things have ever been this bad. I want to be alone more than anything else right now. Or at least if i can't be alone, i don't want to see anything familiar. I don't want to see my same old house, i don't want to see my same old friends, i dont want to see the same old people i care about and love. None of them seem to bring me any of the comfort i used to need.

Your friends grow up and apart, your family just drives you to the teetering brink of emotional despair and perhaps insanity, your house just holds too many painful old memories and everyone else just lets you down.

I don't want to talk to someone who will tell me things are "gonna be okay" and i don't want help from anyone when my life feels like it's fallen apart - well, too late for that though - i just want to be left alone. I don't want people to care, i don't want my phone to vibrate with a text message or a whatsapp or a call.

All love does it let you down, and leave you feeling revolted with yourself. I have decided that i never going to end up with the same people again. I am never going to make the same mistakes.And in fact, i'd prefer ending up alone. If i am going to end up completely destroyed, the only person that is going to make that happen is myself.

I am so fucking tired of words or promises and i don't want to hear any of them. It's too late for words - it's too late for anything now. I honestly just want to be left alone.

Why is it that the people that you want fighting for you are always the people that just can't be bothered?

It's time to surrender, it's been too long pretending, there's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit anymore.

I've grown tired of this. Of you. Of the misery of this all. I think it's about time i took a permanent step back.