No, Jennings hasn't been fired yet

by Smitty

Sorry, Nice Deb, you're still paying for a degenerate to influence school children.

After all, if the Administration can blow off the ACORN scandal with impunity, then why should peddling smut to minors trigger so much as the batting of an eye?

The solution: more demonstrations for the Community Organizer in Chief.

Dept. of Holy Freaking Crap

Federal judge enjoins Congress from cutting off funding to ACORN. Like ACORN's got a right to that money, you understand? Commentary from our official legal analyst, Ace of Spades:

The judge claims, weirdly, that there is a separation of powers issue that somehow restrains Congress from exercising its constitutionally-specified power to raise and spend money. Huh? The judge claims some sort of finding of guilt by a court or an executive administrative magistrate is required before Congress can exercise its major constitutionally-specified power.

It's this kind of Through-the-Looking Glass weirdness -- where people have a right to taxpayer money -- that boggles the mind. The caterpillar smoking the hookah may understand it, but I evidently didn't do enough dope back in the day, because this makes zero sense to me. Then again, I don't understand why 14-year-olds need fisting lessons, so I guess I'm a clueless old fuddy-duddy.

More at Memeorandum, Politico and the The Hill.

UPDATE: "Oy," says Michelle Malkin, aggregating some analysis of the case. I'm looking at this Hill story and shaking my head:

Judge Nina Gershon concluded that the ban amounted to a "bill of attainder" that unfairly singled out ACORN.

Permit me to quote a distinguished expert, namely my late father, Bill McCain:

"Boy, who ever told you life was gonna be fair?"

If it is indeed true that anything "unfair" is automatically deemed unconstitutional -- please Mr. Caterpillar, pass the hookah!

UPDATE II: Headline on an item by Alison Roh Park at the Center for Constitutional Rights:

Historic Win for Constitutional Rights!

Which tells you . . . ? Exactly. The Center for Constitutional Rights is a partisan left-wing outfit, either a front-group for labor unions or part of the Soros-funded "progressive" network of organizations who act as wing-men for each other's scams. Anyone care to research their funding?

Wade Rathke's Metal Days

by Smitty

Michael Volpe at Big Government delivers a thorough crushing of the ACORN report excreted by the former Massachusetts Attorney General. Shorter Volpe: "Look at the self-licking ice cream cone."

Looking at the photo of Rathke,

one can't help but wonder if he hadn't engaged in louder activities in his youth...

And for tonight's ironic lyric, let's look at some ACORNy seeds that were first planted, and subsequently spread like Progressive/Socialist disease:

We've taken too much for granted
And all the time it had grown
From techno seeds we first planted
Evolved a mind of its own

Marching in the streets
Dragging iron feet
Laser beaming hearts
Ripping men apart

From off I've seen my perfection
Where we could do as we please
In secrecy this infection
Was spreading like a disease

NY23: 'Mischief' by ACORN?

That's what Doug Hoffman says and, while Jude Seymour and Politico are skeptical, I've got a few insights at he American Spectator:

My own source suggested last week that it is unlikely that Hoffman's margin in those absentee ballots would be enough to erase the 3,026-vote gap. However, the need to ensure an accurate count, and to expose any potential illegalities, is still very important. If anyone has committed criminal wrongdoing in this upstate New York district, they need to be identified and prosecuted.
Furthermore, the narrowing of the gap by more than 2,300 votes between the reported results on Election Night and the actual vote tally shows how misreporting can affect political outcomes. If the reported margin had been narrower -- and especially if the tallies in Oswego and Jefferson had been accurately reported -- Hoffman never would have conceded that night.
Most of all, the discovery of the errors (or "mischief") in the vote-count makes it a near-certainty that Hoffman will challenge Owens in NY23 in 2010.

Read the whole thing. (Hat-tip: Memeorandum.)

'I'm as happy to be here as Roman Polanski at a Hannah Montana concert'

So says Jonah Goldberg, about 56 minutes into the video of an Accuracy in Media conference about ACORN and vote fraud.

ACORN transvestite vote fraud?

Jesse Hathaway is right: How the heck did I miss this one? I spent the weekend hanging out with Matthew Vadum, and surely at some point he told me about his American Spectator scoop:

The activist group ACORN, which has long worked with criminals as it preys on the weak and the troubled, is on the verge of yet another public relations catastrophe.
That's because a cross-dressing Ohio male escort whom ACORN registered multiple times to vote was convicted of full-fledged vote fraud in addition to the lesser crime of voter registration fraud. A spokesman for Cleveland prosecutor Bill Mason confirmed yesterday that a local investigation of ACORN remains wide open.
The conviction of Darnell Nash, apparently known by several aliases including Serina "Sexy Slay" Gibbs, is hugely significant for several reasons . . .

Read the whole thing. No doubt about it. I've been off my A-game lately. Got to get my mojo back.

ACORN lawuit: DOA

Legal beagle Leon Wolf of Red State:

The suit alleges that Andrew Breitbart, working in concert with O'Keefe and Giles, intercepted an "oral communication" using an electronic device, which would indeed be a violation of the act. The problem, however, is that the statute specifically defines "oral communication" in section 10-401(2)(i) as: "any conversation or words spoken to or by any person in private conversation."
What this means . . . is that at least one of the parties to the conversation must have had a reasonable expectation of privacy in the conversation. In other words, if someone stands up in the town square and shouts out loud and someone else records it, that is not a violation of the act.
The problem for ACORN is that, as a matter of law, the employees at ACORN had no reasonable expectation of privacy in what they said to members of the public who entered their offices. As made clear by Katz v. United States and its progeny . . . "What a person exposes knowingly to the public, even in his own home or office, is not a subject of Fourth Amendment protection."

In other words, ACORN will be laughed out of court, even here in the People's Republic of Maryland. How much concern is this nuisance suit causing? James O'Keefe Twittered last night:

Celebrating ACORN lawsuit with a candlelight dinner on the Pacific Ocean.

ACORN: Our Legal Advisors Are Incompetent, Too!

And you thought I was obsessed . . .

IRS DUMPS ACORN
(Little Green Footballs crushed, deeply saddened)

URGENT: ACORN SUES BREITBART

Via Newsbusters:

ACORN has filed a lawsuit in Maryland against James O’Keefe, Hannah Giles and the Web site Breitbart.com for secretly videotaping the organization’s employees at its Baltimore office.

Expect updates and maybe bikini photos . . .

(Don't hate me for that. Heaven knows I've suffered enough lately to be forgiven an innocent joke.)

Fired ACORN Baltimore workers to sue; PLUS: Hannah Giles Bikini Update

Jeff Quinton of Inside Charm City has the news via WBAL:

Former ACORN workers in the city are planning to file a civil complaint against the makers of the video, according to the website Investigative Voice.
City state’s attorney Patricia Jessamy said on WBAL’s Shari Elicker Show that she could not prosecute based on restrictions for evidence obtained illegally.
Maryland law requires two party consent to be recorded.

Exit question: How will this affect the Hannah Giles bikini Google-bomb wars? Expect updates . . .

UPDATE: Rather than talk to a veteran conservative journalist -- I've got an e-mail address and have already interviewed Hannah's father, Doug Giles -- James O'Keefe tells his story to the liberal MSM:

O'Keefe insists that he and Giles's work was done independently and rejects liberal suggestions that the videos were bankrolled by conservative organizations. He does, however, acknowledge receiving help and advice from a conservative columnist and Web entrepreneur.
When O'Keefe had filmed the first two videos -- in the District and Baltimore -- a friend urged him to share his project with Andrew Breitbart, a conservative Internet entrepreneur who had plans to launch an anti-liberal site called BigGovernment.com. Breitbart said he was skeptical after a June phone call with O'Keefe about what he had, but when the video was rolling in his basement office in Los Angeles in late July, Breitbart said, he gasped.

Doug Giles is my friend, yet I am profoundly hurt by O'Keefe's deliberate insult -- talking to the Washington Post before talking to me? When a 25-year-old punk starts insulting veteran journalists, there could be serious consequences. Expect further updates . . .

UPDATE II (1:25 p.m. ET): For the benefit of commenter Tom Rowan of Naples, Fla., who thinks the Hannah Giles bikini photo is a "hoax," some explanation is necessary:

• Doug Giles is a friend of mine, one of several VIPs invited to attend the legendary 2008 CPAC party that Matthew Vadum and I hosted.
• Hannah Giles is also a friend, and a friend of my friends, including Sergio Gor and Jason Mattera.
• As soon as the ACORN videos made news and Hannah Giles became a household name, I began getting Google-search traffic because of a photo I took of Hannah at the YAF National Conservative Student Conference in July.
• The Google-bomb has been deployed as a defensive weapon, to ensure that hostile left-wing online sources do not gain a traffic advantage.
• The Other McCain is a commercial enteprise, the revenue of which (a) is dependent upon traffic, having passed the 2.5-million hit mark yesterday and (b) now equals or exceeds my income from freelance journalism and Internet consulting.
• Please hit the tip jar.
• "I write for money." Which is my way of saying, I am a professional journalist. My ability to do perform this job -- to put bread on the table for my wife and six children -- is dependent, to a degree, on my access to sources.
• When it comes to getting the job done, my methods are not always orthodox. I'm not some famous network-news hotshot who can always count on important people returning his phone calls, so I am forced to use my wits to compensate for my tremendous disadvantages. "Ethics, shmethics," as I like to say. So long as I get the story, how I get the story is my own business. To be beaten on a major story is to dishonor the memory of my late father, old No. 27: "I'm going to beat you today."
• Andrew Breitbart is scheduling media interviews for his BigGovernment.com operation, and has not even permitted Hannah Giles to appear on her father's "Clash Radio" program.
• Doug Giles is a Christian minister and a gentleman whose paternal wrath no reasonable man should ever wish to incur, to wit:

Andrew Breitbart is also a friend of mine, who likewise attended the 2008 CPAC party and whom I profiled for The Washington Times in May 2007:

'News addict' gets his fix
From Drudge to Huffington, ex-slacker
Breitbart finds home on the Web
By Robert Stacy McCain, THE WASHINGTON TIMES
His computer pings with every new e-mail. His cell phone rings with calls from friends. Distractions surround Andrew Breitbart. Yet he remains focused on the latest happenings from around the world, flowing into his laptop computer via a half-dozen wire services and other news sources.
A self-described "news addict," the 38-year-old Californian sips a Mountain Dew as he scans the latest headlines and talks about his journey from being a stereotypical Generation X slacker to being on the cutting edge of the 21st-century information revolution.
Having already been associated with two of the biggest success stories on the Web -- DrudgeReport.com and HuffingtonPost.com -- he is now proprietor of the Breitbart.com news site, a project begun in 2005 that now attracts more than 3 million visits per month.
Not bad for someone who graduated from Tulane University in 1991 "with no sense of my future whatsoever," as Mr. Breitbart said in an interview during a visit to Washington last week. And not bad for someone diagnosed as afflicted with attention-deficit (hyperactivity) disorder, although he says ADHD might be the secret to his success.
"The Internet was like an awakening for me," Mr. Breitbart says, describing how, in 1992, his friend Seth Jacobson first told him about the online world. . . .

About an hour ago, I got off the phone with a friend of Hannah's who explained to me that the O'Keefe interview with The Washington Post was part of Breitbart's "media strategy."

Andrew is a man whose keen intelligence I admire, whose brilliant insights into New Media I respect. But if pissing me off is party of his strategy . . .

Expect further updates . . .

UPDATE III: The conservative Google-bomb defense is working! The Left is predictably doing its pathetic Photoshop smears, but respectful conservative sites are all the top Google results. All conservatives must link the Hannah Giles nude photo now.

Little Miss Attila is one of those "angels unawares."

UPDATE IV: "Just because you don't know what I'm doing, don't assume that I don't know what I'm doing." Brick Squad 19, So Icy Boys 6.

The Purple Center less than pleased with Senate appointee

by Smitty

John at the Purple Center falls short of happiness with Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, one of seven in the Senate to vote against de-funding ACORN:

It's time for New York voters -- especially Democrats like me -- to send Gillibrand a clear message: we don't want any more of the taxpayers' money to be wasted on ACORN, an outfit which has few accomplishments other than scandals in its history and which exists mainly to perpetuate itself and give cushy jobs to people who are then drafted into "political action" to keep the money flowing.

When KG defended ACORN, the Purple Center was not amused:

But backing ACORN puts her in bed with an especially scummy outfit and aligns her with the the most left-wing elements of the Democratic Party -- and may help help put her out on her ear in January 2011. Maybe she thinks it will help her head off a Democratic primary next year, but the pols most likely to challenge her voted against funding ACORN! In any case, her vote on this issue (one of only seven!), far from fading from public view, will stand out as a major issue for her GOP opponent to hammer her with (this Marist poll shows her already running behind former Governor George Pakaki [sic]).

I've got a feeling that Senator Gillibrand's motives may resemble those of Senator Roland Burris: somebody acknowledging who put them in their current position.

I, for one, rejoice that the 17th Amendment so clearly saved the Republic from the evils of Senators with slits up the back of their suits, so that their handlers could readily manipulate them.

Gold Medal Mental Gymnastics on the Left

by Smitty

Joe Conason at Salon:

The right-wing crusade against ACORN is a far bigger fraud than any misdeeds a few employees might have committed

Any? A few? Doesn't the sight of the one bit of vermin make you at least mildly curious about what's lurking out of sight, Mr. Conason?

People on the left, perhaps not Conason himself, are calling for Bush administration heads on a silver platter over some water boarding. Doesn't the non-zero possibility, based upon the video evidence, of some underage girls living in horror at least budge the concern meter? One can hypothesize an existence so horrid that captive girls would cheerfully endure a session of water boarding in exchange for liberation.

Yet ACORN's troubles should be considered in the context of a history of honorable service to the dispossessed and impoverished.

What I really want, since Mr. Conason is apparently my ethical superior, and has a higher-order grasp of justice than my cheap, pedestrian morality, is some kind of function that shows exactly how one calculates the acceptable ratio of depravity vs. "honorable service to the dispossessed and impoverished".

I'll leave un-played the standard "if conservatives did it..." card.

The overall WTF that needs to be addressed is the chain-of-command issue. Why, pray tell, does money have to be extracted from the taxpayer, or borrowed from the future, and then depart the Treasury to ACORN, which seems tantamount to a Federal agency? Why should money leave DC and ever be directed at individual private citizens in the ACORN fashion?

Mr. Conason is naïvel, and his mental gymnastics constitute sad entertainment for all.

Update: Carol at No Sheeples gives us the Nutcracker: sweet.

HOUSE VOTES TO DEFUND ACORN

Breaking News at BigGovernment.com.

LGF Charles Johnson blames . . . The JOOOOOZZ!

'When the going gets weird . . .'

". . . the weird get jobs at ACORN"?

That sound you heard was my head exploding. Even mixing psilocybin and Bolivian flake, it would be hard to have a trip as weird as that.

Mika Brzezinski bikini pics?

Da Tech Guy has a sick, twisted imagination. If Rule 5 is matter, Mika Brzezinski is anti-matter.

Why is it that, no matter how often the Savonarola of the right-wing blogosphere tries to lead by example, some of you evil-minion wannabe types need to be told things like this?

If you want to see first-class evil minionship, check out Nice Deb, with her super-fine photo of Pimpin' James and Kenya the Ho.

Let's face it, James O'Keefe is the biggest Mack Daddy who ever turned a girl out. And Hannah Giles . . . Dude. If Hannah's all about the Benjamins, Mika Brzezinski is all about the nickles and dimes.

What does Da Tech Guy have in common with ACORN? They're both nuts.

Da Tech Guy disses me, so naturally Jim Treacher don't give me no respect:

I was going to say something a bit saucy about Hannah Giles, but she's a black belt and her dad is a big-game hunter. So I'll just say that fearless investigative journalism has never looked this good.

Right. Like I never looked good. But when I was Hannah's age, Jimmy Carter was president and the unemployment rate was nearly as high as the inflation rate, but neither was as high as the interest rate. The only thing I was interested in investigating was how to sneak into my girlfriend's dorm room.

Hannah is involved in an organization called Young America's Foundation. Back in 1980, I was involved in a very popular youth organization called Garage Rock Band, which had at least three different chapters on the campus of Jacksonville (Ala.) State University alone.

Al Gore hadn't invented the Internet yet. A computer was something the size of my '72 Dodge Dart and was operated with little IBM cards that said "Do not fold, spindle or mutilate." So it's not exactly my fault I wasn't an overnight celebrity when I was 20.

If I'm beginning to sound like my father explaining to me what it was like to grow up on a dirt farm in Randolph County, Alabama, during the Great Depression, OK. Used to be, conservatives believed in traditional values.

Which was why I was never a young conservative. Baby, I'm the greatest musical has-been that never was:

I come up hard, baby, but now I'm cool.
I didn't make it sugar, playin' by the rules . . .

James O'Keefe is 25. When I was 25, I was making $5.25 an hour driving a forklift in a warehouse on Fulton Industrial Boulevard in Atlanta, trying to save up to buy a P.A. system to start my own band.

Haywood's Recording Studios in the West End had the best deal on eight-track time ($25 an hour, not including reel-to-reel master or cassette duplicates). So an eight-hour session cost more than my after-tax paycheck from two 40-hour weeks, and I worked as much overtime on that forklift as I could get.

The band . . . ah, well, it never turned out to be what I'd hoped. We practiced a lot, played a few parties, a few free outdoor concerts, but the guitar player and the bass player were more into their girlfriends than they were into the music. One day at practice, it all finally blew up, and it was just me and the drummer left. But I guess I've told most of that story before.

Nowadays, my old P.A. speakers are in my 16-year-old twin sons' bedroom, part of a makeshift guitar amp setup powered by a Marshall head. because the one boy thinks he's James Hetfield one day and John Frusciante the next. Whatever. He's no Steve Gaines. The other boy prefers acoustic. But they've been playing for three years, and I never even started playing guitar until I was 16. So who knows?

This afternoon, I dialed the phone number of a guy I was sure had forgotten me, but I was wrong.

"How could I ever forget you, man?" Haywood Tucker said. "You had some good tunes."

He's living in Mableton now, and runs his pro digital studio out of his house. We talked about the old days, and he remembered meeting my wife years ago, after I'd finally given up the music and started a family.

"Wow, I guess your kids are about all grown up now?" I asked. Yes, he said, and boasted that his daughter seems to have inherited his musical talent, writing songs for top groups. I told him my oldest was 20, junior in college, planning to be a teacher.

"That's good -- we need good teachers," Haywood said. I explained that both my boys play guitar, but lot more like Metallica than the kind of funk-rock fusion I was trying to get back in the '80s.

He congratulated me when I told him I'd been working as a Washington journalist for so mnay years, and I said, "Well, it's OK, I guess . . ."

It was a "blessing" to hear from me, he said, and at one point in our conversation, he said, "Well, the Lord knows who you are. Don't worry about all that other stuff."

Really, why should I worry? Still, I asked him if, next time he and his family said grace, they'd mention my name. You can never have too much of that.

UPDATE: The O'Keefe/O'Toole error noted by the copy desk commenters has been corrected.

Senate condemns ACORN; House expected to approve Hannah Giles bikini photos

Charles Johnson could not be reached for comment:

A poverty-rights group that has drawn the ire of conservatives suffered another setback in Washington on Monday when the U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to deny it access to federal housing funds. . . .

"Poverty rights"? I guess that means ACORN fights for people's right to be poor. NTTAWWT, but I don't remember "poverty rights" in the Constitution. Let's see if we can find something a bit more fair and balanced:

A growing number of Republican lawmakers are calling for congressional hearings and IRS audits of ACORN following the release of three videotapes that show the group's employees offering advice to a "pimp" and a "prostitute" on how to skirt the law.
Rep. Steve King, R-IA, said a video released Monday that shows filmmaker James O'Keefe, 25, and Hannah Giles, 20, getting advice from ACORN employees in Brooklyn, N.Y., on how to launder their earnings and avoid detection while running a prostitution business is "another reason to turn it up" on ACORN.

Much better. Now let's try Ed Morrissey:

Senator Mike Johanns (R-NE) introduced an amendment to the HUD and Transportation appropriation bill to strip ACORN of all federal funding. A week ago, Johanns wouldn’t have gotten the amendment to the floor. Today, however, after three straight days of BigGovernment.com’s video exposés of ACORN offices in Washington DC, New York City, and Baltimore offering assistance to pimping, tax evasion, and trafficking in underage Salvadorean girls, Johanns not only got his vote — but he got an impressive bipartisan showing. The Senate passed the Johanns amendment 83-7

Wow, 83-7! Coincidentally, that's exactly the ratio of e-mails I'm getting in favor of my publishing the Hannah Giles bikini photo.

At this point, however, I owe a big hat-tip to Ace of Spades, who taught me almost everything I know about the running-gag method of building blog-reader loyalty. Ace blogs with personality and, though his actual self bears an oft-noted resemblance to an Ewok with a law degree, the outrageous humor of his online persona is what sets him apart from grim, humorless bloggers about whom we need not say anything specific at this point.

Humor wins. Humor persuades. And, as Ronald Reagan so often demonstrated, no humor is as winningly persuasive as self-deprecating humor. The guy who tells jokes on himself is telling others, "Hey, I comprehend that I am not exempt from the general ridiculousness of human folly." So when Ace jokes about swilling Valu-Rite vodka and beating up hobos -- he's notoriously hobophobic -- he invites readers to laugh at him, but also with him.

Ace is an acknowledged master of the running gag, and after a while, the running gag becomes an inside joke. Longtime readers bust a gut when he references the Paul Anka Integrity Trip, and part of the joy of recycling an old joke is the fact that only longtime readers will get it. This rewards reader loyalty, you see. "Membership has its privileges," and the longtime AOSHQ Moron gets a special payoff when Ace throws in a Scandi-hating reference to filthy lutefisk-gobblers.

Blog junkies may never get to this level of abstract theory about what makes AOSHQ so darned good, but if you're a middle-aged journalist who just quit the newspaper business and you need to grow a blog readership fast, you're like the engineer at KIA trying to reverse-engineer a Jaguar XJ. That was the kind of raw desperation that led to "How to Get a Million Hits On Your Blog In Less Than A Year."

OK, so one of the terms that Ace taught me is "blog-o-bucks." Readers of a major blogger like AOSHQ picture Ace living the high life in posh surroundings, lighting his imported cigars with twenty-dollar bills and generally, as P.J. O'Rourke once said, "farting through silk."

Alas, it's not as lucrative and as glamorous as all that and, despite his outrageously enviable success, Ace is unlikely to be buying a Gulfstream anytime soon.

If longtime readers suspect this is all leading up to a request that you hit the tip jar -- hey, there's your payoff. Membership has its rewards, and Dave C. at Point of a Gun shows why your contributions to the blog-o-bucks are desperately needed -- to help us blogger dudes hang out with biker chicks who come to D.C. for protest marches.

You really should hit the tip jar, because it enables me to play the comic role of the over-the-hill ladies' man, trying to convince himself he's still got the magic. Which is why I'm so grateful to lady-bloggers like Barbara "Angry Mob" Espinosa:

[T]he night was icing on the cake my new best married friend the infamous Robert Stacy McCain aka The Other McCain in the blog world and famous author arranged what he calls a Smittypalooza at the Army Navy Club. . . . This group of blogger's are the most knowledgable, nicest patriotic Americans you could ever meet. We had a wonderful time talking with a group of intelligent good looking guys who carried on conversations about current events with a few jokes and jabs at each thrown in to keep them on their toes. Afterwards a few of us went out for a bite to eat and always a gentlemen as well as a scholar Wombat Rampant walked us back to our hotel as The Other McCain drove over to the hotel to help me with my computer.

"Help me with my computer." Nudge, nudge. I bet you say that to all the bloggers, Barbara. IYKWIMAITYD. While Mrs. Other McCain is usually jealous of my girlfriends drinking buddies Internet consulting clients, for some reason, she's OK with Barbara.

Oh, yeah -- the string of crossed-out descriptors is another running gag. Schtick, as they say. (Or is it schtupp? I'm confused. Maybe I need to buy a Yiddish-English dictionary. So hit the tip jar.) You might have noticed that Mrs. Other McCain's jealousy is also schtick. Or schtupp. Whatever . . . hit the freaking tip jar.

Now, you're probably wondering what any of this has to do with Hannah Giles bikini photos. Well, if it weren't for Hannah Giles portraying the role of "Kenya" the prostitute, the Senate wouldn't have condemned ACORN. After the ACORN video made news, I started getting random Google hits from people searching for her photo -- which I had posted in July's coverage of the annual YAF conference.

As soon as I realized this, I posted another Hannah Giles photo and, almost immediately, commenters began requesting Hanna Giles bikini photos -- another payoff to loyal readers, who know how I shamelessly milked curiosity about Sarah Palin bikini pics and Carrie Prejean nude for traffic.

This involves a Stupid Blogger Trick known as the Google-bomb, and is also part of the reward of Rule 5, which rivals Rule 2 in popularity in "How to Get a Million Hits On Your Blog In Less Than A Year."

Rule 5A: Everybody loves a pretty girl. And the category of "everybody" includes sick freaks who search for naked photos of celebrities. (Cynthia Yockey actually gets Bea Arthur nude traffic. These people are sick, I tell you.)

These freaks are not just sick, but stupid. Perversion makes people stupid, as you might have concluded from watching TV shows about idiots who haven't yet figured out that every 13-year-old girl in an Internet chat room is either (a) an undercover cop or (b) Chris Hansen of "Dateline NBC."

So it isn't necessary to actually post nude photos of celebrities in order to get Internet traffic from idiots looking for nude photos of celebrities. If a female celebrity makes news, or if any good-looking woman suddenly becomes famous, the smart blogger who acts fast can get traffic by betting on the predictability that perverse idiots will be seeking nude photos, topless photos or bikini photos of her.

It is a fact that, in the 5 a.m. hour, 31% of my traffic was from Google freaks searching for Hannah Giles photos. A fact, but not an accident, because I don't believe in accidents. So any liberal scumbag or Perez Hilton celebrity-blogger slimeball who thinks he's going to cash in on Hannah's sudden fame . . .

Dude. Nobody beats the Rule 5 Google-bomb king. Hannah is protected, you see, and certainly not by the Google-bomb alone. Not even a denunciation by notorious God-hater Charles Johnson can harm her.

Considering that I'm sharing very valuable advice with conservative bloggers here, maybe somebody should hit the tip jar. But if you are actually so stupid as to believe I'm going to post Hannah Giles bikini photos . . . hey, you're in luck!

Despite the fact that Hannah is a devout Christian girl the same age as my own daughter, despite the fact that her father, Doug Giles, is a friend of mine and a Christian youth leader -- well-known for his skill with firearms and martial arts -- I am indeed going to post a photo of Hannah in a bikini:

That's Hannah on the left, and there's no need to name the tall blonde on the right. (A good reporter never burns his sources, especially tall blonde sources from Texas.) But if you'll click on the image, it will show the whole photo.

Genius? Maybe, although I'm sometimes kind of sloppy with the HTML code, so e-mail Smitty if you have any problems with that link . . . you sick freaks.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. . . . Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
-- Proverbs 31:10, 30 (KJV)

As Doug Giles could certainly tell you, there are lots of people who won't sit still for a sermon, but they love to hear a good joke. Deo Vindice.

ACORN endorses . . . capitalism? ALSO: Hannah Giles bikini photo update

My friend Matthew Vadum texted me about this during Saturday's rally, but I thought he was joking. Yet now I find out it was true: ACORN was selling miniature Gadsden Flags at the event! (Video at the link.)

The fact that those yellow "Don't Tread On Me" flags, sold by ACORN for $5 each, were made in Chinese communist sweatshops and wholesale for about 17 cents? Now, that's what I call shameless capitalist opportunism.

Maybe they're not really so bad after all . . .

BTW, speaking of shamelessness, Joe at Novatownhall is trying to steal the "Hannah Giles bikini" Google-bomb from me. Careful, Joe, you might force me to actually post that photo, and when Doug Giles kills me, the blood will be on your hands.

UPDATE: Day-By-Day seems to be dropping hints, with a hot chick in underwear talking about ACORN:

Cartoon characters don't have dads with real guns. Is Chris Muir trying to get me killed? Death by Rule 5?

Former ACORN employee economic opportunities

by Smitty (h/t Drudge)

Fox reports ACORN is enjoying another Judas Priest moment:

This was really a sequel to their other JP moment

Now, as the population of ex-ACORN employees rises, will it prove fissionable? That is, how many old hands on the loose will it take until the organization consumes itself? In other words, as they start to need cash, will they:

• Simply extort loot from their old employer?
• Set up SAPLING (Severed ACORN Patriots Launching Insurgency Now Good)
• Try to beat Michelle Malkin's sales numbers with a tell-all
• Start a reality TV show where they behave like gangsters (though biggovernment.com has kind of already covered that)

Explore other possibilities in the comments.

Fox covers ACORN? Raaaaacism!

The amazing brilliance of liberal arguments:

It is clear and not coincidence that FOX continues to attack and divide our nation along racial lines. We believe our country is beyond this type of attack and call on all Americans to demand that FOX stop its racist coverage.
-- Margaret Williams, Maryland ACORN

I can't think of any snark that would be funnier than just quoting that statement.

Interview with Doug Giles, whose daughter Hannah helped take down ACORN

In wake of the news that the Census Bureau has cut ties withe ACORN, I posted this at The American Spectator:

I just got off the phone with Christian youth leader Doug Giles, whose 20-year-old daughter played the role of the prostitute "Kenya" in the now-famous videos.
"A lot of young activists just caught fire," said Giles. "I'd like to take credit, but it was all Hannah."
Giles said he has received an overwhelming response, entirely positive except for one negative e-mail from a "knucklehead."
As for the "community organizer" group exposed by the video at Andrew Breitbart's BigGovernment.com, Giles said jokingly, "Those ACORN people are sweating in their nut-sacks."

Read the whole thing. Meanwhile, Michelle Malkin has text of the letter from the director of the Census Bureau to ACORN:

"Over the last several months, through ongoing communication with our regional offices, it is clear that ACORN's affiliation with 2010 Census promotion has caused sufficient concern in the general public, has ineed become a distraction from our mission, and may even become a discouragement to public cooperation, negatively impacting 2010 Census efforts. While not decisive factors in this decision, recent events concerning several local offices of ACORN have added to the worsening negative perceptions of ACORN and its affiliation with our partnership efforts. . . . We no longer have confidence that our national partnership agreement is being effectively managed through your offices."

Hasta la vista, dirtbags! BigGovernment.com has an official statement from the executive dirtbags at ACORN, and there's much more reaction at Memeorandum.

UPDATE: Ruh-roh. Jeff Quinton tipped me about this yesterday, and now Jeff follows up with this:

STATEMENT OF STATE’S ATTORNEYS OFFICE FOR BALTIMORE CITY RELATIVE TO THE ALLEGED BALTIMORE ACORN INCIDENT
Baltimore, MD – September 11, 2009 – We have received inquiries from citizens and the media asking whether the Baltimore City State’s Attorneys Office would initiate a criminal investigation for acts allegedly committed at ACORN offices located in Baltimore. The only information received in reference to this alleged criminal behavior was a YouTube video. Upon review by this office, the video appears to be incomplete. In addition, the audio portion could possibly have been obtained in violation of Maryland Law, Annotated Code of Maryland Courts and Judicial Proceedings Article §10-402, which requires two party consent.
If it is determined that the audio portion now being heard on YouTube was illegally obtained, it is also illegal under Maryland Law to willfully use or willfully disclose the content of said audio. The penalty for the unlawful interception, disclosure or use of it is a felony punishable up to 5 years.

WBAL is also reporting this angle. Such a prosecution would be a public-relations disaster for the state, for Democrats and for ACORN, but when liberals get a jones for vengeance, they don't usually care about such things. Just ask Linda Tripp.

UPDATE II: Evidently, Hot Air and Ace of Spades were on it first, but I saw it via Jeff Quinton's Inside Charm City, which is why I credited him. Also blogging at Weasel Zippers. Will update if further developments.

BTW, I'm told Hannah Giles will be on Fox News' "Red Eye" tonight, and Ann Coulter will also be a guest.

UPDATE III: Michelle Malkin is on the story, and Ed Morrissey has the lowdown on the state's attorney in Baltimore, Patricia Jessamy, a liberal Democrat hack -- as might be expected. That's why they call them "Baltimorons," after all.

Notice that when Fox News covers ACORN, that's raaaaacist. However, when the Washington Post is compelled to follow up on the news . . . crickets chirping.

Also, as Little Miss Attila points out, I do have Hannah Giles bikini photos. I already own the Google bomb, but haven't decided yet whether to post the actual photos. My dilemma is this: Knowing that the photos exist, what happens if some sleazy leftoid site gets hold of them and posts them first? In such a scenario, by being "too nice," I would inadvertantly allow a liberal dirtbag to get all that lucrative traffic -- and the liberal dirtbag would (a) put the photos in a negative context, and (b) allow a lot of nasty comments.

Many people have observed of the ACORN situation that the stunning thing in all this was how anyone could be so stupid as to believe that someone as nice as Hannah would be a prostitute. Even with the giant green plastic earrings and slinky skirt.

UPDATE IV (Saturday 10:45 a.m): I'm off to Washington today to cover the 9/12 March on DC. Just in case an emergency arises, a post with the Hannah Giles bikini photo is already queued up in draft, and one call to Smitty . . . Well, I hope we don't have to do it, but it would be wrong to let some liberal dirtbag get that traffic.