Christmas Miracles/Blessings

One of the unexpected gifts my adoption process has given me has been two new friends from my adoption agency.
We've each had our own struggles with the journey, but in the midst of impatience, frustration, tears and heartbreak, we've formed a camaraderie and friendship. And in the past 6 weeks we have been able to experience promise, joy, excitement and elation like we've never known.
Last night it culminated with one of the three of us accepting the referral of two precious little Ethiopian princesses. A true Christmas miracle! And we are all three on cloud nine!
This morning as I take some time from our family festivities to reflect a little (something I seem to be doing more and more frequently), I am struck by the realization that this journey has not gone as planned for any of us. In fact it has taken some real deep twists and turns and for someone like me, who is not a fan of roller coasters, it has been anything but a joy ride. However I will say looking back I would do this a hundred times over, blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back to be where I am right now. I am awaiting a court date for a stunning little girl who God willing will be with me next year for Christmas in all her wide-eyed glory. But aside from that blessing I have been granted two new friends that I will count as an added bonus to this journey.
Congratulations Celeste and Renee...there's no one else I would rather be on this ride with!

Merry Christmas

Is there anything better than a child at Christmas? Last year was my niece's first Christmas and while she didn't really get what was going on, she still charmed all of us with the way she ripped wrapping paper and squealed over her new toys. And this year, this almost two year old will again delight us.

And yet before I have even arrived home for Christmas the thoughts have turned to next year when Miss Jaci B. will be here with us. There is a wistfulness in the family as we talk about how things will change. My heart soars when I think about sharing family traditions with this beautiful, stunning little girl the Lord has placed into my life. I am praying that all will go well and she will be in my heart and life forever and that next year will be one of the best Christmases ever. I also know that this year if you look closely at the sparkle in my eye, you may just see a tear because I am wishing that Jaci B was already here.

Merry Christmas!

Care Package

So I am pretty sure Miss Jaci B. has received her care package by now. I can hardly wait for Crystal to get back and let me know if she received it. I have had lots of questions about what I included in the package.

Well let me just say that it is amazing what you can fit in a gallon ziplock baggie!

I sent her a Hello Kitty Bag, a Hello Kitty Sparkly shirt, a Hello Kitty necklace set (are you sensing a theme here?), a Hello Kitty notebook, pens, some candy, hair accessories, two small stuffed bunnies, a yo-yo, jumprope, maze, storybook and a photobook with her new families' pictures in it that took me two hours to make at the Kodak Kiosk. I know there were more things in there, but I can't remember now and I forgot to take any photos until after I had packed the baggie. But here is the finished results that were then overnighted to Montanna and more than likely placed in her little hands sometime yesterday.

Darling Jaci B.,

It has been three weeks since I saw your face for the first time. Today a woman named Crystal left to go pick up her daughter. She is carrying a package that I put together for you. It may be that you don't even know yet that there is someone "out there" waiting for you. But you will know soon, my darling girl. I am praying that as you open this package and look at the contents that you will somehow sense love and peace. I had some help from some very special people to put that together. Your Aunt Erin and Uncle Doug as well as another special friend had a lot of fun suggesting items that you should have. Your Grammy and Papaw watched as I packed it during my visit for Thanksgiving.
While this package is just filled with small trinkets, it is sprinkled with butterfly kisses, sunshine wishes and so much love, it almost didn't fit.
We are waiting to be filed for court and for a date. There is more waiting to come, but for me it is so much easier now that I have seen your face and I hope the same will be true for you.
I am praying that God will prepare your heart for me as he is preparing my heart for you. I don't know your past story, but I hope as we build a bridge of trust in the next few months that you will share your story with me and I will help you capture it for all time.
I also heard that I may see new photos of you at the beginning of the week. I am so excited that I find it hard to sleep.
Just remember darling girl that "even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on that same bright star."
Love,
Your waiting Amayae

Tis the Season

I got this from my college friend, Gretchen. In it she warned me not to be a scrooge, so I am going to post my answers here.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I always want to do the whole wrapping paper thing with coordinated hand-made bows, but I usually end up shoving it in a gift bag and scrounging around for tissue paper.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial
3. When do you put up the tree? As soon as I can find free time to do it
4. When do you take the tree down? Weekend after New Year
5. Do you like eggnog? Nope
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Probably my life-sized doll, Blondie.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My dad
8. Easiest person to buy for? Leah, my niece
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail when I actually get them out
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Sausage
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? It's a Wonderful Life
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? This year I may be lucky to have it started before Dec. 24th. Usually I am done by Thanksgiving.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I turn regifting into an art!
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Chex Mix and homemade cookies
16. Lights on the tree? yes
17. Favorite Christmas song? The Christmas Song and O Holy Night
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel to my childhood home
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Of course
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Depends on the year, we usually split it up.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Looming deadlines
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Gold and cream with white lights
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Broccoli Casserole & homemade mashed potatoes
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A court date, referrals for Celeste and Aimee, for Renee to pass court, to go Christmas caroling and a nice book light.

Give 'Em 5!

A while back, I borrowed a post from my BFF Aimee and the orphanage project she is working with. I noticed today that Aimee has an update, so yet again, I am borrowing her post and re-posting it here! I am going to help build this orphanage $5 at a time, will you?

I thought it was time to give an update on the orphanage project I wrote about a while ago. Ethio-American Family Services has been moving in high gear toward the opening of the orphange. Everything is set on the Ethiopia side in terms of paperwork. My fellow founder, Dedra will be heading over to Ethiopia in less than a month to secure the facility and oversee the hiring of staff. We do still need some dough to get this off the ground. We have started a campaign called Give 'Em 5. We are fully aware that times are tough all over but most of us have an extra $5. I know there are many days I spend that on a fast food lunch or on a magazine in the checkout lane. How about you? Take a look at what that $5 can for children who have nothing and no one.
•a pair of sandals for one child
•a month of lunches for one child
•a month of soap and sanitizer for one child
•a child’s first ever birthday present
•a week of formula for one baby
•a week of diapers for one baby
•a day’s wage for a trained child care worker
•a year’s school supplies for one child

We can make a home for these children $5 at a time. At this time of the year, when we are focused on giving thanks for all that we have, I ask you to think of the children who go to sleep each night on the streets of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. No one tucks them in or kisses them goodnight. They have no warm breakfast to look forward to...or lunch...or dinner. They are 5 or 6 or 7 years old and are completely alone in a scary world. We can change that. But we need your help to do it. Could you, would you give just $5?

If you can and will, please visit our website at http://www.ethioamericanfamily.org/or you can mail your gift to:Ethio-American Family ServicesPO Box 337Newton, GA 39870

So thankful

Yes, I realize Thanksgiving was a few days ago, but my thankfulness goes on and on. There are so many reasons that I have to give thanks and I am afraid in the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving, I don't feel like I actually paid close attention to my many blessings.

Among the many reasons I have to be thankful is

My loving and forgiving Saviour
My new daughter in Ethiopia
My amazing mother who is my best friend
My dad, who allowed me to discover what it feels like to be daddy's little girl in my thirties.
My brother who I love dearly.
My sister-in-law who was the perfect pick for a little sister and who along with my brother gave me the best gift ever.
My niece Leah (the aforementioned best gift ever!)
My Aunt Elaine, who made it home after 40 days in the hospital. Get well soon!
My cousins Monica and Kim, who have loved me my WHOLE life.
My other Aunts, Uncles and cousins, who gave me my own roots!
My two homes, Grafton and Frederick.
My two churches, Beulah Baptist and Faith Assembly of God.
My best friend Aimee, who makes friendship so effortless.
My best friend Angie, who shows me what unconditional love looks like.
My new friend X, who makes me laugh, giggle and feel like a girl again.
My fellow Hopesters Renee and Celeste, who are walking this adoption path with me.
My Team Ethiopia friends who have walked the path before me!
My friend Stacie, who allowed the Lord to use her to minister to me in ways she won't understand on this side of heaven.
My entire circle of friends who make life fun, bad times easier and the future brighter.
My children in the church, who look at life with innocence.
My job, even on the most difficult of days, since there are so many who do not have one.
My mind, creativity and talents, may I use them wisely and to their fullest potential.
My past since it made me who I am today.
My present since I am exactly where I need to be.
My future...

Dear Jaci B

So after months of waiting I finally saw your sweet face for the first time Friday. The e-mail arrived at 11:12 a.m. I was sitting in a conference room surrounded by coworkers and I saw the e-mail with your name in the subject line. I immediately started to cry.
When my eyes looked into yours in the photograph, there was a flood of emotions. I am still trying to sort through them three days later.
Your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are all counting down the days until you come home. You are going to change the fabric of our family, actually you already have. We know little about you, but I am so excited about getting to know you.
There are so many things I want to say to you and so many things I want to show you. Most of all I am so grateful that God saw fit to place you in my life. He has entrusted you to me and I promise to do the best I can to provide the love that will strengthen your roots and the freedom to give you wings. Never forget for a single minute darling girl that you did not grow under my heart, but you are growing in it!

Checking in

It has been a while! Things have been very busy. My niece made it through her surgery like a champ and now has a beautiful new palate. She is almost saying Da-Da and for my brother who has waited 19 months to hear that, it is a wonderful thing. I am excited too, because I don't think Aunt Di-Di will be far behind in her vocabulary.

This past weekend I traveled with my family to Canaan Valley, a ski resort, in West Virginia. For the past five years the women of my family meet there for a long weekend. It is a wonderful time of really getting to know one another beyond Thanksgiving dinner conversations and Christmas letters. We had 11 of us there this weekend including aunts, sisters, cousins, etc. I really do feel blessed to have the opportunity to look beyond myself and feel connected to these wonderful women. As you can imagine, there are some bumps along the way and it is sometimes hard to be accepting of others' quirks, as I am sure it is hard to accept some of mine. But the times we spend together is priceless. I couldn't help think that this time next year, the fabric of our family will be forever changed with the arrival of my daughter. I am so excited at the prospect and in awe of what a difference a year makes.

Last year I announced my plans to adopt at this very event. I spoke of doing it someday...meaning in a year or two. But once I uttered the words aloud, it was as if a fire was lit inside of me and I wanted to stop thinking and dreaming about it and to do it.

A year has passed and I am just waiting for a referral, which could come at any time. I am praying for one before Thanksgiving so I can have one more blessing to add to the list of all I have to be grateful for!

Prayer Request

On April 5, 2007 my life was forever changed by the birth of my niece Leah Faith. She was born with a previously undetected cleft lip and palate. Leah lights up a room with her smile and personality. She is the happiest little girl I have ever seen. Tomorrow morning my Little Leah is heading into surgery to have her cleft palate repaired. She is having a minor procedure done on her lip and tubes put into her ears. She is expected to be in surgery for five hours. Please pray for this little bundle of joy that she will come through this with flying colors. I know the Lord will protect and keep his hand on her, but I still covet your prayers.

And with that I will share some photos of this little princess who is a ball of boundless energy!

3 months old

Right after her lip repair surgery in August 2007

Christmas 2007

Sadly since I am in West Virginia to be here for her surgery I don't have any of her updated photos with me. But trust me, she is a cutie! Thanks again for the prayers!

Help!

My friend Aimee adopted Brynly from Ethiopia last year. The trip forever changed her and has made an amazing impact on me as well. That being said, Aimee is setting out to do something that will change the lives of many children and I am lending my support beginning with reposting this from her blog:

HELP!
So, if you have read this blog with some regularity, you know that I have on occasion spoken of being changed by my experience in Ethiopia. I have known since I was in Ethiopia that I had to do something to help the situation there. It was simply not an option to get on that plane with Brynly and never look back. The lack of resources was astounding. Even though Brynly was given much love by her caretakers at her orphanage, there was not much else available to her. Her diapers consisted of cloth with a plastic bag tied around. She did not have access to iron enriched formula or sufficient medical care. Three babies who shared a room with Brynly died not long after we left. They died. For the older children, there was not enough food, clothes or anything else to go around. There was no heat and no working bathroom. Can you picture, just for a minute, a group of children being given a bag of suckers by a visiting adoptive parent. Predictably, they ate the suckers. But, then they treated the bag like the best toy they had ever seen. They were even hungrier for any bit of attention we could give them.

For awhile, thoughts were rattling about inside my head. And then, one of my travel buddies approached me with an idea. She was having the same types of feelings. And then, another adoptive mom joined us. It took awhile for our ideas to take shape, but we kept talking, kept brainstorming... Then it was time to make necessary connections and, of course, paperwork..on two ends of the Earth no less. Those first steps have been taken and the ground work has been laid. Although some work remains to be done, we are now ready to unveil some things about our project. I am happy to announce the birth of ETHIO-AMERICAN FAMILY SERVICES.

Our mission is: Ethio-American Family Services is a nonprofit organization that seeks to educate and empower as well as enrich the lives of Ethiopian orphans and adoptive families. For Ethiopian adoptive families, education and connection to the Ethiopian culture are vital in the development of their families. Ethio-American Family Services works to provide educational and cultural opportunities to create culturally fluent families.There are more than 3.8 million orphans in Ethiopia, and in 2008 only around 1000 were adopted in the United States. Ethio-American Family Services works to enrich the lives of orphans yet or never to be adopted by providing for their basic needs including shelter, food, medical care, and cognitive, emotional and spiritual development.As everything is set in place, we will have many exciting offerings. Our website will launch early next month. What we are focused on first is a funding project that will create an orphanage in Ethiopia which will provide a superior level of care to children who would otherwise be living on the street or in extremely substandard conditions.

It will be a daunting task, no question. But do you not think every child everywhere deserves good food, clean clothes, medical care and love? I do too. We are a determined lot, but WE CANNOT DO THIS ALONE! An Ethiopian proverb says, a single stick will smoke, but can't make fire. WE NEED YOU TO HELP US LIGHT THIS FIRE. It won't take much to do much if many of us are working together. Please, take a look at the three ways you could help listed below. Every bit of help will be so appreciated by these precious, worthy children who would, otherwise have nothing and no one.

1) Be a Goodsearcher
All you have to do is go to Goodsearch.com, enter Ethio-American Family Services in the box, click Verify, and search away. EAFS will receive one penny for every search. You can make it your homepage or add it to your toolbar. You don't have to buy anything, just search the net.

2)Be a Penny Pincher
Set out some coin jars in your local schools, stores, churches, offices, etc. We will provide a label for you. Then go back a week or so later and gather them up. Every penny or dime or quarter that clinks into jars placed all over the country will help these children so far away.

3)Be a part of our Community Mobilization Campaign
Do you know a community or church organization that would be willing to undertake a fundraiser or even take up a special collection to help create this home for children who have none? These orphaned children needs the help of communities all over the USA. We will provide you with material to present to the group as well as informational materials about how the groups help is so greatly needed.

In addition to the above, we will provide a list of items each group can select to work toward as a fundraising goal. For example, $125 buys a crib, mattress and bedding so that a baby can sleep warm and dry.

If you knwow me personally and know of a group here in town that would be willing, I would love to come and make a presentation. Of course, lots of fundraising needs to be done. But, I know this ET Adoptive blogging community has a big heart. We hope that this organization to grow and to create connections and opportunities for our kids here in the USA. Even mor eimportant, though,a re the kids in Ethiopia who are waiting for us to say, "we have enough now, we have enough to give you a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear..." If you feel you can help in anyway, large or small, please leave a comment with your email. I thank you in advance on behalf of these precious children.

You go Aimee! Let's change the world one child at a time. So feel free to leave your comments. Let's see what one stick can do when others join in!!!

OK

You know it is time to post when your BFF sends you a message that sounds something like this. "By the way my dad told me to tell you that you haven't posted on your blog in a long time."
To which I replied, "Your dad reads my blog?"
Her comment (paraphrased) "Not recently because there isn't anything to read."

And there in a nut shell was the issue. I realized there wasn't a whole lot I had to say. I mean how many times and in how many ways can you say "I am excited," "I am tired of waiting, but holding on," "I am trying to be patient." and "I know things are in the Lord's hands,"etc, before you sound like a broken annoying record?

Today marks FOUR months that my dossier has been in Ethiopia. I never would have imagined that it would have taken so long for a referral when I began the process, but it has and my mantra continues to be..."It is what it is."

I have read on more than blog that adoption isn't for sissies. True words. Sometimes I battle disappointment, but then I am reminded of the words that I have written on this blog and I struggle to make them truths again and not just hollow syllables. It's not always easy. Some days I struggle. Some days I cry. Some days I feel like the wait will go on forever. But, there's another side. Some days I soar. Some days I glow with expectancy. Some days I just bask in the promise of some day.

How Long vs. What For?

This morning I was flipping through the channels and happened upon some religious programming. I am a little leery about watching programs when I haven't thoroughly researched their beliefs and made sure that they line up with the Bible. However this morning I was compelled to watch.
The woman was talking about struggles and waiting on the Lord. She talked about how we often get caught up in the when. We beg the Lord to hurry and to do things on our timeline. We wonder what we are doing wrong (at this point, I knew she (OK God) was speaking to me). She quoted several verses about the Lord's faithfulness, His love for us and His perfect timing. I know all of these things and most days I KNOW and FEEL them in my heart.
But then she said something a little different. She said that instead of asking God - How Long, we should be asking What for. It's true through trials and waits, there is always something that the Lord wants us to do. So beginning today I am going to ask Him...what am I supposed to be using this wait for? What is it that he wants me to learn? Who does he want me to pray for? What areas of my life does he want me to become more disciplined in?
It's funny, several years ago, I came to the realization that I didn't want to squander my singleness by putting my life on hold until I got married. When I dedicated my extra time to service for Him, He put everything in perspective. This actually came about by seeing someone else live life in a way I found sad. I have an acquaintance who actually keeps a file folder full of the dreams she has for her wedding day...I am not opposed to dreaming or even pre-planning...but this woman has put her whole life on hold until she meets THE ONE. The sad thing is that she has been doing this since her mid-twenties and now she is three years away from 40. That's almost 15 years of her life lived in a holding pattern. I am saddened by that because I am sure there was some amazing things God wanted to do for her in this time, but she didn't let him.
But when I heard the speaker this morning I realized that I am missing that same opportunity. So beginning today, Lord here's a new prayer. It's no longer "How long until I get my referral," but instead "What do you have to teach me through this wait? I am FINALLY ready to learn it!"

Showers of Love

This is a little late, but I finally got the pictures on disk, so now I can share.

On Sept. 13, my family treated me to a wonderful adoption celebration/shower. It was a beautiful day filled with fun, food and laughter. Jacinda Hope recieved tons of wonderful presents. There are so many people waiting to love all over her. And everyone was a great sport about having it even though there's no referral. So even in abstract Jacinda Hope, you are LOVED!!!

Here is a picture of my shower cake, lovingly created by my mom. Notice the Ethiopian/American flag pin that the Cabbage Patch Kid is sporting.

The theme was Somewhere Out There...you know the song that goes "Even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star..."I was quite a hit with the kiddos, of course that is nothing new, unless they were more attracted to Jaci's Lite Brite than me. One of the little boys said it was the best party he had ever been too! The little girls are my niece Leah on the left and Aimee's Ethiopian Princess Brynly on the right. They are getting very excited to have a new Boss arriving. LOL!

Here is Jaci's V. Smile courtesy of Grammy...

New Day, New Attitude

OK, I took a deep breath and feel better. A day or two of moping is not that big of a deal, right?
Yesterday my best bud, Aimee sent me an e-mail that really put waiting into perspective. I told her that I knew that God had a reason for this and she agreed.

I agree that there has to be a reason for this. Perhaps your little girl is spending her last days with her first mother. Who are we to take that from either one of them?

As soon as I read those words, my perspective changed. That for now is enough to hold on to.

Three months

Today marks three months that my dossier has been in Ethiopia.
Three months is a fiscal quarter. Three months is a pregnancy trimester. Three months seems like three years for me today.
I knew the road would be hard. I thought the paperwork would be the hardest part, but it wasn't. That was easy. Waiting has not been easy for me. I would say that I feel like I have been riding a roller coaster, but I can't really find the high points today. I can easily remember all of the wrong feelings that "today could be the day." the fleeces I have half-heartedly placed before the Lord (if the phone rings in the next five minutes, this week will be the week) and the self-doubt (maybe if I pray more or sin less, this will be the time.) And yet it hasn't come.
Three months may only be 90 days, but for me it feels like a lifetime. A long lifetime of going home yet again to an empty apartment where I long to hear giggles, laughter and questions from an unidentified little girl that I already adore.
And yet at three months, I am still asking...will it EVER be my turn?

Britax Blessings

A few months ago I started making my list for items I will need now that I am preparing for the arrival of a preschooler.
I researched safety ratings, customer satisfaction, etc. on everything from car seats to toys and through the process I have developed quite a wish list for Miss Jaci! I have found some of the coolest books on adoption, the greatest language development tools and some precious little girly things I want to give her.
But the car seat was my hardest choice. Early on in my research I fell in love with a car seat. Now keep in mind I am a single gal who knows more about shoes than seats and the reason I first fell in love with this particular seat was due to its adorable seat cover. And to my credit, I moved beyond outward appearances and turned to safety. These seats were top-notch and had a price tag to match. One day I was excitedly describing the Britax seat I had "discovered" and a snotty, yuppie mom corrected me on how to pronounce the brand. I am not sure whether that tuned me off of the seat or I just decided to select something equally as safe and a little easier on the pocketbook. But I moved on and selected a practical version and was satisfied, even though I didn't actually buy it.
Late last week I started noticing that some of my fellow bloggers with my agency were all getting those cute little Britax models and I starting thinking about THE SEAT. On Saturday night I even started stalking Ebay.
Well on Sunday I was talking with a woman from my church and she asked me if I needed a car seat. I said yes and she told me she had a perfectly good one sitting in her basement, if I wanted it, it was mine! And yes, you guessed it...it's the Britax one I have had my eye on since the very beginning!
What a blessing! It's nice to be reminded that God is in the small stuff.

Long time, no post

So last week was not a banner week for me. It wasn't filled with really bad news, but a whole lot of little annoyances that added up. There were days when I felt like I was living the children's book, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."
It started Tuesday...I was on my way to my company's headquarters for a meeting and when I went out to the car that morning to leave. I put the key into the ignition and instead of an engine starting I heard a clicking. That was it. I had lights, I had a horn, I had the radio, but the car was going no where. Turns out it was just the battery. More of an annoyance than an actual issue. Bought a new battery, had it put in and I was on my way.
On Wednesday, I heard back from the company referenced in the previous blog entry that I was NOT their choice. I had asked the Lord to open the doors that needed to be open and to close those that were not His choice for me, so that I had no doubts in my decision. I have no doubts now. The Lord is nothing, if not thorough.
And on Thursday it was the whopper, not the burger, but a really bad computer virus that left me unable to access my computer. In fact I rushed it to Austin a great tekkie at Staples and he took good care of it. Of course, the computer had to be restored to factory settings, which means basically everything would have been wiped out. Luckily the boys at Staples were more than happy to back up my disorganized desktop for a not-so-small fee.
So here it is Saturday night and I guess I am no worse for the wear. My wallet is a little lighter, but I am hoping to hear some news on the adoption front soon.
A referral would definitely change my view! And you know what they say...it's always darkest before the dawn!

Ever feel like this?

Yesterday I had a job interview. The most difficult one and in some respects the most important one in my life. The way I am feeling today can best be described in a picture...

I trust that everything will work out the way the Lord ordains, but for now I am feeling a little out of sorts and like this new opportunity may be just out of reach.

Status Check

This week on the job...

Double click on the comic, if you are having problems reading it.

He looks how I feel...

Who Packs Your Parachute?

Charles Plumb was a Navy jet pilot in Vietnam . After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison.He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience!

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk . You were shot down !"

"How in the world did you know that ?" asked Plumb."I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"

Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today." Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, I kept wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in the back; and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?'or anything because, after all, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor. Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute ?"

Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety. Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachutes.

I am posting this as my way of thanking you for your part in packing my parachute!

Dreams

In the last few weeks I have been experiencing some C-R-A-Z-Y dreams.
Last night was just the latest in the round when I dreamt I arrived in Ethiopia only to discover while riding in what can only be described as a hay wagon that I had lost my purse and with it was my passport, money and needed documentation. Along the way several people appeared and disappeared offering sage advice...an old roommate that I haven't seen or talked to in nearly 10 years, the Sunday School superintendent at my church, Tia, Dedra, an ex-boyfriend and a Jamaican crooner who sang to me so I would forget my troubles. My BFF Aimee was with me, but when I discovered my predicament, she crawled into a "man hole" in a field and was never seen again.
And before you ask...no I did not eat some crazy food before retiring for the evening. Like I said this is just the latest in a series.
A few weeks ago I dreamt I was on a road trip with the ladies from church and my other BFF Angie when we stopped at a convenience mart. In the parking lot was Aimee, Brynly and all of the other members of Team Ethiopia. They were all posing for a group photo and I went over to them. During the conversation I realized the members of my original group had left me and I went hunting for them. I entered a building only to find in one room a family posing for those Old Time Photographs that you find in vacation spots across the country and in the other room there was a town council meeting going on that resembled a Salem Witch trial.

NOTE: If you want to bail out now, that's fine because these dreams get stranger.

I then ended up in a room with a red-headed woman I had never seen before. She was explaining to me how she was going to become a priest and had adopted a child. She then went over to her closet, moved a row of clothes aside and there was a little girl's room. I was very upset that this little girl was being hidden, but before I could say anything she told me "THEY" were ready for me upstairs. In my dream, I apparently knew who they were. So I started up this spiral staircase that went on and on for a very long time. At the top there was rows and rows of white doors, but the walkway was very narrow and while I could see Aimee, Tia and Dedra ahead of me, they would open a door and disappear. It felt as if there was a man chasing me at this point, although I never saw him. I woke up soon after this and just felt creeped out.
Then there was the dream where I went to Atlanta to meet up with Aimee and the group we were going to take a trip to Ethiopia. However when I got on the plane to travel from DC to Atlanta I realized I had forgotten to get a passport. I told Aimee and she was OK with it. However someone on the plane told me that if I went ahead and ordered the passport from a web site, it would be sufficient and I could go. So when we landed at the Atlanta Airport, I found an open office door, let myself in and came face to face with an old Apple computer from the 80s. I tried to access the Internet, but in the middle of the process the office's rightful inhabitant showed up. He was a French professor who didn't speak English, so I tried as best I could to communicate that I needed a passport by using what French I still remembered from my college days. And yes, you guessed it...he opened up a file drawer and handed me a passport. And then I woke up.
Not all dreams have to do with Ethiopia or adoption though. I think I had a dream about heaven. In it I was floating along these amazing pathways that was filled with the most gorgeous vegetation I had ever seen. I mean the colors were so vibrant, the blooms were fragrant and when I reached out and ate a strawberry taken straight from the vine, it was amazing. The only other specific plants featured in the dream were cherry tomatoes and pink roses. And that was the gist of the dream.

So if dreams are a glimpse into our minds...I am beginning to think, I may be losing mine!

My Best Bud Aimee

Nineteen years ago this month I met my longest and dearest friend Aimee. We crossed paths on our very first day of college. She had just moved into a room one door down and across from mine. She remembers seeing me for the first time and whispering to her dad..."Boy she looks scared." He suggested that she introduce herself.
That night at the college's very reverent convocation welcoming the freshman class, Aimee sat next to me. She wore a cow shirt and matching hair bow (that's a whole different story), sighed every two minutes and asked me frequently (in a voice that I will inaccurately describe as a whisper) when the thing was going to be over. I ignored her and tried to move my wooden chair closer to the silent person sitting on the other side of me, but there was something about her. That night while most of the rest of our freshman hall headed to the bar, Aimee stayed behind with me and two of the other girl's on our hall playing Trivial Pursuit.
That was the beginning of our friendship.
We soon discovered that our homes were only 20 miles apart, but at the time that is where the similarities ended. Aimee was irreverent and a free spirit. Through the years she challenged me to see things through different perspectives.
It has taken quite a few years for me to understand the enormous impact our friendship has had on my entire life.
Aimee has single handedly changed my definition of friendship. In my teen years I had volatile relationships with my friends and felt like I should be grateful that people were actually willing to hang out with me. I had some self-esteem issues, and my friends played on those insecurities. At times it felt like I was a loser in a cruel game. But Aimee never made me feel that way. She made me realize that the ease of our conversation and our complete trust in each other was what the true definition of friendship was. She never made me prove myself to her or earn the right to be part of her life. And as I started the metamorphosis into the strong, independent woman I am today, Aimee applauded and encouraged the journey. She never tried to hold me to my past, she allowed me to break free and grow. And truth is, she still allows me to grow because she is growing herself.
Aimee opened my eyes to some of my greatest passions...travel, the arts and fine dining. She allowed me to experience these things with the wide-eyed wonder of a child without ever making me feel like a lesser person. Whether it was tasting calamari, seeing my first show on Broadway or walking out on the beach in Aruba, each of these experiences were made better because she was there and I know the same will hold true when we board that plane to Ethiopia to meet my daughter.
Aimee has been the foundation in my adoption support system. She has offered an ear when I needed it, tons of advice and has given a voice to some of my innermost thoughts when my heart would not let me speak.
And while this post has been kind of sappy, what I love most about our friendship, is our ability to laugh. Sometimes when we are together I laugh until I can't breathe, tears stream down my face and well, you know the rest.
Aimee's advice is often peppered with sarcasm, wit and experience. Just last night I explained that I needed to delve into my travel drawer to see if I had a sample of shampoo because I had forgot to add that item to my shopping list. She then spoke with the voice of experience, "Just don't use dog shampoo. I tried it once and the results are not pretty"
And because I want to be just as good of a friend to her as she has been to me...I will stop this post there.

Trading Spaces

Now that my summer plans have wound down and I have checked off VBS, vacation and the charity auction I was assisting with, I have some time to get started on the projects at home that have been accumulating on my "To-Do" list.
Top on the list is the bedrooms.
I have been in the process of converting my dressing room (a.k.a the spare bedroom) into Jaci's bedroom. I never really made good use of this room in the two years that I have lived here, so I feel like the wonderful decorations I painstakenly scoured three states to find kind of went to waste. In fact I still have a box of decorations that never got unpacked. That was until I was cleaning my bedroom this weekend and had the brilliant idea to re-do the room. Currently the room is garnished with lilacs, lovely flowers and pale yellow decor. but I am ready for a change and so I am going to take everything from the underused dressing room in its Parisian Vogue theme and transfer it to my bedroom this weekend. The best part is the only thing I will need to purchase is some new linens.
I really think I can get my room completed this weekend , which will pave the way for getting Jaci's room done next. Her bedding is purchased and the decorations to turn it into a sparkly butterfly retreat are all in place. I have already picked out her bed and a couple of additional pieces of furniture I want to add to the room, I just need to get my stuff out of there, so I can order them and have them delivered.
Once the rooms are completed, I will post some pictures.
I guess this is what they call NESTING. LOL!

Today

WARNING: This is a little self-indulgent.

Today is not a good day.

After hearing words like not long and soon, I read last night on my agency's board that I won't be getting a referral any day now like originally thought. The coordinator posted last night that she would begin giving out referrals in about a month or so.

Today I am disappointed.

I sent her an e-mail to see if I interpreted her correctly and she answered by saying I did. She further explained that there are some new rules being discussed by Ethiopia next week and she wanted to wait for the outcome of this meeting to ensure that every waiting child is eligible for adoption under these new rules. She went on to say that she would hate to refer a child now only to find out that the child was even adoption ready. I totally get it and I believe in God's perfect timing but despite that knowledge I am behaving more like a bratty toddler than a mature Christian woman.

Today I am impatient.

There was a lot of discussion from those who have referrals and those who have adopted that waiting after receiving a referral is the hard part. I don't mean any disrespect to their advice, but I will have to wait and see. Because I think for me, this will be the hardest part. I know in the long run another month doesn't matter and that receiving a referral today or receiving a referral in September will probably pretty much equal the same travel time. Based on that a lot of the agency folds are saying it doesn't make a difference. But for a mommy-to-be who longs to see the sweet face of her little one, it matters to me.

Today it feels less real.

But I do have hope and good news since tomorrow is a new day and the Lord's mercies are new every morning.

Today will be over soon!

Wanted: Partner in Crime!

Come on referral... your cousin needs a playmate!!!!

Prayer Circle

Things move slow in Ethiopia and while I am waiting for a referral, several other families with my agency are having an even rougher time, waiting to pass court and bring their children home. Several of the families have been through things that are unimaginable and have persevered. However as their court cases have come through they have been continued or not heard and pushed to the next day. Missing paperwork, overloaded caseloads...you name it, they are experiencing it. So yesterday the group from my Agency held a prayer circle and prayed for these families, the paperwork issues and all those waiting. After the prayer, the Lord revealed something to a woman named Linsey and she is letting me share this with you as well. I think it gives great insight into what this journey really means.

Each one of us is on a journey. We all started for different reasons, some because of barren wombs, others simply desiring to love a child…yet all have been called by God. Called to walk a path that most would never consider. It is a path you must travel, where your heart is open and vulnerable. You must lay down all your weapons of defense before you are allowed to start your journey. You are required to expose all that you are; your short comings, your faults, and your mistakes all the while convincing someone that you are fit for the task. You are told ahead of time that the road is long and hard. There will be moments when the path is clear, the road is marked and your strength will be renewed. There will also be moment when you stand in a fog unable to decipher which way to turn and your mind will be clouded with doubt. In moments like these you need to remember your beginning. Remember that you were called by God. Look up, grasp hold of His fingers, close your eyes, and let the sound of His voice lead you out of the fog. Speak to Him, remind Him of the signs you've been given that declare your call to the journey. In remembering…your faith will rise up.

Simply Beautiful!

Perfect Prayer

So I received this e-mail this morning from a friend and I thought it would be a perfect blog entry for today as I continue to struggle with accepting God's perfect timing...

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day, I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm.
Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And give the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe.But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

Tough Week

This has been a very tough week all around. Don't want to bellyache, but I wanted to get some things off of my chest.
Still no word on a referral, but I am hoping to hear something soon. I know when that happens it will send my spirits soaring.
This week was my church's VBS. I directed it and to say it has been a challenge would be one of the top 10 understatements of the year! First there was the trustee who told me in front of the adult Sunday School class that by the looks of the place I was bankrupting the church. (Which resulted in me excusing myself and heading to the church office where I could cry in peace.) Then on Tuesday night there was the parent who lost it with one of the leaders because she overheard the leader say her son is a handful. (As his children's minister, I can tell you he is.) But as I sat there and these two each told their side of the story, I prayed for wisdom as I listened. I thought they understood this was about reaching these kids and ministering to them and that we had worked out a good understanding and moved on, but the leader's husband is upset that I did not come to the defense of her more strongly and the mother didn't bring her kid back to VBS this week. The whole situation has broken my heart a little.
Work has been completely overwhelming. And then to beat all, the pastor's wife expressed her concern to everyone who would listen tonight that the church would not be cleaned up in time for Sunday services after our program, picnic and waterfight tomorrow. I know it didn't help matters that I covered the entire Youth room floor with confetti, but it really looked cool when we turned the black light on and told the story of Jesus walking on the water.
I am not the only one having it rough. Two of my dearest friends are having to face serious health issues for their parents and it breaks my heart for them.
So for the next little bit I will just keep praying, keep focused and keep on hoping for that referral!

Breaking news coming!

For those of you that know me well, you know that one of my little quirks is that I don't usually go to see a movie, read a book or watch a TV show that is full of suspense unless I know the ending. And before you ask, yes I know it is crazy and NO, knowing the ending does not ruin it for me. Truth be told knowing how it will end is the only reason I would start out on the endeavor.

So to that end, it is no surprise that I contacted the "Woman-in-the-know" at my agency to ask her a couple of questions. I felt horrible about doing it since she is freshly back from Ethiopia herself with her new son, but I just HAD to know!

And her qucik response has me very excited. I asked her where I was on the waiting list for a toddler girl and here is her response.

You are at the top of the list for little girl. We
actually have a few that would fit, but I will hold
off a little while, their medicals aren't in and I
want to make sure about their paper ready status. It
won't be long though!

So stay tuned! By the way, can someone tell me the exact definition of a LITTLE WHILE and NOT LONG? Doctionary.com doesn't seem to have those listed. LOL!

Be anxious for nothing

Philippians 4:6 is one of those verses that really gets to me or should I say really gets to my heart because I think it is a wonderful verse that speaks to how we should live our lives.
Anxious is defined as: full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried.
Doesn't sound like a great way to be, now does it? However recently I have found myself anxious about a lot of things...my job, my adoption, whether or not I should relocate to be closer to family and the Cosmic City VBS that I am directing at church next week. Sleep was not easy to come by and I was so emotional that even the bad commercials made me weep.
Unfortunately there were times when someone would ask me how I was doing and I would reply "barely hanging on."
Then during last night's sermon...something snapped. I was looking at my situations all wrong. The Lord has been trying to get my attention for a while now, but I was too busy being anxious to accept what He was offering. Last night the sermon included verses about living as we should...knowing that we are not be anxious and that God has provided perfect peace that passeth all understanding. And yet instead of walking in this path, I have been consumed with worry and mental distress. And the Lord made sure I didn't miss the point by having the pastor come up to ask me a couple of VBS questions. After our short conversation, he leaned back and said..."You have too much going on right now to be anxious about anything." And with that I knew the Lord had made sure I heard his voice loud and clear.
So today, I walked in peace. And throughout the day wonderful things began to happen...I was cool, calm and collected at work, I didn't fixate on getting a referral, I talked to a VP corporate and know that there is not room for me in WV at this time and won't be until around the time my lease is up next year and I finally got excited about VBS and the creative juices started flowing.
And now as the day is ending I am signing off for a peaceful night of rest.

If you buy it, she will come

Several times since March I have cautiously approached the subject of how long a wait for a referral would be and how difficult a match would be since I am requesting a 2-5 year old...each time a cautious answer was give...not long and not hard at all. However as the compulsive planner and scheduler, this part of the process has become exceedingly difficult over the last few days. Several folks, including my BFF Aimee had said they thought the referral would come this week and honestly...I did too. However, tomorrow is my last day of vacation and there is no referral for me.

The wait continues. The sad and scary thing is that I have spent tons of time stalking blogs and tracking others' progress to see when they received their referral, trying to come up with a timeline of when I could expect mine. My conclusion is this; you can't compare cases because when it is your heart longing to see your daughter's sweet face for the first time, every minute you have to wait is too long.

So until then I am searching the outlets here at the beach and scarfing up every bargain I can find. The only problem is since I have no idea what her size will be, I am buying everything from a 3T to a 5. I may need to get another closet. Call me crazy, but it makes me feel better!

Last Year

A week or so ago I posted about patience and how I was going to graciously accept this "gift" and learn from it. Well turns out I may be full of hot air. Tomorrow I am heading to the beach for a little R&R. Sounds like it should be a piece of cake, right? Well actually this vacation brings up tons of memories from last year.

Last year my best bud Aimee was in the middle of her Ethiopian adoption. Her dossier was in country and she was making preparations and she had a referral. We all remember distinctly crowding around her laptop as the newest pictures of her daughter slowly appeared on the screen as she cursed dial up. We spent the vacation visiting Outlet malls and picking up must-have items for Aimee's "Maybe Baby." It was then that I made the real and tangible decision to put plans in motion for adoption. Of course my plan was to wait until the beginning of 2009 and dive headfirst into the process.

Last year during our vacation, I had a conversation with my mom about my decision and it led to the worst fight ever. When my mom uttered the words, "I just don't think you are ready to be a mom," my heart broke. It was a real and tangible hurt that haunted me for months. I was broken because the woman who had been my biggest supporter had told me that she didn't think I had it in me to make my heart's desire a reality. Words are powerful and those can never be taken back. However after several candid discussions and lots of tears, we worked out. And if someone would have told me that less than a year later, my mom would be where she is today as an excited grammy-to-be, I never would have believed it.

Last year as Aimee and I made our rounds to the outlet stores, we picked up all these goodies for my niece and her daughter. And honestly up until last week, I thought this year I would have my turn. I really thought a referral would come before vacation, so I could hit all of those sales and stock up, but it just wasn't meant to be. So I am working on being patient, which is not easy. Aimee gets to be the one who makes me laugh with things like "Come on Shimmy Baby, we need a referral." You have to love her irreverance in all matters. (Hopefully no one from my agency will read that and be offended :-) !)

So with that I sign off for another break. Who knows maybe the next time I blog, I will be breaking some news of my own. Until then I am just going to stock up on Smalls from the little girl's department, surely a 2-5 year old won't be bigger than that!

Bullets

Exhaustion and stress have taken over. I have no creativity left. So here are the bullet points of my life:

• My dossier reached its final destination, Ethiopia, on Monday. YEAH!!!!
• I had an amazingly awful week of work last week that left me completely and totally exhausted.
• My niece, Leah, has been fighting a flu bug for more than a week and ended up in the emergency room hooked up to IVs on Sunday night.
• I am about two weeks behind in planning for our Vacation Bible School.
• My vacation is coming soon and I can't wait to escape for a little R&R at the beach.
• Every time my phone rings, I wonder if it is THE CALL, which is a crazy way to live.
• My cousin's wife is being induced today, so the newest Whitescarver Woman, Stella, is on her way!
• My kitchen needs to be cleaned so badly that I think I caught the stove contemplating a move to the apartment next to mine.
• My Financial Advisors called yesterday and said they got the loan program from my 401K worked out and I should be all ready to go with the adoption financing.
• I have to pay myself 6% interest, which is kind of funny.
• OK that's about all I have in my right now...until next time.

Lift Off!!!

Just got the news my Dossier is on its way. Great part is that it has been for several days. I don't have a tracking number yet, but it may already be there by the time I get it and that is fine with me!

Patience

So it is day 4 waiting to hear anything on the adoption front. I have always thought of myself as a "It is well with my soul" kind of girl. But this process has taught me otherwise. I went to dinner with some friends last week and I was talking about the process and how waiting wasn't my favorite thing to do. And then I flippantly said..."I know patience is a virture and a fruit of the spirit and all of that, but I never asked the Lord for patience, because I was always afraid He would give it to me." In response to that comment, my friend said..."Looks like He thought you needed it and is giving you the gift anyway."
Hmmm...could it be that the Lord knows better than I what I need? How silly of me to even think that I could pick and choose His gifts. Sometimes I am such a selfish child. Lucky for me I have a Heavenly Father that sees through my faults and knows my needs.

I do have a funny story about Patience. I once worked with a woman named Patience and her last name was...WAIT. (I kid you not!) And what was so hysterical about the situation was if there was ever someone who tested my patience, it was, you guessed it...Patience Wait.

So I am signing off and trying to patiently wait.

Team Ethiopia

Last weekend I had the remarkable experience to meet Tia and Dedra, the two women my best friend Aimee traveled with to Ethiopia when she brought her daughter home. They call themselves Team Ethiopia and it was so rewarding to meet their families and see how their children are doing.
Both Tia and Dedra adopted three children each and as single moms they were very inspirational! We spent the weekend in Atlanta and I had a chance to really get to know their children ranging in age from infancy to 9 years old, I do believe.
Little 5-year-old Kalkidan, who is a con according to her mother, had me wrapped around her finger instantly. Her little smile could light up a room, a house and maybe an entire city. She is the youngest of three and knows how to play the role amazingly well. The other children are equally charming and spent time helping me with the Amarhic alphabet. It was sheer joy just to watch the children and I spent most of the weekend observing and soaking it all in. As well as dreaming about my own journey into motherhood.
I just wanted to publicly thank Aimee for including me and Tia & Dedra for being such amazing hostesses. There was not one time during the whole weekend that I felt like an outsider and that is the mark of true friendship. I hope what began last weekend will continue long into the future. I truly feel blessed to have had this experience!

UPDATED!!! PLEASE PAUSE FOR THIS IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

My dossier iwill be on its way to Ethiopia at the beginning of next week.

Update!

My documents are on their way back to me from the Secretary of State. I should have them in my hands tomorrow by 10:30 a.m. Here's praying they have all been authenticated and are ready to be sent to the Assistant Stork. YAY!!!!

Three stops away from Ethiopia

The documents for my dossier arrived safely at the Secretary of State's Office this morning at 9:22 a.m. (I have a million butterflies in my stomach because this is the first time I have let these documents out of my sight on official business). The Fed Ex man better be careful. With that being said I am hoping that the SOS will be sending the documents back to me tomorrow or Thursday. Once I get it here's what happens:
1. I make copies of the whole kit and caboodle.
2. It gets sent to The Assistant Stork (entrusting these documents to the Fed Ex man...again!). Here's what The Assistant Stork does in her own words: "As soon as we receive your documents, we will go through everything and scrutinize your documents thoroughly, making sure each document has been authenticated correctly. Next, we will take your documents to the State Department as soon as possible. (The State Department is only open 7:30AM-11:00AM and the mail usually comes in too late for us to take them over the same day we receive them.) At the State Department we will wait while they Authenticate your documents. We will check to be sure that they authenticate every single document correctly (after all, they're human beings, they make mistakes too.) As soon as that's finished, we will take your documents down to the Embassy for Authentication. We will leave your documents with the Embassy and pick them back up on the date they are ready."
3. Then the dossier is sent to Ethiopia.

The little messenger

I have been away for a few days for this awesome opportunity to spend some quality time and meet several families who have adopted from Ethiopia. (I will write much more on this adventure later. Trust me, it is worth waiting for.)

On Sunday afternoon, three of the families who traveled together went to have a group picture taken of the kids. I was sitting in the waiting area of the photography studio thinking/dreaming about what it will be like when I have my daughter home, when this little girl walks up to where I was sitting. She had come in with another family to pick up their photos. She looked up at me with these dark brown eyes and reached for me. I picked her up and without making a sound she nestled into my lap and rested her head perfectly under my chin. She sat there quietly for a moment and then this 2 and 1/2 year old, took my face into her hands looked me in the eyes and rubbed her nose back and forth across mine. She then put her little hand in mine and rested her head against my chest. It was about this time that those around us noticed the exchange. Her mother saw us and asked me if I was a mother and I said with a smile. "Not yet." and she replied with a smile "You will be soon. You're ready, if you weren't she never would be sitting with you like that."

I know these words will never capture the feeling from that day. It was almost like it happened in slow motion and everything seemed to be silent and still for a few magical moments.
I know that most people would say this little girl's actions could be explained as a coincidence, but I don't believe in a God of coincidences. For me this was the beautiful, breathtaking moment when motherhood became almost tangible thanks to a special little messenger and I know there will come a day soon when I won't be holding someone else's child, I will be holding my daughter.

Thankfully my God is always right on time, so I will praise him in the waiting and await His perfect timing for my dream come true.

Too fun not to share!!!

I "discovered" this on another blog I stalk...and I just couldn't resist using it here as we kick off a Holiday weekend. I am going to try and have a little fun -- so my preppy name is...

Holbrook Emerson Insley the Second But most people know you as Kitty

What's Your Preppy Name?

Now onto some of my faithful friends' Preppy Names...

Aimee: Britton Stoddard Brinsley the Second - But most people know you as Coco (This one was kind of a strange coincidence)

Kim: Vail Judge Pierson the Sixth - But most people know you as Babs

Monica: Eaton Neilson Calloway the Sixth - But most people know you as Bitsy

Vee: Foxhall Steele Folsom the Second - But most people know you as Tibby

Vivian: Riegel Elbridge Willoughby the Third - But most people know you as Muffy

Nikki: Delancey Caswell Ogden the Fifth - But most people know you as Cricket (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!)

Sherry: Rucker Rockwood Newcomb the Third - But most people know you as Missy

Angie: Judge Riegel Whittier the Sixth - But most people know you as Gigi

Amanda: Montague Duval Kilbourn the Sixth - But most people know you as Kiki

Chad: Prescott Abercrombie Tilford the Fourth- But most people know you as Biff

(Best part is if you don't like the first name the system gives you, just go back and request another one, it will change!)

What does it Mean to Be Adopted?

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, "I know all about adoption, I was adopted."
"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child.
"It means," said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!"

HOME STUDY!!!

Today is a very good day. Just last night I was praying to have some kind of sign that I am not in a holding pattern and then BAM! Out of the blue I received an e-mail from my social worker at 3:07 p.m. My Adoption Home Study is done. OK a draft is done, but there is just a few minor adjustments for him to make (for instance, changing my college graduation date to 1993 instead of 1983...I'm smart, but not that smart. LOL!)

So what's next? Basically I need to get the Home Study corrected, the social worker sends a notarized copy to me, I take it and put it with all of my other dossier documents, take them to the court house have the notaries certified, then I take it to the Secretary of State have the documents authenticated and then I send it to the Assistant Stork and they send it off to Ethiopia. Yes, that's right I said ETHIOPIA.

This is really happening and this is really a GOOD DAY!

In the Waiting

I heard this song the other day called In the Waiting and I have decided it should be my theme song. Although I would be lying if I said the waiting for SOME NEWS, any news on the home study, a possible referral, anything is starting to get to me. Worse yet is knowing this is just the first step in waiting. But while I wait...

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING

I WILL WALK WITH THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET

THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING

THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH

I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER

CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL

AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN

AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED

IN THE WAITING

Mother's Day Moments

For the past several years, Mother's Day has been bitter sweet for me. I loved celebrating my own amazing mother and all of the wonderful things she does and adds to my life. However on that one particular day, there seemed to be something missing. Ok honestly for me as an adult, Mother's Day seemed like a celebration that I watched from the outside looking in. I never had to look farther than my own heart to know what it was...a child.

Fast forward to this year. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! The days leading up to and including Momma's day was peppered with several wonderful, wonderful moments that I never want to forget! I feel like there is a rosy glow of an expectant mommy all over my face. (And it isn't just the allergic reaction to a new over-aggressive cleanser - LOL!)

MOMENT ONE: Last weekend I went to the First Saturday Gallery Walk downtown with a few friends. At a stop in one of the shops, my friend Chad discovered an amazing lamp he just had to have. Well as one of the specials, with each purchase, the buyer could choose a Mother's Day note from a bowl. Chad picked one out, read it and handed it to me. I read it and handed it back to him. The woman behind the counter said we could look through the selections, but he declined saying he had picked out a good one. He then handed it to me and told me it was mine. My first Mother's Day card! It had the Jewish proverb: God could not be everywhere and therefore he made Mothers.

MOMENT TWO: I attended the annual Mother/Daughter breakfast and had scarcely sat down at my seat when my cousin Monica approached. She explained to me how every year she buys her mom a corsage to wear for Mother's Day and that this year, she also got one for the Mommy-to-be. She presented me with a beautiful corsage of vibrant pink, describing how she choose bright colors in honor of Ethiopia. She asked my mom to pin it on me. I welled up. (I may not be pregnant, but there is still some crazy emotions going on during this ride!)

MOMENT THREE: I with my 1-year-old niece, Leah, went to dinner with my best friend Aimee, her daughter Brynly (adopted from Ethiopia) and her parents (whom I adore!). During dinner her mom and dad present me with a gift bag. It has a wonderful Mommy-to-be card in it as well as a really cute butterfly bag that I can definitely put to use for Jacinda when she arrives! (At least I held it together in the restaurant and didn't turn on the waterworks!)

MOMENT FOUR: My mom told me that she had gathered the jewelry that I wore as a little girl and she wants me to have it, so Jacinda can wear it.

MOMENT FIVE: My dad presented my mom, my sister-in-law and myself with boxes of candy in celebration of Mother's Day. (The fact that he ate 1/2 of mine is beside the point. I mean I need to cut him a break, I don't even have a referral yet.) The real tear jerker is how far he has come in the whole acceptance of my decision to adopt. AMAZING!

So this really was my very best Mother's Day. And what made it even more monumental was the realization that each one is just going to get BETTER!

The sky is falling, the sky is falling

Actually, it was just the smoke detector that fell off the wall and hit the fire marshal inspector as he was checking it. It was HYSTERICAL! He was laughing so hard about it, especially when he discovered that I had precariously perched the smoke detector on a decorative pink thumb tack in the shape of a flower. He kept saying "How did you have this thing up here?" and then he suggested that I try to market my idea. Everyone's a comedian!

Basically the inspection took less than 3 minutes, if you factor out the 10 minutes he worked at getting the smoke detector back into place. He offered me "extra credit" for the extra detectors in the bedroom, but I had to practically beg him to take a look at the fire extinguisher that I spent $25 on.

Anyway after all of the laughter and signing an agreement to be billed $75 for the 3-minute inspection. He was off. But after all of the amusement I had, it was worth it!

That means my homestudy requirements are officially met. The only requirements left for the dossier is the home study. Which means, I am officially waiting. The paperchase is pretty much over.

He called!

I haven't been this excited to get a phone call from a man since I was in high school and I got a call from my secret crush. However, unlike the let down I received when I figured out he wanted to know if I had the answer to Number 23 on the Trig homework instead of asking me to prom, like I had hoped...this time I wasn't disappointed!

Bud the fire guy called me. He is coming Thursday at 3 p.m. for the fire inspection. He said it wasn't any big deal and if I "keep any kind of order" in my home I should be fine. However, just to make sure I am A-OK...I purchased two additional smoke alarms and a fire extinguisher. I also made sure there was nothing in the washer/dryer space. So I should be all set.

Never Alone...

At the beginning of the adoption process, several people talked about how scary this journey would be to go alone, but I pooh-poohed the idea because I have never been someone who felt lonely and my experience with adoption hasn't been any different.

I mean I have a truly wonderful best friend, who has blazed the trail before me. Aimee has been my constant guide, confidant, cheerleader and coach. {Also my future travel buddy} This has truly deepened our friendship and I completely trust her, which is an amazing thing to be able to say about a friend.

My dear friend, Angie, took a day off from work, drove me around to three separate cities the day I had my fingerprints done. She can't wait to be a God mother and has been planning for this since the Lord gave her a dream about me becoming a mother last year. Now that is FAITH!

Then there are The Gazette gals: My friend Nikki was here to answer the social worker's questions like a pro, yesterday...even when she wasn't sure she got the answers right. She came early and reassured me. As a single mom and a HUGE success story, she is pure inspiration. Today I had lunch with Sherry and she gave me the best birthday present ever: A memory book for adoptive families called: My Family, My Journey. I didn't even make it out of the parking garage without opening it. She brought me to tears with the gift and she warmed my heart with all of her interest. Vivian has sent several e-mails filled with soft-spoken, gentle encouragement like only she could. In my heart I believe Viv has been one of the best cheerleaders in my life's path. And finally Chris, who loves me like an older sister and treats me just the same. She keeps me in check and has a very special way about her.

And anyone who knows me, knows I would be nothing without my family! My MOM is my best friend and my rock. Enough said about that. My DADhas come around to the idea by making plans only a Pap would... think college funds and savings bonds. My brother, Doug, and sister-in-law, Erin, provide inspiration every time I talk to them. My cousins Monica, Kim and Amanda have stood behind me in the decision from the moment I spoke the words adoption out loud. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

My kids at church ask me each week when my little girl is coming home. They beg for a picture and compare stories of what they are going to do with her when she arrives. The way they fight about whose house my daughter will spend the night at first and who will get to sit beside her in children's church just brings a smile to my heart.The teens are learning Amharic words and enjoy adding to their repertoire each week. So far cat {demmit - I'm not sure of this spelling because my book is out in the car} and dog {woosha} are fan faves! They debate whether Rae or Hope is a better middle name and try to lobby for their own names to make it on the list. It is hysterical!

Then there is Chad. If we were still in elementary school, he would the one kid the teacher would separate me from. I mean sometimes all I have to do is look at him or hear his voice and he can make me laugh so hard that I snort. And everyone needs a good belly laugh! And to his credit, he sat patiently in the living room and looked through every item I have purchased for my daughter, now that is a good friend!

And of course, I wouldn't have even begun this journey without knowing that the Lord had placed this seed in my heart at a very young age. He arranged for everything to work out and bring me to a point in my life where I knew it was time. His hand has been on everything surrounding this adoption and my heart is so content and at peace, knowing He has already picked out my daughter. He knows her name and he is arranging things, so our lives will intersect soon.

So with a team assembled like the one mentioned above, how could I feel alone. Plus, I haven't even mentioned the friends I count as my secret weapons. LOL!

Check, check and check

For those of you eagerly awaiting news on the home visit. It went fine. My friend Nikki arrived about 20 minutes before the social worker and while she was more interested in the coffee, I made her walk through and take a look at the entire apartment before I would let her have a drop of caffeine. Not a very nice way to treat a friend who took time off from work to be on hand for an interview from the social worker, now is it. But after her walk-through I did treat her to a cup of Apple Pie in the Sky Coffee with cinnamon hazelnut creamer. (Can you tell I am wishing I had a cup of that in hand now?)

Anyway the social worker arrived right on time, complimented me on my directions and then dismissed me to my room, so he could talk one on one with Nikki. About 10 minutes later, they were done. Nikki headed to work and my visit began. First we went through the check list and at the end I realized, I had everything but one thing checked off. Check, Check and check!!! Still waiting on the fire marshal review, but my social worker suggested a work around! He thinks that since my apartment complex has been inspected, that should work for the home study, if I can get my hands on a copy of it. I went to the rental office on my way in, but management is at a conference today, so I will have to check back tomorrow. Fingers crossed and heart hoping.

The good news is, if I can get the fire clearance and firm up one other area of concern for him (he wants the funding for the adoption to be in my bank account and not my retirement account) then he can get the home study written up. This home study is the key to everything. It is the last piece of my Dossier puzzle and the key to my I-171 H (actually in Maryland, it is some other title, but I can't remember what it is...however I know what it does, it means the US says I can adopt an orphan and bring her back to the US).

At the end he asked me what age I was looking to adopt and I told him 2-5 years old. But just this morning I had received an e-mail from our agency that there were several 6-10 year old children that were paper ready. He didn't hesitate and said that he didn't think it was a good idea to go that old. What is so interesting about this process is, that his home study will hold a recommendation of what age and sex of a child that I am eligible to adopt. If this process has taught me one thing, it is about handing over the controls of your and decisions to someone else. That has been the hardest part for me.

Most of you know, I like to be in control. And this process is so far out of my control that it is at times frustrating. In fact a few weeks ago it was so frustrating that I went forward at church and asked for prayer. As the pastor prayed for me, his wife came up behind and started praying the most beautiful words. She prayed that Jesus would be my lawyer, my social worker, my doctor and anyone else that I needed him to be for me. And I have held on to that ever since and I am still holding on because I know that as long as He is in control, (He being Jesus, not the social worker) everything will work out just fine! And one last time for the record that is check, check and check!!!

24 Hours & Counting!!!

And thus begins the countdown for my social worker's visit. Tomorrow morning at this time we will be in mid-home visit. So today I am rushing around making sure the house is clean, but not too clean. (I got this from an actual web site that says social workers would worry if the house was too neat, because they would be concerned that the owner wouldn't be able to handle a child's clutter.) Talk about a delicate balance. LOL!!!
I keep looking at Jacinda's room and thinking...have I removed enough stuff to make it look like I am getting ready for her, but not too much stuff so it looks like I am too eager for her arrival... You see her room for the past year and a half has served as a dressing area for me and a storage room for some of my totes. It also is the catch all room when I am having folks over. But this morning I took all of the totes that aren't VBS or Jacinda-related to the storage unit. Out of sight, out of mind.
Actually everything I have read states that most social workers only look around the last five or 10 minutes of the visit and adoptive parents seem disappointed they spent so much time cleaning. So my approach is pretty simple. I am going to clean and straighten like I was having a party with my girlfriends. I think a little clutter is good for the soul because it keeps you grounded.
So with that being said I am off to...do some laundry, dust the living room, buy fresh flowers, vacum and shine up the bathrooms. Then I will tackle the kitchen, take a deep breath and relax!
For some reason deep in my heart, I know this is all going to go JUST FINE!

Update on Fire Inspection

So I just got off the phone with the fire marshal's office...and here is the story on that piece of the adoption puzzle. They have had my request since April 11...there is just one man who does it and he works 19 hours each week. He is responsible for daycare inspections, inspections for foster homes and adoption inspections. The lady who answered the phone said that there is a lot of people adopting in Frederick and he has been inundated with requests. She said sometimes the fire safety inspection takes two hours, so at times he only gets 10 done a week and they are getting 10 requests a day. I told her that it was really the only thing I was waiting for and she said she would put a little highlight on it and try to get me moved up the list. Luckily my social worker had already put the due date as ASAP, so hopefully that means he will move quickly to get the home study written up after Thursday's appointment. So if you would, just say a little prayer that Bud the fire guy, will heed the highlighting and give me a call SOON!