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Loves to eat.Loves to cook and bake. Loves to kick. Loves to laugh. Loves to stone. Ramadan OTW
Sunday, 29 July 2012 | 1:04 pm
hello to noone but myself.
i owe my blog an apology for coming to visit only when i feel troubled. but then again, that's its purpose right? right on. anyway, yeah. cold war on again. this time no idea why. like seriously. please point it out to me. shall not dwell on this. patience. okay i lost the mood to vent. so till next time, selamat berpuasa. irnasrina nineteen and 3 days old.
Sunday, 1 July 2012 | 3:00 pm
yes yes nobody is ever gonna read this and yes yes i haven't updated for so long but heck i need somewhere to let it all out anonymously and what better place than an abandoned blog :)
ok let me just organise my thoughts properly so i don't ramble on from one point to another in no logical manner. first shall be about my turning oh-no-nineteen, then about myself and myself again. great, let's begin.
wow for the first time ever in my nineteen years of living, i had an actual birthday party, or rather a bday bbq. not that i've never had a cake to celebrate my birthday before, i have. just that i've yet to have friends plan and prepare slightly elaborately a 'party' like this until today. alright, once in jc. i was touched and pleasantly surprised on both occasions of course... but truth be told, i've been brought up to not make a biggie out of birthdays, especially my own. so that's why if friends don't give me presents or even forget, i just shrug it off. a bit sad maybe, but i'm used to it.
turning nineteen is like... i wasn't really anticipating it. the day itself wasn't eventful apart from well wishes via sms/fb. i tried baking cupcakes for the first time. the cupcake-minus-icing was fine but the icing, not so good. the real sad thing was i was having a cold war with my mum, over some thoughtless stuff that slipped out of my mouth in a moment of folly. the war is still on as i type.
gah. can't express how much i hate cold wars. just resolved one with my primary school best friend. i think. remind me to never give someone the cold shoulder cos it really sucks to be wage such a war. i'm a girl myself but i don't fully understand the sentiments of these women. i get why i'm at fault and i'm ready to apologise for my shortcomings but if the other party chooses to prolong this sheet, what am i to do? be patient? sure. try not to go crazy waiting for their forgiveness? well i can prolly learn to ignore the horrible nagging feeling tugging at my heart strings but dang, i'm not so numb.
2 days from now my big sis is gonna be back. having a slow reaction to stimulus, i have yet to feel anything substantial towards her homecoming except that maybe my mum will liven up and maybe reconcile with me once it's time to fetch big sis. finally i'll get my mentor back. for the past 6 months i've been trying to find myself, fashionwise, personalitywise and i found out i don't really like the latter.
to elaborate, i don't think i'm much of a talker, or in other words, people will find that they'll be talking 70% of the time when they spend their day with me. i'll fill them in on some details of my life but being the reticent person i am, i don't divulge my innermost feelings. also, being a person not blessed with the best memory, i'll prolly forget some interesting stuff that i've experienced in the days preceding the meet-up and hence fail to mention them. or at best describe them in the least exciting way possible. sure i could gossip if i wanted to but knowing Allah is all-hearing among other things, i'd rather hold my tongue than spew about the others' negatives. fine, call me a bore. but at least i have principles.
hmph. dunno how i can make new friends in uni in such a state, let alone get a boyfriend. a proper one. hah like i ever did. can't possibly imagine how that would be like. despite wearing a tudung and more feminine clothes nowadays, being tomboyish is easier than being a real girl through and through. how do i be gentle and womanlike and interesting at the same time? all i know how to do (when i've got the energy) is to crack jokes, talk some nonsense and listen to people drone about their lives. honestly, i like making ppl laugh. it gives you satisfaction that you brought some happiness to someone even for a few seconds and helped them burn off one or two calories on the way as well. rewarding eh? but i can't make people laugh for an hour straight. nooo, i have to talk. why why why. sometimes i just like to have silence. so sometimes cold wars are beneficial for me. i can keep my mouth shut and i don't have to listen to people rant. but when i decide to revert to being normal, i start yearning for the silence to stop and the nagging to start again. see, humans never appreciate what they have. sigh.
okay possibly the longest post ever. yay 80% of what's on my mind has been put to print. or sth like that. time for another hiatus of perhaps... forever? heh. let's just see. thanks and bye.
irnasrina
monday blues. tuesday greys. wed-thur-FREAKOUTDAY.
Tuesday, 28 February 2012 | 10:09 pm
as i'm approaching my last teen year, i'm becoming more and more angsty and moody and hopeless. WHY. why am i changing? i don't like it. all those who say that change is the only constant, you diam. of course, changes for the better are always welcomed but to turn into an individual who has to hide herself so that people won't be repulsed by her personality upheavals? not so much. don't get me wrong. i'm not an evil person now or anything. just that. the darker side of me is getting the better of the lighter side (or however you put it). i feel like spiderman in the 3rd instalment, where he battles the monster within him. perhaps the damage done during the jc years is indelible. or maybe not. it is up to me. i try and try to hold on to my old self but as time goes by, she is slipping away. wth is wrong with me. maybe i should take psychology and learn about myself so i can save myself from going nuts. so the focus of this week - FRIDAY. wish i was in the mood to sing last friday night or rebecca black's epic song but alas. i am moodee. so. i have no idea what to expect. on one hand, i'm sure i can reach my target (InsyaAllah). on the other hand though, my self-esteem has hit rock bottom. all i can ever hope for is to get no grade lower than B and to have more As than Bs. possible right? InsyaAllah. been praying harder than before. i believe Allah will help me like He has always does. only He can. all the very best to all of you too :) irnasrina Working, Xhausting. Yearning >> Zilch.
Saturday, 14 January 2012 | 5:00 pm
Alhamdulillah. i'm finally working after 3 weeks of frictional unemployment. started on 040112 so i'm about 8 days done? yep. people are friendly and food is fine. but one big prob is i have to share a desk with my cik colleague. who's been super nice and accommodating by taking me in and allowing me to infringe her space. the actual prob is just that i don't see the fairness of it. or more like the point of hiring me and expecting me to share a cubicle with somebody and not giving me a proper job. now i'm just learning what she does and doing it for her, day in day out. which is fine, since i'm getting paid. but if i had to do this for the rest of my life, i think i'd rather walk out this instant. 6 months? erm. if i don't go bonkers, i'll stay. but since i heard that there's actual data for me to process soon, a bona fide job assigned to ME, i guess i won't be going anywhere until i hopefully get into uni >> InsyaAllah. this is another headache for me. i haven't been tormented by post A-level nightmares yet. i think they'll be coming a few days before the results are due in march. scared yet not frightened as of yet. as always, my emotions lag a few minutes before the actual thing. the work life has compelled me to sleep at 0000 and wake up at 0600 (an already major adjustment to my usual sleep pattern). tiring of course. and there are days where i just want to sleep in, but can't cos i realise that i'm no longer in school. cannot pon as and when i need to "study". haha. ok. enough of work. in lieu of v-day in a month's time, let's talk about my love life. or rather, the lack thereof. sometimes i think i know when a guy likes me cos i get some vibes thing. no idea whether i've been right before cos duh, i don't ask him outrightly whether he does. so i dunno if a guy has ever liked me. ok fine have la. but nothing substantial worth mentioning. recently (or always, haahaa)... i dunno if it's cos i'm edging towards the end of my teen years and/or my hormones continue to rage forevermore etc. i want to have kids. i want to get married. but no, i haven't thought of the colossal financial and emotional baggages. in my world, i still feel like a 15-year-old. i don't feel like my age, i dunno how to act my age. without my sis on the same continent, i feel even more lost than ever. not that my sis will help me all the time. she rightly advises me to find my own way and not be so hingus. haha. i miss her. hope when she comes back, i would have matured and grown gracefully into a lovely young lady :B anyway, back to the topic at hand. how do i know when to act on my gut feelings? do i give the guy a nudge in the right direction or wait around for something to happen even when he doesn't have my number? even when he and i aren't familiar with each other, just 2 acquaintances who worked together a few times and that's that? even when we hardly share anything in common? how do you know what to do in these instances? how to know if you are letting your Mr Right slip right through your hands cos you have no idea he's there right in front of you??? seriously. no one knows the answers to these but God. yet i have to make some effort, haven't i? if i wanna have 11 kids before i turn 35. lol that's insane. yes i'm kidding. i'll stop at 4, if i can afford. haha. do share your thoughts. i'm aware that my blog has been dead for ages and no one comes to visit anymore. but one can still hope after making some effort :D oh yeah. i halted my cooking expedition for awhile. too busy and no money to sponsor myself yet. lol. irnasrina a foray into the culinary world
Tuesday, 20 December 2011 | 11:01 pm
truthfully, i can't say that i've failed. no-no. as a budding chef, i do not fail. my food just falls short of its desired taste.
  two days ago, my mum and i made layang-layang, or kite snacks. bet you're scratching your head wondering what the heck those are. basically, they're made of the stuff you use to make samosa (called rice paper? no idea) and sprinkled with sugar. it may sound simple but they taste super yummy!suggested to my mum to start selling layang2 but she doesn't seem keen. boo. neh mind. i can make these myself. so, how 'bout a bottle of these for 10 bucks? free samples whilst stocks last :D not to be dampened by the lacklustre mac-n-cheese, i shall try making donuts and something else. haven't quite decided yet. suggestions in the chatbox :) i'm feeling the onset of a stomachache now. my cooking is not the prime suspect *coaxes self* hahaha. i shall go relieve myself soon. lol. till then, wish me the best in my cooking adventure. au revoir. irnasrina ah crap. more unglam photos on fb.
Thursday, 15 December 2011 | 1:02 am
so where do i start? it's been so long since i rambled here. too many things to talk about. fine, since this blog is about me, i shall start about me right. duh. okay. i think i've allowed nj to get to me. seriously. it has brought out the worst in me - my abominable traits, lacklustre grades and loss of love of life, if the last one even made sense. now, i realise that one should not let the environment change one's true self, and my true self should be set free once more. lol. i sound like some failed motivational movie. well, rather than boring you with my rants (which should be kept private and confidential in some areas, or i will maybe continue in future), let me let you join me in my new source of excitement: FOOD. yeah yeah, i know, not exactly new but rather, my new food adventure - to be the one to cook it, not just eat it :) hoohoo. this is gonna be so fun. hopefully, my mum will allow me full access to her precious clean kitchen to do my culinary experiments. muahaha. earlier on, i was just skimming through easy Malay and pasta online recipes to try out and now i'm super excited to cook them, and looking forward to eating the edible parts! i'm not too bad a cook, considering i sort of aced home econs (besides sewing, that sucked) and helped my mum out once in while... yep. so i'm ready to rumble. but without ingredients, nothing can be served. gotta head out tomorrow or another time this week to buy them. though i haven't quite decided which recipe to tackle yet. and the issue of $$$ still beleaguers me. anyway, i'm aching from my third try at cycling! haha. halfway successful, since i can cycle quite a few metres before my whole bike goes haywire and threatens to collide into those hapless enough to be in my warpath. hehe. probably can't move much tomorrow hence i may not start cooking then. aww. i'm hungry for my non-existent food already. lmao. gotta start clanking those potspansknives soon! and get rid of my humongous eyebags which do nothing but tarnish my already unglam fb photos. boo. good night. i need a big tight slap.
Friday, 26 August 2011 | 9:35 pm
yes. to wake me up from this interminable slumber that i've been in since i've stepped in to jc. you know, however hard i try to change or work hard, i almost always fail to reach my goal. i seem to think that there's always tomorrow and then i go on procrastinating and wasting my time away doing goodness-knows-what.
maybe my brain has reached its full employment level. but then, shouldn't its value go up, up and away? hmph. need to go spur soon. lol. i think i'm getting econs but don't think it's fast enough. need to accelerate. geog was :O normally i can smoke through it but this time, nearly everything was smoke-proof. even some questions weren't understandable. i just hope i pass and attempt to get higher marks for human geog in order to attain a B. I MUST. I WILL. ok so that leaves me with chem and math and human geog and econs case study. chem and math MUST IMPROVE. econs case study MUST PASS. everything must pass or i'll probably be dejected for a levels. which i must not be. i must be on the roll to get my 5 As. Insya Allah. yes. cannot depend on God and mum's prayers or plain luck anymore. got to bite the bullet, right here, right now. i hereby pledge to myself, to the whole virtual community, that i, (youknowwho), will do my best to get the best and nothing but the very best. starting tomorrow, by waking up early to do my work. yes. if i don't start now, i never will. you shall bear witness to this promise. Notepaper.
My jar of goodies.
6AchariansDesmond Du Xuan Fang Qi Hooi Choo Jia En Jia Ren Jie Lin Yin Hang 201 Ziobang Cassandra Eunice Leong Fara Jovine QiQi Yan Ping Amirul 3m1 ViVace Anna Jasmin Jia Wen BPSJ Hui Yu Yi Jia Syahirah Kay Yan Yi Xin Ting Fang Sherlyn Jarin Khairul Pamela Ain Fana Jian Hui Liyana Matthew Wynnette Charmaine T. Dyan Ying Xiang Wei Li Lin Qi Shi Ling Jie Ying Zakiah Irfan Archives |