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I don't know how anyone will ever understand... (Exchange 2013)
I don't know how anyone will ever understand what I've been through on exchange.
On my list of things to write about - which I randomly came up to, and still add on to it from time to time, are things like:
Simon
-> find a good man, Hongda
At the end of exchange, when we were bidding goodbyes, Simon was telling me that I'm a great girl, and he hopes that I find a great guy when I get back to Singapore. And he told me, with that cute smile of his, that Hongda is a great guy. We laughed so much although I know there's some seriousness in what he's implying. We both know Hongda is a great guy. But we also know that Hongda and I are not quite the compatible couple. I asked him "Simon do you hear yourself??"
cu
tu soccer match
Watched the traditional soccer match between Chula and Thamasat! It was... boring. Hahaha but the company was incredible. The atmosphere was cool. Being at a big stadium with hoardes of supporters. Its my first live soccer match! The things they do with those cards were cool (recall/insert pictures/look through facebook for them!) I also remember Romain Greg and gang being super high and drunk and making a scene at the front. Hahaha. Crazy bastards.
ATV
I rode the ATV in Pattaya in Jan 2013! I rode it alone as the rest (Remus Jenny and Igor) had wanted to do the elephant riding. So I spent I think was $45 to ride ATV for half an hour (what a scam now that I think about it LOL). And... I will never do it again. The ATV was SO HARD to maneuver! Like the steering took almost all my effort and at the rate we were going I couldn't enjoy it thoroughly without being too concentrated on steering. I remember telling the person to go slowly (cha cha noi) before we left. It was fun though revving up those sand heaps and hanging in midair for those split seconds. But!!! Of course I had to crash into a tree. I think I couldn't stop it time or something. It's pretty fuzzy now. But I think I mixed up the braking and accelerated instead. How clever hahaha. Thank goodness I got away without having to pay shit for it. The damage was slight although I nearly fell off the ATV from impact, and I swear if I was going 5km/h faster, my right index finger would've broken at the knuckles. I injured it slightly in that crash and it hurt for the next month or so. But now it's completely ok :)
Remus
drunk, in your pants. How Remus took care of you. Break dancing at khao San.
What he said.
Oh this one. It's a funny memory as long as my blog remains private hahaha. There was one night we went clubbing. I can't even remember where it was....... Could've been Route 66. (Anyway I think I only clubbed thrice in Thailand, once in Route and another for Jayson's birthday party at... cant-remember-where either, and once more when my girls came to visit! We went to Esco Bar. Drinking was a different story though, it was very difficult to not drink when I was there. I drank like many times in my room, in my neighbor's room, I think I didn't drink in someone else's room though... Drank at Asoke rooftop many times, drank at the skybar, think it was Central Red Sky!) So yeah one night we went clubbing and I left with Remus to head back first. I was kinda drunk I guess, and he was hungry hahaha. We went out the club, he bought chicken wings. He ate, finished, and we sat down to work the alcohol out before going back (I think it was cos I told him that if I am on anything that moves I will want to throw up and we didn't wanna mess up any cabs so we 'waited it out' first). We sat by the road, it was dark and under some BTS track/highway (why do I remember this?) and talked. He tried to get in my pants (ok, skirt. or dress. Dress I think). It's funny to look back on cos I imagine I am such a bro to him. Anyway I had to verbally remind him (and myself) twice that he had a girlfriend. So we went back, somehow I left my wallet and keycard with Anne-Sophie, as a result I couldn't go back to my room (obviously my roomies partied harder than me hahahaha). Remus was very kind, he let me take his bed, with air conditioning I remember, while he took the couch. The thing about Bangkok is that it's so freaking hottttt. Yet he slept on the couch. It was so sweet. I woke up and saw him sleeping on the couch and felt so touched :) I went down to Seven (7-11) to buy a carton of OJ for him (us) to nurse that hangover.
Anyway Remus is a sweetheart. He would always take care of me when I go drinking. Once he got super drunk at Khaosan. I've heard people tell me stories about him break-dancing with the professional street break dancers there. I mean, I can totally imagine haha cos when Remus gets drunk he likes to do those few break dancing moves (even if he is not at Khaosan with the break dancers). Anyway one night Igor told me again about how Remus was so drunk he joined the break dancers and danced with them on the street. Igor was laughing it off (I'm totally picturing that laugh :)) and I was very amused. I managed to tease Remus (hahaha not hard to do) when I had the chance. I said something like "why you drink so much" Then he said something which was very sweet. He said when I go party/drink with them, he would always drink lesser so that he could look after me. So when I wasn't around that day he just drank a lot cos he didn't have to take me home. I thought it was incredibly sweet to find out that he always controlled his drinking when I was around :') such a sweetheart.
Cut
my toe in Koh phi phi
We (Jenny Maikou Hanna and I) were on a longtail boat traveling from Krabi Island to the islands nearby (Chicken Island, Koh Phi Phi, Maya Beach, and stuff), then we were getting off the boat to go to Maya Beach I think, and Hanna jumped into the sea first (we had to swim a distance to get to the island as there were many long tail boats around). Subsequently I jumped in and the driver of the long tail boat just beside us saw me jump in and charade me something about sharp and rocks under the sea. When I finally made it to the island (the swimming - even with a life jacket - was so difficult mostly cos of the tides and shallow water and the many long tail boats moving around). I had cut my toe jumping into the water, presumably from the sharp rocks on the seabed... Well, accidents seem to happen to me a lot. My big toe started bleeding. Meh. Hahaha. Let's do a quick recap on the accidents... ATV, toe-cutting, and motor accident.
Saw
maya beach
Most beautiful beach I have ever seen in my life. The sand was so soft and white. The beach was clean, though 'littered' with hundreds of tourists, was still beautiful. The sight was spectacular too. We managed to take a swim around the designated swim area of the beach.
What
it was like living with the girls - toothbrush. Clothes. Mess. The heat at
night
I could go on forever on what it was like living with the girls. To start, it was a very unique and interesting experience. I lived with 3 other girls in a 2 bedroom service apartment. It had 2 bathrooms, 1 bathtub, a kitchen, and a huge living area with sofas and coffee table, and a dining table (which we more frequently used as a study table). The make-up of our house girls was very cool. Manon, french girl, my height, was my roommate. We lived in the smaller room. Kelly the Canadian girl and Valerie the Dutch girl lived in the master room with the bigger bathroom attached to it. Hansie made an acute observation that it was interesting that I seemed to be the tallest among the angmohs. Although I have to say Kelly isn't angmoh. She's Chinese Canadian with the nicest black hair and Kong as her last name (she did make jokes about her being related to Kong Zi hahahaha). Well, the girls were messy. But to give credit to the others, maybe it was just Kelly that made the house extra messy. I was the neatest, but never to the extent of picking up their shit (except the one time when I came home to find a lot of empty bottles all over the house and picked up at like 4am or something, and Manon said I was crazy and I should leave it, especially since I didn't make the mess. That was the only time I bothered. Should be no surprise that that was sometime at the start of exchange haha). Slowly we learned to devise ways to pick up our shit / get the people to pick up their shit when room parties unfortunately rotated to our rooms (rotation is a lie it always seems to be at our room, all of us noticed that and we didn't like that!! Especially when it's the same night as when housekeeping came earlier. It just undoes everything that housekeeping did, and we'd have to wait another 3-4 days before housekeeping came. Anyway, it just wasn't fair for us). Things we did were like "hey everybody could yall just throw your bottles on the way out" and stuff. Nonetheless, my housemates didnt really care for clearing up their own shit on a regular day. My roommate was clean and neatest of the 3 though. Although she had so much stuff hahaha she came here with like a crazy load of luggage and clothes and MEDICINE. Her contact lenses stuff alone could've weighed 5kg I imagine... Hahahaha. And she had 2 bags of medicines. She even brought her own french brand shampoo and soap. I think they think Bangkok is some 3rd world city. Haha. Anyway, even though she had so much stuff, and took up so much space of the room, she was still neat. The other room is just O.O (remind me to add a story about Kelly and her dirty workout socks, and how she strips as she walks. And her half-nakedness. And all the AC disputes. And fruits we would buy. And our HTHT, roomie night, movie night. Remind me about Manon and "hi roomie!" on fb and how she said "she must be thinking... 'this girl is crazy'" to me after she sent that message and started laughing to herself. And smelly cheese and roses! (room key card missing story. THE HEAT)
Kelly my housemate from Canada who's crazy about workouts, she is eating like 24/7 (a less exaggerated version would be... she is eating every hour or two. I swear this is the less exaggerated version). And she's still a little bah bah. She looks absolutely stunning, she has shiny smooth long black hair. And... she's messy. Yeap I said it. She is the messiest of us 4. She has her stuff everywhere. Her roommate Val told us that she strips one piece at a time (which by the way they are really open about being naked / half naked. I mean I never wore a bra at home with them, and would even go naked all day when they are all out traveling, but Kelly could be completely naked in bed even though there isn't a guy in it. Hahaha. And Val would also walk around in her bra, or in a shirt and panties. Not that I minded but it was quite an eyesore for me to see girls perpetually half-naked. And they were really sweet about that. They understand that I haven't been living with girls in dorms/hostels all my college days but instead live with my parents (until I get married). So they would always put a bra / some clothes on. Still there are days when I wake up and my roommate is sleeping gloriously naked beside me (after a night (AND morning) of partying - my roommate was always a crazy party-er. She would start drinking with all of us at like 10+ 11+pm, and then she usually comes home between 5am-7am. But there would also be days when she wasn't feeling it and come home around 3am). Or I would also walk into Kelly's room and find her sitting naked in her bed watching Jersey Shore on her laptop. That's what it was like living with them. A really different culture but really cool. I didn't mean to get to here, so let's back track to where I was talking about how she strips one piece at a time. So what happens is you can tell where she begins stripping. You could find her shirt at the foot of the door, her bra a few steps away, and her panties on the floor at the toilet.
Crazy
guy who stalked you!!! On the way to buying train ticket
Living
with Marc - ironing making coffee, what he said about making coffee together. Watching him from the one-seater sofa. Watch him sleep, play guitar and sing, watch him watch tv until he got so super bored, watch him watch UFC on his laptop.
Vietnam
Cambodia w Jen
2013
Good
sem good groupmates met amazing people
It's 5:21am. I really ought to sleep given that I am expecting many calls from job recruitment agencies tomorrow (morning).
I loved my exchange experiences so so much :')
xx
Audrey
6 Jan 2014
5:22am
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It's 2014
It's 2014.
Hey,
what do we know, it's 2014 already.
I'd
like to begin 2014 by looking back on 2013 - it only seems apt.
2013,
twenty thirteen, has been a truly great year for me. In summary, it's the year
I experienced exchange (that in itself is a long incredible story/journey),
it's the year I graduated, it's the year I forged closer bonds to some friends
(Natalie, OCSP friends), and it's the year I met some new people I hope I will
always treasure (exchange people, aviat people). It's the year I'm 21 years old
(mostly) and 22 as well.
I
hope I've grown up through the year. I've had some unforgettable experiences.
The most vivid ones are falling in love with Jeremy, my roadtrip through
Thailand Cambodia and Vietnam with Jenny, a roller coaster journey with Romain,
crazy hours internship at Aviat, and a final good sem (good grades) at SMU
where I've met many amazing classmates and profs. Looking back it's really
crazy how much I've been through in this year.
I'm
glad I still managed to keep in touch with all those who are important to me.
Like serene & glen, xing & wingsy, my mj boys, may, Hannkhee & Yumin,
Jia Chings & ping, Nata & zen, Handoko and Natassia (of course).
Unfortunately I've lost touch with Marcus, my best buddy for 10 years
now.
I'm
still close to my sister, still love my brother, my parents are still healthy
as what I wished for last NYE. I managed to initiate and plan a trip to Bangkok
with sis and mum for 2014. Hopefully it will turn out fine even though the
planning was rocky with some of mum's crazy ideas to call her sis and her mum
along.
My
grades were good. I managed to pull up my GPA by 0.5 points to my target High
Merit 3.2 in the last sem by putting in some effort.
I
guess so many things have changed for me, yet at the same time nothing has
really changed. I'm still the same girl who works very hard at KT's grill, the
same girl who loves all the same people around me, and the same girl with all
the random thoughts in my head that I continue to blabber out to hansie.
In
2013 I traveled to several countries. Thailand Vietnam Cambodia Hong Kong and
Macau. I feel incredibly blessed to have made it through so many
countries, and to have been able to be proud to say that I funded myself
through all my travel experiences this year. I look forward to much more
financial independence.
In
terms of learning, I would say textbook knowledge are learnt and forgotten, as
usual. But the experience of living with all the international students during
exchange is something irreversible I guess. Their crazy courage and
fearlessness is something I have rubbed off a little. The confidence I have now
is unseen before. That constituted most to my character building this year. I
can go for interviews being calm, talking my way through them without getting
the jitters. Internship also moulded me a little. I have figured out that I can
work long hours some days, I can settle down in an office job, and I can earn
big bucks working for an American company. There were times when I wondered why
I had to do so many things as an intern, and my senior executive would tell me
that this is all part of building my patience as an employee and as a person. I
managed to persevere through what I could, but ultimately I quit my internship,
not on a bad note. I have left my mark in the company, worked my ass off with
many people acknowledging my efforts and commitment and understanding why I
ultimately had to go (my boss wasn't going to help my situation so I had to
help myself).
I
would like to share my 2013 of Firsts post here.
"Hi
hansie,
Exchange
was one that took away many of my first times.
It
was the first time I rode a motorcycle (Sapa, Vietnam, Feb 2013. I rode it
again in Chiangmai (and fell) in Apr 2013 too!), the first time I rode an ATV
(it will also be the last time. Haha. Pattaya, Thailand, Jan 2013), the first
time I fell for a Belgium guy, the first time I traveled across 3 countries by
buses and trains over 2 weeks (Bangkok->Siem Reap [430km], Siem
Reap->Phnom Penh [320km], Phnom Penh->Ho Chi Minh [280km], Ho Chi
Minh-> Nha Trang [450km], Nha Trang->Da Nang [550km], Da Nang->Hoi An
[30km], Hoi An->Da Nang [30km], Da Nang->Hanoi [900km], Hanoi->Sapa
[350km], Sapa->Hanoi [350km] and finally flew back from Hanoi->Bangkok).
That's almost 3700km of travel without plane. And that's 4700km of travel, 3
countries, 9 cities, in 13 days! :') very proud of myself for having survived
that travel.
It
was also the first time I backpacked. The first time I trekked a waterfall
(kanchanaburi, Thailand, Feb 2013), the first time I attended a pool party
(Sofitel, Bangkok, Apr 2013), the first time I caught fish with my bare hands
(Chiangmai with my family, Apr 2013), the first time I stayed in a four-star
hotel for 5 months, the first time I lost it (Marc-Antoine Tremblay, May 2013),
the first time I lived with 3 foreigners - a French, a Dutch, and a Canadian.
The first time I've been away from home for 5 months. The first time I studied
abroad, the first time I sent my clothes to laundry (every week, hahaha), the
first time I met people from so so many different nationalities. First time I
had room parties. First time a foreign friend cooked for me (my Taiwanese
friend cooked for a few of us in his apartment! It was also the first time I
met Romain. It was in Jan 2013). The first time I met with an accident, first
time I was ambulanced to a hospital, first time I entered A&E (on a
wheelchair, and had to queue), first time I visited Cambodia, first time I
visited Vietnam, first time I dressed in a bathing suit (hahaha I always damn
shy to wear bikini, but I did it in Apr 2013 in krabi (koh lanta) with Jenny
and Maikou (her friend from the states), and Hanna). It's the first time I
worked out once every 2 days (I lost 3 kilos during that period!!). The first
time I did Insanity (the crazy workout, my french roommate and I nearly puked),
the first time I truly felt loved by foreigners :') (by Romain and Jeremy).
Exchange was also the first time I cuddled with someone a whole night, the
first time I met the mom of the guy I was dating (Jeremy. We were kind of
dating, for a very short time though). The first time I cut somebody's hair!!!!
(Like for real I cut my American neighbor's hair because he really wanted me
to. And apparently it turned out ok! Because this Russian-Canadian exchange
student called Michael asked me if I could cut his hair when we met in the gym 😳 he said "I heard you cut victor's hair. Could you cut
mine too?" And I was like "did you SEE victor's hair?" He said "yeah,
it looks good". Hahaha I was so stunned. Anyway I never cut mike's hair in
the end). The first time I lived in an apartment with 2 guys and my french
roommate (for like a few days in May 2013. I lived with my roommate Manon,
Marc-A, and this German guy who told me I am his favorite Chinese-looking girl,
named Hendrik). The first time I saw an old man checking into a hotel with 2
prostitutes. It's the first time I experienced someone openly asking me for sex
(Marco the Italian manager, May 2013). It was the first time someone sent me
back to our hotel (Remus, the Singaporean SMU guy who is my neighbor on
exchange!), and let me sleep on his bed while he slept on the sofa in the hall.
It's the first time I attended classes so difficult to understand. The first
time I had a prof give me notes all written in Thai, except the formulas (for
my physics la, damn prof). The first time I scored such a high GPA (hahaha I
got a 3.5 on exchange! Higher than any GPA I ever got in SMU. Hahaha the
highest I got was in my first sem when I did 6 mods (5 CUs), I got a 3.34). The
first time I studied with so many students from different nationalities. The
first time I studied philosophy (damn, it was hard to wrap my head around
philosophical ideas. Physics was really hard in a different way. I was almost
sure I was going to fail my physics on exchange but turned out I got a B+! I
got a B+ for every mod!!!). It's also the first time I traveled for 5 months
with my very own hard-earned money!!! The first time I learned the guitar on a
daily basis (for a week or so only though. Marc-A bought a guitar and when we
lived together I played it everyday by learning online, and he taught me some
stuff too, but well he makes a very lousy teacher because he's so damn good and
can't teach slowly haha). The first time I trained in Muay Thai! At an
authentic Muay Thai gym which I had to pay $12 (300 baht) every session,
2 hours each. It was also the first time I watched a live Muay Thai fight
(public one outside MBK, they had it every Wednesday from 530pm-730pm). The
first time I ironed a shirt for over an hour (it was for Marc-A, his tailored
shirt which he was going to wear to interview, I also ironed another shirt for
him for his first day on the job, which was the next day -.-). It was the first
time I visited caves and waterfalls. It was the first time I cried while
visiting a tourist attraction (Cambodia has very sad history, Cambodia was also
where I met Jeremy (in Phnom Penh, specifically the museum), and we were both
astonished at how we didn't know that Cambodia has just been through such a
rough time 40 years ago yet none of us knew. He had just come down from Vietnam
while I was headed to Vietnam after).
There
were so many first times on exchange. So many good memories made, and so many
friendships forged (although I don't foresee most, or any at all, to last very
long).
I
wish I wrote so much more about my exchange you know? So that I could truly
remember them down the road when I look back.
I
think exchange has changed me so much. I have become... more confident.
Fearless even, I may add. Presentations in SMU don't scare me anymore. Bungy
jumping at 233 metres high don't make my hair stand at all. I have seen so much
(yet so little) of the world. So many different types of people. It really
changed my view of this world, my outlook to life, and my view of Singaporeans.
The
fearless part was really rubbed off from the different cultures I was exposed
to on exchange. The Europeans, Americans, Canadians - they have so much
confidence, and so much fuck-care attitude, and so much openness, that I guess
spending 5 months with all these people changed me. Marc-Antoine was going for
a job interview (for internship position with this German company), and I
remember his confidence and his grace on the day of his interview. He said he
was going to nail it. I watched him prep for the interview in days leading up
to it (we were living together then, with my roommate and Hendrik). And he told
me, he has always aced his interviews. He would go in and blow them away. They
would always be impressed with him and hire him on the spot. He wasn't nervous,
instead he was so graceful, so calm. I always imagined the way he is when I was
attending interviews for internships when I came back to Singapore. And it
calms me too :') The exchange students are so crazy. Mike and Romain were
traveling with a bunch of people in Myanmar or Laos, and the two of them
decided to travel more while the others returned to attend classes. They headed
in the wrong direction and they were walking in places with abandoned land
mines, they had absolutely no cash and had to hitch hike from somewhere way far
all the way to town. They were hungry for so many days because they were
cashless and they were so far from town there was no ATMs to be found. I mean,
people can do this kinda things, what is it that I cannot do right? It's not
just this specific incident alone I guess. It's just the whole experience and
exposure to the things they say, feel, and do. I am so confident in
presentations now. Like I wasn't the same person who would stutter and prep my
speech and rehearse it and try to memorize it a hundred time in my head half
hour before the presentation, go up there and be shaking and praying for an
ok-presentation, and feel like shit everytime after I presented cos I sucked so
bad. Like I would stutter and forget to say half the things I prepped. And I
would spend so much time in presentations recalling what is the next sentence I
was supposed to say. It's insane. Now I just spend half hour doing up my
slides, and I can presently fluently without EVER rehearsing it. Even prof said
I was well-prepared and had a good presence when he was giving everyone
individual feedback. Crazy, isn't it?! I love the new me. Fearless me heehee.
My
phone is on 1%. I hope I write to you more about exchange soon!!!
You're
in Amsterdam now. I hope you'll be safe <3 o:p="">
X
Audrey
18
oct 2013
10:08pm
ps
you know that Jeremy used to do many different types of drugs. He even paddled
drugs into clubs to earn money cos he and his friend were so broke they didn't
even have money to eat. There was a time in his early 20s or late teens where
he lived away from home. He even told me he got jailed once (I can't rmb for
what), and his mum had to bail him out. It was pretty bad I think. He would
smuggle a hell lot of drugs, once he even had dunno-how-many grams of
dunno-what in his crotch. He was going to smuggle it into a club. And he saw
that the bouncers were checking and they even checked your balls. He was so
afraid but he had VIP entrance so he didnt get caught. You being in Amsterdam,
and doing drugs, reminded me of Jeremy :) all the times we spent together, and
he would tell me about his past, his travels, and so on. He used to tell me he
really enjoyed talking to me. I never understood why, and I still don't, I
think I'm a very boring person. But I believe him. He made everything
believable, he made me believe he really liked me despite all that some people
around me were saying (that he only wanted to sleep with me). He made me feel
so loved with the things he says and does around me. I felt safe and warm
around him. I don't think I ever regret meeting him, although it did cause me
some heartaches, I don't regret meeting him. Because of what he made me
believe, how he made me feel so special. He used to tell me that I have to stop
asking the why questions and believe myself, believe him. I said I'll try, and
15 minutes later I asked him "why me?" He understood my question
immediately, he knew my insecurities, he knew how I thought about myself. He
confessed. The sweetest thing I've heard anyone say to me. He confessed in such
a beautiful way, and his confession was so unexpectedly long, unexpectedly
honest, and unexpectedly sincere. Crap I'm crying. I really felt loved. I have
very skeptical friends who don't like Jeremy very much, and think that he's not
really a nice person, not as nice as I think he is. They will try to convince
me that I am naive and that I am possibly also blind. But they don't understand
how he made me feel. And how sincere he was in that short time we were
together. Of course, good things never last. But I'm glad it happened. Sorry
for the long addition to this already-long entry. Be safe xxx
(10:20pm)
pps
I forgot to mention it's the first time I fired a gun too!!! AK47. In march. In
Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam! It was awesome. I fired 5 rounds ;) heehee remember this
so late
28
Oct 2013
11:15am
ppps
omg I forgot to mention first time I ate a fried grasshopper too! So gross
hahaha but pretty yummy leh. They add the sauce and alot of pepper and salt.
That was in January when I went to Pattaya with Remus Jenny and Igor!
7
Nov 2013
6:29pm
First
time I cut somebody's hair!!! Victor my neighbor.
3
dec 2013
6:18am"
This
is a reminder of how awesome 2013 has been for me. I can safely say that 2013
has been the BEST YEAR for me. And unfortunately 2014 and years to come aren't
likely to match up. But I'm glad that there's been such an unforgettable year
like 2013.
This
year as I welcomed the new year with a glass of champagne in my hand and
fireworks booming in the sky above the USS lake (again), I made a wish as usual
and tears welled up in my eyes. It seems like time has past by so quickly... A
great year has past right before me. And I am overwhelmed with the feeling that
I wish that everyone can experience an equally amazing year in time to come.
It's 2014. Happy new year Audrey :) May this year be as good, or better than
2013! May you get a good job that you enjoy thoroughly, and make effort to keep
in touch with the people whom you hold close to your heart, and try to make
amends / bond with your immediate family. Happy new year, Audrey.
1
Jan 2014
4:56am
ps first time I did Muay Thai & first time drinking on Khao San Road!!!
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Yay A- for Soci
Just a few minutes ago I was wondering when the grades were coming out this semester, as this semester's grades determine my graduation GPA.
Moments later my soci groupmate whatsapped us all saying that the grade for Sociology had been released. (I am a business major but I did Intro to Sociology as an elective out of interest).
So tada! I have an A- for SOCG001 hahaha. It's officially my second best mod ever scored in SMU. (read post below on how I drifted for 3.5 years in SMU). Pretty surprised at the score, I wasn't expecting much, or anything at all. I've been very used to Bs my whole life, not to mention 1 C grade from my Academic Writing prof. But I must say I am really surprised that my prof failed somebody in this class. He's this super nice Korean-looking guy who turns out to be a Hongkie. I really enjoyed Sociology classes, although there were times I fell asleep (oops). And it was hard work studying for quizzes every week. Didn't manage to do very well for the final exam as I was reading MPW for like 9 whole days and not doing anything else. But I guess it's good enough! :)
So happy I had to come blog about it. Hopefully the rest I do very well too, I may actually graduate with some sort of honors (I realized its not honors but High Merit I'm aiming for)! Feel damn stupid everytime my boss goes "so you graduating with what honors? First class honors?" And I'm like O.O "...no... No honors."
"Huh?! No honors?! You program got honors one right?" (this is the comment that makes me feel stupid) Anyway, not like I have ever for the slightest second believed that my graduation GPA determines my future or any shit like that. I don't even believe it determines my first job. If employers hire me (rather, if they don't hire me) because of my GPA, then it's seriously their loss. Hahaha I'm 'very hardworking when it comes to real work', as my friend accurately describes.
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Forgotten therapy
I have forgotten how therapeutic it is to spend hours and hours writing. Just had to say that. I really should write more.
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Graduation / Looking back
So I've graduated.
It didn't end with a bang, nor did it end dramatically with me throwing all my notes in the air looking crazy for a camera. It ended in the best possible way - I finished with an exam which was pretty ok - my best exam this semester, after which I went to the school library to borrow 2 seasons of House (yay!!!) and then to run some errands before heading home, watching tv, and falling into a deep, sweet, well-deserved sleep... So deep that I missed my entire driving lesson this morning.
But nevermind that. With graduation I am the queen of the world right? I shall feel the pain when I pay for my missed class, my circuit, and my class itself tomorrow.
With graduation comes many things - many things I probably don't feel yet. For example, working full time for the next 40-50 years, paying my own bills, contributing to household expenses, and being caught up in the humdrum of work. Having graduated, from a short term perspective, means I clear up my shit at home, do all the things (within my reach) that I never got to do, and figure out my direction from here (I was gonna say 'figure out my direction in life' but that's bullshit hahaha I can't figure out my direction in life at 22~).
I came to write today, to credit myself. I have been struggling through my SMU life for about 40 months. By struggling I don't mean struggling with studies, or even the concepts taught in lectures. I really mean struggling to wake up for class, struggling to meet the deadlines because I never got my priorities right, and struggling for examinations because I always study all my shit the night or 2 nights before and end up going for exams with earth-shattering records of not having slept for days.
I was not, and have never been a typical SMU student. To be fair to myself, my attitude towards school got better after the first year. Right at the start of school, in my first sem, I had a few pre-assigned morning classes. I easily missed half of the 13 lectures (is it 13?) for each of my morning class. And when I was even present, I am usually half hour, an hour, or even 1.5 hours late. Being 1.5 hours late doesn't happen too much because when I wake up and realize I was going to be 1.5 hours late, chances are I'd proceed to turn off my 20 alarms set for the morning. That's how bad it was. I vividly remember, for LTB course - it was a morning class - I got a C for my final exam because I didn't study for it. It was a MCQ exam. Who gets C for MCQs right? Well, I did. And I also remember Jia was saying that "it's ok if you don't wanna read the whole book, you can just read the chapter summaries in the textbook and still do better than those who read the whole book." Yeah, I could do that... Anybody could. Except I wouldn't. Looking back, lets say each chapter summary is a full page, and I had to study for say, 20 chapters. That would be reading 20 pages of a book that's not even A4-sized. I couldn't even bother with that... I guess it sucks to know that I could've done much better, especially with that mod, when you know you aced the group project and everyone in your group had a flying final grade. Everyone... but me. But I'm not complaining, people who work hard deserve it. We worked hard together for our project, and they worked hard for the final exams. I'm happy for them :) We are still so close till today! It's rare that you make friends from group projects in SMU I must say.
It got better over the years, though. I noticed that myself. I attributed it to the fact that I wasn't doing modules like Technology and World Change, where my prof was always late for class (I heard it from the classmates, I was never even on time for class to know that prof was late), and always sleeping?! He's not the only prof I had who always sleeps. Apparently this prof has a sleeping disorder, so, *shrugs*. Not that I minded that he slept during presentations since I didn't give two hoots about my presentation, or other people's presentation, or the fact that his sleeping meant he wouldn't be able to grade my effort fairly. It wasn't just TWC, there were university cores like Creative Thinking where we had to create Idea Journals and stuff. It was more like an arts and craft class and to be honest, I'm not sure if I really took anything away from those 13 weeks of lesson and group project. After year 1 and the dreadful mods, things got better because I started doing courses that were more interesting to me. I went into the business core modules like Marketing, Managerial Accounting, Management Science, Management Communication, and all. Some still kinda sucked because it demanded so much, like MA. But some weren't all too bad like MC. Still I found it difficult to make it to classes on time, or at all. Then came the much better period of school where I was pursuing courses like Business Processes, Retail Ops, Service Processes, Project Management, Supply Chain Management, World Travel and Tourism, and Sociology (the last 2 being electives I chose). It's much easier to get by when you are doing courses you like, things you are passionate about learning (I have such strong passion towards Service / Operations, and I have to thank SMU for the opportunity to major in Ops Management). I stopped skipping classes, stopped ponning my project meetings because 'I am sick' or 'My mum is sick'. I started going for classes, on time. I don't really know what changed me, though. My grades got a little better I guess. I still never did class part much (at all?) until this semester (because my exchange experience changed me). I would like to share that ironically, my best semester grade came from year 1 sem 1, where I missed the most classes in possibly all of mankind. Fortunately a very lazy prof and an interesting mod (Financial Accounting - which I do remember working my ass off for. Dylan even reminded me a few years later that he vividly remembers that I got 30/30 for one quiz (no one gets full marks for quizzes) and he was so stunned by it - not because it came from me, I have been pretty consistent in quizzes in FA, but because anyone got full marks at all I guess. I had forgotten about the quiz myself, like with many things I don't care about) saved my grades that sem.
It sounds I haven't valued my education very much. And I do admit, I haven't valued it for what it's worth. Today as I was clearing out my university stuff, I began to look through them before dumping them away for good. For the most part, I kept all my ops mods notes in case I would need it for the other ops mods. I never used them though, never looked back on any of them even though the content did overlap. Going through all my files, it struck me that "damn! I have discredited myself for too long. I was pretty damn fucking hardworking!!!" I have since chucked away about 5 kilos worth of paper into a recycling bin. Things like the notes I write in class, the homework and assignments I did, the notes I made for my exams, all the practice questions which I actually did, I am proud to say that I really worked hard! Although I know very well for many modules it was last minute effort and panic, I can still see some true hard work for some courses.
So here's to share a picture of what I found... So many As in my assignment!!! :D But this was for MS, everyone got As for assignments in Ding Qing's class. But still, I submitted my assignments damn it. And that's some pretty good effort right? (eh wait I'm beginning to remember that it was just A LOT of copying before class started at 7pm :O Ok let's not go there..) There's actually a B- assignment which I conveniently left out of this photograph :P
I would also like to share about the university education I received. I was writing about the university core modules where I didn't learn much from. But to be fair, I have grown a lot through these 3.5 years. Some of the courses were mentally stimulating. I would have to say that many of the courses are not actually relevant to the real working world, although SMU would be proud to say that they are here to train managers of the future in the different fields. However I must add that although the courses are not industrially-applicable, I have been trained, and have developed the skill to think critically about issues. I have broadened my understanding about many business-related elements, like law, accounting & finances, marketing, etc. My biggest takeaway is still to be able to think critically. The education has molded me into someone who is more mature and able to make and hold my own opinions (although my opinions are merely social constructs) and analyze deeply about things. So thank you SMU for this opportunity to learn from an amazing faculty. The school administration may have sucked for the most part, but the faculty - dedicated, honest, passionate professors - is really exceptional. To name a few professors for my own keepsake, I want to thank Prof Wu Zhengping for developing my love for operations management in the course of teaching me both BP and SP, Prof Holly Ott who was so cute and always ready to help us in Retail, Prof Chung Wai Keong for the many social (and political) perspectives he has taught us in Sociology, it was very refreshing to see this world from a sociology standpoint. Prof Joyce Low who was so kind to all of us, helped us in our projects and really saw education as an opportunity to teach and learn in-class, not just to test us during exams. Prof Joyce is also a big-hearted person who has so much faith in her students. I remember her telling me to get my PhD and join the faculty, that she would look after me when I'm with the SMU OM team. That's really sweet :') (my friend later asked me "does she know that your ambition is to be a waitress??") She also tries to publish her students' papers where possible. I know that one of a professor's KPI is to publish a certain number of papers in renowned journals every X years, but I also know that prof Joyce is sincerely keen on developing our project ideas too. Prof Low Chee Seng for being an amazing man who imparted so much knowledge about the working world to us. His patience and dedication to teaching us SCM was amazing. Prof Chung Sung Gon, my first Korean prof was also a great prof whom I've learnt a lot under in FA. Prof Serene Chew (from AG office I think) who dedicated her Wednesday evenings to teaching us Business Law was so helpful and ready to answer all our queries. Being the greenhorn she was (we were her first batch of students ever), she really put in a lot of effort in our learning. Prof Carla Lim for delivering week after week of interesting MC classes! And MC under her also helped me with public speaking. The reviews for the ungraded pitch I gave really boosted my confidence in public speaking. Prof Michael Benoliel who shared so much insights to negotiation during classes. His teaching style of many live simulations really made me learn so much about negotiations! Prof Andrew White who taught us Ethics in the most light-hearted manner, who kept classes so interesting and made ethical perspectives much easier to digest. Prof Ilya for his very well-structured and industry-examples-filled Strategy classes. He was a strict one but he had every reason to be. It was all for our learning purposes. Prof Aaron Hung who gave us hands-on World Travel and Tourism opportunities and till today still sends us opportunities for conventions or jobs in the Tourism industry.
I have met many hardworking and kind professors in SMU. The school's pedagogy of project works and small class sizes has really made learning so much more beneficial for me.
I am proud to be a graduate of SMU.
Thank you SMU.
Sorry I couldn't resist this cheesy ending with the SMU logo :P
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I don't know how anyone will ever understand... (Exchange 2013)
I don't know how anyone will ever understand what I've been through on exchange.
On my list of things to write about - which I randomly came up to, and still add on to it from time to time, are things like:
Simon
-> find a good man, Hongda
At the end of exchange, when we were bidding goodbyes, Simon was telling me that I'm a great girl, and he hopes that I find a great guy when I get back to Singapore. And he told me, with that cute smile of his, that Hongda is a great guy. We laughed so much although I know there's some seriousness in what he's implying. We both know Hongda is a great guy. But we also know that Hongda and I are not quite the compatible couple. I asked him "Simon do you hear yourself??"
cu
tu soccer match
Watched the traditional soccer match between Chula and Thamasat! It was... boring. Hahaha but the company was incredible. The atmosphere was cool. Being at a big stadium with hoardes of supporters. Its my first live soccer match! The things they do with those cards were cool (recall/insert pictures/look through facebook for them!) I also remember Romain Greg and gang being super high and drunk and making a scene at the front. Hahaha. Crazy bastards.
ATV
I rode the ATV in Pattaya in Jan 2013! I rode it alone as the rest (Remus Jenny and Igor) had wanted to do the elephant riding. So I spent I think was $45 to ride ATV for half an hour (what a scam now that I think about it LOL). And... I will never do it again. The ATV was SO HARD to maneuver! Like the steering took almost all my effort and at the rate we were going I couldn't enjoy it thoroughly without being too concentrated on steering. I remember telling the person to go slowly (cha cha noi) before we left. It was fun though revving up those sand heaps and hanging in midair for those split seconds. But!!! Of course I had to crash into a tree. I think I couldn't stop it time or something. It's pretty fuzzy now. But I think I mixed up the braking and accelerated instead. How clever hahaha. Thank goodness I got away without having to pay shit for it. The damage was slight although I nearly fell off the ATV from impact, and I swear if I was going 5km/h faster, my right index finger would've broken at the knuckles. I injured it slightly in that crash and it hurt for the next month or so. But now it's completely ok :)
Remus
drunk, in your pants. How Remus took care of you. Break dancing at khao San.
What he said.
Oh this one. It's a funny memory as long as my blog remains private hahaha. There was one night we went clubbing. I can't even remember where it was....... Could've been Route 66. (Anyway I think I only clubbed thrice in Thailand, once in Route and another for Jayson's birthday party at... cant-remember-where either, and once more when my girls came to visit! We went to Esco Bar. Drinking was a different story though, it was very difficult to not drink when I was there. I drank like many times in my room, in my neighbor's room, I think I didn't drink in someone else's room though... Drank at Asoke rooftop many times, drank at the skybar, think it was Central Red Sky!) So yeah one night we went clubbing and I left with Remus to head back first. I was kinda drunk I guess, and he was hungry hahaha. We went out the club, he bought chicken wings. He ate, finished, and we sat down to work the alcohol out before going back (I think it was cos I told him that if I am on anything that moves I will want to throw up and we didn't wanna mess up any cabs so we 'waited it out' first). We sat by the road, it was dark and under some BTS track/highway (why do I remember this?) and talked. He tried to get in my pants (ok, skirt. or dress. Dress I think). It's funny to look back on cos I imagine I am such a bro to him. Anyway I had to verbally remind him (and myself) twice that he had a girlfriend. So we went back, somehow I left my wallet and keycard with Anne-Sophie, as a result I couldn't go back to my room (obviously my roomies partied harder than me hahahaha). Remus was very kind, he let me take his bed, with air conditioning I remember, while he took the couch. The thing about Bangkok is that it's so freaking hottttt. Yet he slept on the couch. It was so sweet. I woke up and saw him sleeping on the couch and felt so touched :) I went down to Seven (7-11) to buy a carton of OJ for him (us) to nurse that hangover.
Anyway Remus is a sweetheart. He would always take care of me when I go drinking. Once he got super drunk at Khaosan. I've heard people tell me stories about him break-dancing with the professional street break dancers there. I mean, I can totally imagine haha cos when Remus gets drunk he likes to do those few break dancing moves (even if he is not at Khaosan with the break dancers). Anyway one night Igor told me again about how Remus was so drunk he joined the break dancers and danced with them on the street. Igor was laughing it off (I'm totally picturing that laugh :)) and I was very amused. I managed to tease Remus (hahaha not hard to do) when I had the chance. I said something like "why you drink so much" Then he said something which was very sweet. He said when I go party/drink with them, he would always drink lesser so that he could look after me. So when I wasn't around that day he just drank a lot cos he didn't have to take me home. I thought it was incredibly sweet to find out that he always controlled his drinking when I was around :') such a sweetheart.
Cut
my toe in Koh phi phi
We (Jenny Maikou Hanna and I) were on a longtail boat traveling from Krabi Island to the islands nearby (Chicken Island, Koh Phi Phi, Maya Beach, and stuff), then we were getting off the boat to go to Maya Beach I think, and Hanna jumped into the sea first (we had to swim a distance to get to the island as there were many long tail boats around). Subsequently I jumped in and the driver of the long tail boat just beside us saw me jump in and charade me something about sharp and rocks under the sea. When I finally made it to the island (the swimming - even with a life jacket - was so difficult mostly cos of the tides and shallow water and the many long tail boats moving around). I had cut my toe jumping into the water, presumably from the sharp rocks on the seabed... Well, accidents seem to happen to me a lot. My big toe started bleeding. Meh. Hahaha. Let's do a quick recap on the accidents... ATV, toe-cutting, and motor accident.
Saw
maya beach
Most beautiful beach I have ever seen in my life. The sand was so soft and white. The beach was clean, though 'littered' with hundreds of tourists, was still beautiful. The sight was spectacular too. We managed to take a swim around the designated swim area of the beach.
What
it was like living with the girls - toothbrush. Clothes. Mess. The heat at
night
I could go on forever on what it was like living with the girls. To start, it was a very unique and interesting experience. I lived with 3 other girls in a 2 bedroom service apartment. It had 2 bathrooms, 1 bathtub, a kitchen, and a huge living area with sofas and coffee table, and a dining table (which we more frequently used as a study table). The make-up of our house girls was very cool. Manon, french girl, my height, was my roommate. We lived in the smaller room. Kelly the Canadian girl and Valerie the Dutch girl lived in the master room with the bigger bathroom attached to it. Hansie made an acute observation that it was interesting that I seemed to be the tallest among the angmohs. Although I have to say Kelly isn't angmoh. She's Chinese Canadian with the nicest black hair and Kong as her last name (she did make jokes about her being related to Kong Zi hahahaha). Well, the girls were messy. But to give credit to the others, maybe it was just Kelly that made the house extra messy. I was the neatest, but never to the extent of picking up their shit (except the one time when I came home to find a lot of empty bottles all over the house and picked up at like 4am or something, and Manon said I was crazy and I should leave it, especially since I didn't make the mess. That was the only time I bothered. Should be no surprise that that was sometime at the start of exchange haha). Slowly we learned to devise ways to pick up our shit / get the people to pick up their shit when room parties unfortunately rotated to our rooms (rotation is a lie it always seems to be at our room, all of us noticed that and we didn't like that!! Especially when it's the same night as when housekeeping came earlier. It just undoes everything that housekeeping did, and we'd have to wait another 3-4 days before housekeeping came. Anyway, it just wasn't fair for us). Things we did were like "hey everybody could yall just throw your bottles on the way out" and stuff. Nonetheless, my housemates didnt really care for clearing up their own shit on a regular day. My roommate was clean and neatest of the 3 though. Although she had so much stuff hahaha she came here with like a crazy load of luggage and clothes and MEDICINE. Her contact lenses stuff alone could've weighed 5kg I imagine... Hahahaha. And she had 2 bags of medicines. She even brought her own french brand shampoo and soap. I think they think Bangkok is some 3rd world city. Haha. Anyway, even though she had so much stuff, and took up so much space of the room, she was still neat. The other room is just O.O (remind me to add a story about Kelly and her dirty workout socks, and how she strips as she walks. And her half-nakedness. And all the AC disputes. And fruits we would buy. And our HTHT, roomie night, movie night. Remind me about Manon and "hi roomie!" on fb and how she said "she must be thinking... 'this girl is crazy'" to me after she sent that message and started laughing to herself. And smelly cheese and roses! (room key card missing story. THE HEAT)
Kelly my housemate from Canada who's crazy about workouts, she is eating like 24/7 (a less exaggerated version would be... she is eating every hour or two. I swear this is the less exaggerated version). And she's still a little bah bah. She looks absolutely stunning, she has shiny smooth long black hair. And... she's messy. Yeap I said it. She is the messiest of us 4. She has her stuff everywhere. Her roommate Val told us that she strips one piece at a time (which by the way they are really open about being naked / half naked. I mean I never wore a bra at home with them, and would even go naked all day when they are all out traveling, but Kelly could be completely naked in bed even though there isn't a guy in it. Hahaha. And Val would also walk around in her bra, or in a shirt and panties. Not that I minded but it was quite an eyesore for me to see girls perpetually half-naked. And they were really sweet about that. They understand that I haven't been living with girls in dorms/hostels all my college days but instead live with my parents (until I get married). So they would always put a bra / some clothes on. Still there are days when I wake up and my roommate is sleeping gloriously naked beside me (after a night (AND morning) of partying - my roommate was always a crazy party-er. She would start drinking with all of us at like 10+ 11+pm, and then she usually comes home between 5am-7am. But there would also be days when she wasn't feeling it and come home around 3am). Or I would also walk into Kelly's room and find her sitting naked in her bed watching Jersey Shore on her laptop. That's what it was like living with them. A really different culture but really cool. I didn't mean to get to here, so let's back track to where I was talking about how she strips one piece at a time. So what happens is you can tell where she begins stripping. You could find her shirt at the foot of the door, her bra a few steps away, and her panties on the floor at the toilet.
Crazy
guy who stalked you!!! On the way to buying train ticket
Living
with Marc - ironing making coffee, what he said about making coffee together. Watching him from the one-seater sofa. Watch him sleep, play guitar and sing, watch him watch tv until he got so super bored, watch him watch UFC on his laptop.
Vietnam
Cambodia w Jen
2013
Good
sem good groupmates met amazing people
It's 5:21am. I really ought to sleep given that I am expecting many calls from job recruitment agencies tomorrow (morning).
I loved my exchange experiences so so much :')
xx
Audrey
6 Jan 2014
5:22am
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It's 2014
It's 2014.
Hey,
what do we know, it's 2014 already.
I'd
like to begin 2014 by looking back on 2013 - it only seems apt.
2013,
twenty thirteen, has been a truly great year for me. In summary, it's the year
I experienced exchange (that in itself is a long incredible story/journey),
it's the year I graduated, it's the year I forged closer bonds to some friends
(Natalie, OCSP friends), and it's the year I met some new people I hope I will
always treasure (exchange people, aviat people). It's the year I'm 21 years old
(mostly) and 22 as well.
I
hope I've grown up through the year. I've had some unforgettable experiences.
The most vivid ones are falling in love with Jeremy, my roadtrip through
Thailand Cambodia and Vietnam with Jenny, a roller coaster journey with Romain,
crazy hours internship at Aviat, and a final good sem (good grades) at SMU
where I've met many amazing classmates and profs. Looking back it's really
crazy how much I've been through in this year.
I'm
glad I still managed to keep in touch with all those who are important to me.
Like serene & glen, xing & wingsy, my mj boys, may, Hannkhee & Yumin,
Jia Chings & ping, Nata & zen, Handoko and Natassia (of course).
Unfortunately I've lost touch with Marcus, my best buddy for 10 years
now.
I'm
still close to my sister, still love my brother, my parents are still healthy
as what I wished for last NYE. I managed to initiate and plan a trip to Bangkok
with sis and mum for 2014. Hopefully it will turn out fine even though the
planning was rocky with some of mum's crazy ideas to call her sis and her mum
along.
My
grades were good. I managed to pull up my GPA by 0.5 points to my target High
Merit 3.2 in the last sem by putting in some effort.
I
guess so many things have changed for me, yet at the same time nothing has
really changed. I'm still the same girl who works very hard at KT's grill, the
same girl who loves all the same people around me, and the same girl with all
the random thoughts in my head that I continue to blabber out to hansie.
In
2013 I traveled to several countries. Thailand Vietnam Cambodia Hong Kong and
Macau. I feel incredibly blessed to have made it through so many
countries, and to have been able to be proud to say that I funded myself
through all my travel experiences this year. I look forward to much more
financial independence.
In
terms of learning, I would say textbook knowledge are learnt and forgotten, as
usual. But the experience of living with all the international students during
exchange is something irreversible I guess. Their crazy courage and
fearlessness is something I have rubbed off a little. The confidence I have now
is unseen before. That constituted most to my character building this year. I
can go for interviews being calm, talking my way through them without getting
the jitters. Internship also moulded me a little. I have figured out that I can
work long hours some days, I can settle down in an office job, and I can earn
big bucks working for an American company. There were times when I wondered why
I had to do so many things as an intern, and my senior executive would tell me
that this is all part of building my patience as an employee and as a person. I
managed to persevere through what I could, but ultimately I quit my internship,
not on a bad note. I have left my mark in the company, worked my ass off with
many people acknowledging my efforts and commitment and understanding why I
ultimately had to go (my boss wasn't going to help my situation so I had to
help myself).
I
would like to share my 2013 of Firsts post here.
"Hi
hansie,
Exchange
was one that took away many of my first times.
It
was the first time I rode a motorcycle (Sapa, Vietnam, Feb 2013. I rode it
again in Chiangmai (and fell) in Apr 2013 too!), the first time I rode an ATV
(it will also be the last time. Haha. Pattaya, Thailand, Jan 2013), the first
time I fell for a Belgium guy, the first time I traveled across 3 countries by
buses and trains over 2 weeks (Bangkok->Siem Reap [430km], Siem
Reap->Phnom Penh [320km], Phnom Penh->Ho Chi Minh [280km], Ho Chi
Minh-> Nha Trang [450km], Nha Trang->Da Nang [550km], Da Nang->Hoi An
[30km], Hoi An->Da Nang [30km], Da Nang->Hanoi [900km], Hanoi->Sapa
[350km], Sapa->Hanoi [350km] and finally flew back from Hanoi->Bangkok).
That's almost 3700km of travel without plane. And that's 4700km of travel, 3
countries, 9 cities, in 13 days! :') very proud of myself for having survived
that travel.
It
was also the first time I backpacked. The first time I trekked a waterfall
(kanchanaburi, Thailand, Feb 2013), the first time I attended a pool party
(Sofitel, Bangkok, Apr 2013), the first time I caught fish with my bare hands
(Chiangmai with my family, Apr 2013), the first time I stayed in a four-star
hotel for 5 months, the first time I lost it (Marc-Antoine Tremblay, May 2013),
the first time I lived with 3 foreigners - a French, a Dutch, and a Canadian.
The first time I've been away from home for 5 months. The first time I studied
abroad, the first time I sent my clothes to laundry (every week, hahaha), the
first time I met people from so so many different nationalities. First time I
had room parties. First time a foreign friend cooked for me (my Taiwanese
friend cooked for a few of us in his apartment! It was also the first time I
met Romain. It was in Jan 2013). The first time I met with an accident, first
time I was ambulanced to a hospital, first time I entered A&E (on a
wheelchair, and had to queue), first time I visited Cambodia, first time I
visited Vietnam, first time I dressed in a bathing suit (hahaha I always damn
shy to wear bikini, but I did it in Apr 2013 in krabi (koh lanta) with Jenny
and Maikou (her friend from the states), and Hanna). It's the first time I
worked out once every 2 days (I lost 3 kilos during that period!!). The first
time I did Insanity (the crazy workout, my french roommate and I nearly puked),
the first time I truly felt loved by foreigners :') (by Romain and Jeremy).
Exchange was also the first time I cuddled with someone a whole night, the
first time I met the mom of the guy I was dating (Jeremy. We were kind of
dating, for a very short time though). The first time I cut somebody's hair!!!!
(Like for real I cut my American neighbor's hair because he really wanted me
to. And apparently it turned out ok! Because this Russian-Canadian exchange
student called Michael asked me if I could cut his hair when we met in the gym 😳 he said "I heard you cut victor's hair. Could you cut
mine too?" And I was like "did you SEE victor's hair?" He said "yeah,
it looks good". Hahaha I was so stunned. Anyway I never cut mike's hair in
the end). The first time I lived in an apartment with 2 guys and my french
roommate (for like a few days in May 2013. I lived with my roommate Manon,
Marc-A, and this German guy who told me I am his favorite Chinese-looking girl,
named Hendrik). The first time I saw an old man checking into a hotel with 2
prostitutes. It's the first time I experienced someone openly asking me for sex
(Marco the Italian manager, May 2013). It was the first time someone sent me
back to our hotel (Remus, the Singaporean SMU guy who is my neighbor on
exchange!), and let me sleep on his bed while he slept on the sofa in the hall.
It's the first time I attended classes so difficult to understand. The first
time I had a prof give me notes all written in Thai, except the formulas (for
my physics la, damn prof). The first time I scored such a high GPA (hahaha I
got a 3.5 on exchange! Higher than any GPA I ever got in SMU. Hahaha the
highest I got was in my first sem when I did 6 mods (5 CUs), I got a 3.34). The
first time I studied with so many students from different nationalities. The
first time I studied philosophy (damn, it was hard to wrap my head around
philosophical ideas. Physics was really hard in a different way. I was almost
sure I was going to fail my physics on exchange but turned out I got a B+! I
got a B+ for every mod!!!). It's also the first time I traveled for 5 months
with my very own hard-earned money!!! The first time I learned the guitar on a
daily basis (for a week or so only though. Marc-A bought a guitar and when we
lived together I played it everyday by learning online, and he taught me some
stuff too, but well he makes a very lousy teacher because he's so damn good and
can't teach slowly haha). The first time I trained in Muay Thai! At an
authentic Muay Thai gym which I had to pay $12 (300 baht) every session,
2 hours each. It was also the first time I watched a live Muay Thai fight
(public one outside MBK, they had it every Wednesday from 530pm-730pm). The
first time I ironed a shirt for over an hour (it was for Marc-A, his tailored
shirt which he was going to wear to interview, I also ironed another shirt for
him for his first day on the job, which was the next day -.-). It was the first
time I visited caves and waterfalls. It was the first time I cried while
visiting a tourist attraction (Cambodia has very sad history, Cambodia was also
where I met Jeremy (in Phnom Penh, specifically the museum), and we were both
astonished at how we didn't know that Cambodia has just been through such a
rough time 40 years ago yet none of us knew. He had just come down from Vietnam
while I was headed to Vietnam after).
There
were so many first times on exchange. So many good memories made, and so many
friendships forged (although I don't foresee most, or any at all, to last very
long).
I
wish I wrote so much more about my exchange you know? So that I could truly
remember them down the road when I look back.
I
think exchange has changed me so much. I have become... more confident.
Fearless even, I may add. Presentations in SMU don't scare me anymore. Bungy
jumping at 233 metres high don't make my hair stand at all. I have seen so much
(yet so little) of the world. So many different types of people. It really
changed my view of this world, my outlook to life, and my view of Singaporeans.
The
fearless part was really rubbed off from the different cultures I was exposed
to on exchange. The Europeans, Americans, Canadians - they have so much
confidence, and so much fuck-care attitude, and so much openness, that I guess
spending 5 months with all these people changed me. Marc-Antoine was going for
a job interview (for internship position with this German company), and I
remember his confidence and his grace on the day of his interview. He said he
was going to nail it. I watched him prep for the interview in days leading up
to it (we were living together then, with my roommate and Hendrik). And he told
me, he has always aced his interviews. He would go in and blow them away. They
would always be impressed with him and hire him on the spot. He wasn't nervous,
instead he was so graceful, so calm. I always imagined the way he is when I was
attending interviews for internships when I came back to Singapore. And it
calms me too :') The exchange students are so crazy. Mike and Romain were
traveling with a bunch of people in Myanmar or Laos, and the two of them
decided to travel more while the others returned to attend classes. They headed
in the wrong direction and they were walking in places with abandoned land
mines, they had absolutely no cash and had to hitch hike from somewhere way far
all the way to town. They were hungry for so many days because they were
cashless and they were so far from town there was no ATMs to be found. I mean,
people can do this kinda things, what is it that I cannot do right? It's not
just this specific incident alone I guess. It's just the whole experience and
exposure to the things they say, feel, and do. I am so confident in
presentations now. Like I wasn't the same person who would stutter and prep my
speech and rehearse it and try to memorize it a hundred time in my head half
hour before the presentation, go up there and be shaking and praying for an
ok-presentation, and feel like shit everytime after I presented cos I sucked so
bad. Like I would stutter and forget to say half the things I prepped. And I
would spend so much time in presentations recalling what is the next sentence I
was supposed to say. It's insane. Now I just spend half hour doing up my
slides, and I can presently fluently without EVER rehearsing it. Even prof said
I was well-prepared and had a good presence when he was giving everyone
individual feedback. Crazy, isn't it?! I love the new me. Fearless me heehee.
My
phone is on 1%. I hope I write to you more about exchange soon!!!
You're
in Amsterdam now. I hope you'll be safe <3 o:p="">
X
Audrey
18
oct 2013
10:08pm
ps
you know that Jeremy used to do many different types of drugs. He even paddled
drugs into clubs to earn money cos he and his friend were so broke they didn't
even have money to eat. There was a time in his early 20s or late teens where
he lived away from home. He even told me he got jailed once (I can't rmb for
what), and his mum had to bail him out. It was pretty bad I think. He would
smuggle a hell lot of drugs, once he even had dunno-how-many grams of
dunno-what in his crotch. He was going to smuggle it into a club. And he saw
that the bouncers were checking and they even checked your balls. He was so
afraid but he had VIP entrance so he didnt get caught. You being in Amsterdam,
and doing drugs, reminded me of Jeremy :) all the times we spent together, and
he would tell me about his past, his travels, and so on. He used to tell me he
really enjoyed talking to me. I never understood why, and I still don't, I
think I'm a very boring person. But I believe him. He made everything
believable, he made me believe he really liked me despite all that some people
around me were saying (that he only wanted to sleep with me). He made me feel
so loved with the things he says and does around me. I felt safe and warm
around him. I don't think I ever regret meeting him, although it did cause me
some heartaches, I don't regret meeting him. Because of what he made me
believe, how he made me feel so special. He used to tell me that I have to stop
asking the why questions and believe myself, believe him. I said I'll try, and
15 minutes later I asked him "why me?" He understood my question
immediately, he knew my insecurities, he knew how I thought about myself. He
confessed. The sweetest thing I've heard anyone say to me. He confessed in such
a beautiful way, and his confession was so unexpectedly long, unexpectedly
honest, and unexpectedly sincere. Crap I'm crying. I really felt loved. I have
very skeptical friends who don't like Jeremy very much, and think that he's not
really a nice person, not as nice as I think he is. They will try to convince
me that I am naive and that I am possibly also blind. But they don't understand
how he made me feel. And how sincere he was in that short time we were
together. Of course, good things never last. But I'm glad it happened. Sorry
for the long addition to this already-long entry. Be safe xxx
(10:20pm)
pps
I forgot to mention it's the first time I fired a gun too!!! AK47. In march. In
Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam! It was awesome. I fired 5 rounds ;) heehee remember this
so late
28
Oct 2013
11:15am
ppps
omg I forgot to mention first time I ate a fried grasshopper too! So gross
hahaha but pretty yummy leh. They add the sauce and alot of pepper and salt.
That was in January when I went to Pattaya with Remus Jenny and Igor!
7
Nov 2013
6:29pm
First
time I cut somebody's hair!!! Victor my neighbor.
3
dec 2013
6:18am"
This
is a reminder of how awesome 2013 has been for me. I can safely say that 2013
has been the BEST YEAR for me. And unfortunately 2014 and years to come aren't
likely to match up. But I'm glad that there's been such an unforgettable year
like 2013.
This
year as I welcomed the new year with a glass of champagne in my hand and
fireworks booming in the sky above the USS lake (again), I made a wish as usual
and tears welled up in my eyes. It seems like time has past by so quickly... A
great year has past right before me. And I am overwhelmed with the feeling that
I wish that everyone can experience an equally amazing year in time to come.
It's 2014. Happy new year Audrey :) May this year be as good, or better than
2013! May you get a good job that you enjoy thoroughly, and make effort to keep
in touch with the people whom you hold close to your heart, and try to make
amends / bond with your immediate family. Happy new year, Audrey.
1
Jan 2014
4:56am
ps first time I did Muay Thai & first time drinking on Khao San Road!!!
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Yay A- for Soci
Just a few minutes ago I was wondering when the grades were coming out this semester, as this semester's grades determine my graduation GPA.
Moments later my soci groupmate whatsapped us all saying that the grade for Sociology had been released. (I am a business major but I did Intro to Sociology as an elective out of interest).
So tada! I have an A- for SOCG001 hahaha. It's officially my second best mod ever scored in SMU. (read post below on how I drifted for 3.5 years in SMU). Pretty surprised at the score, I wasn't expecting much, or anything at all. I've been very used to Bs my whole life, not to mention 1 C grade from my Academic Writing prof. But I must say I am really surprised that my prof failed somebody in this class. He's this super nice Korean-looking guy who turns out to be a Hongkie. I really enjoyed Sociology classes, although there were times I fell asleep (oops). And it was hard work studying for quizzes every week. Didn't manage to do very well for the final exam as I was reading MPW for like 9 whole days and not doing anything else. But I guess it's good enough! :)
So happy I had to come blog about it. Hopefully the rest I do very well too, I may actually graduate with some sort of honors (I realized its not honors but High Merit I'm aiming for)! Feel damn stupid everytime my boss goes "so you graduating with what honors? First class honors?" And I'm like O.O "...no... No honors."
"Huh?! No honors?! You program got honors one right?" (this is the comment that makes me feel stupid) Anyway, not like I have ever for the slightest second believed that my graduation GPA determines my future or any shit like that. I don't even believe it determines my first job. If employers hire me (rather, if they don't hire me) because of my GPA, then it's seriously their loss. Hahaha I'm 'very hardworking when it comes to real work', as my friend accurately describes.
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Forgotten therapy
I have forgotten how therapeutic it is to spend hours and hours writing. Just had to say that. I really should write more.
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Graduation / Looking back
So I've graduated.
It didn't end with a bang, nor did it end dramatically with me throwing all my notes in the air looking crazy for a camera. It ended in the best possible way - I finished with an exam which was pretty ok - my best exam this semester, after which I went to the school library to borrow 2 seasons of House (yay!!!) and then to run some errands before heading home, watching tv, and falling into a deep, sweet, well-deserved sleep... So deep that I missed my entire driving lesson this morning.
But nevermind that. With graduation I am the queen of the world right? I shall feel the pain when I pay for my missed class, my circuit, and my class itself tomorrow.
With graduation comes many things - many things I probably don't feel yet. For example, working full time for the next 40-50 years, paying my own bills, contributing to household expenses, and being caught up in the humdrum of work. Having graduated, from a short term perspective, means I clear up my shit at home, do all the things (within my reach) that I never got to do, and figure out my direction from here (I was gonna say 'figure out my direction in life' but that's bullshit hahaha I can't figure out my direction in life at 22~).
I came to write today, to credit myself. I have been struggling through my SMU life for about 40 months. By struggling I don't mean struggling with studies, or even the concepts taught in lectures. I really mean struggling to wake up for class, struggling to meet the deadlines because I never got my priorities right, and struggling for examinations because I always study all my shit the night or 2 nights before and end up going for exams with earth-shattering records of not having slept for days.
I was not, and have never been a typical SMU student. To be fair to myself, my attitude towards school got better after the first year. Right at the start of school, in my first sem, I had a few pre-assigned morning classes. I easily missed half of the 13 lectures (is it 13?) for each of my morning class. And when I was even present, I am usually half hour, an hour, or even 1.5 hours late. Being 1.5 hours late doesn't happen too much because when I wake up and realize I was going to be 1.5 hours late, chances are I'd proceed to turn off my 20 alarms set for the morning. That's how bad it was. I vividly remember, for LTB course - it was a morning class - I got a C for my final exam because I didn't study for it. It was a MCQ exam. Who gets C for MCQs right? Well, I did. And I also remember Jia was saying that "it's ok if you don't wanna read the whole book, you can just read the chapter summaries in the textbook and still do better than those who read the whole book." Yeah, I could do that... Anybody could. Except I wouldn't. Looking back, lets say each chapter summary is a full page, and I had to study for say, 20 chapters. That would be reading 20 pages of a book that's not even A4-sized. I couldn't even bother with that... I guess it sucks to know that I could've done much better, especially with that mod, when you know you aced the group project and everyone in your group had a flying final grade. Everyone... but me. But I'm not complaining, people who work hard deserve it. We worked hard together for our project, and they worked hard for the final exams. I'm happy for them :) We are still so close till today! It's rare that you make friends from group projects in SMU I must say.
It got better over the years, though. I noticed that myself. I attributed it to the fact that I wasn't doing modules like Technology and World Change, where my prof was always late for class (I heard it from the classmates, I was never even on time for class to know that prof was late), and always sleeping?! He's not the only prof I had who always sleeps. Apparently this prof has a sleeping disorder, so, *shrugs*. Not that I minded that he slept during presentations since I didn't give two hoots about my presentation, or other people's presentation, or the fact that his sleeping meant he wouldn't be able to grade my effort fairly. It wasn't just TWC, there were university cores like Creative Thinking where we had to create Idea Journals and stuff. It was more like an arts and craft class and to be honest, I'm not sure if I really took anything away from those 13 weeks of lesson and group project. After year 1 and the dreadful mods, things got better because I started doing courses that were more interesting to me. I went into the business core modules like Marketing, Managerial Accounting, Management Science, Management Communication, and all. Some still kinda sucked because it demanded so much, like MA. But some weren't all too bad like MC. Still I found it difficult to make it to classes on time, or at all. Then came the much better period of school where I was pursuing courses like Business Processes, Retail Ops, Service Processes, Project Management, Supply Chain Management, World Travel and Tourism, and Sociology (the last 2 being electives I chose). It's much easier to get by when you are doing courses you like, things you are passionate about learning (I have such strong passion towards Service / Operations, and I have to thank SMU for the opportunity to major in Ops Management). I stopped skipping classes, stopped ponning my project meetings because 'I am sick' or 'My mum is sick'. I started going for classes, on time. I don't really know what changed me, though. My grades got a little better I guess. I still never did class part much (at all?) until this semester (because my exchange experience changed me). I would like to share that ironically, my best semester grade came from year 1 sem 1, where I missed the most classes in possibly all of mankind. Fortunately a very lazy prof and an interesting mod (Financial Accounting - which I do remember working my ass off for. Dylan even reminded me a few years later that he vividly remembers that I got 30/30 for one quiz (no one gets full marks for quizzes) and he was so stunned by it - not because it came from me, I have been pretty consistent in quizzes in FA, but because anyone got full marks at all I guess. I had forgotten about the quiz myself, like with many things I don't care about) saved my grades that sem.
It sounds I haven't valued my education very much. And I do admit, I haven't valued it for what it's worth. Today as I was clearing out my university stuff, I began to look through them before dumping them away for good. For the most part, I kept all my ops mods notes in case I would need it for the other ops mods. I never used them though, never looked back on any of them even though the content did overlap. Going through all my files, it struck me that "damn! I have discredited myself for too long. I was pretty damn fucking hardworking!!!" I have since chucked away about 5 kilos worth of paper into a recycling bin. Things like the notes I write in class, the homework and assignments I did, the notes I made for my exams, all the practice questions which I actually did, I am proud to say that I really worked hard! Although I know very well for many modules it was last minute effort and panic, I can still see some true hard work for some courses.
So here's to share a picture of what I found... So many As in my assignment!!! :D But this was for MS, everyone got As for assignments in Ding Qing's class. But still, I submitted my assignments damn it. And that's some pretty good effort right? (eh wait I'm beginning to remember that it was just A LOT of copying before class started at 7pm :O Ok let's not go there..) There's actually a B- assignment which I conveniently left out of this photograph :P
I would also like to share about the university education I received. I was writing about the university core modules where I didn't learn much from. But to be fair, I have grown a lot through these 3.5 years. Some of the courses were mentally stimulating. I would have to say that many of the courses are not actually relevant to the real working world, although SMU would be proud to say that they are here to train managers of the future in the different fields. However I must add that although the courses are not industrially-applicable, I have been trained, and have developed the skill to think critically about issues. I have broadened my understanding about many business-related elements, like law, accounting & finances, marketing, etc. My biggest takeaway is still to be able to think critically. The education has molded me into someone who is more mature and able to make and hold my own opinions (although my opinions are merely social constructs) and analyze deeply about things. So thank you SMU for this opportunity to learn from an amazing faculty. The school administration may have sucked for the most part, but the faculty - dedicated, honest, passionate professors - is really exceptional. To name a few professors for my own keepsake, I want to thank Prof Wu Zhengping for developing my love for operations management in the course of teaching me both BP and SP, Prof Holly Ott who was so cute and always ready to help us in Retail, Prof Chung Wai Keong for the many social (and political) perspectives he has taught us in Sociology, it was very refreshing to see this world from a sociology standpoint. Prof Joyce Low who was so kind to all of us, helped us in our projects and really saw education as an opportunity to teach and learn in-class, not just to test us during exams. Prof Joyce is also a big-hearted person who has so much faith in her students. I remember her telling me to get my PhD and join the faculty, that she would look after me when I'm with the SMU OM team. That's really sweet :') (my friend later asked me "does she know that your ambition is to be a waitress??") She also tries to publish her students' papers where possible. I know that one of a professor's KPI is to publish a certain number of papers in renowned journals every X years, but I also know that prof Joyce is sincerely keen on developing our project ideas too. Prof Low Chee Seng for being an amazing man who imparted so much knowledge about the working world to us. His patience and dedication to teaching us SCM was amazing. Prof Chung Sung Gon, my first Korean prof was also a great prof whom I've learnt a lot under in FA. Prof Serene Chew (from AG office I think) who dedicated her Wednesday evenings to teaching us Business Law was so helpful and ready to answer all our queries. Being the greenhorn she was (we were her first batch of students ever), she really put in a lot of effort in our learning. Prof Carla Lim for delivering week after week of interesting MC classes! And MC under her also helped me with public speaking. The reviews for the ungraded pitch I gave really boosted my confidence in public speaking. Prof Michael Benoliel who shared so much insights to negotiation during classes. His teaching style of many live simulations really made me learn so much about negotiations! Prof Andrew White who taught us Ethics in the most light-hearted manner, who kept classes so interesting and made ethical perspectives much easier to digest. Prof Ilya for his very well-structured and industry-examples-filled Strategy classes. He was a strict one but he had every reason to be. It was all for our learning purposes. Prof Aaron Hung who gave us hands-on World Travel and Tourism opportunities and till today still sends us opportunities for conventions or jobs in the Tourism industry.
I have met many hardworking and kind professors in SMU. The school's pedagogy of project works and small class sizes has really made learning so much more beneficial for me.
I am proud to be a graduate of SMU.
Thank you SMU.
Sorry I couldn't resist this cheesy ending with the SMU logo :P
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tagboard
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archives
By post:
I don't know how anyone will ever understand... (E...
It's 2014
Yay A- for Soci
Forgotten therapy
Graduation / Looking back
Things to do this December
Top temptations when dieting
Dieting!
21st Birthday
Lifehouse
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about
Audrey
Loves to read, write, and watch television. Also have a passion for languages, photography and travel. Can get very emotional and tend to overthink too many things in life.
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