n events unfold

Thanks for everyone's caring comments. THANK YOU. with your blessings... the events are finally unfolding.. my parents have agreed to me having my surgery done in july. now i just have to settle the insurance.. so much distractions for the past wks.. the post-op pain and the tedious physiotherapy sessions are catching up on me but at least.. we're moving..

my brain juz felt like it's overloading for the past few months.. and i was taking so much rest.. escaping from everything...

while doing my not-so-routine blog browsing i realise alot of u all are having holz now.. i hope you are enjoyin them... i'm getting so slpy.. hahaha i'm gonna copy my myspace entry here too.. i hate not being able to post photos...

Myspace entry
v. random events of wad i remember =P

1) very very sad!!! my poor camera.. i think it needs to go to repairs.. since the left side of the photo is always out of focus. and my internet is too slow to upload my photos. oh well.. i'm juz not patient enough to wait...

2) went to Sing K with Derek, Mel, Winnie, Teri, Haz & Shaira~ this alwaes send us into random high.. tried a new K place near QVB.. not bad just that the english songs didn't have the real MTVs...

Hanging out with friends is unbelievably fun!! hahaha.. this sounds weird doesn't it as it's quite an obvious point? just that recently my group of frens haven been meeting up as much... and i miss them.. slightly similar to the feeling of missing derek (muahah letz skip the mushy details)...

juz recently manage to go eat dinner with andre, hilman, mel... and it really brought me so much joy that everybody is enjoying themselves... uni really drains us of one of the main joy we get from our friends...

3)Ivan, derek's friend came to visit from brisbane.. hahaha it's nice to have pple visiting.. but i missed out on that Ivan's famous breakfast. Ivan.. u owe me 1 breakfast!! one of the nights we decided we shall go star city.. as Ivan's never been there.. and Mel haven been there too.. muahahah and the gambler inside me was making my hands all itchy and wad not... we signed up to be members and had some free credits to play around with. We tried our luck at pokies.. but seriously had no idea how to win.. hahaha then we moved to the tables... i've tried roulette before.. so we went back to roulette. we all lost our free credits.. lolz. finally we found a table with some space and i settled myself down.. and observed the trend.. which is way weird. (as in the no. that the ball lands on) "31,31,20,20,10,9,20" just as i was about to put my next bet down.. mel and ivan walks away as nothing xciting was going on other than me losing my capital.. hahaha.. n i decided i wld b crazy n bet on "20" which wld b such conincidence. and u noe wad? it hits."20!!!!" OMG. this is the very very first time seeing a $100 star city chip.. i lost like 1/4 of my winnings and was pulled away by derek.. (preventing the very start of my gambling prob =P) ... hahaha it was really enjoyable and when ivan and mel saw my 100 buck chip their jaw dropped. hahaha interesting sight...

4) *IMPORTANT* hahah i finished reading a bk named "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch.. this is like 1 of the most amazing books i've read.. it answered so many questions that I had in my mind from young.. i was never the religious gal.. cos i can't seem to find ans to many of the religious questions.. but this book.. amazingly answered them. I'm not gonna blindly follow it words, and be gullible and believe everything.. till i can experience it. and I AM experiencing it. I'm recommending it to you all... it's not a christianity propaganda... even if u are like a free-thinker or are of other religion.. give it a go.. see it as a chance to open your mind.. maybe it can answer some questions u alwaes had.. but no one had the answer. there's so many parts of it.. i just want to type it out here...maybe i shld.. hahaha but seeing that i already have so many excuses in not studying.. i shldn't let myself gain another excuse.


5)FINALLY yesterday.. whatever that have been bothering my mind for the whole semester seems to slightly unclog it self.. and the events is starting to flow.. phew...

Random ... really random entry.. as my memory is no longer intact...i've been suffering short-term memory lost.. hahaha muz b uni. =P

recently...

MRI results were back.. WOW.. my knee in the place of those brain pictures u see in House or Grey's..the ligament is OFFICIALLy G-O-N-E. non-existent. informed parents already.. n they both agree that bearing in mind my future health, the operation has to b done. now the prob is when? as there is a crack in one of the soft bone that protects one of the bones at the knee.. i shldn't push it any further... alot of things running thru my head all the time... tiring... for unknown reason.. weather (suddenly rain whole wk.. gd for slping)? or is it all those thinking? i juz slp alot.. i mean yea.. in the first place i slp alot already.. but now it's worsening..

nothing too happy happened recently.. so it'z gonna b self-pitying, whining entries for awhile here...

Impulse.

for unknown reason, last night when I went out for dinner with my frenz, i had the urge to tok to my ex-hsemate.. u noe the one that i alwayz disliked? I was guessing she was going to the dinner... and on the way there.. i juz kept on thinking... thinking.. and thinking..shld i? will i regret? what wld happen again? will i become that disgusting creature that keeps complaining abt her that all my frenz would wanna shun away frm me whenever i wanna open my mouth. I hope i will b able to keep her at the current distance. Just a Hi-Bye fren, nothing more, nothing less.. makes the situation easier for my frenz as well.. less awkward.

impulses.. most pple tell u juz follow ur instincts... and do it. i dunno where this impulse will lead me to.. but hopefully is something gd...

what shld i do...

SOBZ!!!!! somebody tell me... tell me... i know there's a price to pay for everything in this world. nothing comes for nothing. the price might not just be monetary, it might be time, effort, brain power.. wadeva.

i think i mention here before.. i've injuried my knee last yr... with 2 physiotherapist, 1 sports doctor, 1 orthapedic surgeon.. all telling me that's it. my ligament is snapped. n the only way for it to heal is to do a surgery to reconstruct my ligament.

i dunno wad to do.. at first i thot juz do it. as long as i get back my knee... then i read more and more abt it.. and it's starting to freak me out...the price to pay is not cheap,

i need to put in
money: surgery, physiotherapy (at least 6 mths, with up to 3time/wk)
time: to do all the rehab exercise (pple describing it as part time work)
effort/preseverance: to continue despite of pain, no improvement

n after all that, i might not recover to how i originally is, i can exercise but most pple have said that they are juz satisfied that they can run.. pple that continue to do their vigorous exercise tend to say that they juz snapped the ligament AGAIN.

but i'm not going to settle for juz running.. comparing it to my current situation of fearing to do any exercise.. it's better than nothing.. but then put in all that amount of money, time and effort i wld wanna recover till i shall not fear in doing anything. i wanna go ski again, i wanna skydive.i wanna LIVE my life.

ARGH. ARGH ARGHHHH.. one worrying yr after another. sighz.

going for MRI scan on wed... hav to wait half a mth before i will get to tok to my doc again. Wad shld i do???