Mark David Cheney, a short sick story

It's been three weeks since Dick Cheney has felt the release of killing a warm blooded creature. It's lonely at the lair. Killing things and feeling their still warm blood ooze from the carcass is the only feeling of warmth Dick gets. Lynne's cold touch has been unavailable for years, and frankly, Dick would rather not touch her at all. However, that doesn't mean that Lynne hasn't kept his ambassador away. No, that's over now. Nip it in the bud before it becomes too well known.

What Dick needs, is to kill and kill again.

"But what's this?" Dick thinks to himself reading the Washington Times. In Canada the baby seal hunt is going on.

So cute, so fuzzy, so adorable.

So waiting to be turned into a bloody pulp on the frozen ice flows of the near artic.

Besides, with the Administration's environmental policies how much longer is this sort of "sport" going to be available?







ONE DAY LATER, in the exotic land known as "Canada"




This is Snuffles, the baby seal. She sure is adorable. Dick thinks she'd look great up on a wall, or perhaps wrapped around the neck of his future mistress, Rita Cosby.


Snuffles is just minding her own business, enjoying another day on the ice flows.


Sure, Dick thinks, it would be fun to dispatch these cute little guys the traditional way, with a nail-tipped club. But dammit, Dick's preferred method is shooting bird shot, and bird shot it will be.

Besides, it's no fun clubbing game to death. Such a method is best left for the humans that Dick occasionally bludgeons to death on the Naval Observatory grounds. "One less Astronomer in the world", Dick thinks, "so fucking what?!".


They sure are cute. No wonder Dick feels the need to kill them, cute must die. Dick hates cute. Dick prefers severe.


Who'd have guessed?

ANYHOOOOOO,



Behold, the mighty hunter approaches. "Kill da see-alll! Kill da see-all! Kill da See-all with my gun!"


Flop away Snuffles, Flop away!


Dick sees Snuffles lumbering off and aims his shotgun.

But as he turns his back on the world, SUDDENLY, a cry comes behind!

"Hey, you, what are you doing?"


Dick is startled and fires in the direction of the sound while bellowing, "Ah, go fuck yourself. Eat fiery death hippy!"

"BLAM, BLAM!" Big Time's silver shotgun shoots off towards the head,

"BLAM, BLAM!" Big Time stops to make sure that they are dead.

In the distance a muffled cry of pain, and then a man looks up at Cheney and he is not at all happy.


There is a brief moment of silence.


"Shit!", Dick mutters to himself, "why couldn't it have been Ringo?".


Ironically, Cheney is then beaten severely (but not fatally Mr. Secret Service Man) with the nearest available blunt instrument by his victim's companion.


As Snuffles waits patiently for more predigested fish.


The End.

Beloved

You get the feeling that Bush put a LOT of pressure on Musharraf to let him visit Pakistan.

Good planning as ever.

Pakistan is bracing for a nationwide strike today over the publication in Europe of cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad, as well as the arrival of U.S. President George W. Bush on an overnight visit.

Well, never let it be said that Atta J. Turk is not all about efficiency.

So to our Karachi readers here is something to streamline your protesting power. Get 2, yes, 2 protests in one!

Put the following on the sign, banner, or t-shirt of your choice:

"Come to my room later Denny

I'll be covered in ham gravy."







Sorry.

Was breakfast as good the second time around?

(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Pathetic

Talk about self-serving tripe:

During his surprise visit to Afghanistan, Bush sought to revive the image of a general on the frontline.

In comments to about 500 troops at a US base, he said: "I want you to email or call your friends, and more important your families, and tell them the old commander-in-chief showed up ... with a message of appreciation."

No matter what, it is always about George.

You know it used to be that an image like this would be taboo

For an American President...


But not for Preznit Tone Deaf, "Brownie you're doing a heckuva job of pickin' cotton".


(AFP/Mandel Ngan)

It is time to say NO to everything

Here is how Bush signing his interpretation of the torture ban is put into practice...with cavalier, malicious...and patently illegal interpretations of the law.

Bush administration lawyers, fighting a claim of torture by a Guantanamo Bay detainee, yesterday argued that the new law that bans cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment of detainees in U.S. custody does not apply to people held at the military prison.

In federal court yesterday and in legal filings, Justice Department lawyers contended that a detainee at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, cannot use legislation drafted by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) to challenge treatment that the detainee's lawyers described as "systematic torture."

So, Senator McCain just how big a kiss ass are you going to be?

This should pretty much make Lou Dobbs head explode

I guess that 45-day review is about as real as George Bush being a vigorous and probing questioner in private:

Dubai Ports World's $6.85 billion acquisition of Britain's P&O will close on Friday or Monday, despite an additional 45-day review by the U.S. government in response to security concerns, a U.S. Treasury Department official said on Thursday.

This myth of Bush being a probing questioner has been perpetuated by the media for more than five years now. The only evidence we have of this phenomena are from sycophants. Just once -- just one fucking time -- I'd like some direct evidence of this phenomena. Bush cannot even ask probing questions of Jenna ("Are you...ah...pregant?") let alone Steven Hadley.

Now that's some good shrill!

Krugman via Gilliard, you shouldn't have to pay for smack this pithy:

In short, our country is being run by people who assume that things will turn out the way they want. And if someone warns of problems, they shoot the messenger.

Some commentators speak of the series of disasters now afflicting the Bush administration — there seems to be a new one every week — as if it were just a string of bad luck. But it isn't.

If good luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity, bad luck is what happens when lack of preparation meets a challenge. And our leaders, who think they can govern through a mix of wishful thinking and intimidation, are never, ever prepared.

6,000 posts

As the bloggy blog limps toward its third year, this turns out to be the 6,000th time some piece of crap has been posted at Rising Hegemon. That averages out to between 8 and 9 posts a day.

That's impressive until you count the number of times we've declared an "Open Thread".

In any case, it has also shown me, Atta J. Turk (pronounced "Throat Warbler Mangrove"), that the secret to maintaining a blog is not creativity, originality, or even posting pictures of your pet.

No, the secret is being neurotic. Trust me it helps -- a lot!

As I referred to above, this blog's second anniversary is coming up and I think it is good to have a goal of one kind or another as a fairly unimportant milestone approaches. Since March 18, 2004 this blog has had (as I write this) 1,127,441 visitors. I would like to have 10 million visitors by March 18th.

Oh, one more thing that helps me to blog, always being crushingly disappointed.

It needs to be said again and again

Jane Hamsher has been all over this, but it needs to be said all over, now that folks like Joe Lieberman, Lincoln Chaffee, and Arlen Specter have allowed Alito to make it to the Supreme Court, their duplicity is coming home to roost. And they are allowed to get away with it, in large part, because NARAL is nothing if not woefully ineffective. Apparently, lip service is good enough for NARAL, especially when they can use the spectre of Roe being overturned to raise money. And thanks to their lack of actual effort to use pressure against the enablers of Alito, that's the situation.

First South Dakota and now Mississippi are on the verge of passing legislation that effectively bans abortion. All believing that the new make up of the court will lead to the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

I doubt the Supreme Court will actually hear either of these cases. I also believe that injunctions will quickly be issued against the laws and though their will be appeals, the matters will effectively end there. Unless the GOP gets one more appointment. If that happens then NARAL (and Lieberman, Chaffee, etc.) will be on the verge of letting the rest of us reap what they have sowed.

Sammy Stupid Junior

To "Candyman"


Who can always be surprised,
Who can barely tie his shoe?
Invade a sovereign nation by conning all of you?


Condi's man, oh Condi's man can,
Condi's man he can 'cause he lies a lot to you
and makes this shit taste good…


Who can take a Warplan,
Wrap it in a lie?

Put this fuck at the U.N. and pretend the levee's dry


Oh Condi's man? Yes, Condi's man can…

Condi's man he can 'cause God tells him he'll get love
and makes the shit taste good…


Condi's man tells lies
everyday he lies

So Satisfied and Malicious.
Talk about liv'n fictitious.

You can even out secret dishes!


Who can take tomorrow,
Fuck it in the ass?

Drive up the price of oil and make money on the gas,
Condi's man? Oh, yes Condi's man can, yes Condi's man can…

Condi's man he can 'cause he leaves it up to Rove
and lets the nation fall apart


Idea inspired by Plantsman.

I don't mean to sound panicky or anything

But with Bush's track record you get the feeling that America's Worst President has somehow managed to "outsource" our nuclear weapons industry like it's "Dell Tech Support"?

U.S., India Seal Nuclear Deal

Nobody anticipated so many protesters

(AP Photo/Aijaz Rahi)


(AP Photo/Aijaz Rahi)


(AP Photo/Mustafa Quraishi)


Liberal Oasis has a more thorough run down of the many things the Bush Administration did not anticipate.

Maybe they should just be strippers

I'm sure she a Bush like to do cardio and oil up their glutes for a pose off -- if only Cheney would join them -- that should take care of all three of them at the same time:

Obsessive about staying fit, U.S. Secretary of State
Condoleezza Rice will share her workout tips on morning television this week, pumping iron and sweating on a stationary bike.

The top U.S. diplomat was filmed last weekend at the State Department's gymnasium by a local affiliate of television network NBC. It will be aired on the NBC4 Today program on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, the network said.

Well, it's not like there is any evidence that the foreign policy she and Bush have been involved with has ever required more attention. After all, what really is happening now that would demand her time more than appearing on a local news show doing squats?

Yet another metaphor.

You know I think Bush has that look on his face when he's getting his balls scratched.

(REUTERS/WRC-TV Washington/Handout)

"The World is Better off without Saddam"

Yes, whatever, keep fartin':

The former U.N. human rights chief for the country said abuses are as bad now as they were under Saddam Hussein. Extrajudicial killings and torture are soaring, and morgue workers are being threatened by both government-backed militiamen and insurgents not to properly investigate deaths, he said in an interview in Sydney, Australia.

"Under Saddam, if you agreed to forego your basic right to freedom of expression and thought, you were physically more or less OK," said John Pace, who last month left his post as director of the human rights office at the U.N. Assistance Mission for Iraq. "But now, no. Here, you have a primitive, chaotic situation where anybody can do anything they want to anyone."

I sure wish Toby Keith was around to make me feel better with some song about kicking some other ethnic groups ass.

The Crotch o' Shame

Peggums declares:

Do I think this way, in these terms, because I am exceptionally virtuous? Oh no. I'm below average in virtue

Finally, a tinge of regret about dry humping Reagan's casket.

The tits, I mean hits, keep on coming

Katherine, it's "What would Jesus Do?" not "Who wants to do Jesus?".

Katharine Harris, to Speak at March Reclaiming America for Christ Conference

Can't out do the actual story behind the picture

(REUTERS/Jim Young)

Bush and his wife, Laura, visited a memorial to India’s independence leader, M.K. Gandhi, standing in stocking feet for a moment of silence and wreath-laying at the site where he was cremated in 1948. Following tradition, the Bushes tossed flower petals on the cremation platform — repeating the gesture several times to make sure photographers could get the shot.


No reason Gandhi can't be treated like Martin Luther King -- a place for a photo op surplanting actual policy beliefs.

Blogads Surveys

It is the time of year when various bloggers around the internet ask you to fill out their blogads surveys.

Well, because of some sort of code catastrophy this Blog has no genitals.





I'm sorry, I thought I was at "Re-Elect Lieberman 2006", silly me.

Anyway, I don't have blogads for some reason, so I am not asking you to fill out a survey.



Nevertheless, what have any of you really done for me lately?

Huh?

Well?

They always are fucking douchebags

Earlier this year when they could not explain why everybody went to bed early and slept late at the time the Hurricane hit New Orleans, the White House said they couldn't find a transcript of events on August 29th for Congress.

It sure looked like they wanted to cover up their lack of an explanation over knowing things were going to be bad -- and they STILL didn't act.

Well, now something worse has happened.

A videotape emerges of George Bush sitting there as Katrina approaches with all the engagement of an old guy waiting on a bench at the mall while his wife is shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond ("I'll be there, but don't make me give a shit"). Meanwhile, the person he scapegoated for his Administration's fuck ups, Brownie, appears to be most competent person outside of the meteorologists.

So NOW they find a transcript of August 29th to try to puff up Chauncey Gardiner! Because, better they look cavalier than incompetent. And what is there great support? HEARSAY testimony.

Well, gee folks, how about both incompetent and cavalier?

I wonder who is responsible you preppy prick?

George Will:

Today, with all three components of the "axis of evil" -- Iraq, Iran and North Korea -- more dangerous than they were when that phrase was coined in 2002, the country would welcome, and Iraq's political class needs to hear, as a glimpse into the abyss, presidential words as realistic as those Britain heard on June 4, 1940.

Spit it out.

George W. Bush is a MISERABLE FAILURE!

Pondering

What happens if Scooter Libby forgets to pay his memory expert?

"Guess what there Genie?"

"I rubbed myself on the plane three times and there you are.

And you know what else? I can singh too!

Damn, I'm good at this diplomatical stuff."

(REUTERS/Kamal Kishore)

"Sorry there fella, I got here a bit early"

"Should have given you a chance to finish microwaving the popcorn in your hat."

(AP Photo/Gurinder Osan)

This will really chap O'Reilly's hide

It's like a red hot falafel up the wazoo. From King One Eye in a Diary at Kos:

In the key demographic group of viewers aged 25-54, the Total Day ratings for MSNBC rose 47% while Fox declined -13%.

Fox's Prime Time erosion was even greater at -21%. In fact, in every hour in the daypart, from 3:00pm till midnight, Fox numbers were lower. This is a distinction that only Fox, of the five nets surveyed, was able to achieve.

The largest decline was suffered by Greta Van Susteran's On The Record (-22%), followed closely by O'Reilly (-21%). Hannity & What's His Name took the Bronze (-17%). Of the MSNBC programs opposite those losers, Olbermann's Countdown was the biggest gainer (55%), which I'm sure doesn't bother O'Reilly at all.

PBS Presents, Ken Burns: The Iraqi Civil War

I suggest opening this in a new window and listening to it while you read.

Episode IV - Staying the Course

Scene 11:

Narrator David McCullough: In the late Winter of 2006, Britney Spears let her baby drive a car; NFL Players plotted their next sex cruise; the Olympics were broadcast with the highlight being Canadian Curling; many hoped that Bradgelina would give birth to the chosen one; Pope Benedict XVI decreed himself 'Der Bomb Beeyatch'; and important progressive bloggers went to Amsterdam while unimportant ones stayed home and made jokes about role playing games. Meanwhile, the Civil War raged from Basra to Mosul. Men educated in secular schools found themselves attacking their former classmates over questions of burka fashions. But President George Bush was focused upon other matters, in addition to his drinking.

(the voice of Gilbert Gottfried):

"Dear Mr. Hannitee,

Thank you so much fore yur kind wordz. My advizers told me abuot them on the radio and then brought their computer in and your voice came out of the box. I wanted to let yu kah-no that I agree with your assestiment that I is the greatest leadr in teh world. I have, indeeed ben blesst by my hiher father to take action even if it iz not poplar. Wen histry judjez me it will be gud even should I be dead and stuf.

Thanx also for telling peeple that I did not shoot anee one in the face.

Sin cere lee,

My Governmint"

George Bush never attempted to write another letter, though he did continue to write many poems with words that almost rhymed with "lump".

Move it forward about three years

Ms. Beep-Beep giggled about this as if Mitt Romney asked her to patch his sweater:

WANTED AT THE HAGUE [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

THE HAGUE, The Netherlands (Reuters) -- Lawyers representing Slobodan Milosevic have asked the U.N. war crimes tribunal to issue a subpoena to force former U.S. President Bill Clinton to testify at his trial, documents showed on Tuesday.

Posted at 06:47 AM

You see K-Lo there's a difference between being requested as a "witness" like Clinton is now, and as a DEFENDANT as Bush may be in a few years.

Assrocket Droppings:

Perhaps someday we can have "the Motion Picture Experience" in IMAX?


"It must be very strange to be President Bush.

A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius,

he can't get anyone to notice.

He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time,

and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that,

when not bored,

is hostile."



Respectively:AP Photo/Hadi Mizban;AFP/Ahmad Al Rubaye;REUTERS/Thaier al-Sudan;REUTERS/Slahaldeen Rasheed;AFP/Karim Sahib;REUTERS/Namir Noor-Eldeen;REUTERS/Helmiy al-Azawi

Less Popular than Dick Cheney at the Firing Range

Champollion had a trenchant and funny quip the other day about whether Dear Leader will encourage India to become a democracy. Funny, because it has a high probability of becoming true.

But in the meantime in places of freeance and peeance and lacking that FoxNews balance, Bush's actual popularity is a real taint on America. Fitting as he pretty much is America's Taint.

Tens of thousands of Indians waving black and white flags and chanting "Death to Bush!" rallied Wednesday in New Delhi to protest a visit by President Bush.

Surindra Singh Yadav, a senior police officer in charge of crowd control, said as many as 100,000 people, most of them Muslim, had gathered in a fairground in central New Delhi ordinarily used for political rallies.

"Whether Hindu or Muslim, the people of India have gathered here to show our anger. We have only one message — killer Bush go home," one of the speakers, Hindu politician Raj Babbar, told the crowd.

Also worst porn movie of all time (well worst that didn't have Kid Rock involved)


Absolutely, that, along with the tongue and lip action, is what Joe Lieberman is for.

Being There

President Chauncey Gardiner:

Vargas:...[W]hat moment do you think was the moment that you realized that the government was failing, especially the people of New Orleans?

BUSH: When I saw TV reporters interviewing people who were screaming for help.

No, I recall either Time or Newsweek saying it was when Andy Card played him a "lowlights" DVD -- but I guess that counts as TV. You would think the President could find out about what is happening in the United States from, you know, his advisers before the rest of us did.

But, you know, vacations and all that.

Somebody tell Babs Bush

So she can tell us that these people never had it so good.

Salim Rashid, 34, a Shiite laborer in an overwhelmingly Sunni Arab village 20 miles north of Baghdad, received his eviction notice Friday from a man at the door with a rocket launcher.

"It's 6 p.m.," Rashid recounted the masked man saying then, as retaliatory violence between Shiites and Sunnis exploded across wide swaths of central Iraq. "We want you out of here by 8 p.m. tomorrow. If we find you here, we will kill you."

Walking, hitchhiking and hiring cars, the Rashid clan and many of the 25 other families evicted from the town of Mishada had made their way by Tuesday to a youth center in Baghdad's heavily Shiite neighborhood of Shoula. There, other people forced from their homes were already sharing space on donated mattresses.

Keep clapping.

How Comforting

Looks like we are continuing to get the fairy tale version of facts from the maladministration. Meanwhile, Iraq's government, such as it is, lives in the same fantasy bubble as Bush and his supporters, and like the latter, it is an enforced bubble.

Officials overseeing Baghdad's morgue have come under pressure not to investigate the soaring number of apparent cases of execution and torture in the country, the former U.N. human rights chief for Iraq said Tuesday.

The numbers given on background from morgue officials are three to five times higher than what Iraqi and American Military spokespeople are quoting publicly.

We are being warned

I saw this at Steve Gilliard's place, for, while it is not exactly eye-opening, it is further evidence of most of our worst fears:

Soldiers are frustrated. Every soldier I have talked to says that they are getting out of the military when they get home. Every. One. Of. Them. Regardless of rank, experience, or time in, they all want out. There has not been a single Soldier I've talked to that says they want to stay in. This include officers, NCOs, and rookies who are on their first tour of duty.

Go read the whole thing.

Unintentionally funniest non-political thing I've read for some time...

I admit, I spent much time in high school and college playing Dungeons & Dragons (or as we true players knew it, "Advanced Dungeons & Dragons"), but still I find this statement from the game's creator Gary Gygax explaining the new on-line version hilarious:

"There have been a lot of video games based on Dungeons & Dragons, but in the past they have been almost entirely solo, single-player experiences," Jeff Anderson, chief executive of the company that makes the online game, Turbine Inc., based in Westwood, Mass., said last week. "Now, with the Internet and advances in graphics, we can finally create an online version of that classic sitting-around-the-kitchen-table Dungeons & Dragons experience, without people having to actually go out."

Some guys (and it will be guys) will NEVER see sunlight again. Gollum.

Operation: Pretend I visited Eye-Rack

Well in a move that surprised no one who isn't a media talking head, Bush has started his trip to India and Pakistan by getting the country wrong and landing in Afghanistan. And now to convince the mouth-breathers he is actually visiting that other country where things really, really suck.

Maybe while he is there, Bush can visit Osama? Oh, that's right, he's a slave to the all-powerful "scheduler" (wonder if the "Scheduler" was told about Cheney & the Dubai ports before Bush?).


Spot the coward.

Wisely, the balder they were, the greater the distance they kept from the Chimp.


"Ah'm the one with mah full name stenciled on mah jacket."

At least the Kaiser could claim his generals lied to him

The incompetence we suspected from hints and small leaks gets is proven more every day.

Here's a tip for future generations of Americans. Well a couple...

1. Never trust a President who WANTS to start a war;

2. In case of item 1 at least make sure he is not a buffoon who lives in his own fantasy land.

U.S. intelligence agencies repeatedly warned the White House beginning more than two years ago that the insurgency in Iraq had deep local roots, was likely to worsen and could lead to civil war, according to former senior intelligence officials who helped craft the reports.
Among the warnings, Knight Ridder has learned, was a major study, called a National Intelligence Estimate, completed in October 2003 that concluded that the insurgency was fueled by local conditions - not foreign terrorists- and drew strength from deep grievances, including the presence of U.S. troops.

Yet, on the grounds of both politics and fantasy the Administration proceeded on a systematic switch from blind optimism, to determined deceit and lying.

The reports received a cool reception from Bush administration policymakers at the White House and the office of Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, according to the former officials, who discussed them publicly for the first time.
President Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, Rumsfeld and others continued to describe the insurgency as a containable threat, posed mainly by former supporters of Saddam Hussein, criminals and non-Iraqi terrorists - even as the U.S. intelligence community was warning otherwise...
...Wayne White, a veteran State Department intelligence analyst, wrote recently that when it became clear that the National Intelligence Estimate would forecast grim prospects for tamping down the insurgency, a senior official "exclaimed rhetorically, `How can I take this upstairs?' (to then-CIA Director George Tenet)"

And then the ultimate money quotes:

A former senior U.S. official who participated in the process said that analysts at the CIA, the Defense Intelligence Agency and the State Department's intelligence bureau all agreed that the insurgency posed a growing threat to stability in Iraq and to U.S. hopes for forming a new government and rebuilding the economy.

"This was stuff the White House and the Pentagon did not want to hear," the former official said, speaking on condition of anonymity. "They were constantly grumbling that the people who were writing these kind of downbeat assessments `needed to get on the team,' `were not team players' and were `sitting up there (at CIA headquarters) in Langley sucking their thumbs.'"

When the history of Bush's Administration is written, it will not be pretty.
And the odds are getting higher they will be written from prison.