>> 20091121
9:14 PM
so cold.. everything is so cold..
exams must have strip us of our sense of existence.
lose track of other callings in life.
it feels so numb.. so numb..
>> 20091105
1:16 AM
i may not know why or how. i may not know what and when. but i do know how it feels when things dont work out for u.
and i can be ignorant. i can be too self centered. but when things go wrong, i deeply sympathesize with u.
i know u are strong. i know u are independent. but i know u are also human.
we all need help sometimes. whatever the reason. whenever the occasion. i will back u up when u fall. and i will stay with u through it all.
is it about what happened yesterday at the club house? phone bills? love bites?ps. hope u can get some rest and forget about it. not worth it remembering unhappy stuff. they say the trick to being happy in life is to remember less and forget more. perhaps its true. just get over it soon and look forward to a new day lor. wish i could be by your side, love.
>> 20091102
5:23 PM
although it started badly, the weekend ended quite well. thrashed out some things. hope she doesnt hate me. anyhow, i sure enjoyed her company and impromptu movie date, and the kisses and hugs too. enough sweetness in them to last a few days. =) movie was nice, quite funny and entertaining. she was nicer though, love cuddling her in the cinema. i will rem what we talked about. hope to see her soon, and till then i will be missing her.
>>
12:43 AM
learnt a lesson from someone today.
she says the society is very competitive. we
youngster/guys have no time to waste now if not its gonna be very tough in future. i guess thats damn true. but she also said something, something that i wouldnt know if no one told me. something that reminded me of this thought i once had which i wish i could think not of.and just for the record. no one likes a horny desperate insecure bastard.
>> 20091009
3:39 AM
wheneven friction sparks. whenever u get burn. whenever it hurts. these whenever seem to come so often now its as though i've become a tactless and uncool dude.nights spent thinking and pondering. tracks of our fav songs played one after another. my heart sinks deeper and deeper...how is it like slashing yourself again and again, the same spot, the same wound. just when its about to heal, fresh blood ooze, blood that is angry and reckless.cleaning up the wound each time, its the same stains, its the same mess. how all this is stupid, i clearly see. yet how poorly its mediated, it staggers me.love gives people strength. love gives people joy. love is sweetness in the highest form. yet when love turns its back on u, it is all bittersweet.although we haven come to a solution yet, i hope we would, heres a song for both of us. i think it means alot. to my love, J piggy.I'm trying not to think about
All the things you did before,
But sometimes it all just gets to me.
I can't take it anymore.
I'll stay with you,
But remember to
Be careful what you do,
Cause I'm not bulletproof.
>> 20091006
10:35 PM
5 more weeks! urgh...
im sorry,i spoil everything for us, but i still hold on to our love, jane.
>> 20090921
5:52 PM
in the army now. not really coping well...
its seriously hard. have like no mood to get anything done now. i know i gotta study for As. it is important and i cant afford to screw it up again this time round. but things are just not going very smoothly and its affecting me alot.
see, the thing is, im only able to come out on weekends. and i try as much as possible to spend that time doing things i wanna do, be with people i wanna be with. and however much i try and try and try, its alr starting to wear me out, im not getting wad i wanna do done, and not spending the time with the people i wanna spend time with.
maybe im thinking too much. its all so massive and surreal, clouding and blurring my focal point which is my A levels this year. find it increasingly hard to concentrate. thinking back when i was so motivated, it was perhaps due to the strong support i got. but i dont have that kinda support now. maybe i should stop procrastinating.
study study study.
i miss her. want some attention from her.mug mug mug.
i talk to her. shes cold and hostile.prioritise prioritise prioritise.
i ask to meet her. shes committed to other people.oh well. thats my life.
>> 20090307
3:15 AM
dear readers.
today, march 6th 2009, the day A level results came out for us, was as dramatic for me as it could have been.
about 4 months ago, in the midst of sitting for A levels, i thought my result gotta be crap, at most all Cs for my H2 subjects. at that time though, i didnt really think much about the implications of that assumed result. then, my thought was as long as i tried my best, there should be no regrets.
but today, when i got my results, my three H2 subjects were CCD, and at this moment i thought, where can this land me in. its even difficult to get into the least competitive engineering courses. correction, people actually tell me its impossible. so then it seems, its G_G for me. at first i thought i wasnt gonna be affected by it cause i had already expected this kinda results. thought there ought to be a way out of this. but as relatives and parents and friends ask abt my result, followed by the m$ question "so what are u gonna do", it just destroyed me. the feeling gets worse each time someone ask that question, knowing that i have faint chances of going to a uni. i could blame on squash, i could blame on other people, but ultimately, i myself am the biggest sucker of all, for not being able to cope and deal with my own life, manage my own time and practise discipline.
i did try to mug my ass off the period after prelims. i only managed to pass one subject for prelims which was really a wake up call. but however i tried, time and expertises werent on my side. i only managed to get the following results.
H1 GP ... D
H1 Bio ... B
H2 Maths ... C
H2 Econs ... C
H2 Physics ... D
although there seem quite an significant improvement, this way of thinking is merely nothing more but a self-deceiving one. if i had worked harder or started earlier, its definitely possible for better grades. to have your life torn apart just because a little more time and a little more effort had not been put in and a little too bochap attitude, really really cant suck more than anything else.
at this juncture, i have to apply for uni admission just like everyone else, but also apply to resit for the 2009 A levels. if somehow i manage to be accepted into a uni, i will be refunded for my application to resit for A levels. if i do not get accepted into any uni, i have a few options.
A) try to re-admit into acjc and take A levels again in 2009. have to defer NS asap.
B) resit for A levels in 2009 as private candidate. will down PES immediately to have more time to study.
C) go to poly after serving army, but i will down PES anyway, so might as well just resit for A levels in 2009 for a try.
i will not consider other options for now. but if, friends, yall have some good suggestions or recommendations i will be glad to hear them.
the next phase of my life, will very much be determined by determination itself and discipline as well. so its high time i get down to cultivating as much of them as possible, and hopefully i get to see some light at the end of the passageway.