Step to the Beat

March has not been good to me. A lot of stuff happened, and I just cant fix the things that I did wrong.

I dont even feel like blogging.


Though a lot of things are happening, exciting things, like how Im finally doing something in college, and how I feel like Im a part of the crew, I dont really see the point of writing about these stuff.


Cuz, I am still recovering, from a great intense heartache.

Its been a messy week. March started with a train crash. Personal life, uni, going back to college. Everything was a car wreck. First week of uni was horrendous. It was raining like hell. Some lecture theaters were flooded and our oval turned into a lake. It was such a gloomy week, didnt feel like uni. On top of that, I had a huge night on Mardi Gras, in both a good and bad way. Regardless, things happened, they always do, and you cant really do anything about it can you.


Third year is difficult. I now wish to go back to first year more and more. I made a pact with Unsy and Mitch, get good average this semester. Gotta pull each other up. Im feeling good but at the same time Im scared, everything is so difficult.


Its going to be a hectic busy year.


I can survive this.

Its finally O-week. The third one this year. Im in third year. I know I have more years to come, but somehow, I feel like as if this is my last year. Like others, who are in their final year, we all want to make the best of our final uni year.


I will be done with my Commerce degree by the end of this year, and then Ill have 2 more years of science. I guess once I start doing all science subjects, Ill only have less of than half of the free time that Ive been having, perks of Commerce degree, you dont have many classes per week.


I want to make the best of my third year. This is finally the year that I feel extra good about myself. Will be my last year in Pauls, will not let that go to waste.


I want to join a revue, I want to perform more. I want to be even more hardworking. And I want to push myself even more than before. I need to get those grades, and achieve all the things I have planned.


Its almost time.


This is a new start again.

Its post number 467, this blog has served me well. Been more than 4 years now, there were times when I just wanted to not write. But the thought of reading back every single post one day when Im older kept me going on. And finally, I have decided to make a new private blog. Just for me to write things I cant write here. Things about myself that only selected few in this whole wide world can know.


I havent been lying, I left out a lot of details, that's not necessarily lying. It is my own prerogative to write what I want to write.


But now I guess its time to fully immortalize my thoughts in a hidden place, so I dont forget.


How life can be wonderful and joyous, and how it can be harsh, cruel and evil.



Its O-week, finally, its 3rd year of uni. I am in 3 board of directors in 3 different societies. And I want to join a revue. And Ill be busy with Angelvoices (my singing company), as well. And of course, I wanna get back to dancing. With all of these, I need to maintain a Distinction average.


It will be a tough year. But hey, Im so much stronger and wiser than before. Im 20.



And Im here to take on the world.


Bring it on

What hurts the most is when you see love from afar, but you just cant seem to grab it. When you see happy faces of someone you love, and you just cant help it but to cry silently in the dark. But why? Isnt loving someone means that you would be happy if your loved one is happy, regardless even if what you imagined of never works out.


What is there left to do?


Dont you just wish that you have the answers to everything, you have the ability to understand the complexity of a human mind. Even better, the mysterious human heart. True, not knowing is what makes life interesting, but to be able to grasp that knowledge would most probably lead to less heartaches in life.



What is life without heartaches? Prolly, not even living at all.



I have come to a point that I am willing to, well at least I think, willing to give up on everything and take a huge big leap in life. And wander off to the unknowns. I am willing to fight off the challenges that will come in between what is something very strange, different, and yet very strong and incredible feeling I have never felt before.


Will you come to me?



Sigh, pictures of you has made me laugh, and cry.

Im always full of surprises. I like surprising people. There's just this intense satisfaction I get from giving people shocks, pleasant or unpleasant.


I went to Melbourne for 5 days. And I only told Emica, reason why? I wanted to surprise Fai Fai, and I did. It never fails. He's so gullible, he'd always have this firm warm 10 second hug thing with me every time I surprise him. We only see each other like once a year previously, but I guess that'll change since hes in Melbourne now.


I do miss him a lot. My relationship with Fai Fai is very, interesting I would say. Perhaps in a way that a lot of people wouldnt even thought of. As far as Im concern, if I ever get married any time soon, he'd definitely be my best man. I dont even need to take a second to think.


Taylors Dance Club, my beloved crew, well more of my dance family, has mostly moved to Melbourne. I think more than half of the original crew members are in Melbourne. And Melbourne is without a doubt, a second Kuala Lumpur.


You see Malaysians everywhere, Malaysian food everywhere, you walk by the streets all you see is Malaysians, and you would definitely bump into someone you know every time you walk around the city, its ridiculous, a bit suffocating really, but I didnt mind it. This is my home away from home, I didnt go back Malaysia for summer, and Melbourne is just as good.


I miss the days when I was in Taylors, go to class, hang out with friends, and dance dance dance. And that is exactly the life I would lead, if I were to study in Melbourne.


What we did was just dance dance and more dance. I miss dancing, I havent danced in a while. In Sydney Im a totally different person than I am with the TDCs, in Melbourne.



Melbourne is beautiful. Because of the people. I will always love and prefer Sydney, but nothing beats the companionship you get in Melbourne. Its like being back home.

Havent been around for a very long time. Been busy on a vacation haha. Went up north to Gold Coast for more than a week, was good, mom was around for 5 days, spent every minute with her. I miss her so much, was never a mommys boy, was never close with my parents to be honest actually. But distance makes the heart grow fonder, and the 5 days were full of laughter, warmth and love. Also pampering, didnt need to pay for anything :D


I will not be seeing my brother and dad for 2 years, only gonna see them when I go back home this coming summer for internship at the company. But its all good, I am gonna miss my brothers circumcision this March, dammit, cant be there to tease him, but oh well, nothing I can do about that. At least Im not missing my sister's wedding next January (tentatively). To think about it again, havent seen my sister in more than 3 years, 4 next time around I see her.


I was never a family kind of guy, I was always the odd one, the rebellious one. But yes, Ive grown so much, and I learn more and more these days that they arent that bad. Im different than them, but they aint that bad. Of course, typically, I can only tolerate them for a week then all hells break loose!


My Gold Coast trip was very sketchy at first. A lot of drama, things falling apart, I learned more about how some good friends can just change and ditch me. But all is well, I still have other good friends who would have my back anytime.


Linglee and Tova came over to Gold Coast to save my trip after I told them my story. And Reen is such a great friend to have me around although her circumstances werent really convenient.


I owe a lot to Aqeelah and her boyfriend Antti too, they hosted all three of us, Linglee me and Tova, and they drove us around everywhere. They even took Linglee and Tova to the airport 5 am in the morning, theyre my friends but the couple treated all of us as if we were all close friends.


I was never close to Aqeelah, but Im thankful to have such a great understanding friend. And we partied hard there as well.


Gold Coast is not as pretty as I imagined it would be, beaches in Sydney are far more beautiful. Regardless Surfers Paradise is unique, a truly tourist attracting place. Beautiful buildings, magnificent sunset, and great clubs. The music there is so different, and everyone just wear shorts and T-shirts to the clubs. A sight that is very rare. Then again, you get this at Backpackers club, which, obviously, the whole of Surfers Paradise is.


Dreamworld was okay, tallest giant drop in the world, wasnt as thrilling as I thought it would be. I guess Ive grown into a more extreme thrill seeker, cuz none of the rides were satisfactory for me. Didnt give me the adrenaline rush I was looking forward to. But its all good, it was still a fun place to go. Movieworld, has more entertaining rides me thinks. And Whitewater world was decent, though Sunway Lagoon is far better in my opinion. They do have this cool ride called The Wedgie, put you in a tube, and then you just drop into a long line of pipe filled with water. I didnt know we were supposed to hold breath in there, so I almost choked on water. But it was fun, Linglee and Tova however, did not like it very much, too scary maybes?


And I cant wait for another trip this weekend. Destination? Secret, Ill tell Y'all when I get back from there.


Just another short, well not so short, update :)