Unmasking

It has been long since I wrote an entry like this and it makes me reminisce on my very drastically different past. I really miss collecting my thoughts and reflecting it like this as I always did. It was one way of self-evaluation and saying things that no one listens to. I've tried but to no avail.

A full year is about to finish its course and yet here I am feeling like my life had taken a step back. Change is a constant for everybody, you either move forward or you move backward. In my case, its the latter and I don't exactly feel good about it. There is just this restraining grip haunting my once strong will and highly motivated self. Whenever chances arise, there are always excuses to push them away. Although my academic results may look excellent, there is just this void that makes me feel so withdrawn and so lousy about myself. Its like you can fly but you choose to walk to your destination instead. Its like you know you deserve to be doing better.

I feel so fruitless where I once used to make full and good use of 24 hours a day. Right now, so much time is wasted expecting things aimlessly and foolishly. Half the time spent in school is wasted doing things which are not purposeful. Pushing away responsibilities I once used to embrace so much, so much. Placing the wrong priorities in life and giving in to emotions. I screwed up. Where is the Gerald who used to be rationale and purpose driven?

Taking time to really observe and look around at everyone else, I realised there is just so much I am missing out. Looking at the different picture, the different engagement and vocation, why am I not one of them? I feel so happy and glad for so many who have found their new meaning and purpose, but yet here I am trapped in my own naive paradigm hoping for things which are seemingly bleak. I feel like a fool but yet I'm too weak to climb out of it. I'm drained and I feel like I'm just digging down deeper than I could climb out. Just how did I ended up like this?

An entirely crushed and broken inward pessimism which I thought could be suppressed by my superficially outward optimism. No, it does not work at all. Having a mask you put out for everyone would only help right at that moment. Now when everyone is gone, all of it just haunts you than you can think or imagine. Its a mental stress which I have no idea how many could understand. And trust me in this. Its never about just having achievements and hitting your targets. At the end of the day you might have everything you want but yet feel empty on the inside.

I want to bring a change in all of these. I do not want to lose out all the time and energy I still bear during my youth. I have in hands asset which I shouldn't take for granted but use it the best I can. Time to stay committed and time to rise up to the occasion once again. I have no idea how its all going to work out, but I will try. After all, willingness abounds much more than excuses.

Come on Gerald stay strong, you can do it like you have done it before!

Resuming in progress

Just when thought that there is just so much to life, you're overwhelmed yet again.

This blog has been more or less inactive for quite a while now already, and I have decided its time to revive and resume! This time round, not gonna be wordy and a promise there will be pictures!

First things first! I'm officially enrolled in Diploma in Infocomm Security Management (DISM) at Singapore Polytechnic (SP). Sounds like "dim-sum" to you? Well, thats what they coined our course here at SP.

A month is about to pass for my life in SP. It is the fourth week starting on Monday tomorrow! I wouldn't say that life had been easy or neither would I say it has been hard. It is just the start you might say and it feels relaxing indeed. However, if you really want to do well in your diploma this would be a rather scary journey. No more spoon feeding like how it was back in the secondary school days. To all secondary students, better appreciate your teachers!

Like the what I said in the previous posts I had applied for the:

iDA Integrated Infocomm Scholarship (IIS)

I've GOT IT like finally~!
One of the days SP organized this celebration dinner for us. Guess what?! They actually invited Mrs Soh for this event and I'm seriously shocked! I really didn't expect people from MSL to come by. She said soon I'd be pride highlighted which is like "wow!". Think this will be the first time for me, but too bad I've graduated.

I really should thank Ms Ng, my ex-form teacher for this! Without her I doubt I would even make it for the scholarship! Thanks to Qin Hui, Xiang Rong and Mrs Soh too!

Anyway, I had anticipated what it would be like in poly back then already. Well, but its logic yep? The older you grow, the more you should learn to be independent of others. The way I see tertiary education is that we are not actually trying to keep up with the latest technology and know-how but we are learning how to learn. 10 years down the road, do you think what you had learnt would be applicable? I highly doubt so.

Cheers to all first year poly mates out there!

All the best!

Bazinga!

Hey World!

Right!

First of all,


Happy chinese lunar new year (CNY) cum valentines day
to all you people!

Its really kind of sad for the case of CNY clashing right with valentines. For obvious reasons, you don't really get the choice to bail on your family to spend time alone with your partner, which really defeats the purpose for the day! Guess what? This is a total bad news to all flowery retailers, which would most likely face the demise in their usual "reasonable" sales figure.

Well well well, this year is the year of the Tiger! For myself, I'm a rooster and its believed that we're suppose to bear good luck this year. However, I really really beg to differ after some time of trying out the "good luck" charm. Ended up with hedging every bit of the extra and losing it all out. So what do you think? Any roosters out there happened to experience any good fortune? It would at least give me a glimmer of hope for the year!

Anyway, my point being; I'm not really a fan of "luck". It all lies with manipulated statistics. Gamble and have fun during this festive season but don't treat it as your source of income though!

Here are some outdated pictures which I had yet to update yet!

Alright!

So its Yeo Yue Ting birthday and we actually went over to gave her a surprise! I had in mind and already wanted to like hang out with her over dinner with the rest of the people. Unfortunatle, for students in JC school had already started. So we decided to give it a go and went over to her house instead!

Qinhui made her a really sweet card as you can see!

We bought over a cake for a simple celebration; just the four of us!

Finally, here's some update for myself!

Well, its been a long week for me. I went for the Infocomm Integrated Scholarship (IIS) sharing session @ SP last friday. I'm so glad that I'd already met with my future classmates and kind of cliqued with them. Well, they aren't exactly like me but they're all better off or not, "equivalent to me" kind of students.

Somehow or rather, I've gained much more confident after attending the sharing session for getting into this ISS. The 4/11 of 20 scholars in SG from SP told us our academic had already took us off this far to be invited and accepted. The rest of it just lies with the interview selection! The panel wants to see how our profile matches our personality, and thank goodness I've had a good number of experiences getting interviewed by VIPS.

I've a whole lot to share about for my leadership experience in MSL, so wish me good luck!

Here's what I've gathered for the benefits:

Annual allowance of SGD$6000/year
One-off computer allowance of SGD$1500
Direct degree programme @ NUS (Must maintain a GPA of 3.8)
Overseas internship opportunities
Choice of IDA listed company bonded to for 3 years
Full coverage for tuition fees for both Diploma and Degree levels